More Than A Fan - Chapter 10

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Tom glanced around, looking over his sunglasses. "There's a photographer over by the bank," he whispered to Becca. He sighed. "Can't they let us eat in peace?"

Becca laughed. "No. It's the price of being a celebrity, but sometimes it really pisses me off."

"Like the time you told that dipshit photographer that you were going to shove his camera up to his fucking ass?" Tom giggled. He was as en femme as Amber, as he was more than eighty percent of his time now, even when relaxing or alone around her house. They sat in the patio area of a deli that was a well-known stop for celebrities in this ritzier part of the city. It was a lovely, sunny day, and Amber looked extremely feminine and enchanting. He wore a comfortable sundress and white open-toed shoes. His newly-colored hair had a reddish tint that was highlighted by the golden rays of the sun.

Becca grinned. "I should have. It would have taught him a lesson."

"And tied you up in a lawsuit for years," Tom said with a pleasant smile. He looked at Becca, and he felt a rush of contentment and pleasure. Being with Becca had become the most comfortable and exciting thing he'd ever experienced.

"True, but that's why I've got a good lawyer." She took a sip of wine. "Speaking of which, the meeting today went very well, don't you think?"

Tom shrugged. "I guess. He sounded pretty optimistic." A thought occurred to him, and he frowned. "But he said something about being lucky that I had months of counseling and cross-dressing. What's that all about?"

"I'm not sure. It's probably nothing," Becca replied easily too easily.

Tom wondered if she did know something about the comments.

She abruptly changed the subject. "Are you done? I'm ready to go shopping."

Three hours later, they pulled into the garage at Becca's house. "That was fun," Becca said easily, helping Tom to gather the bags from the car trunk.

Tom nodded, but his cheeks flushed a bit. "I think the outfits are pretty," he said. "But I don't think a push-up bra was necessary." Without thinking, he glanced down at his chest, at the protruding round bumps. "I mean, they're getting kind of big on their own."

Becca dropped the bags in her hand and sidled up beside Tom, her hand reaching up to caress Tom's breast. "Are you complaining?" She pouted. "I thought you liked it when I played with them."

Tom purred, feeling the electric tingle of arousal as Becca touched him. "I do," he said enthusiastically. "But ... isn’t it weird? I mean, a guy having breasts?"

Becca continued caressing Tom. "But you like it, don't you?" she asked with certainty. "And besides, with a million dollars, you can easily afford to have them removed if you like."

Tom sighed happily. "Yeah, I really like it. It was weird at first, you know having them bounce around when I exercise, getting used to wearing a bra. And it was so unique when they got sensitive. I suppose I could have them removed." He didn't sound certain that he would want to have a mastectomy when the year was over.

"You're almost a B-cup, and with the push-up bra, you look absolutely irresistible."

Tom smiled, blushing, at the compliment, but then frowned. "I'm not sure about a couple of the outfits, though. I'm not sure about the crop-top that shows off my navel piercing. And I thought I was going to keep my tats hidden."

Becca pulled herself closer and began to nibble on Tom's ear. "But your tats look so sexy," she countered, "and the piercing really helps your image."

"I don't know," Tom said, but his reluctance was withering under Becca's ministrations. "The earrings are okay, but the butterfly on my thigh is a little too feminine, isn't it? And the rose on my arm?"

Becca smiled. "They make you even more luscious looking," she purred. "You look perfect for being on stage. Well, except for getting you a really sexy outfit that matches mine." She laughed. "It's a good thing that we're about the same size. It's easier to get the costuming done."

"Sometimes," Tom said reflectively, his voice a little sad, "when I look in the mirror, all I can see is Amber. I've lost so much weight, and with my boobs and the piercings and tats and hair " He shook his head. "I don't see much of myself anymore."

"You're pretty when you're Amber," Becca purred. "You're cute and sexy."

Tom smiled at her compliment. "Thanks. I just, I know I should be freaking out about how much I've changed, but ... I don't feel like I need to." He sighed. "And" He stopped, not quite sure how to proceed.

"And what?"

"It's just that, sometimes, I feel like you're trying to turn me into a woman," Tom said with a nervous laugh. "I mean, wearing woman's underwear, growing boobs, the voice training that sounds like a sexy girl, the leotards for working out, and then today." He paused, listening for a reaction that didn't come. He gulped nervously, hoping he hadn't offended her. "I know it's silly, isn't it?"

"I think it's really kinky when you're dressed like a woman," Becca purred in his ear, her fingers playing with his nipples. "Do you like it?"

"Is ... is Linda trying to steer me somewhere with the counseling and all her questions?" Tom asked in a frightened voice. "Sometimes, I feel like I should be worried about some of the things I'm doing."

"Linda is helping make sure we don't do something you're uncomfortable with," Becca said reassuringly.

"But ... is she changing who I am? Are you changing who I am?" Tom asked fearfully. "Does that mean you don't like me?"

"I like who you are inside, not your outer shell," Becca tried to reassure him. She couldn't hide the gleam in her eye. Fortunately for her, Tom didn't notice.

Tom thought for a moment. "But do you like it more when I'm Amber, or when I'm Tom?"

Becca focused on hiding her true emotions and looking thoughtful. She knew that how she answered the question was going to powerfully influence how Tom felt about their arrangement. "Honestly?" She bit her lip for a moment. "It doesn't matter for sex, since you've got your ... equipment," she giggled. "But ... I think I like Amber as a companion a little more." She looked away for a moment. "I like you as Tom a lot," she continued, "but I'm more comfortable with Amber as a girlfriend. It's fun to do 'girl things' with Amber."

"Oh." Tom sounded disappointed.

Becca heard his concern."You're so special either way. What's important is what you want." She winced inside, hoping for one answer, but not sure if what Tom would say was what she wanted to hear. What she was hoping to hear.

"I" Tom looked down, shaking his head slowly. "I don't know," he admitted softly. "What I want is to enjoy my time with you. I want us to have fun, and be adventurous and bold. I want to sing on stage with you. I want to be with you as much as I can." He looked up at Becca, his eyes soft and innocent because of his makeup. "I like being Amber. Sometimes I like it a lot."

"Enough to spend almost two months living as Amber when we tour Europe? If the lawyer can figure something out, I mean?"

Tom looked down again. He nodded slowly, feeling his cheeks blush. "Yeah."

"You know that the media thinks that Amber and I are in a lesbian relationship, right?"

Tom nodded, and then looked up, doe-eyed at Becca. "Are we in a relationship?"

Becca didn't answer, but instead wrapped him in an embrace and eagerly kissed him. "What do you think?" she asked many moments later when their lips parted.

"Don't you care if people think you're gay?" Tom asked.

Becca smiled. "I don't give a fuck what other people think, as long as I'm happy." She wiped a tear from his eye. "You didn't tell me what you think."

"I think" Tom lowered his eyes again. "I'm afraid that I'm falling for you."

"And I think I'm falling in love with you, too," Becca admitted softly. She took Tom by the hand and led him into the house, dropping shopping bags all along the way."

Becca smiled as she and Tom walked out of the courtroom. She high-fived her lawyer, obviously pleased by the outcome. "Now we need to get a passport for you," she told Tom, around whose waist her arm was wrapped.

"Okay," Tom said. His smile betrayed a bit of worry or nervousness.

"We'll go get your pictures right now, and then go fill out the paperwork. They should be able to do a rush job on the passport, so we'll be set to go in two weeks."

Tom looked at the paper in his hands. He had his temporary ID as Amber Newton, so he could travel and perform with Becca. Then he noticed something on the form. "Hey," he said, concern in his voice, "this is a legal name change."

"The lawyer said it had to be in order to get a passport."

"But"

"It's just temporary," Becca assured him.

"But ... this changes my gender to being legally female!" Tom cried in anguish as he noticed another item on the document. He scowled. "I didn't want to be legally a woman!" A pout clouded his features.

"You're so cute when you pout," Becca laughed, pulling him close to her side.

Tom angrily crossed his arms, not replying to her, but continuing to sulk and pout.

Becca led him to the car. She knew how upset he was when she offered to let him drive, but he just wordlessly crawled into the passenger seat, frowning and sulking. As she drove, she tried to pull him out of his funk. "You want to go out for dinner tonight to celebrate?" she asked cheerfully.

Tom merely sat in his seat, arms crossed angrily, and didn't reply to her.

When they arrived home, Tom dashed from the car and ran up to his bedroom, slamming the door shut and locking it before collapsing face-first onto his bed. His cheeks were tear-stained, and his body convulsed lightly from his sobs. Everything had come together in the courtroom, and he was certain that he'd been manipulated and tricked for the past nine-and-a-half months by Becca. He didn't know what her cruel game had been, but he'd become part of something that he hadn't wanted.

A knock sounded on his door. "Tom?" Becca's voice sounded soft and pleading. "May I come in?" After Tom had ignored her for a few moments, she knocked again and tried to open the door "Tom?" Once more, Tom didn't answer, instead lying on the bed and crying. Becca knocked and called once more. Finally, after no response, she went away.

An hour and a half later, a knock sounded again. "Tom? I've got some dinner for you."

"Leave me alone!" Tom cried, fighting the ongoing stream of tears.

Moments later, the other door that led to Becca's room opened, and she stepped in, carrying a tray. "Tom?" she asked hesitantly, setting the tray on his dresser. "It's late, and I figured you were getting hungry."

Tom rolled over, turning his back to her. "Go away!" he sobbed.

"What's wrong?" she asked, genuinely confused by his hysteria.

"You tricked me!"

Becca sat on the edge of his bed, trying to rub his shoulders, but he pulled away. "How did I trick you?"

"All those supplements and hormones you knew they'd make me look like a woman, didn't you?. The exercise and diet were that so I'd look more feminine, too? And with Linda, in the counseling? She was really focused on my feelings about cross-dressing and my sexuality and the ... games we played. Was she trying to make me want to become more of a woman? Make me into your dream woman? Some kind of kinky, fetish she-male? Is that what this was all about?" Tom demanded, his eyes flashing angrily as he glared at Becca.

Becca looked hurt by his accusation. "Is that what you think? That I'd do this to you if you didn't want it?"

"You're the one who said that you're an ice-cold bitch who gets what you want," Tom snapped, turning back away from her.

"I've never been a bitch to you, have I?" Becca countered, putting her hands gently on his shoulders. Her voice reflected the hurt she felt in her heart at his accusations.

Tom started to answer but paused as her words sank in. She was right she hadn't been bitchy or domineering or nasty to him except for a few bedroom games where she played a dominatrix and that had been mutual. "Did you want me to change?" Tom asked bluntly after he'd thought for a bit. He turned slowly to see her expression and the look in her eyes as she answered. He still sounded angry, and he was still frowning.

Becca swallowed hard. "Truthfully?" she asked hesitantly. She saw his nod. "When we started, I was nervous about another relationship with a man going bad. I was afraid of being hurt again. But you ... you were different. I was willing to take a chance."

Tom read her eyes. "Oh?"

"The whole divorce fiasco left me really hurt inside, and I didn't really really trust men. Not after I'd been hurt as bad as I had been." She looked down, not sure if she wanted him to see her expression. "I had flings with my friends because it felt safer, easier. I" She shook her head slowly. "Maybe I am more comfortable with women. I don't know for sure."

"So you changed me?" Tom's accusatory tone was back.

She looked up sharply, her eyes burning at his accusation. "I didn't ask you to do anything that Linda didn't assure me you were okay with."

Tom stared at her for a moment, and then looked away, thinking of what her words meant. Had he really chosen this, instead of being pushed into it by Becca? If so, what did that mean about him as a man? As he breathed slowly, he felt his breasts moving, the shoulder straps and band of his bra constraining his chest. Was he even still a man? He wasn't sure any longer. "But you did push me, didn't you?"

Becca hung her head at the truth in his words. "Maybe I did." She thought a bit. "Yeah, I guess I did push you some." Her voice was heavy. "I wanted you to be a companion that gave me everything I wanted. I wanted a best friend who would happily do girl things with me, not someone who was going to compete and try to make me do what he wanted. But I wanted someone who could love me the way I like, someone who wouldn't be dominant but would sometimes let me be in charge. I guess I figured that if I had a companion like that, I wouldn't be hurt again." She turned her back to Tom, tears trickling from her eyes. "I'm sorry."

Tom sat in silence, mulling over her explanation. He felt betrayed and used, but at the same time, he couldn't deny that Becca's relationship with Amber was definitely a strong friendship, a deep affection he'd never experienced with Katie. In a way, his own marital difficulties with Katie made it difficult for him to blame Becca for being uneasy about another conventional relationship after Becca's hellish divorce experience.

Becca slid across the bed and hugged him tightly from behind. "Are you okay?" she asked softly, hesitantly.

Tom shook his head sadly, his hair swirling about his face to remind him of what he now was. "I don't know."

"I'm sorry," Becca said again, not trying to disguise the regret in her voice, nor fight the tears leaking from the corners of her eyes."