The Dance Of Changes - Part 17

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'Alright then,' I said and gave him my home address.

As we drove back to the office after lunch, I began to wonder just what I'd let myself in for? What was Mum going to say when a guy turned up at the door wanting to take me out, and what would I wear?

I hoped to have a quiet private talk with Helen during the course of the afternoon and ask her advice but didn't get any chance to do so. It wasn't until work was over and I'd changed into the flapper-style outfit that we got a chance to speak.

'Michelle, you look wonderful in that dress; I can't wait to see your final performance,' she said as she was just packing up to leave.

'Thanks, I don't suppose you would you be free for lunch tomorrow?' I asked, 'There's something I would like to discuss with you.'

'Yes, of course, I'm going to be in the office for most of the day. I understand we're all going clubbing on Saturday, and I'll want to hear how you got on with Richard this morning.'

The practice session for Charleston went really well. The other dancers involved were all happy with my plans, and several of the ladies admired my outfit. The three other couples were able to leave a space center stage to enable Alan and I to perform our one-minute solo insert to the dance. Alan had clearly been practicing his tap dancing, and he was able to provide a respectable intro to my more ambitious routine. This went equally well, and I got a round of applause from the other dancers and one or two spectators after we had finished. Alan also asked about my plans for the Tango, but I told him that I was still working on them. We had a full ten days left before the performance, and so he wasn't too anxious.

Sarah was sitting at the edge of the hall, looking a little glum, no doubt sorry for what she was missing as a result of her accident. I, therefore, went over to talk with her.

'Hi Sarah, what did you think?'

'It was great. I'd really no idea that you were going to turn into such a good dancer.'

'Thanks, I've never really had the chance to show off before. But I'm a no better dancer than you were, or indeed will be again as soon as your leg is healed.'

'Perhaps,' she replied, sounding unconvinced, 'but that is still likely to be some time yet,' she replied sadly.

'Is there any news about when your leg can come out of plaster?' I asked.

'I asked them during my last appointment. Unfortunately, it will not be until the beginning of December before the cast comes off. Then there will be the need for physiotherapy. With luck and determination, I might be back on the dance floor in time for the New Year's Eve Ball.'

'I am sorry; if I can help in any way, please let me know.'

'You are already helping a lot and doing a great job.'

I arrived home at ten-thirty. Mum was more interested in hearing how the dancing practice session had gone before she went to bed, so there was no need for me to discuss my day at work. This was just as well as I was still not sure what I thought about it. In fact, I spent an hour or more going through the events of the last few weeks in my mind trying to work out what I felt about it all before eventually falling asleep.

'I understand that you thought Richard and I were having a fling together,' said Helen, as we walked down the High Street towards our chosen café the following lunchtime.

'Sorry if I jumped to the wrong conclusion when he took you out for a meal last Saturday night.'

'That must have put your nose out of joint,' she said, chuckling.

'What do you mean?'

'Well, you do look doe-eyed at him at times, Michelle.'

'I think you're imagining things.'

'Am I? Alright, I'll take your word for it,' she said, sounding unconvinced. 'Let's get ourselves something to eat, and then you can tell me how you got on together yesterday morning.'

We each purchased a bowl of soup and a roll and took it over to a corner table.

'So what was it that you needed to talk to me about, young lady?' Helen asked.

'As you know, Richard has offered to take me clubbing next Saturday along with you and this guy that you fancy.'

'His name is Joe, and I wouldn't say that I fancy him so much as I'm prepared to give him a test drive,' Helen interrupted.

'OK, but although I agreed to go with Richard, I'm now beginning to wonder whether it was such a good idea.'

'Why ever not? I thought you wanted to learn about disco and EDM.'

'EDM?' I said, puzzled.

'Electronic dance music, of course, I thought you were the expert in these things.'

'If it were only about the dancing, there would be no problem. That's the good thing about being Alan's partner; he's a great dancer, but at the end of the day, I know there will be no complications'

'But you think there might be complications' with Richard?'

'I don't know.'

'But you suspect so?'

I avoided responding directly.

'But that isn't the only thing. What is my mother going to say when he turns up at our place on Saturday expecting to take me out clubbing? In any event, I've never been clubbing before and wouldn't know what to do or what to wear.'

'Hmm, it seems to me that there are several different issues tied up here. Let's try to unravel them.'

'Alright.'

'First of all, Richard is offering to take you dancing in a nightclub – that is all. Whether anything else happens between the pair of you afterward is up to you both to decide, so don't worry about it. He knows exactly who you are and who you were, so you will hardly be deceiving him.'

'But you are now talking as if Mike is entirely in the past. We will have to work together next year.'

She shrugged.

'That will be up to you to decide in due course; you never know, but you might come to realize that you are better off as a girl.'

I didn't respond, being unwilling to venture any further into that realm. Helen, therefore, continued talking.

'As to your mother, I thought you said to me that she was enjoying having a daughter around, especially one who goes dancing.'

'Yes, she is.'

'Well, eighteen-year-old daughters tend to have boyfriends and go out dancing with them. It is a fact of life.'

'I suppose so.'

'Now turning to the most important question, we have to decide what you are going to wear on Saturday night. It can get quite hot in these clubs, so you are going to want to wear a dress that is fairly skimpy. Do you have anything that fits that description?'

'Not really, Mum's dance costumes are all designed for ballroom dancing, and the clothes given to me by Louise would not fit the bill.'

'I expect I'll be able to loan you something of mine.'

'I can't keep borrowing other people's clothes all the time.'

'In that case, why don't we go out shopping together for something for you on Saturday morning? It needn't cost you a fortune.'

'I'm not sure, Helen,' I said, although I was pretty sure in my own mind.

It was as if she hadn't heard my doubts or else was choosing to ignore them.

'I know! My parents are going to be away for the weekend, and I'll be on my own in the house. Why don't you spend Friday night staying in my sister's former bedroom? We can have a girly time going out shopping together on Saturday morning and then have fun getting ourselves ready to go out. The two guys can pick us up at my place, and then you wouldn't need to explain anything to your mother.'

'I'd have to tell her where I was going; otherwise, she would worry.'

'But you're a big girl now, Michelle, surely it is up to you to decide.'

I sighed.

'I know, but Mum has suffered from depression ever since my father died, and I wouldn't want to upset or worry her if I can avoid it. I must admit, though, she has been a lot better recently.'

'Do you need to tell her who you are going out with?'

'I suppose I could just say that I was going out dancing with a few friends from work.'

'So that is settled then?'

There seemed to be no point in arguing further.

'Let me put the suggestion to Mum this evening and see how she reacts. I'll let you know tomorrow.'

'Look, Michelle, you can't be two people at once. Either you go back to being a stammering, slightly nerdy guy named Mike, or you embrace life as a confident and attractive young woman named Michelle. Take your pick!'

'Well, if you put it like that ….'

But she didn't give me a chance to continue my answer.

'Talk to your mother if you need to, but you will soon need to decide who you really are.'

She now sounded quite serious.

'I guess so.'

'I shall be out of the office all morning, so can you text me?'

'Alright then.'

'Good! So now you can tell me how you got on with Richard yesterday.'

During the course of the afternoon at work, I thought about Helen's comment concerning my embracing life as a confident and attractive young woman named Michelle. It put me in mind of some lines of verse that I remembered from somewhere.

It is not wise to try to add,

What you've got to what you've had.

It is never wise to try to share

Who you are, with who you were.

In many respects, Helen was right. I had agreed to remain as Michelle until the end of the year for various reasons, but the overriding one was that I enjoyed doing so. In that case, why shouldn't I accept that fact and take full advantage of all the fun involved?

I needed to go out to the bank on work business during the course of the afternoon, and while I was there, I withdrew two hundred and fifty pounds from my savings account, using the cash dispenser and Mike's bank card. This would delay my purchase of a second-hand car, but if I was going to take full advantage of my time as Michelle over the coming weekend, I would need some money.

Mum and I usually arranged to meet at the Asda Superstore near to where we lived, after work on one evening each week. We would have something to eat in the cafeteria before doing the weekly shopping for groceries and other items and then take a taxi home. I was not scheduled to have another practice session with Alan until the Thursday evening, so Mum and I had arranged to meet on Wednesday.

'While we are here, I'd like to get myself a few more sets of bras and panties so there will no longer be any danger of me ever running short again,' I suggested.

'Yes, of course, dear, and it may be as well to get yourself a few extra pairs of tights, as well.'

We made our way over to the underwear counter and spent a few minutes choosing five sets of each, and neither of us appeared to be awkward or embarrassed by the matter.

'By the way, I've fixed the fastening on that red dress this afternoon; shall we see if we can find you a lipstick and some nail varnish to match?' suggested Mum.

'How will you be sure to get the color just right?' I asked.

'I've brought the hair ribbon with me so we can check.'

We made our way over to the cosmetics counter and spent a further ten minutes deciding on the closest match before paying for our various purchases and taking a taxi home.

'Would you like to try on that dress again, now that it is fixed and we have the right cosmetics?' asked Mum once we'd finished stowing away the groceries.

I was hoping that she would make that suggestion.

'Yes, please, so we can get an idea of the overall effect.'

'First of all, I want you to remove the makeup you're wearing, including your existing nail polish, so we can start with a clear canvas. When you have finished, come through to my bedroom.'

I changed out of my work clothes, put on a housecoat, removed all traces of makeup, and tied back my hair. I also took out my earrings as I was now quite sure that the holes had healed. When I came to her bedroom, she invited me to sit down at the dressing table. She drew up a second stool.

'I'll do your nails, first of all, so I can fix your hair and makeup while they are drying.'

She filed my nails into shape and then buffed the surface with an emery board before applying a clear base coat. While this was drying, she began to apply foundation to my face. Next came two coats of the bright red nail varnish, which she expertly applied. In this respect, she was equally competent as Joan had been. Mum had helped me with my makeup once or twice before, but this was the first time that she'd done my nails for me.

'That feels nice; I could get used to being pampered like this,' I said.

Mum smiled.

'I am happy to help my daughter look her best. Women who only have sons do miss out on some pleasures in later life.'

For some reason, I now felt closer to her than I'd ever done before.

'Mum?'

'Yes, dear?'

'I've been invited to go clubbing on Saturday night with a couple of people from work. Helen has also invited me to spend Friday night and Saturday with her so we can get ready to go out together.'

'That's nice, dear. When do you expect to be home on Saturday?'

'It is a nightclub, so I don't expect to be home until the early hours of the morning on Sunday, long after you have gone to bed.'

'Well, remember your key and be sure to take care of yourself, won't you.'

'Of course.'

'I assume there will be some young men going as well.'

'It is a dance, Mum.'

'Yes, of course. All I would say is to take care and be honest.'

'What do you mean by that, Mum?'

'Be honest with yourself and to whoever you are out with.'

'I will, Mum.'

She then returned to the issue in hand.

'I'll just do your face now. Once your nails are dry, we'll dip your fingertips into ice-cold water for a while to harden the nail varnish, then you can put on the dress, and we'll see how you look in that outfit.'

As soon as my nails were dry, I sent a quick text message to Helen while Mum was doing my hair for me.

'Have decided to take your advice and embrace life as Michelle. I'd like to stay on Friday if the offer is still open.'

A few minutes later came the response.

'Great news, now make sure you stick to that decision! I'm looking forward to our weekend.'

Half an hour later, Mum helped me get into the red dress, fixed my hair, complete with the red ribbon and diamonte hair grips, found me a new pair of matching earrings to wear, and finished my makeup. I then stood up and put on my black dance shoes.

'Well, what do you think?' I asked.

Mum didn't answer at first, but I could see a tear forming in the corner of her eye.

'Whatever is the matter, Mum?' I asked.

'You look so lovely, Michelle. I do enjoy having you as my daughter, but it is not fair on you. I have no right to encourage you in this way. Only you have the right to decide for yourself how you want to live your life.'

I walked over to her and hugged her.

'Mum, you are not encouraging me to do anything against my will. I voluntarily decided to stay as Michelle until the end of the year, and now I've made that decision, I intend to take full advantage of the opportunities afforded.'

'But we all talked you into it.'

'Not really; I didn't take that much persuading. Perhaps I was a little anxious about how you would feel about having Michelle around for three months, but if anything, it seems to have brought us closer together.'

'I am so pleased that I've had this opportunity to get to know Michelle.'

I smiled.

'Good, now tell me what you really think about this outfit.'