The Real Me - Chapter 4

OTHER PARTS | ALL STORY LIST

Rachel, you will have to speak to the school.’ ‘I can’t believe you’re being like this Mother. Daniella, I will probably message you during the day, so make sure your phone is charged. The sooner we do something about your status, the better.’ Rachel said. ‘What for Rache?’ Daniella looks puzzled. ‘If you feel you are a girl, Mum is right, the sooner we do something the better, you need to take drugs, to halt boy puberty.

God knows you are late now. We need to see the Doctor and I will have to talk to the school.’ ‘Oh shit, that will be awful.’ ‘Which?’ ‘Both, school and the doctor.’ ‘Daniel, if you are determined on this, then, yes it will be hard. Do you want to be a girl with a man voice and gigantic Adam’s Apple-like your Dad? A bearded lady?’ ‘No, but school.’ ‘You are not being a girl at home and a boy at school. You have to have the guts to stand up for yourself.

There’s been so much on TV lately, people will understand Daniel.’ Mother said. ‘Mum’s right.’ Rachel backed her mother. ‘It’s up to you. Daniel or Daniella.’ Mum said sharply. ‘Your choice.’

‘I doubt adolescent boys or girls for that matter, will have much understanding.’ Rachel says. ‘But there really is nothing good about delaying. You will develop into a man, and by what you say, that’s the last thing you want.’ ‘That’s why he, perhaps we should now say she, has to be strong. Next week, she goes to school as a girl, understand that.

This weekend Rachel, you buy her girls’ clothes including a school uniform, which means a skirt, not trousers. I will not have her going halfway. It’s all-girl or forgets it. On Monday she will be a girl and you need to tough it out and stand up for yourself.’ Mother laid down the law. ‘Oh golly!’ Daniella said, stroking her hairless leg. Yet in spite of all the embarrassment, all the fears of the future, she smiled, and inside, she was bubbling in anticipation of at last being herself, an imperfect girl, a schoolgirl, the dream of the last seven years, coming true. ‘OK, Mum. Sis thank you. Oh shit, it’s so frightening.’ ‘Bite the bullet Daniel or stay as you are.’ ‘I’d rather be dead than a man.’ Rachel shivered. Mother was shocked but said nothing.

Daniel was consumed by a mixture of pleasurable anticipation and fear of the consequences. She needed to be braver than any ‘normal’ person could conceive. No boy at school, none of those bullies, Lee, Martin, Stone, and the others would be as brave, she knew.

Daniel received the text from Rachel during the morning break. She had already been punched twice, called a poof, fag, and queer boy, by that time. ‘See me outside the head’s office, twelve-thirty,’ the message read. ‘Oh shit,’ he said aloud to himself. ‘What?’ said a voice behind him. Daniella turned to find Jenny and Lisa. He flushed, subconsciously feeling his dread secret was already out, passed telepathically somehow to these two girls, who were at least civil towards him, especially Jenny his seating companion.

Jenny was quiet, dignified, old for her age, balanced, and non-judgemental. She was practically the only person who would sit with him. ‘I got to see the Head with Big Sis after morning school.’ ‘Does that mean you won’t be bunking[1] off today?’ Lisa asked. Daniel blushed as he usually did when anyone spoke to him. The girls giggled. ‘So, what have you been up to Daniella? Is it the bunking off or some other dark secret?’ Jenny asked, using the name she has long teased Daniel with and found he accepted the name without protest after the first few times.

‘So, what have you been up to.’ Lisa asked. ‘She looks even more girlie today.’ She added, teasingly. Daniella had now flushed bright red, cheeks burning. ‘That’s what it’s about.’ Daniella said quietly. Jenny frowned. ‘What, being called names, being bullied, what? You haven’t reported us? You know we only fun with you.’ ‘Haven’t reported anyone. Everyone will know soon, anyway. That’s what it’s about.’ Both girls were now frowning. ‘Spill, spell it out.’ ‘I can’t,’ he whispered.

They crushed through the door, year nine piling into their classroom. Year nine is always the most ebullient, disruptive class before they go into year ten when things get serious and General Certificate of Secondary Education exams loomed. Daniella sat with Jenny as usual. Lisa the other side with Helen. All the others, even the girls, seemed to think they would be tainted mentally or physically, by closeness to the ‘queer-boy’.

Once sat, Jenny turned enquiringly, peering into Danny’s face. Daniel shook his head, ‘Not now. Lunch, after they meet or home time.’ He whispered. ‘OK.’ Jenny whispered back. Lisa wrote on her scrap pad. ‘I gotta know. It’s so exciting. What have you done?’ ‘Later.’ Dannie answered. Oh fuck, Daniel thought, this is it then, the beginning of being even more set apart. The head and then all the teachers will get a memo or something and life will never be the same again. It couldn’t be worse than it had been, he consoled himself.

He couldn’t concentrate and Mr. Jones, geography, discerned that Artherton’s mind was far away. ‘Artherton, stand up. What did I just say?’ ‘Sir, I don’t know sir.’ ‘You don’t know? And what great and significant thoughts were chasing through your butterfly brain?’ He walked the aisle between desks. He stopped and picked up Lisa’s note. He read it. He rolled into a ball between his palms. ‘Share, tell the class what your theory is for saving the planet from Global Warming.’

‘Sir?’ ‘Come on Artherton, give me an intelligent thought, or I shall give you a detention. Well.’ ‘Birth control Mr. Jones. That’s my theory. Yes, plastics and other pollution, petrol, CO2 and diesel and all, but really, it’s a World over-full of people, that’s the real problem.’ ‘Really? I’m surprised you have such deep thoughts. Expand.’ ‘Sir, well sir. It’s all to do with the economy.’

The class tittered delighted that the oddball was being picked on. ‘Hush class,’ Jones ordered, ‘Professor Daniel Artherton is about to save the planet.’ More titters, which of course, is what Jones was playing for. ‘Pray to continue Professor, this is illuminating.’ ‘Sir?’ ‘Go on, we are all ears.’ ‘Well sir, you may think this is a great joke, but it isn’t. The capitalist system, even the pseudo-Chinese communist system, depends on making more and more goods to create more and more profit and to collect more and more taxes.

It’s a vicious circle because the system requires more and more consumers and workers to pay taxes, which in turn means creating more and more babies who will grow up to be workers and consumers. China tried to limit births, we learned that last term, sir, but the policy created lots of boys and few girls because of the dowry system, girl babies were murdered or aborted or sold. Global warming is, therefore, the result of human inability to control sexual desire and economic need.’ Daniella is now white in the face, having started with flushed cheeks.

He sits. ‘Stand again Professor. So, then end of the World is nigh, is that what you are preaching?’ ‘Sir, not the end of the world, but maybe the end of the human race as we know it and sir, the death of many, maybe most other species as we pollute and destroy the land, the seas, and the atmosphere, because the human-animal breeds too quickly and demands so much and pollutes everything, sir. Oxygen is now 21% sir and decreasing, while CO2 is rising. Forests consume CO2 but we are cutting them down sir. We have conquered most illnesses and therefore live longer than we were designed to.’ ‘What else Artherton? You mentioned economics?’

‘Sir, well sir,’ he takes some thinking time, ‘Sir, the capitalist system demands more workers but also larger markets, that in itself is a vicious circle, because in time all those workers become pensioners like you will soon be sir and that means more taxes to pay for old people. The whole system demands we breed into oblivion, each person responsible for more pollution, more rubbish, taking up space that was once just wildlife, the other animals on the planet, but no one can see that sir.

And sir, each new human will create 4.3 pounds of waste each day, that’s two kilos, each person, nearly three-quarters of a metric tonne each year. Sir, we are all doomed.’ The class rocked with laughter because they realized the oddball Artherton is taking off a character in an old TV comedy, Dad’s Army. ‘All right class, that’s enough.’ Quiet descended, for Jones, doesn’t mind a joke but he’s also a disciplinarian.

‘You may sit Artherton. I’m impressed. I don’t agree with everything you said, but in class, there is a great deal of sense. Who thinks our professor is right?’ Jones waits, surveying the class from the dais. ‘Just one or two wavering hands, oh two more, three, well a number of followers. Who thinks science can cure all these problems?’ A number of hands go up. ‘Yes, Lee. Do you have your hand up? What have you to say?’

‘Sir, sir it’s well-known sir, Artherton’s queer, so he won’t be fathering anything, sir.’ ‘See me afterward Lee. I won’t have inattention in this class, Artherton, nor will I have that sort of remark Lee. Apologize.’ ‘Sir, sorry sir.’ ‘Not to me boy. To Professor Artherton.’ ‘Sorry Artherton,’ He mumbles. There’s silence in the class. The humor has disappeared. Mr. Jones stands. He looks down. ‘I’m sorry Artherton. You have my respect, I shouldn’t have picked on you in that way. However, I learned that you have a brain after all and we all learned, that human greed is destroying the planet.

Babies brought into the World now will face a very different old age compared to say, those of my parents. ‘Some talk about space travel, thinking presumably that we just up sticks and leave Planet Earth that we have, in your parlance class, crapped on to oblivion, and move to another. It won’t happen and if it did, it would be the chosen few, the ultra-rich, not people like us.

So think about it. Artherton has made a good argument, surprised me and I daresay, most of you too. Our World is over-heating, we are consuming it. The essay for homework is, ‘Solutions to save our planet. ‘Lee, stand up. I will not, and the school will not tolerate bullying, anti-gay, anti-Semitism, anti-Muslim or any sort of discrimination, that’s why Lee, you will attend detention for an hour after school and write an essay on the contributions LGBT people have made to the World. Back here Lee, at four o’clock.’ ‘Sir, I’ll miss my bus sir.’

‘You have a phone Lee, make arrangements. If you can’t do detention, then a week’s suspension. Which?’ ‘Detention Sir.’ ‘There’s the bell off to your next class. Don’t forget Lee or it will be suspended. A minute of your time now pleases Mr. Artherton.’ Chairs scraped, desks are banged, feet tramped and chatter and giggles broke out. Jenny went to the door and hung, waiting for Daniella for whom she has sisterly feelings. Jenny doesn’t like to see anyone bullied. Danny stood in front of Mr Jones thinking what now. ‘That was a well-thought-out comment Artherton. You are much better than your performance suggests.

Try harder, use that brain. Never mind these idiots.’ ‘Sir, just I have a lot going on sir, here and at home.’ ‘Well if you need to talk, I’m available. I do care, for all my students.’ ‘Yes sir, thank you, sir.’ ‘Run along you two.’ They walked to the next class. ‘Wow, where did that all come from Danny? I never think about those things.’ Lisa said having joined them. ‘My Grandpa, he told me a lot before he died. He said he’d lived at the best time, although he had to fight in the war.

He said the future would be worse than any war.’ ‘Golly, I hope you’re wrong, he’s wrong.’ ‘So do I.’ They had forty-five minutes of really boring history, Charles the second who was basically an idiot, trying to turn back the clock and wanting to do the same as his Dad, Charles the first, who got his head cut off for doing it. Arrogant people, as so many ‘top people’, royalty, aristocrats, politicians, bankers, and stars can be, Grandad had said, they get away with so much, another of Grandpa’s hobby horses.

He had many, but he made Danny think about things kids would never have dreamed of. Daniel had liked his Grandad. He’d been a union man and was quite bitter. At other times he was so fun and loved kids. Grandad loved reading, and never stopped, except for football. ‘Question everything,’ Grandpa had said. Sitting with Grandad watching a quiz on TV, Danny found Gramps could answer nearly every question. The morning was over and Danny said bye to Jenny, saying he hoped to make lunch. She ran to the Headmaster’s suite and found Rachel standing, waiting.

Other kids looked curiously. As soon as Daniel arrived, Rachel gripped Dannie’s hand, which in itself was a bit embarrassing, in front of other passing kids. Dannie felt like eight years old rather than fourteen. They entered the outer office and Mrs. Jenkins, her name on a plaque, the headmaster’s secretary, checked Rachel’s name and they were told to go straight in. Mr. Rathbone the Head sat behind an enormous desk.

He arose and leaned across to shake with Rachel. Dannie sort of hung, feeling like doom awaited. Rathbone smiled reassuringly in his direction. ‘So, what can I do for you? You just said it was urgent, Mrs. Artherton.’ ‘I’m not Mrs. Artherton, Headmaster but I am Daniel’s older sister and a qualified lawyer, Rachel Artherton. Daniel’s my much younger sibling, but our mother asked me to speak to you about Daniel.’ ‘I see, in loco parents.

Well, it’s unusual but in view of your position as a lawyer, it is understandable. After your request for this meeting, I looked at Daniel’s record. It leaves a lot to be desired. Lost homework, poor classwork, absenteeism. Untidy work as though he has no interest.’ ‘Yes, he has admitted that, but there is a reason, which is why I’m here. Daniel is bullied, every day, frequently, because he’s different, not boyish and the thugs of your school seem to victimize but go unpunished.

His life here is miserable, Mr. Rathbone.’ ‘I’m truly sorry to hear that. In what way is he different?’ ‘Daniel is presenting, I think that’s what the term is, as female. Mother and I have discussed this with Daniel at some length. Consequently, from next Monday, he will come to school as a girl. I just want to ensure, he will receive the protection from the bullying he deserves.’ ‘Oh, this is a surprise. This is very sudden, has it been thought through?’ ‘He is nearly fourteen.

Male puberty looms and if he or she is going to do this, puberty has to be avoided. Besides, she is quite disturbed, and not doing homework and playing truant is part of that.’ ‘Yes, I did look at his reports. Transitioning? That’s a very big step, not something to be done on a whim, surely? Are you serious about this Daniel?’ ‘Sir, I find it difficult to concentrate sir, and I don’t remember things, so if I forgot to do something,

I walk out.’ ‘I see. And you can’t concentrate because?’ Daniel frowns, wondering whether Rathbone is really stupid and needs everything spelled out. ‘Sir, I’m unhappy being a boy. Life seems meaningless sir, valueless. I’m thinking all the time, if only.’ ‘If only?’ ‘If only I was a girl, sir. I expect you think that’s mad, but I’m not mad sir.’ ‘I know so little of trans. We have had a couple of training sessions, that’s all. You will be our first trans child since I came here. Well of course there are many precedents elsewhere in the education system. Will he be taking a new name?’

‘Only Daniella instead of Daniel, isn’t that it?’ Rachel shook Dannie’s arm, priming him to answer. Danny nodded. ‘Is um, she receiving, er treatment?’ ‘She will be. We see the doctor this afternoon but that’s a formality.’ ‘Is it? Is this now so common as to be routine?’ ‘It seems so. The medical profession is now only concerned with how people present, and how they see themselves. There have been so many, let’s say deaths, that they realize it’s the patients’ wishes that count.’ ‘I see. Well now, I’m sure she will be safe with us.

We have a nil tolerance attitude to bullying in the school.’ ‘Yet, as I said, Headmaster, she has been bullied all the years she’s been here, so she tells me.’ ‘If she had said, we could have done something about it. Are you sure?’ He looked at Dannie for confirmation but hoped for refutation. Daniella nodded. ‘Even this morning, before school started and just now in Geography. Mr. Jones is punishing someone for things he said.’

‘Well, I would like you to report ill-treatment whenever you experience it, Daniella.’ Danny flushed at the use of his new name. ‘It’s no use, it happens all the time. It would just be my word against someone’s and then, they would beat me up for snitching.’ Rathbone sighed. ‘I can’t say it’s not a problem,’ he admitted, hopelessly. ‘I would still like you to keep a record of these incidents. We will do our best. Now I did look up the attendance record.

You have a lot of absenteeism. I urge you to stay in school. Do you truant because you are trans and have all these worries or because of bullying Daniella?’ ‘Sometimes, well, both. I’m a misfit here. Sometimes, I bunk off to avoid something.’ ‘Like what?’ ‘Like a test because I forgot to do the homework. I find it difficult to concentrate Sir because I’m so unhappy being a boy. I read something and then realize I haven’t remembered a word because I’m thinking how much I hate my life, hate being a boy.’

‘I can’t begin to understand how that feels. All the time?’ ‘Mostly sir.’ ‘Do these thoughts appear as visions?’ ‘No, I’m not mental sir. No, like I think I should be a girl and then I lose track. I have got a brain, just sometimes I’m so unhappy I can’t think, can’t remember.’ ‘That’s why I think he needs to transition immediately, so he is not worried about that and feeling jealous of the girls.’ Rachel said. ‘Jealous? Jealous Daniella?’ ‘Sir, because they are girls, sir and I’m not.

I want to be like them, the same as them.’ ‘It must be a confusing, disappointing world. Being trans, being in the wrong body, must be difficult. I can’t imagine. Promise me, Daniella, that you will attend and if you are in trouble, tell us, a teacher, or come here and Mrs. Jenkins will know what to do or I will.’ ‘Yes sir.’ Daniel said. ‘Thank you, Headmaster. So, from Monday, my new sister attends school, inappropriate uniform.’ ‘In female attire? I think I would advise trousers.’

‘No, she will be in a skirt. She is either a girl or not and she, I won’t say has chosen, she maintains she is a girl and a girl she will be. Our Mother has said, it is all or nothing, no halfway to satisfy other people.’