Becoming A High School Girl - Chapter 31

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We drove down a dirt road until we reached an opening. He pulled the car into a small parking lot next to a trailer. It was obvious that this was a firing range. On one side of the field was a standard practice range. The opposite side was different. There were old cars and trucks parked in the field. There were also some old metal dumpsters and some large freight containers. There was a high stone cliff at the end of the field.

"This side is our tactical range. We use it for more realistic practice. The chief said we could use it this afternoon as a favor to the DA," Tom informed me, pointing to the field with the old cars and dumpsters in it.

At first, I wasn't sure what he meant. Then I watched as he took several gun

cases out of the trunk. He also took out a bag and several boxes of ammunition.

He set the guns down on a stand facing the tactical range. He took out some

goggles and some hearing protection earmuffs.

"So, have you ever fired a gun?" he asked.

I shook my head no.

"No problem, I'll show you what to do. Dr. McCall felt that this would be a good stress release for you. She asked us about it earlier this week. The DA's added request helped make up the chief's mind."

"She asked earlier this week?" I asked. I was stunned.

"Yes, why?" he asked.

"No reason," I smiled. It came to me that Jenny had wanted me to make the

connection myself.

Tom showed me how to safely shoot the various guns. He was a good teacher, and I felt very confident as I aimed the handgun downrange at the dumpster. I had to admit that it felt good as I fired at it. I got a rush when I hit it.

Tom then handed me a rifle and helped me aim at a different dumpster. I felt a feeling of satisfaction as I hit it again and again. Tom then handed me a semiautomatic rifle. It was more powerful, and it allowed me to put a few more holes and dents in the dumpster, and also a lot of holes in the ground!

After nearly an hour out there, I felt like I had worked off a lot of stress. I didn't even mind picking up all the brass shells with Tom. I hoped that this would end my war with dumpsters forever.

Back in town, Tom dropped me off at my house. I gave him a big hug and thanked him. Sam and Mom were waiting for me, and they asked me how I felt. I told them better and thanked them for their help. I couldn't wait to talk to Jenny on Tuesday and thank her for setting up such an interesting form of therapy.

That night I had a normal night's sleep without incident. My dreams returned to the usual nonsense with debatable meaning. Maybe that particular demon had been exorcised and would not trouble me anymore. I knew that my recovery wasn't complete, but I knew that I could overcome the problems.

I woke up Sunday feeling refreshed and renewed. I knew that I was on an upswing and that the latest problems were behind me. However, I didn't want to totally forget them. I needed to be aware that similar battles would have to be fought. The war was far from over.

I was the first one up as usual. I fixed my tea and toasted a bagel, and read the paper. The birds were all over the feeder. Sam had told me the names of a few of them. I recognized the small yellow ones as goldfinches. I also noticed a small brown rabbit in the yard. He was munching on some grass. I joined him in breakfast and took a bite from my bagel.

I heard them stirring upstairs, so I turned on Sam's coffee maker. By the time they came down, the pot was filled.

They came down together. Sam thanked me for having the coffee ready.

"So, how did you sleep last night?" asked Mom.

"Great, I feel so much better, thanks." I had heard her peek into my room in the middle of the night.

They joined me at the table, and we shared the papers. Since Sam had moved in, we had added the Sunday New York Times to the local paper. I got a kick out of the entertainment section and seeing all the ads for movies and shows.

Cindy called and asked if I wanted to go to dinner with her after work. Mom thought it was a great idea. Cindy also said that she'd pick me up to take me to work.

Work went great, and even the dumpster wasn't a problem. It must have heard what I'd done to its relatives out at the firing range!

After work, Cindy took me back to her house for dinner. Her husband was out of town on business, so it was just the two of us. I helped her prepare dinner. She cooked some chicken breasts in a wine sauce. I found out that Cindy, like Terri, really enjoyed cooking.

As we ate, we talked about coping and dealing with the trauma of being assaulted.

"I'm happy that you got over your latest problem. That was a unique way of coping with stress."

"It was also a lot of fun. I really liked the semi-automatic rifle. Too bad he didn't have a machine gun!" I said with a laugh. I took a bite of the chicken; it was delicious!

"So were you just shooting at the dumpsters, or did you have a different target in mind?" she asked, "You can be honest with me."

"I must admit that I pictured Jason at the end of the barrel a few times," I felt a bit guilty about admitting that.

"Good. You can't hold in the rage that accompanies this sort of crime. It will only fester in you and turn you bitter and angry at the world. I was taught to forgive and forget. I tried that, and it nearly destroyed my marriage and me. I blamed myself for what happened. I'm at peace now, but I've neither forgiven nor forgotten my attacker. I've spoken against him being released three times at his parole hearings."

"If you don't mind me asking, where did you get attacked?" I asked.

Cindy smiled. "I don't mind. I was attacked while my husband was out of town on a business trip. My attacker broke into our apartment and raped me. He made the mistake of making too much noise, and my neighbors called the police. He was caught as he tried to flee the scene."

I sat there in silence.

"It took me a long time to feel sexually comfortable with my husband. He also felt a lot of guilt for being out of town. Thankfully we worked through our issues and stayed together," explained Cindy. She had a look of great satisfaction on her face. "We must have done something right because we raised three kids together."

"Three kids?" I asked. I was shocked.

She walked over and picked up a framed family portrait. "Yes, Stacy, my youngest, graduated from Central last year, and she's now a freshman at Lehigh. Her older brothers, Danny and Tim, are in the navy."

I began to laugh. "I'm sorry, but I thought you were in your thirties!"

Cindy laughed. "Oh, Erika! Don't apologize for that! I've just taken really good care of myself. Actually, I'll be forty-five in August."

I laughed.

"Seriously, you should always take care of yourself. It's a great way of feeling good about yourself," added Cindy.

We talked for a while about various aspects of handling the stress and associated issues. I appreciated Cindy's concern and suggestions. She proved that someone could function and thrive after an assault. She was an excellent role model for me, unlike some of the women in my support group.

"Do you still have episodes like I had?' I asked.

"Not for a long time, thankfully. I've had nightmares, but the worst part was that I pushed my husband away. Thankfully he stayed with me, and we have a normal marriage again."

"I broke up with my boyfriend at the time, but it has seemed to work out for both of us. He's dating a friend, and I'm in love with Laura."

"If you don't mind me asking, how do you see yourself sexually right now?" asked Cindy as she cleared away the dinner plates. "Oh, do you want some tea or coffee?"

"Tea, please," I said. I got up and helped her. "My sexuality is kinda complicated. I guess I'm bisexual. But since I see myself as female, I doubt if I could play the male sexual role. Does that make sense?" She handed me a mug and a box of different teas. I picked out a bag of Earl Grey.

"So, you really are transsexual then? I've known a lot of the girls from school and the competition, but you're the first I have known that was really transsexual. I must admit that I can't imagine you ever as a boy. How did you ever get by?"

"I look back and can see how I was in denial. Thanks to Jenny, so many things in my past make sense." I moved back to the kitchen table and sat down. A black cat came into the kitchen and rubbed up against my legs. I reached down and began to pet it.

"How's it going with the hormones?" she asked. "By the way, that's Vickie; as you can tell, she's very friendly."

Vickie hopped up in my lap and made herself at home; I continued to pet her. "So far, I haven't noticed any change. I feel more at ease, but that is most likely just knowing that I'm taking them."

"You can shoo her off your lap if you want; she can be a real pest at times. Don't be so sure about the hormones and your attitude. Your feeling of ease may be due to the hormones; they are powerful drugs. I'll bet that you're probably checking your chest daily too."

"Twice a day, actually. Don't worry about Vickie. She isn't a bother. I'd love to have a cat." Vickie's purring got louder as I scratched her behind the ear.

"I do some volunteer work at the animal shelter. Come down sometimes; we always have some lovely cats and dogs. That's where Vickie came from. Besides, she's been a wonderful help. Animals can sense when you are in pain and can help you cheer up."

Vickie's purring sounded like a little motorboat.

"It must be exciting to go through puberty again," remarked Cindy. "This time, nature is getting it right."

I nodded. "My turn for a question. Why are most people around here so accepting of girls like me?"

"The question should be why aren't other places more accepting. Why should it matter to me if you have the need to live in a gender different than the one you were born with? I think that over the years, people have seen that the world hasn't ended because of people transitioning and that those who do change are so much happier."

I sat there petting Vickie as I thought about her answer. If Vickie had something to add to the conversation, she kept it to herself.

I woke up Monday morning and could hear it raining outside. I'd had another night without nightmares. I'd taken a few of the empty brass shell cases and put them on my desk. They acted as my good luck charms to keep away evil dreams. I guess once you know what is causing the fear, it isn't so scary anymore.

I was in a good mood even though it was gray and rainy. During breakfast, I brought up the idea of getting a cat. Sam didn't care, or at least he acted like he didn't care. I knew that he loved animals and wildlife. Mom said that she'd think about it, but if we got one, it would be an indoor cat, and it would be fixed. She also said that it would be my responsibility to clean the litter box. She also said that we should wait until after they got back from Philadelphia. That sounded like a yes to me.

"Oh, when do you think we can go car shopping?" I asked. I figured it was time to cash in on the bet.

"We've been talking about that. I'd prefer you wait until you are sure about the scholarship so that you can go to college, but since we had a deal, you can start car shopping," Mom reluctantly agreed.

"I'll help you pick out a good one," added Sam.

"Okay, I'm holding you to that." I was very excited about the possibility of having my own car!

I was wearing a tan skirt and a green pullover top. I didn't mind wearing skirts and dresses now that the weather was getting warmer. I was expecting Ms. B to shift the dress code any day now.

I looked at my planner for the new few weeks. My weekly schedule was pretty much the same. I still worked on Mondays, Thursdays, and Sundays, and I helped Coach on Wednesdays and Fridays. I had therapy with Jenny on Tuesdays and Saturdays. I hoped to be back to once-a-week therapy again soon. I was out of the group. I'd thanked Karen for all her help.

Big events coming up included the charity dinner a week from Saturday night and Sam and Mom's trip to Philadelphia. They'd be leaving the Sunday after the dinner, and they wouldn't be back until the following Saturday. Two weekends later was Prom! I figured that Ms. B had something else planned for us before the end of school.

At work that night, we were pretty busy with women coming in for dresses and items for dinner. Cindy said that Mrs. Lincoln's rental business had been packed over the weekend. I told Mel and Cindy about the movie.

"Are you sure it was her?" asked Mel.

"It had to be. I watched the scenes with her in them at least six times!"

"That's pretty cool. She never ceases to surprise me. Can I borrow the tape?" asked Mel.

"Sure, I have in my bag. I'll give it to you after work."

I really wanted to ask Mrs. Lincoln about the movie but was afraid that she'd think I was prying into her past.

When I got home that night, Mom and Sam were already having dinner. Sam had made up a pot of chili, and it was perfect for a rainy night. He even baked some cornbread to go with it.

"This is really good, Dad. I tasted it, and it was delicious! There's a flavor that I can't place; what is it?"

"Beer. I put in several bottles of beer. Don't worry, the alcohol cooks off." He seemed happy that I liked his chili.

It really hit the spot. I asked if there was any mail for me. Mom still screened the mail, as there was still the occasional hate letter leftover from the trial. I found it very strange that someone would write a letter to someone they'd never met just to say how much they hate them, especially from people claiming to be religious.

"It's still on the hall table; I never checked it," stated Mom.

I went out and picked it up. There was the usual junk mail and a few bills. However, there was also a large thick envelope addressed to Eric Walters. I brought it in and showed it to Mom and Sam. There was no return address, and it was postmarked from out of state.

"Should I open it?" I asked apprehensively.

"Why don't you let me see it first," suggested Sam.

I eagerly handed it to him and watched as he opened it up. There was a letter from some minister. He said that he had befriended Jason in prison was convinced that he was a changed person. He asked me to ask the courts for either a reduction in sentence or a pardon. He went on and on about how I should forgive Jason and allow him to live a free and happy life.

The second part of the letter read more like a threat. It said that he was prepared to lead a group that would make Jason's story very public and that it might have an adverse effect on my life and that of my family. He went on to say how difficult it would be on me if my sinful life were exposed to the world. He wrote that he would expect my response in the next week. He claimed that he knew that there hadn't been a sexual assault, and Jason had only pleaded guilty to save me from any more pain.

The letter included copies of letters from other groups offering support for Jason. The minister went on to say that a copy of the package had been sent to the school. Sam recognized several of the groups. He said that they often showed up to protest gay rights.

"This sounds like blackmail," stated Mom. She looked at the letter, and I could see how angry she was getting.

"I'll take this to work. I know someone who can help us with this. While my office can't do anything unless he actually breaks the law, I can do things as your future father. We've dealt with these types before. I don't know this particular man, but I know his type. He expects you to be cowed into giving in, and then he'll claim a victory for his group. He doesn't care about Jason or you; it's just to help his fundraising," explained Sam.

"So he is doing this just for money, and he is attacking my morality? Talk about hypocritical!" I was really pissed.

"As I said, we've dealt with these groups before. We have allies on our side too. I'll make some phone calls tomorrow morning. I have a friend who loves taking on people like this; she'll be very interested in helping us," said Sam.

"So what will happen? I don't want the town to become a zoo," I answered.

"We'll respond to them and tell them that any further contact or intimidation will result in legal action. That sometimes stops them. If they insist on pressing it, then it could get a bit ugly," explained Sam.

I looked at the letter and the name of the 'minister.' I thought I'd do a little research online and check him out. I excused myself and said good night. I checked on the Internet and found several references to Reverend Charlie or 'the Rev.' That wasn't his name, but even today, I think so little of him that I don't want to mention his real name.

He was a minor player in the hate/religious-right movement and apparently was trying to move up. He apparently was a mail-order minister without a church. I found he did have a website that seemed to mostly revolve around raising money for his 'church.' The website was filled with anti-gay slurs and comments. I copied all the websites and articles down on a CD. I went downstairs and saw that Sam was still in his office.

"Hey, Dad, I thought you'd find this interesting," I said, handing him the CD.

"I thought that's what you were doing. So what do you think?" asked Sam as he leaned back in his chair.

"I think that you'll eat his lunch if he is stupid enough to take us on."

"I called my friend, and she wants to talk to you. She'll be in town Wednesday."

"What's her name?" I asked as I sat down on the edge of his desk.

"Her name is Marlene Hamilton. She works for a legal defense group that tries to counter these so-called religious associations and other hate groups. Don't worry, you'll love her!"

"What time?" I asked.

"I suggested that you two go out to dinner. I know she likes pizza." He looked at his watch. "You'd better get to bed; your mom will kill me if I keep you up much later."

I kissed him good night and went to bed. I slept well, knowing I had an army to protect me.

I'd e-mailed Cat and Laura and told them the latest. The assault and its aftermath were like some monster that refused to stay dead. It kept coming back in some new horrible form. My being transgender added a special touch to this latest mutation. I found it obscene that some "holier than thou" jerk was trying to exploit my misfortune just so other misinformed jerks would send him money. I hoped that Sam's friend would scare him off. The good thing was that this latest problem didn't bother my sleeping. I had a good night's sleep.

When I got to school, I went immediately to Ms. B's office. She smiled when I came into her office.

"I was expecting you. Mrs. Lee told me about the letter she received yesterday. She's on the phone with Sam Warren right now."

I was horrified! This nightmare was creeping into my life at school too!

We walked to Mrs. Lee's office. She was waiting for us and waved us in.

"I want you to know that we are going to put up a united front against this person. Mr. Warren told me about his friend. I only know her by reputation, but from what I've heard, she is no one to take lightly," stated Mrs. Lee.

"The woman who set up this scholarship provided for events like this. She set up a legal defense fund for just this eventuality. We have contacted our lawyers, and they're studying the letters. This so-called reverend has no idea of what he is facing," added Ms. B.

"I'll be meeting with all the remaining contestants today and explaining to them what's going on. Additionally, a letter will be sent home explaining the situation and the school's position," explained Mrs. Lee.

I walked out feeling good about what was happening. The rest of the day went by without incident. Laura gave me a ride to therapy. She didn't mind taking me there as we went for cappuccinos afterward. She also said that she liked to get caught up on the latest scandal sheets. Someone in Jenny's office stocked the waiting area with those grocery store newspapers that had stories on aliens, Bigfoot, and movie star scandals.

Jenny had me talk about what was on my mind. I started by thanking her for setting up my stress release on Saturday.

"So, I take it that you were waiting for me to make the dumpster- nightmare connection?" I asked.

"It works better when the patients figure it out on their own. Just like you did with being transgender," answered Jenny.

"I also liked the therapy you arranged," I remarked.

"I know it was a bit unorthodox, but I thought it might work."

We then talked about the threat. Jenny admitted that this was a new tactic, but she had seen the damage these types have done.

"Back when the AIDS crisis was at its very worst, they showed up at funerals with signs saying the person who'd just died deserved it and that they were going to hell, regardless of how they'd been infected. They also show up at funerals for victims of anti-gay/anti-transgender violence. They've also shown up at court cases involving gays and transgender people. To be honest, I was surprised that they weren't here for your trial," she remarked.

"What I don't understand is why they do this? Do they really think that they are that morally superior to everyone else?" I asked.

"Unfortunately, yes. I also think that they get off on the power of leading their brainless sheep followers. They use religion as a front. What they crave is power. They also like to view the world in black and white terms. It's easier for them to comprehend things. But that doesn't mean that you should underestimate them. Keep me informed; I want to help you however I can," asked Jenny.

Jenny decided that we'd stay at two sessions a week until this latest crisis passed. I joked that when she wrote her life story, I'd better get a whole chapter.

After the session, I met Laura out in the reception area. She showed me an article in one of the scandal sheets. "You need to go here!" she giggled.

I read the article, shook my head, and tossed the paper on the table, "What a bunch of garbage!" The article was about some woman who claimed that her husband had been turned into a Vegas showgirl by some magical slot machine out in the desert. I really wondered about the people that wrote those stories!

We went down to Spencer's and found an open seat on the couch. I loved coming here, especially with Laura. We talked about school and my session with Jenny. Laura also needed to vent because of all the planning for prom and grad night. We also talked about the fact that May started next week. The school year was really flying by.

Laura suggested that we go get something to eat before it got too late. We were discussing our options when we saw Coach Chambers walk in holding hands with Jenny. They saw us and waved. I'd suspected that they were more than friends, but this was the first proof I had. I was happy because I liked them both. In some ways, it made me trust Jenny, even more, knowing she'd dealt with similar issues of being different.

After they got their coffee, they walked over and joined us. "Good evening, girls. I see you beat us over here," greeted Jenny.

"Yes, Laura introduced me to this place, and now it's a post-session tradition," I replied.

We talked for thirty minutes or so before we had to leave. It was nice having such good role models.

We went back to my house, and we warmed up some of Sam's chili. It was just getting warm when he got home.

"We've having your chili for dinner; you want some too?" I asked.

"Sounds great. Chili always tastes better once it's had a chance to age. Hi, Laura, how're you?" greeted Sam from the front hall. "I'm going to run upstairs and change, be right back."

"Hi, Sam," responded Laura. "It's so cool that the DA is going to be your dad. And what's even cooler is that he lets me call him by his first name!"

When he came down, he was wearing jeans and had on a gray Philadelphia Police Dept. T-shirt. He went into the fridge and grabbed a beer. He sat down at the table and joined us as we waited for the chili to heat up.

"I got a call from Marlene Hamilton today," Sam stated as he got up to check the chili. He found that it was hot enough, and he filled our bowls. "She'll update you on this group when she arrives."

"Could I be there? This sort of affects me too," asked Laura.

"I don't see a problem with that," said Sam. He handed us each a steaming hot bowl of his chili.

"So, where did you meet her?" I asked. I took a taste of the chili; Sam was right; it was better than last night.

"We took some law classes together. She could have been a damn fine trial lawyer, but she chose a different path. She loves to stand up to bullies." He smiled as he talked about her.

"So, if these groups do come here, what will the local churches do?" I asked.

"Depends a lot on public feelings. Sometimes they come out in support of the person or group being confronted, and sometimes they stay silent," he said. He took a piece of cornbread and passed the basket around. "Sometimes they support the hate groups."

"What do you think they'll do here?" I asked.

"I'd be shocked if they didn't support you and the school. This community here supports the program and has seen the positive results. He might do better by protesting somewhere else."

Just then, we heard the front door open, and Mom came in.

"Mmmm, that smells good," she stated from the hallway. She walked in and greeted us all. "I'm so hungry. The professor only gave us a five-minute break."

Mom sat down as Sam got her a bowl and something to drink. I got a kick out of the way Sam treated her. He was a real gentleman, and it was great to see how deeply in love they were.

We updated Mom on the events related to the threat.

After dinner, I walked Laura to the door. She smiled and pulled me close to her, and we kissed long and passionately.

"You have a great family, Erika!"

"I know. It's really a family. I can't imagine Sam not being here."

"See you tomorrow." We kissed again, and I watched her walk out to her car. She waved and drove away.

Sam told me that he'd take Laura and me over to Marlene's hotel room the next evening at 6:00 PM. I would have just enough time to get home and change from the track.