My Roommate's Brother - Part 1

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Either Carl was out running a marathon, or he hadn’t really gone out for a run at all. Four hours went by, and he didn’t come home. I’d forgotten all about him until Alice pointed his absence out. “I hope he’s okay,” she said. “What’s wrong? Did something happen to his brother?” I decided to finally ask. “Yeah, something like that. It’s complicated,” she said, turning away from me. The smile that had been glued to her face all afternoon disappeared in an instant. Maybe it was best that I didn’t get involved. Maybe I should have stayed out of it. I decided to not pry any further. The best part of the day was cleaning up.

We didn’t have a dishwasher, so I got scrubbing duties, and she had drying duties. We stood right next to one another, in front of the little sink, our bodies nearly touching. Every so often, as I handed her a dish, our hands would touch and I felt something buzz inside of me was it that elusive spark I’d been hoping to find for so long? My heart started racing.

I had the most overwhelming urge to kiss her, but I held myself back. Sure, I liked her, but I still didn’t even know who she really was or what she was doing in our home. I decided it would be best to remove myself from her for a while and give my pinging brain a few hours to relax and reset. After all, I hadn’t gotten a ton of sleep that night myself.

I called up one of my old college buddies and we met up for drinks at a bar that was playing the game. At first, we were just catching up, speaking innocently about how work was going, and how our families were doing. He asked if I was still living with Carl, and then he asked how Carl was doing. “He’s doing alright,” I said, and then I changed the subject. I was determined to think of anything else but Alice, to avoid anything remotely related. But it was a lost cause after a few drinks, she was all I could think about. As my buddy started getting drunker, he started pointing out girls he fancied. “She’s pretty sexy, isn’t she?” he said, pointing to a girl across the bar with two long, blonde braids.

Her blonde hair just made me think of Alice. “She’s okay,” I said. “What about her? I bet you wouldn’t kick her out of bed,” he said, pointing to a petite beauty across the bar. The way the girl laughed reminded me of Alice. It was like Alice had poisoned my mind, burrowed in deep, and planted a seed that wouldn’t stop growing. I couldn’t get involved with Alice, could I? She lived in a different state. Sure, she was considering moving here for law school, but she was also considering half a dozen other places as well. Long-distance relationships never work out.

I couldn’t imagine waking up every morning, having no real idea what she’d gotten up to the night before, whether she was home and safe, or whether she was really happy. Sure, with Skype you can talk face to face, but I wouldn’t be able to feel her warm skin, smell her subtle perfume, or touch her soft hair. There is an invisible vibrancy that’s lost through digital transmission, no matter how high-definition and no matter how low the latency.

But I was craving that vibrancy, that touch, that smell. I’d only been away from her for a couple of hours and I already missed that tantalizing perfume and her gorgeous face. Maybe I really was in love. I finished my drink with my buddy and then said,

“I should be getting home.” It was getting late, and I was only losing myself more and more with every drink. Carl was still out when I got home, and Alice was up, on the couch watching an old black and white movie. She had a big bowl of popcorn on her blanketed lap. “Hey,” she said. “I’m only five minutes into the movie, if you want I can restart it,” she said. “What movie?” “King Kong. The original.” “Have you heard from Carl?” I asked.

“No, have you?” “No,” I said. “Maybe I’ll try giving him a call.” I stepped back outside and dialed his number. I waited for a moment, and then he picked up. “Hello?” he said, speaking loudly. There was a lot of noise behind him laughing, talking, shouting, and some poppy music as if he was at a busy club or a bar. Strange, because Carl had never liked bars. “How’s it going, Marvin? Long time no see!” He sounded drunk, slurring his sentences slightly. Also strange, because he rarely drank, and I’d never seen or heard him drunk. “Shit, mind if I call you back in like ten or fifteen minutes?” Before I could say anything, he hung up.

I went back inside. “He’s going to call me back in fifteen minutes. He sounded drunk,” I said. “I hope he’s okay,” she said. “I restarted the movie, in case you wanted to watch it. There’s enough popcorn for both of us.” That fuzzy, warm electricity returned to my chest, buzzing through my body. I took a seat next to her, and without even touching her I could feel the warmth emanating from her body. She smiled, melting my heart just a little bit.

Throughout the movie, we somehow became closer and closer together, though there was no moment where I noticed either one of us moving. My heart really started to race when I got the idea to reach my arm over her shoulder. I’d been on lots of movie dates with girls, and I’d never felt any sort of anxiety in putting my arm over my date, so where was the anxiety coming from now? It had always just seemed like a step, like something a man was required to do at a certain point in the movie in order to progress to the next step.

With Alice, it was different. I wanted to put my arm over her but there was no obligation at all, we weren’t even on a date. I bit my tongue, took a deep breath, and then I did it. I was tense. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her smiling. A moment later, she snuggled into my body, sinking down and pressing her head against my chest.

She was so soft, so warm, so comforting. I could have held her there forever. She looked up at me with her big, flashing eyes, and then I kissed her. I couldn’t control myself. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was that spark, who knows. I let her tongue slip into my mouth and then I lowered her down onto her back.

I wondered if she felt it, too that spark of energy, that love at first sight. But was that really what it was? Is it really possible to love someone at first sight? And why her why Alice? What was so different about her? What was so special about her that none of the other girls I’d ever dated had? I’d dated lots of pretty girls, lots of smart girls, lots of girls who seemingly had it all, but I’d never felt so drawn to them as I was with Alice. Just the way Alice’s thigh felt against my side as she raised her knee up drove me absolutely wild, sending my heart aflutter.

My phone rang and then I remembered I was waiting for a call back from Carl. “I should probably answer that, right?” I said. “Probably,” Alice said, her eyes glowing and her cheeks a shade of pink. It took all of my willpower to pull myself off of her to answer my phone. “I’ll be right back,” I said, and then I took the call outside. As promised, it was Carl.

“I’m drunk,” he said. “I can tell, do you need me to come to pick you up? I’ve had a few drinks myself, but maybe Alice can drive.” He laughed. “I don’t think I want to come home yet,” he said. “I think I want to stay out.” He was slurring even more now. “You sound like you’ve had enough. Have you been drinking water?” “Water? Who needs water. Martin, you’re like a brother to me, you know that, right?” “I know, man. So let me take you home.” “You would never do that to me, right?” “Take you home?” I asked.

“No, no what my brother did to me. Tell me you would never do that to me.” “I don’t know. What did your brother do to you?” “You would at least tell me before you did it, right? You wouldn’t just do it without telling anyone.

Do you have any idea how that feels, to just be surprised like that? Have you ever been surprised like that?” “Carl, what the hell are you on about?” “Just promise me, if you ever get a sex change, you’ll tell me first. I could have been there for him, you know. You shouldn’t be afraid of me or what I think. Why didn’t he tell me?” A cold shiver ran down my spine and suddenly, everything came together. Alice was Tanner. Alice was Carl’s brother. That was a big shock: Carl had no idea until Alice showed up on our doorstep.

I’d just made out with a man with Carl’s little brother. I felt suddenly nauseous. My legs felt weak and my head started spinning. I put my hand on the wall in an attempt to keep myself balanced. “Are you still there, buddy?” Carl said. “Huh? Yeah, I’m still here. Where are you? I’m coming to get you.”

It wasn’t hard to find Carl, even though he wasn’t at the bar he told me to pick him up at. He was at another bar, down the street, but he’d been kicked out for being too drunk. I spotted him sitting on the curb, swaying slightly as the alcohol rocked back and forth in his brain. I had to help him into the car. I gave him an old plastic bag to throw up in if needed. Luckily it wasn’t needed, because I have a feeling he would have missed the bag entirely if it came to that. “So the real question is, do I say he or she? Is he or she my brother or my sister?” He asked the same question a few different times, even though my answer was the same every time.

“I think she wants to be treated like a girl, so I would imagine you would call her your sister. Just pretend like she was always a girl,” I said, but even I knew it was easier said than done. Even I couldn’t get the idea out of my mind, that I’d made out with a man, even if she looked like a stunningly beautiful woman. That familiar chill ran down my spine. “I’m going to talk him out of it,” he said, ignoring what I’d said completely. “He’s going to regret it. It’s not like he can just change his mind once he goes through with it.” “I think it’s a bit late for that, man,” I said. Carl’s eyes were closed and his face was mushed up against the passenger window.

But he was still awake, and still very drunk. “It’s not too late. He still has his cock. He can stop the hormone treatment and they can plop the fake tits right out. He’d be back to normal in a week. Once they chop off his cock, there’s no turning back.” Carl passed out a minute later, after blurting out a series of incomprehensible sentences. When I got back home, the house was dark. Alice must have gone to sleep. I carried Carl back to his bedroom and I laid him down on his side. Alice still had a cock? So she really was still a man she hadn’t even undergone the full transition. I really had made out with a man. But I didn’t know it wasn’t my fault.

And what was I supposed to tell Alice now? What if she wanted to hang out again, what if she wanted to kiss again, or take things even further? I was going to have to turn her down. But would I tell her why? Would she figure out that I knew her secret? Of course, she would, how could she not? She would probably think I’m just some shallow monster, but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t get involved with a tranny. I liked girls' girly girl's tits, pussy, soft skin, and long hair. I didn’t like men. But Alice was a girly girl. She had soft skin and long hair and incredible tits. Soon enough she would have the pussy, too. So what was the difference? What made Alice less of a woman than any of the other girls I’d dated? The fact she couldn’t have children? I shook my head.

I was letting my brain go off on a tangent, letting it justify my feelings for Alice. Of course, it was easier to justify feelings than to face the reality of the situation. Alice had only been a woman for a short period of her life. The rest of her life experience was as a man. She’d never experienced school as a girl, she’d never experienced having a period, all of the cells in her body were still male cells. But if she was a man, why was I so attracted to her? Why did I feel that spark that I’d never felt before with any woman? Did that mean I was somehow gay? I shook my head again once again, I was entertaining the creeping justification.

The answer was simple: no Alice. I needed to just cut things off with her, regardless of whether I looked like a monster or not. It took me a while to fall asleep that night, my many thoughts spinning around my mind like a tornado, refusing to leave me alone. I woke up late the next morning, and I could hear chatter coming from the kitchen. I carefully opened my door and I listened. It was Carl and Alice, talking at the kitchen table. Their conversation sounded innocent enough, at first anyway. “These cookies are really good,” Carl said with a groggy voice.

“They used to be your favorite,” Alice said. “Who said they aren’t anymore?” There was a silence. “So what, do you have, like, a boyfriend or something like that?” Carl asked. “No.” “Do you like guys? Or how does that work?” “I like guys.” “Is it like when you have AIDS, and you’re supposed to tell everyone right when you meet them?” There was another silence. “It’s not like having AIDS, no.” “You know what I mean. So do you have to tell people right away?” “Can we talk about something else?” Alice said.

I decided to stay in the safety of my bedroom, with my hand on the doorknob in case I needed to retreat further away from the incoming gunfight. “I’ve never had a sister. I don’t know what I’m supposed to talk about,” Carl said, his voice thick with sarcasm. “Is it hard to find shoes that fit?” “Carl” “What? It’s just a question. I can’t imagine they make too many high heels in a men’s size nine.” “I’m a women’s size eight,” Alice said. “Do mom and dad know?” There was yet another long silence. “They don’t need to know,” she said. “So basically, if you think someone’s going to disagree with you, you cut off contact completely.

That’s how this works?” “Carl” “What?” I felt a wave of guilt wash over me. I knew I shouldn’t have been eavesdropping, so I carefully closed my door and went back to my bed. I lay down and stared up at the ceiling. I was admittedly feeling deceived that she’d let me kiss her without telling me who she really was, unless she just assumed I already knew, which was highly unlikely. Carl could have put it in better words, but I couldn’t help but agree with him she probably should have told me as soon as she realized I was attracted to her, or when she realized she was attracted to me.

But my God, that must be hard having to throw that curveball into every potential romance. And all you can do is hope the other party will take it well. But how could any man just brush that off as if it was nothing? “I just need some more time to wrap my head around it, that’s all,” I heard Carl say as he walked by my room towards the front door. “Where are you going?” Alice asked. “I’m going out. I’ll see you tonight. We can talk more about this then.” I listened to the door slam shut, and then my heart sank into my gut. I was alone in the house with Alice, once again. Except for this time, there was a great, big elephant in the house with us.