Becoming A High School Girl - Chapter 14

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On Tuesday, I had my last weekly session with Jenny McCall. We decided that I'd see her once every other week for now. She was pleased that I had been accepted into the therapy group.

"Karen was impressed by the way you stood up to Dana and the others. Dana isn't a bad person; she is just carrying around a lot of anger, and she is quick to vent on others. Dana really can help you, now that you've established diplomatic relations. I hope that you can get to know them all a bit," explained Jenny.

"The one thing that was good about their initial hostility was that it prepared me a bit more for the trial. I'll find out Thursday the date that it will start," I replied.

Jenny nodded. "I see, well as soon as you know, call me. I want to help you get ready."

"Thanks, I will."

We went on to discuss how I was getting along in school and with my friends. She also wanted to know how work was going. I told her that it was great. I also mentioned working with Cindy and that she was fast becoming a good friend. Jenny seemed pleased to hear that Cindy had taken me under her wing. I didn't press for any more information on what happened to Cindy. I figured she'd tell me if and when she wanted to.

Mom picked me up and treated me to dinner. Snow was falling lightly as we drove downtown to a little Italian place. She told me that things looked good for her to get a promotion.

"Wow, they must really like you!" I exclaimed. I was nibbling on a piece of garlic bread.

"If I get it. I'll have to start taking some classes over at the college. I dread going back to school after all these years," she grumbled.

"Didn't you like college?" I asked.

"I loved my classes, but there were other things going on that soured my memories."

I knew that we were entering the touchy ground, but I decided to press a little. "Like what?" I asked.

She sat there for a while and didn't say a word. She then looked up at me and smiled softly. "I guess that I should tell you. I'm sure that you've figured out that you were born during my third year of college. Thanks to your grandparents, I was able to balance going to school and being a single mother. Please don't take this the wrong way. You are the best thing that has happened to me. I often think that you saved my life."

"What do you mean?" I asked, sensing I would finally be told something about my past.

She took a sip of her wine. "I am not proud of everything I did when in college. I was a bit wild, and I made some mistakes. Dating the man who fathered you was one of them. Not because he got me pregnant, but because I was stupid enough to think that he would marry me."

"Who was he?" I asked.

"He was on the football team, and he thought he was going to the pros. Having a pregnant girlfriend ruined his "All-American" image, so he dumped me. I guess that cosmic justice caught up with him, as he blew out his knee his senior year and never played again. The last I heard, he was selling insurance in LA," she explained.

"Did he ever contact you?" I asked.

"No, not after you were born. I don't think he even tried; as far as I know, he doesn't even know if he had a son or a daughter," she stated.

"He still wouldn't know," I wisecracked, trying to hide my smile.

That caused Mom to smile too. "Cute. Anyway, at first, I was angry with him for abandoning us, then as I matured, I realized that having you forced me to be more responsible. I came to love being a mom, so he does deserve some thanks."

I just sat there. I didn't think it was possible, but my opinion of Mom just went up some more.

After a long silence, Mom looked straight at me. "Do you want to know his name?"

I didn't need much time to respond. "No. I'm content with the truth. He doesn't mean anything to me; he only fathered me; you raised me."

"Thanks, honey," she said as she held my hand. I could see tears forming in her eyes.

"So, tell me more about the job!" I asked.

For the rest of dinner, she told me about the position and the raise that would go with it. I was so happy for her.

Thursday, Laura, Cat, and I traded work stories on the way to school. It was very cold that morning, and I shivered as I waited for the heater to warm me up. Cat told us that when she went to the State Police Lab in the spring, they would let her observe during an autopsy if there were any going on.

"You mean you want to go to an actual autopsy?" asked Laura as she drove. "That's so gross!"

"Well, it will give me an idea if I can do this as a career. Actually, it's very fascinating," explained Cat.

"That's OK, you can keep your stories to yourself; I really don't want to hear them," reiterated Laura.

Cat and I looked at each other, and we both smiled, as we knew we had something new to needle her about.

"Do you get to keep anything, you know, as a souvenir?" I asked, trying to get a rise out of Laura.

"You know, if I was the one wearing a skirt, and if I really hated the cold, and if I constantly whined about the cold, I wouldn't risk being tossed out of the car and being forced to walk the last quarter mile to school, when it is 24 F outside, by annoying the driver," interrupted Laura.

"Touch," I replied as I redirected a heater vent.

Cat broke up laughing.

"I won't see you at lunch today. I have our group meeting with Ms. B," I announced.

"Do you need a lift home?" asked Laura.

"No, I have to go downtown with Mom. The DA wants to see us," I added. "Thanks for asking."

"Oh. OK. Good luck" answered Laura.

"Thank you," I said. I'd be so glad when the whole trial thing was over.

At the meeting, I noticed we were down to seventeen. As before, Caroline and I sat next to each other.

"I guess that isn't too bad. I thought we'd lose more," explained Caroline.

"So tell me, how are you and Paul doing?" I asked.

"Really good, thanks. We're taking it slow. I think we both learned something from our first relationships," she said. She then looked up at me as if she'd said something wrong. "Oops. Erika, I didn't mean anything by that. I'm sorry."

I smiled at her. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Paul did nothing wrong. Remember, I was the one who broke it up. I am very happy for both of you."

"Is there anyone in your life right now?" she asked.

"No, and that is fine. If something happens, well, that's great, but I can survive without dating right now."

Just then, Ms. B opened the meeting up. There were a few announcements, and then she threw out another question for us. "OK, we'll go around the room, and I want you to introduce yourself and tell us about your after-school job if you have one or any school club you're involved with."

As before, we had some interesting answers. I was surprised that 12 of the 17 remaining candidates had jobs. As we went around the room, I could see how lucky I was. I easily had the best job, although a few were more interesting.

Denise, our Goth girl, was now playing drums in a local band. The other members of the band were all women, and their style was new-age techno punk. She said that they were developing quite a following. She told us that they would be playing at an eighteen-and-under club nearby in a few weeks. Caroline and I whispered to each other that we would have to go see her play. I was trying to imagine what "new age techno punk" sounded like.

Debbie White worked as a volunteer at the hospital, where her mother worked as a nurse. Debbie was cute. She also got her hair cut at the same salon as I did. I remembered seeing her picture in there. Several other girls were waitresses, and the rest had various sales jobs at the mall.

As we were dismissed, I asked Denise for a handout for her band. She seemed pleased that some of us would be there.

I waited around for everyone else to leave so I could talk to Ms. B.

"What's on your mind, Erika?" she asked.

"This afternoon, I find out the trial date, and I'm worried about what will happen here."

"Mrs. Lee and I have discussed it already. All contestants are legally minors, so we will turn down any requests by the press to interview any of you. We've survived controversy before this, and we'll weather this storm too. You just concentrate on yourself. And if there is some controversy, just remember it is not your fault; you did nothing wrong," she explained.

"Thanks. I'll let you know the date of the trial tomorrow."

Mom was waiting for me after school. I was quite the whole ride down.

By now, the trip to the DA's office was very familiar. I said hi to his receptionist and sat down next to Mom. We were supposed to see Sam Warren, the DA, at 4:00PM but were still waiting at 4:30.

"Hi, Erika, I'm sorry I got delayed, please come back to my office. Glad to see you again, Jill," he apologized as he looked at Mom and grinned.

We entered his office and sat down. "Jury selection for the trial will be the last week of January, and we should be able to start the trial the following week. That is less than two months, but we will be ready," he announced.

"They really want this to go to trial?" asked Mom.

Sam nodded and took a file out of his briefcase and handed it to me. "Yes, it looks that way. I'm going to give you some homework, Erika. These are the rape laws and trial procedures. I want you to read them and see that they are designed to protect you as much as possible."

"Will there be a quiz?" I asked.

Sam smiled slightly. "No, but the trial could be considered a final exam. I have also been in contact with Dr. McCall and Dr. Buford. I've worked with both of them on previous cases, and they will be helping us to get you ready. After the holidays, we'll bring in a consultant who will act as the defense attorney. He knows all the tricks. He'll cross-examine you as if it was a real trial. He won't pull any punches, and it won't exactly be pleasant for you, but it will prepare you for the real thing."

"How much will the defense make of Erika being a transsexual?" asked Mom in a concerned voice.

It was a bit strange hearing Mom calls me transsexual.

"Actually, we expect it to be a huge part of their defense. It looks like they are going with the consensual sex defense and a form of gay rage defense, in that Jason snapped and beat Erika up when he discovered that Erika wasn't a 'real girl.' He claims that he only taped her up so he could get away," he explained. "They are going to portray Jason as the true victim in this case. They will probably round up a few so-called experts who will try to portray Erika as mentally ill or disturbed. But we are lining up our experts too."

I felt physically sick as Sam described their defense. I also knew that some people might actually believe it, and I felt a shiver of fear run through my body.

"How can he lie like that? He knew I was a male back in September!" I exclaimed angrily.

"I know that, Erika. I fully plan on using that against them," replied Sam in a gentle manner.

"Sorry. I know that you're on my side," I apologized.

Sam smiled and nodded. "No need to apologize, Erika. I know how stressful this is for you."

I nodded slightly. The reality of the trial began to sink in. I cringed, thinking how bad the trial might be.

Sam must have sensed my fear and turned to me. "Between your testimony, the physical evidence, and my expert witnesses, I will tear apart their defense," he reassured me. "I know you are scared, but I feel very confident about our case."

"I trust you," I answered and tried to smile.

On the way home, I asked Mom if she believed what Sam had said.

"Yes, yes, I do. I've asked around and found out a few things about him. Sam used to be a detective in Philadelphia, and while he was there, he earned his law degree. He moved out here and became DA four years ago. He has prosecuted seventeen sexual felony assault cases since he has been here and has never lost one."

"Who told you all that?" I asked.

"Your group therapist. Karen and I talked last night, and she told me to have faith in Sam," confessed Mom. "She also told me that Sam has a very high standing in the LGBT community, so your being transsexual isn't an issue to him. In fact, Jenny says that he goes out of his way to ensure that victims like you get the best protection from the defense lawyers possible."

That made me feel better. I then turned and smiled. "Did she let you know if he was single?"

Mom laughed. "And what exactly do you mean by that, young lady?"

I laughed. "Mom, Sam obviously likes you. He can't do anything about it until the trial is over, but then I'll bet that he'll call and ask you out."

"OK. I'll take you up on that. What do you want to wager?" asked Mom.

"If I win, you let me buy a car," I offered. I had been saving up for a while, but Mom refused to let me buy a car because she wanted it to go for college. But I figured that by winning the scholarship, her arguments would be pointless.

"And if I win?" she asked.

"I'll cook dinner for the rest of the school year."

"Hmm, you seem pretty confident. Well, I accept."

I know we were both hoping that I was right.

My second group session went a lot better than the first. First off, I wasn't the center of attention. I was just a contributor like everyone else. I could still feel a little uneasiness from some of the others, but I wasn't sure if it was residual from the previous week or just because I was new. I did notice that two of the women from the previous week weren't there.

Karen went around the table and asked each person how their week had gone and to share anything on their mind. Much of what was said was very personal, so I won't include it here. After all, they have all moved on with their lives.

When it was my turn, I talked about the anxiety of the upcoming trial and the unwanted spotlight on my life. Several of the women in the group had had their cases prosecuted by Sam Warren, and they confirmed the information that Karen had given Mom. They confirmed that he takes these cases very personally.

"So, do you know the name of the weasel who is defending your attacker?" asked Dana.

A woman named C.J. interrupted, "Excuse me, I object to the term weasel being applied to the defense lawyer. He is just doing his job," she said rather seriously. "Besides, I think it is an insult to weasels, that is!"

That caused a few laughs.

"I think his last name is Turner," I replied.

There was an audible silence in the room.

"Martin Turner?" asked Dana.

"Yes, that's it. Have you heard of him?" I asked.

The deafening silence returned to the room. I looked around and could see a lot of rages forming in some of their eyes.

"Yes, a few of us know him. He specializes in rape defense. He used to be in a big firm in Philadelphia, but they fired him, and he ended up here. He works the entire area. I think he is trying to work his way back into the big leagues," murmured Dana. "He is an excellent lawyer and is a total SOB; he has absolutely no morals whatsoever."

"Erika, I don't want to scare you, but he will be very tough on you. He has won acquittals in many of his cases. The good news is that Sam Warren has beaten him every time they have gone head to head," added C.J.

I nodded. "I see." That was good news.

"Look, Erika, you need to be prepared for a rough time. The good thing is that we will have you prepared, and you will get through it," added Karen.

"I appreciate your honesty and the help," I stated. I tried to act brave, but on the inside, I was a bowl of Jell-O.

Cat, Laura, and I were out driving towards Westerville, around one hour south of Golden Hill. The sky was clear, but it was still very cold. They had gotten tired of listening to me complain about the lack of good Mexican-American food in town. Laura said that there was a place in the mall. I told her that a national fast-food chain taco shop wasn't considered good Mexican-American food. She called me a California snob, and I told her she could always put gravy on her carne asada. So, we were going to a place that Paul's sister had told me about.

The drive took an hour, but no one seemed to mind as it gave us a chance to be together. Laura had been accepted at Penn State and was going to major in political science, and Cat was looking for a school where she could major in criminal justice and minor in something related to forensics. And as for me, unless I won the scholarship, it looked like I would end up going to community college. Overall, it still meant that soon we would be split up, so we savored every moment together.

"You do have your budding career as an upscale women's clothing store salesgirl to fall back on," added Cat.

"It's salesperson, not salesgirl, thank you very much! Besides, you might be right. If I do go to school locally, I'll have a good job," I replied.

I told them all about Mel and how she had worked for Mrs. Lincoln since high school and that she had held her job through college.

"She adjusts Mel's work schedule to match her classes and ensures that she has time off during exams or when a paper is due. Cindy told me that Mrs. Lincoln has also provided financial support," I added.

"Still, you should have a plan in place if you win the scholarship," remarked Cat.

"Actually, I think I'll be taking a year off before I go to college," I announced.

"Why?" asked Laura

"Well, unlike you two, I haven't decided what I want to do. If I go to school locally, I can always transfer later on, "I continued.

"What else?" asked Cat.

"Well, there will be the whole transition thing: hormones, name change, and so on," I replied.

"You are sure about this?" asked Laura. I could sense her concern.

"Yes, even with everything that has gone on, I can see things very clearly," I stated confidently.

"That's great! I am so happy for you," exclaimed Laura.

"When can you start the hormones?" asked Cat.

"Ms. B suggests that I wait until the spring," I replied.

"Why the wait?" asked Laura, "That doesn't seem fair."

"Something about making sure that I am truly committed to the change. They are making us wait around six months from the time we told them," I added.

"So, Caroline will have a head start on you," remarked Cat.

"Yes, I am a little envious of her," I answered with a smile.

"Just like real life," smiled Laura, "I remember being envious of the girls who began to change before me."

"Well, it looks like you've caught up and passed them," quipped Cat.

Laura had a great figure and a charming pair of breasts, and she knew it. We all broke out in laughter.

We easily found the restaurant, and I was very impressed with their menu, everything looked very good. It was a family-run place, and they had moved here from Northern Mexico. Everything was made there, including their tortillas. Cat and Laura agreed it was worth the drive and much better than the taco place.

I told them about Denise and her band. Laura was instantly interested in going; she said it would be a lot of fun.

"So what about you, Cat?" I asked.

"Sorry, I am working that night," she explained.

"I didn't tell you the night."

"Doesn't matter. I am sure I'll be working, or studying, or getting root canal surgery, or something like that."

"Sounds like Cat doesn't like the music," added Laura with a smile.

"I hate punk rock, I don't like techno music, and I can barely tolerate new age music. So, I am positive that a combination of the three would cause my eardrums to implode," explained Cat with a smile.

"Well, I want to go with you, Erika," announced Laura. "I think it'll be fun."

"Sounds good," I answered.

Laura smiled at me. "But since we'll be going to a club, you'll have to let me do your makeup and your hair! I'll make you hot!"

Cat smiled at us and shook her head.

"You know, Erika, you and I are about the same dress size; I have a dress that will be perfect for you," added Laura with a big smile.

"I'll need a little padding in the front," I quipped.

"Not for much longer, my dear," laughed Laura.

"She has been dying to get her hands on you, and do a makeover, Erika, so you might as well surrender now," laughed Cat.

"Don't listen to her! It'll be a blast," smiled Laura.

We finished up our feast and headed back to Golden Hill. As we drove home, I thought about the afternoon; it was the perfect balance to the stress caused by the assault and the pending trial. Laura dropped us off, and Cat and I went into my house.

"How was the meal, girls?" asked Mom.

"Great! You'd like it a lot; we'll have to go there together sometime. I had forgotten how good real Mexican food was."

"What did you think, Cat?" asked Mom.

"She's right; it was worth the trip," Cat replied.

We grabbed a couple of sodas and headed up to my room. Cat looked at the banner that I had hung up above my bed.