More Than A Fan - Chapter 11

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I'd understand if you felt betrayed, and if you want me to leave." When Tom didn't say anything, Becca started to stand, her expression sad.

"Please don't go," Tom implored softly, still not looking at her.

Startled, Becca slowly eased herself back down on the bed, keeping an uneasy distance from Tom. She waited to see if he had more to say, and she wasn't quite sure what she should say herself. "Can you forgive me?" she finally asked in a tiny, frightened voice.

Tom nodded wordlessly.

"Do you want to be Amber?" Becca asked hesitantly, "or do you want to be Tom?"

"I'm not sure." Tom looked down at the bed, at his smooth-shaven legs poking out from his dress. "I" He turned, looking at Becca. "You said you like Amber better, because of the 'girl things' you can do with her?" Tom asked for confirmation.

Becca nodded uneasily. "Yeah. As long as you keep Mister Happy."

Tom looked down, lost in thought. He saw his hands, with the long, enameled nails. He saw the dress he wore over his nylon-clad, hairless, smooth legs. He saw a valley of cleavage on his chest, enhanced by his padded, push-up bra. Who or what was he? He wasn't really sure. But the one thing he did know is that Becca preferred Amber. And, as much as it upset him to admit it, he enjoyed being Amber. "Then I guess I'm Amber," Tom said softly, as he turned his head and looked at her. "Because I need to be with you a lot more than I need to be Tom." He gazed into her eyes longingly and lifted his lips toward hers.

"Does that mean Amber wants to tour Europe with me?" Becca asked as soon as they broke their kiss.

Tom smiled, and kissed Becca again, a little more passionately. "What do you think? You taught me how to sing, and your stage routines, and you got me those lovely, sexy costumes. And you think I might not want to go with you? That I might miss the chance of a lifetime to see Europe with you?" He leaned into yet another kiss while pulling Becca into a warm, wild, exuberant embrace, giving her the answer that she was hoping to hear. In moments, they were lying on the bed, tearing each other's clothes off. When Tom rolled to his back, to a submissive position, like he usually did, Becca stopped him. Instead, she rolled to her back and pulled him atop her, ceding the dominant position to him. "I want you to take me this time," she purred in his ear.

Tom leaned back on the arm of a sofa, his back against pillows and his legs parallel to the back, with Becca, snuggled up against him. Across the room, a gas log blazed in the fireplace, and the room lights were low. In front of them, on a coffee table, sat two half-empty glasses of red wine. Becca's head rested on Tom's left shoulder, and her left hand rested atop one of his breasts, while his arms were wrapped tenderly around her. Her eyes were half-closed, and a very contented smile graced her features.

"Mmmm," she purred, "you're so comfy. I could stay here all night."

"I was about to say the same," Tom replied with a smile. "I like it when we cuddle like this. It's so peaceful and quiet."

"I didn't think I'd ever like something so quiet and tranquil," Becca mused. "I never liked quiet before."

"That's because quiet can be scary," Tom mused.

Becca's eyebrow rose. "What do you mean by that?" she asked.

Tom shrugged. "When you're alone and it's quiet, all you can hear is your own heart speaking to you, and that's when it tells you that you're lonely, or that you want companionship. It's scary because there aren't any distractions to keep you from thinking about what your heart wants."

"Wow, that's pretty deep," Becca said admiringly. "I thought you were an engineer, not a philosopher," she added with a giggle.

Tom smiled. "I'm not an engineer this year, remember?" he teased.

"You know, I think I could make a song out of that. Sort of a soft, reflective piece about what you think about when you're alone and it's quiet."

"Maybe something about how partying and socializing, even if they're not friends, is a distraction from how lonely your heart is when it's quiet?" Tom speculated.

"Maybe I could call it Quiet is Scary." Becca turned her head up and her lips sought his. After a brief kiss, she smiled. "You're so inspiring to me," she purred. "Since we've been together, you've given me ideas for several songs." She laughed. "I ought to keep you around longer so I can keep writing chart-breaking songs and albums." She leaned her head back against his shoulder, and the sweet smell from her scented hair products and her enticing perfume wafted to Tom's nose. The combined aromas were a tranquilizer, soothing aromatherapy that helped Tom feel completely at peace and content. At the same time, the feminine scents that Tom was wearing teased Becca, making her feel relaxed and at the same time, moderately aroused.

"Am I where you got the idea for To Hell with Him?" Tom mused. "That was received pretty well when you debuted it at the concert."

Becca let her hand play with Tom's growing breast. "I was thinking specifically of Hands Off, Bitch."

"Oh? Why that one?" The song had been widely acclaimed when she performed it in concert; it was Becca's habit to perform her new songs on stage, and then pick which ones she wanted to release as singles, and even which ones she'd do music videos of, based on the audience reaction.

"Because that's how I felt when Erica was dancing with you at the club when I introduced you to her," Becca said simply.

Tom smiled to himself at the memory of how possessive Becca was of him. It made him feel special. "Oh, yeah. I remember that now. Any other songs?"

Becca snuggled even closer to Tom if that was possible. "Definitely not Lie to Me Tonight or Another Party. And I'm starting to think of another song, but it's not quite coming together yet. I'm hoping to have it done so we can perform it on the European tour."

Tom smiled, content to be cuddling and spending close time. Sex was good. In fact, it was better than good; Becca was fantastic and quite imaginative and creative. But it felt so comforting to just snuggle together and talk, or not talk, and feel close. He wondered if that was something he'd always wanted to do but never had the chance, or if it was because of being with Becca. "I would have thought Another Party was inspired by me. I mean, it's about starting to think that a party lifestyle is empty and hollow, and it feels like something is missing."

"You really do pay attention to the meanings of my songs, don't you?" Becca said, impressed. "You might be right. I hadn't thought about it. And that was early in our relationship, too. Maybe it was subconsciously inspired by you." She lifted her head again, inviting another kiss. After a prolonged, passionate kiss, she let her lips pull away from his. "I'm content to lie here, but if you want more, it wouldn't take but a word to get me in the mood."

Tom grinned. "I like this too. But I like our games, too. Just for reference, what would the magic word be?"

Becca lifted her head and whispered in his ear, "Horny."

"Horny?" Tom asked, surprised by her bluntness.

"Okay," Becca said with a grin. She moved until she was leaning over him, almost face-to-face, and she began to passionately kiss him, while her hands began to roam over his body. In moments, the two lovers were intertwined in their passion on the sofa, illuminated by the flickering fireplace as they satisfied their lust for one another.

"Well?" Becca asked as they strolled into their dressing room, arm in arm. "Was I right? Is this trip fabulous?" They were going to do a quick rehearsal, check the sound, and get ready for yet another sold-out concert with screaming fans this one in Frankfurt, Germany, the seventh in three weeks.

Amber leaned her head on Becca's shoulder, a contented smile on her face. "It's better than fabulous," she said in a soft, sexy voice. "I love it when we have some time off, to just go do things together."

"I know it can get a little tiring to be touring," Becca admitted. "And I know it was pretty hectic trying to get the filming done for the new music video before we started touring. But this isn't as bad as the Australian tour I did two years ago. That was twenty-seven performances in thirty-five days."

"And I really liked being in the video, even if I was nervous as hell."

"You did wonderfully," Becca said, giving Amber a kiss.

"When we get done with the rehearsal, can we go find a nice, quiet little restaurant for an intimate late lunch?" Amber asked.

"That sounds like fun." Becca shut the door to her dressing room behind them, then turned and gave Amber a longer, more passionate kiss. "I'm so glad you're here with me. It makes touring so much more fun."

"You just like the sex!" Amber teased.

"So do you!" Becca retorted with a grin. "I'm going to check with the effects guys and see how they set things up before we do the soundcheck and rehearse." She kissed Amber again.

"I'll be out in a minute," Amber promised. "I need to make sure the rising platform works right tonight." Early in their song Special Girl, Amber, wearing a diaphanous, flowing dress, rose onto the stage by a hydraulic lift, appearing through a curtain of artificial fog, like a dream materializing for Becca. When it worked right, it was an extremely powerful visual effect. The other night, though, it hadn't quite worked, and Amber's appearance had been delayed. Fortunately, the band improvised a bit to hide the mistake, while two stagehands lifted Amber up, so she could step from their hands through the fog onto the stage. She'd had to be very careful with the rest of the song since there was a gaping hole in the stage where the lift should have taken her.

"Becca acknowledged before strutting out the door, closing it behind her.

Amber went to the room's toilet to relieve herself. Though she frequently sat to urinate, she was in a rush, so she just stood and peed. Over the splashing noise, she didn't hear the dressing room door open.

"Becca?" Amber recognized Kaelin's voice instantly. Kaelin, the bass guitarist, was looking for Becca for some reason, possibly something that the two needed to straighten out, and had come in the dressing room.

Amber quickly finished and flushed the toilet. As she started to tuck away her willy, she heard a gasp of surprise from the bathroom door. She turned and saw Kaelin standing in the doorway, her eyes wide with surprise, even shock. "Uh," Amber stammered, breaking the awkward moment of silence, "I can explain." She was so stunned that she momentarily forgot that she was holding her exposed male member. As soon as she realized that Kaelin was staring at her crotch, she hastily tucked her parts away in her gaff and zipped her jeans shut.

"This explains a lot," Kaelin said softly. She turned and shut the dressing room door, locking it, before turning back to an embarrassed Amber, who had come out of the bathroom.

"Um," Amber winced, not knowing quite how to handle the situation, and knowing that rumors were going to fly fast and furious, possibly damaging Becca's career. She could handle her own humiliation, but the thought of hurting Becca was too much to bear. "I, um, er" she stammered.

"You're Tom, aren't you?" Kaelin said with certainty.

Amber stared at her a moment and then nodded. "Yeah." Kaelin was too smart to be fooled if Amber tried to lie.

Kaelin took Amber's elbow and guided her to a chair, pushing her to sit. She turned another chair so she could face Amber. "I wondered why Becca was suddenly into girls. I mean, I know she tried girls after that shit," she spat the words, indicating her own distaste for what Becca's ex had put her through. "And I really couldn't blame her if she did, considering how much he hurt her."

"I wasn't I didn't intend" Amber looked down, shaking her head sadly, unable to find words to tell Kaelin.

"I won't tell anyone," Kaelin said, her voice reassuring. "It's our little secret just between us girls." She smiled at Amber's stunned expression. "This really makes sense now."

"What do you mean?"

"Besides Tom's disappearance, and the appearance of Amber," Kaelin began, "there's the little issue of how satisfied Becca always looks. She never had that look when she was trying girls, but only when she was pretty satisfied by a guy." She laughed. "I was wondering how she had that look with you."

Amber blushed at the realization that others knew, from Becca's satisfied look when they'd been making love.

"And we all know that Becca is a little kinky."

Amber couldn't help laughing. "That's an understatement."

"I promise I won't tell," Kaelin reiterated to reassure Amber. "To be honest, you're good for her." She saw the expression of disbelief on Amber's face. "She's back to being the funniest person she was before all that shit happened to her. She's enjoying herself again. She's got more energy and joy in her performances, and even in rehearsals, than I can remember." Kaelin shook her head. "We were all really worried about her after the divorce. Her songs were getting a little dark and depressing. Now, she's writing stuff with more energy and passion than before." Kaelin stood, offered her hand to Amber, and pulled her up. Then Kaelin wrapped Amber in a big hug. "You're good for her. Please don't hurt her."

Amber was touched by Kaelin's gesture of friendship. "I won't.  I think I'm falling in love with her. Even the thought of hurting her" She shook her head. "I couldn't bear to know that I caused her any pain or distress. But"

Kaelin's eyes narrowed. "What?"

Amber sighed. Since Kaelin already knew Amber's secret, she might as well go all the way with her explanation. "I met Becca almost a year ago when I the male me was hiking. She rented me from my wife for a year. Since then, we've been, well, " She didn't need to continue. "Over time, I changed to what I am now." She sighed. "I'm afraid."

"Why?"

"What's going to happen when the year is up? I'm falling in love with her." Tears were seeping from the corners of Amber's eyes as she lowered her gaze. "But I'm afraid of hurting her by trying to stay around if she doesn't want me."

"Honey," Kaelin said with a grin, placing her hands on Amber's cheeks and tilting her head back up until they were eye-to-eye, "I wouldn't worry about that at all."

Amber felt a flutter of hope in her heart. "Does she?"

Kaelin shrugged. "She hasn't said anything directly, but if her actions are any clue, then I don't think you're going to have to worry about what she wants. The question is more what you want." Kaelin grabbed Amber's hand. "Let's go out so we can get our checks done. If I know Becca, she probably wants to take you to some cozy little spot for lunch."

Amber laughed, wiping at her tears. "Actually, that was my idea." She had felt a bit like an outsider; after all, this was Becca's band, her tour, and her performances. But now, her bass guitarist was accepting her, and even promising to keep confident Amber's little 'secret'. She felt like she was a part of the group for the first time. Touring with Winter suddenly felt like being part of a family. And Kaelin had strongly suggested that Amber's growing feelings toward Becca weren't one-way. Amber's eyes moistened with happiness.