The Dance Of Changes - Part 21

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Rob offered me a lift home after the meeting on Tuesday evening.

'Maybe you could ask Sarah her opinions about the next demonstration during a quiet period in the office sometime. I think she is beginning to feel a little side-lined as everyone seems to have everything under control both at work and in the dancing.

I felt a little bit guilty as Mum, and I had rather taken over responsibility for choosing my costumes and hairstyles from her, but this had given Mum an additional interest in life.

'Yes, of course, I will,' I replied. 'Although I'm sure she'll be her own self once again once her leg comes out of plaster.'

'I hope so,' he replied with a trace of anxiety.

'How much longer has she got?'

'Only a couple more weeks, but then she's going to need physiotherapy and a lot of practice before she can begin dancing again.'

'I promise to involve her as much as possible in our plans in the future and to help in any way I can to get her dancing once again.'

'Thanks, Michelle, I'd really appreciate that.'

'But please also make sure that she comes along to the demonstration on Saturday. If she starts to make, excuses tell her that she owes it to me for agreeing to take her place.'

'I will,' he replied as I got out of the car.

I was able to keep my promise to Rob the following day. I returned to the office later than planned at lunchtime and would have to leave for an afternoon appointment half an hour later, and so I came back armed with a coffee and a couple of sandwiches. Sarah was in the back office eating her lunch at the time, and so I asked whether I might join her. It wasn't too long before we discussed my plans for the 8th November and she suggested suitable music. I also told her about my clubbing experience, although I neglected to mention with whom I'd been dancing.

'I do envy you as a dancer, Michelle, especially for being able to dance with Alan. You are doing many of the things that I'd have liked to have done if it hadn't been for this stupid accident.'

'I know, but it won't be long now before you are back dancing once again, and in many respects, Rob has been improving in the last few weeks.'

'Yes, I'd noticed that as well. He and Sonia are progressing well together. In fact, everyone seems to be doing well, apart from me.'

'I promise that you will get over this setback,' I said.

'I hope so,' she said but didn't sound utterly convinced.

'Sarah, it's going to be rather a tight costume change for me on Saturday afternoon. Mum wants me to wear one of her favorite dresses. I don't suppose you could be around to help me to get changed.

She smiled and seemed to snap out of her mood.

'Yes, of course, if you think I can be of help and won't get in the way.'

I found myself working with Richard once again late on Friday afternoon. I was just getting ready to go home when I noticed that he was frantically trying to finish something on his computer.

'Can't that wait until Monday?' asked Sarah as she and Rob were anxious to leave.

'No. I promised to have this survey ready for a solicitor's office in Luton by the weekend, but I've been delayed. Don't worry; I'll lock up before I go.'

'Can I help?' I offered, knowing that I was a somewhat faster typist than he was.

'Yes, please, if you don't mind.'

Half an hour later, the document was finished, and a copy was printed off.

'If you are planning to drive over to Luton to deliver this, then perhaps you could give me a lift home afterward,' I suggested.

'I'd love to; it will also mean that you can just leap out of the car and deliver the envelope, and then I won't have to find somewhere to park first.'

Forty-five minutes later, he pulled up outside our house.

'Thanks for the lift, Rich,' I said, beginning to unbuckle my seat belt.

'Thank you for your help.'

'We may not get much opportunity to talk tomorrow afternoon, so shall we make arrangements about the evening, now?'

'All right, the club opens at nine, but nothing ever happens until after 10.30, shall I collect you then?'

'All right, that will give me plenty of time to get ready.'

'Shall I call at your house or wait for you outside?'

'I know, come round at 10.15 and say hello to Mum, at least then she'll know whom I'm going out with.'

'So your Mum knows about us, then?'

'Yes, up to a point,' I said and leaned across and gave him a kiss on the cheek before getting out of the car.

'Good luck with the demonstration dances tomorrow afternoon.'

I gave him a smile by way of thanks and then went in to begin the process of getting myself ready for the following day.

Our third demonstration also proved to be a triumph, and I noticed that the audience had grown substantially and that there were plenty of people that I'd never seen before. It would appear that our reputation was beginning to spread through the dance world. By this time, I was happy to leave all matters relating to my costume and appearance in the hands of my mother and the other ladies present and just sit back and worry about the dancing. The Charleston routine went without a hitch, and Alan provided a sharp intro to the tap routine – no one would have guessed that he was not an experienced tap dancer. I then went into my solo routine and remarkably didn't miss one beat or put a foot wrong, so I received a cheer from the audience as once again we resumed the Charleston, proper. The whole group followed Alan, and I took our bows, but I was whisked off once again before the applause had fully subsided. Mum and Sarah were waiting for me to prepare my new costume.

'This dress is really something special,' commented Sarah as Mum helped me to step into the underskirt and then to fix the dress itself. 'I love those silver feathers around the bodice. I've not seen it before, only a photograph of Michelle wearing it.'

'Yes, it is rather nice, isn't it,' Mum responded. 'It used to be my favorite costume when I was Michelle's age.'

'In that case, let's make sure that her hair, makeup, and accessories do it justice.'

Sarah helped me to put on the matching floats, which were affixed to diamante-studded arm and wrist bands, and a matching diamante necklace. The holes in my ears had now healed, and so she also inserted a couple of tiny diamond earrings. She then got to work on my makeup, changing my lipstick and nail varnish from the innocuous pink that I'd worn to dance the Charleston to the deep red to match my new dress. At the same time, Mum fixed my hair into a bun interlaced with diamante strands and a little red ribbon to give it a splash of color. At last, I stepped into my shoes and stood and looked at myself in the full-length mirror.

'So, what do you think?' I asked my two companions.

Nobody responded. I turned to discover my mother was crying.

'Oh Michelle, you look so lovely,' she sobbed.

'You truly are the Dancing Queen,' said Sarah. 'Now go out there and show them all how it's done.'

Alan was ready, waiting for me outside the ladies' changing rooms. He took one look at me and shook his head in disbelief.

'You look wonderful,' he said as he took my hand, ready to make our entrance.

'Thank you,' I said, 'you don't look bad yourself.'

As we walked out, I glimpsed Richard with the video camera, and so I flashed a particular smile in his direction, even though you are not supposed to look directly at the camera. Alan stood up straight and held me while I leaned my head back as we waited for the music to begin.

The Tango is a passionate yet playful dance with plenty of opportunity for expression and improvisation. Its name derives from the Latin word for 'touch' and involves the close connection between the dancers both in terms of eye and body contact. Dancing the Tango, one tends to lose contact with the surroundings, only concentrating on the music and your partner. For the duration of the dance, it did not matter that we both had other partners; Alan and I were lovers sharing a passionate embrace.

At last, the dance was over. Alan bowed, I curtsied, and he hugged and kissed me on the cheek with genuine pleasure. Then we were both surrounded by well-wishers offering their congratulations, wanting to ask us questions, or merely seeking our autographs. It took a full twenty-five minutes before I could extricate myself and go over and have a few words with Rich.

'Did you get that, alright?' I asked.

'I think so, and Helen was also filming with a second camera. You two were outstanding.

'Well, thanks for filming us.'

'It has been my pleasure; I am really enjoying filming the two of you, although I must admit to being rather envious of Alan.'

'It's only a dance; it doesn't mean anything.'

'No, I suppose not.'

'I'll be dancing with you later tonight – that will mean far more to me than anything this afternoon.

'Really?'

He seemed surprised.

'Yes, really!' I confirmed but was then approached by a female dancer whom I'd not seen before.

'I understand that you will be giving a master class for us in Bristol next month, will you be covering the Tango?' she asked.

'Yes, that will be in the second session early in December,' I replied.

After that, I got swallowed up in further conversations about the Tango with members of the audience, and I didn't see Rich again until he came round to pick me up later that evening.

Rich came to collect me at 10.15 as we'd previously arranged and chatted to Mum for a while while I put the finishing touches to my hair and makeup. I could tell that Mum didn't really approve of the length of the dress that I was again wearing, but since she'd spent the earlier part of the evening telling me how proud of me she was, there was not a lot she could say.

'I'm afraid I'll be very late again, but I'll try not to make any noise when I come in.'

'All right, you two have a good time and take care.'

'We will,' said Rich as we were leaving.

'Look after my daughter for me; I'm very proud of her,' said Mum to Rich as we were leaving.

I don't really want to go into too much detail about what happened between Rich and myself during Saturday night and Sunday morning for two reasons. First of all, I don't want to seem to be repeating myself with respect to describing the early part of the evening. Secondly, what happened later between us was very personal and not really suitable for a story rated 'Mature Subjects (PG15). So I'll just summarise.

We both enjoyed the dancing: I learned some new moves from watching other girls on the dance floor and also tried out a few new techniques of my own. I was also reasonably successful in getting Rich to lighten up and let himself go a little more as a dancer. Thus by the end of the evening, we made quite a respectable couple of EDM dancers. We did not stay until the club closed but left at about 2.00 am to avoid the inevitable crowds. I went back to Richard's flat for a coffee. From there, it was a relatively short trip to his bedroom, where I found yet more cause to worry about who I was and who I wanted to be, although I kept trying to push this to the back of my mind as he drove me home at 7.00 am as the sun was beginning to rise. The one thing I was sure of, though, was that whatever I might decide to do and whatever might happen to me in the future, I'd never again been able to face Rich, dressed as a boy.

There is no railway station in Dunstable; it was closed down many years ago in the 1960s, but the train journey from Luton to St. Pancras in London only takes about thirty-five minutes, and there is a frequent service. Thus Rob offered to pick me up from my home at 9.30 on the morning of the 3rd November. I was wearing one of Mum's smart business suits and a silk blouse, and by this time, I was pretty good at fixing my own hair and makeup. My outfit gave me more confidence, and I could tell that Rob was quite pleased with the way I looked, although he didn't comment on the fact.

'Basically, Michelle, we're just there to listen to one another to find out more details as to what they have in mind and make clear what we are able to offer. We won't be signing anything today,' he said.

'I know, but it would be nice if we can at least come away with the final wording of the contract and then organize another meeting,' I said.

'But I don't want you to feel pressurized in any way about your own contribution, even if it does mean that the deal falls through. You've done more than enough for the society as it is.'

I smiled to myself, remembering that such assurances had had relatively little impact on the way things had turned out for me in the past.

'Don't worry, anything I decide to do in the future will be for my sake.'

'Good.'

It took us another fifteen minutes after our arrival to travel on the Underground to Leicester Square and a ten-minute walk to Dean Street off Soho Square, where the company had their offices above a shop. Thus we were in plenty of time for our 11.00 am appointment. We were welcomed by Gerry and Frank, the two bosses of the outfit, both of whom were in their mid-thirties, and their assistant, Chloe, in her late-twenties. I was introduced as 'Michelle, the secretary of the committee.

'And, if I'm not mistaken, one of the principal dancers, as well,' said Gerry.

I smiled in agreement.

'You really can dance well, young lady. That tap routine for the Charleston on Saturday was brilliant, as was the Tango as well. I wanted to congratulate you at the time but didn't get a chance.'

'Thank you,' I said, coloring a little bit pleased to receive such a compliment, all the same.

They took our coats and offered us some coffee, and then we adjourned to a small meeting room.

'I take it that you've had a chance to look through the draft proposal, Rob?'

He confirmed that we had discussed it at a Committee meeting and were broadly in favor of the terms.

'We've been looking again at the six YouTube clips and would be happy with the choreography and dancers involved so these could form the basis of our first six videos early next year, so that will give those involved some time to prepare for the others.'

'So you would pay the choreographer a fee even though the work is already done?' Rob said.

'Yes, of course, so long as they were willing to transfer the rights involved, but we would need to film the dancers again, this time without an audience. We will provide a director, a cameraman, and a sound man, and will also be happy to employ your guy as a freelance as well if he is interested.'

'His name is Richard,' I added.

'That all sounds great, but we are not sure about Michelle's availability in the New Year,' said Mike.

There was a perceptible change in temperature in the meeting. Frank dropped the pen he was holding.

'What about the others involved?' he asked.

'We would have no problem, there,' said Rob. 'Alan, in particular, is very keen to take part.'

'I am sure that we would do our best not to clash with Michelle's existing commitments,' said Gerry.

'The trouble is you are asking an awful lot from someone who is not a professional dancer and has no intention of becoming one,' I explained. 'My principal role in the society so far has been as a choreographer, and I will be happy to continue to do so. There are other ladies who could undertake the dancing.'

'In that case, why were you selected as the lead dancer for your showcase dances?'

'Our usual showcase dancer had an accident – that is why I was asked to take her place,' I replied.

'We didn't see evidence that there are any of your colleagues who is in the same league as you are, young lady,' said Gerry.

'You haven't seen my friend Sarah dance; she is just as good a dancer as I am but has been out of action for a few weeks, but she should be dancing again by January.'

'Would you agree with that assessment, Rob?' asked Frank.

'I'm biased since she is my wife, but yes, both she and Michelle are excellent ballroom dancers.'

'And there are other lady dancers who are also improving all the time and will soon be in a position to take over the lead,' I added.

'I am going to need a brief private discussion with my colleagues,' said Gerry. 'Would you two excuse us please?'

They left us alone in the room for a few minutes.

'I hope you know what you are doing,' said Rob.

'So do I,' I replied.

The three came back after five minutes.

'We would be willing to accept your assurance that you will be able to provide other lady dancers of an appropriate standard, but in return, we want it to be specified in the contract that at least fifty percent of the dances will be undertaken by Michelle and her current partner.'

'I am sure that we will be able to agree to that,' I replied, turning to Rob before he had the opportunity to respond.

He gave me a searching look.

'All right, if Michelle is happy with those conditions, I am sure our committee will be happy to go ahead.'

The remainder of our meeting was concerned with discussing the details, a timetable, and then converting the proposal into the terms of a contract for us to take away. While it was being printed, I asked whether I might use the Ladies, and Chloe offered to show me where to find them.

'They must be really keen to have you as a dancer, Michelle; they don't normally compromise in this way,' she said.

'I don't think they'll be disappointed by the others. Also, as soon as we have finished with the ballroom dances, I have a few ideas for similar ones to cover Electro Dance Music as well.'

'Really? I keep telling my bosses that they ought to branch out into EDM as well as the ballroom. Maybe we could meet up in the New Year and put down a proposal on paper. I'm sure they would listen to you.'

'I'd like that,' I replied.

Rob and I had a bite to eat together before returning to Luton in the early afternoon.

'Thank you for making space for Sarah; she will now have a great incentive to get dancing once again.'

'I meant what I said. I've always thought that she was an excellent dancer.'

'I really hope that you realize what you are committing yourself to, Michelle, potentially remaining as a girl for the next two years.'

I smiled.

'I think I am committing myself to a lot more than that, Rob. I've decided that Mike won't be coming back, ever. I have decided to continue using my female identity full-time and take steps to transition to become a woman, both legally and also physically, as far as is possible. I will be seeking to change my name and my gender on official documents. After two years, I will be seeking to obtain a gender recognition certificate.'

He didn't look completely surprised by what I'd just said.

'Sarah said to me that she thought this might be the final outcome, but are you sure?'

'I wouldn't be taking such a drastic step unless I was absolutely certain. It is a decision that I've been gradually coming to over the last few weeks. The proposal we have discussed today may have caused me to come to that decision a little earlier than I had planned, but I am sure that I would have come to the same decision quite soon, in any event.'

'Michelle does seem a more confident and contented person than Mike.'

'Yes, I think so.'

'Well, all I can say is good luck to you,' he said and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

By the time we got back to Luton, there was no point in my traveling into work in Dunstable, so Rob dropped me off at home at 3.00 pm. Mum wasn't in at the time. I changed out of my work clothes and put on a pair of jeans and a fairly scruffy-looking top, found the step-ladder, and made my way to the loft. I soon found the three black plastic bags containing Mike's clothes and had just got them down and put them in the hall when Mum returned from her shopping.

'What are you doing, Michelle?'

'I am just taking these to the charity shop. I will have no further use for them.'

'So you've made your decision.'

'Yes, Mum, I've made my decision; you will have a daughter from now onwards. I have found the address of a therapist and telephoned for an appointment. I hope to start taking testosterone blockers and estrogen soon. There will be no going back then.'

She held me in her arms and looked carefully into my eyes.

'You are sure?'

'Yes, Mum, I am sure.'

'I feel I can say this to you now; I think you are making the right decision. I've loved having a daughter and am sure that I will always do so, but that is not the point. I think it is the right decision for you.'

'Thanks, Mum.'

Later that evening I rang Helen on her mobile phone.

'Hi Michelle, how did your meeting go?'

'Very well indeed, in fact, you will be seeing me around for some time to come.'

'I suspected as much; I am pleased for you. So what can I do for you?'

'You know you offered to take me clothes shopping sometimes, are you doing anything next Saturday morning?'

'No, I don't think so.'

'I'm planning to withdraw my savings out of the bank and need to buy myself quite a few items for my wardrobe now that I know that Michelle is here to stay. Will you help me to choose them?'

'Yes, of course, I will be happy to do so, but what about the car that you have been saving for?'

'There will be opportunities for me to earn some money in the future, but in the meanwhile, I have more important things to do with the money.'

So that explains how my life changed so drastically for the better over six weeks in the Autumn of 2009. Since that time, I have been living as Michelle full-time and have been legally recognized as a woman since November 2011. I have never once had any regrets or questioned the wisdom of the decision I made about my future at that meeting.

Fortunately, I had no difficulty in convincing my therapist that I was suffering from gender dysphoria and quickly prescribed testosterone blockers before my body had fully developed as a male. Thus my facial features and shoulders, and limbs were all quite passable. It took a few more months before I was prescribed estrogen, but now after a few years of taking them, I now have a pair of normal-looking breasts and smooth skin.

Sarah fully recovered her dancing skills in time for the New Year ball of 2010. She danced with Rob, and I even managed to get Richard up to a reasonable standard to dance the final waltz together. Sarah ended up taking responsibility for dancing nearly a third of the videos and Sonia the remaining sixth. The series proved to be a great success, and our members received many invitations to give further demonstrations, some of which I accepted.

These days I often ask Sonia to take my place as she is equally capable. In fact, Alan and Sonia are planning to go professional soon and should do well as a couple. In the meanwhile, Chloe and I proposed a series of EDM dance videos involving myself and a number of young dancers we discovered in the clubs. These are also doing fairly well and have contributed to my earnings.

I have continued to work for Rob and Sarah and have remained friends with Helen. In fact, the business has done very well over the last few years. Richard and I often go clubbing together regularly, but that is as much as I am willing to say on that subject.

The End.