A Christmas Gift - Dec 30th, 31st

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Monday, December 30th, Dear Mrs. Diary. There isn'­t really as much to tell you today as there was yesterday. Okay, I went home with mom, and we watched the game together, and I did some cheers. We laughed a lot. It is so lovely to hear mom laugh again. She hasn't really laughed like that together in such a long time.

I guess I was having too much fun with mom to be mad at any stupid football game. Mostly I cheered and sat against mom and cuddled. I liked the way she ran her fingers through my hair, and it gave me warm fuzzies all over.

I wanted to ask her about boobies and if girls liked or hated them. But I kind of chickened out.

In my room, I hung the cheerleader's suit after the game. I wish I had brought the cat nighty with me; that was kind of fun. In the end, I wore this comfortable pink tweety bird nightgown.

After closing my door, I took baby Amy out from under the bed. I really don't want mom to know I am playing with a doll. She might think I really like it. Nonetheless, baby Amy doll slept comfortably in her crib. I wish there was a regular play crib or something. Anyway, I changed her diaper; even a doll shouldn't wear a diaper for two days. I change them real quick; I bet that I do the best job ever when Tonya needs to be changed. Then I practiced rocking her to sleep and sang her rock a bye baby.

Here is how silly girls are. The song is to make the baby doll fall asleep. But instead, it made me sleepy and kind of weird inside. Not like dirty odd, or I am doing something fruity. I don'­t know why it's probably the pink PJs. I promise I will go back to normal after Christmas. Anyway, it was a little cold in the room, so I let baby Amy sleep beside me. That must be the silliest thing I have ever done.

My mom and I made breakfast together when I woke up. I was getting better at cooking. We made pancakes, which are easy very to make. Even if I am not Tammy, I promised mom we could still make breakfast together. She said she loved me regardless of whether I was a boy or a girl. If I hadn't been a girl, I wouldn't have discovered that mom and I could do this. It was much better than sitting in front of the TV and watching a cartoon while eating cereal.

We sat at the table and talked. We've been talking a lot since this began. Pretending to be a girl isn't 100 % bad; it's only 90%; that's a joke. Haha.

My mother had to go to work, and aunt Jan had to meet up with someone, so I stayed home by myself most of the day. When mom left, I felt like doing something really lovely. So I cleaned up. It doesn't mean I picked up my own stuff. It means I cleaned really well. Being around slop bothers me. That sounds like what a girl would say.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I got the coolest overall dress on. I put on a hot pink shirt to match the skirt, which was black and had hot pink flowers around the bottom. The outfit is so cute. The girl would say that, not me. I suppose it's okay, to be honest.

So I cleaned the whole house, vacuumed, dusted, and mopped the kitchen floor. That was my best work ever.

I then went to my room. How could anyone stay in such slop? As a boy, my room was nice, but it was too gross to live in as a girl. Everything is so cluttered and filthy. I removed all the posters of cars and gangsta rappers. Mom never liked them anyway. Then I changed the sheets to white ones that still smelled like lemons. My room looked much better now.

Then I thought, since I'm a girl for another week, I should put some stuffed animals on the bed like Sam has. In the closet I found some stuffed animals and now the room looks really cheerful. The house was now so clean and nice-smelling that it made me proud to have spent five hours cleaning it.

Then I thought about going online and chatting. I was chatting with a guy, and he asked me what my age was, if I was a boy or girl, and where I lived. I replied that I was 11 and I live in the States. Since I still have a week left as a girl, I should enjoy it while I am. Oh, I don't know what I mean.

He then asked what I was wearing? That's probably what everyone asks about, isn't it? Therefore, I told him about my dress. His next question was, what about your pantyhose. Oh, yuck, he's getting inside me. It's none of his business, and then he said, "Do you want to have fun?" Now, this is how stupid I am; this time, I can't even blame the dress; I said okay. He told me to get naked. Yucks, why are boys so disgusting? Because I dated 9 other guys, they all told me to do the same thing.

Luckily I found this girl from Australia to talk to. She is on my friend's list now. She told me how to ignore stupid boys. She told me lots of stuff about Australia too, and how it was warm there because it was summer there. She said if I was over there, I could put on my bathing suit and jump right into the pool. I don't even own a girl bathing suit.

She asked me if I liked boys. No, I said. She said she didn't like them either. I wanted to express that I was one of them and did not wish for them. Well, I didn't tell her. I'm glad I found her online because many of those I talked to were dirty boys. She said if I came online tonight, she would link me to a chat room where many friendly people hang out, and I could make really cool friends. After that, she had to leave.

Okay, I did go to a girl's website and read about boobies. This one wasn't dirty, but it had a lot of information. I just wanted to know the real stuff and not the stupid boy stuff in the locker rooms. Now learn more about boobies than any boy. Is that good or bad I don't know? I hope mom doesn't get mad.

My mom came home from work, and I had already made dinner. I got a cookbook, made chicken breast with lemon and spice, and mashed potatoes and carrots. I also serve food on the table with candles and grape juice in wine glasses. Isn't I like the best daughter son in the whole world?

Mom was so surprised she almost cried. She said, why did I do all this? I said that because I love you. She hugged me so tight. She totally loved the meal.

And how I cleaned and what I did to my room. She said she didn't know what brought on the change, but she really liked it.

I think it is nice to be nice to other people. Especially mom. I told her I was working on a kid of the year. She gave me a big kiss and said I won.

Mom said she wanted to tell me something. We are invited to a new years eve party. She said that I could go as Tommy or Tammy since they don't know me. And she told Glenn and Alexis would be there as well. And I said I would go as Tammy. My goal is to fulfill my end of the agreement, and I care about my mom's happiness, and if mom is happy, I am happy. She said, great, we will get you a dress tomorrow. Something fancy.

I asked if Sam could shop with us, and she said okay. In a way, I trust Sam to help me choose something nice. I mean, if I'm going to be Tammy for one more week, I should do it in style.

My mom then taught me how to dance. Just in case a boy asked. Never would have thought of that. But what if he asked? I'll do it if he's cute. Okay, I meant so they don't think I'm not a girl, and then that would cause problems, wouldn't it?

Now I really dislike the word. Mom says that a lot of people there are like Glenn and Alexis, and I knew what she meant when she said fruity. Fruity sounds terrible, and they are really nice. Gay sounds nasty too because you tell a boy to make him mad, you tell him you're gay.

Later my mom tried to teach me taught how to slow dance. It was fun dancing with mom, not in a weird way, but like being taught how.

Okay, I wrote too much again; it was almost time for football, and baby Amy needed a change. My mom is going to watch football with me. Most moms won't do that, but my mom was cool; I hope I will like her when I grow up. Oh hahaha, that's what I'm thinking, anyway, good night Mrs. Diary; kisses.

Tuesday, December 31st, Hi Mrs. Diary. It's the last day of the year. I'm glad it's over. This year hasn't been very good, oh no, it hasn't. I kind of miss not having a little sister, and I never got to meet her because my mom's baby died inside her. This makes me cry just remembering. I think it's the stupid dress again. I don't know why.

Last night, I dreamed about my dad, who has been out for work for a long time. I rarely remember my dreams, but I dreamt about him last night. In my dream, my dad walked into the room, and I was wearing my Christmas dress. He got furious and began to smack me. Then he called me Faggot. I don't know why I dreamed that. My computer didn't offer any insight into why I dreamed that. Perhaps it is wrong for me to dress like a girl, and maybe I'm just afraid he will find out and cease to love me.

Here I am again. For a moment, I stopped writing. Let me tell you what I did today. Our team didn't have to win anything, so the game quickly became dull. That got me and my mom to switch off the TV. We talked instead. I just wanted to talk about what I plan to wear to the party tonight.

I then asked if the earrings hurt. Not sure why I asked. My mother wears these dangly earrings, and I wonder if they hurt. She said she couldn't remember. I don't understand why girls get their ears pierced. It looks painful.

The following day, I demonstrated how well I could change a diaper. It amazed her. She said it's nice that I pay special attention to my little baby doll. Then I realized I was playing with a doll in front of my mother. What an idiot I am. I told her it was part of her gift for my cover-up, and I'm trying to make it as nice as possible. "Are you sure?" she asked me humorously.

She kissed me and told me your doll deserved the best. She then tucked both Amy and me in. I'm not sure if I should sleep with a doll. I feel so stupid like a girl as I stand there staring at that silly doll and foolish dress. I can't wait until school starts.

Amy doll was lying in my arms when I woke up this morning. Because I was feeling bad, I kissed her and hugged her tight. I began to think about what would happen if Dad walked in and I had to throw her under the bed. It made me sad, so I put her in her crib and placed her on my dresser.

I didn't tell mom about my dream. I knew she liked me being her little girl, so I didn't want to stop and make her unhappy. In addition, there's a party tonight, and I'll drink champagne.

Sam came over as well after Mom called her. My outfit consisted of a lovely denim skirt that was a little puffy but not bad and a white princess shirt. Uh oh. I'm wearing white tights. Girls love to dress up as princesses.

Anyway, we went shopping. The good thing about the mall is that it's so far away I don't have to worry about being seen. Shopping at the mall is also fun. I found it even more fun when I was a girl. I never enjoy shopping at the mall, but I had a blast with Sam and my mother. Everyone is more friendly and willing to help. So long as you don't act like an annoying little brat boy.

It was the first time I had been inside a store that was exclusively for girls, but Sam said it had really nice stuff, so I had no choice but to believe her. I was greeted by a lovely woman who smelled like flowers.

I tried on all four dresses after we selected them. One was red and really small and tight, so I couldn't breathe in it. I liked the green color, but it did not match my hair. I saw a shiny black one, but I'm not old enough to wear something like that, and the top was too big for me. Since I am a boy, there is nothing to hold it up, and I'm just doing it for mom, so don't forget that dairy. I think it would have worked out well if I were more like Sam. But I'm still flat.

I really liked the last dress I wore. It was blue, and it really accentuated my eyes. It was also long. Which means I don't have to expose my legs. It also has a little poof to it. It was really comfortable, and we decided to buy it.

We also got matching shoes, which have a half-inch heel. After walking around the store in them, I felt like I was going to break my ankle. Why do girls want to appear taller anyway? Heels are torture, I think.

Okay, then we got me a little purse to match. When I told mom I didn't have anything to put in a purse, she told me I could carry something, and maybe someone would give me something at the party, and I wouldn't have pockets. That makes sense to me.

We then went to the food court. Sam and I walked behind my mom. Sam and I were giggling like crazy when two boys passed us, and one said, "Hi, cutey." The boys didn't know I was a boy, what fruitcakes. Now I understand why girls laugh all the time. Boys are fruitcakes, I suppose. It was snowing out, and we had frosty's. We had chicken from Wendy's and fros

ty's too. We're such nutty chicks. So hush up, Mrs. Diary, you know what I mean.

We passed an earing place on our way out. I wonder what it would be like to have hearts in my ears. Stupid dress, monkeying with my head again. As we drove home, I fell asleep and so did Sam. Sam is not going with us because she is going with her family. But, she was allowed to stay over and sleep with me.

My bed isn't as cool as hers. At least the room is clean. She saw Amy, and I said she was my baby doll for the moment. Sam said that I was sweet and kissed me on the cheek. I could feel my face get redder. Anyway, taking a nap with Sam is so cool; she doesn't kick at all. Each of us had a pillow, and she said it made her glad I was her friend. Thank you, she's pretty cool, and she doesn't make fun of me for being fruity.

After waking up, we started getting ready. Sam had to go back home, so she didn't stay to help. Well, mom did my hair, and she used so much hairspray I thought I was going to get sick. I think the bangs will survive a tornado because my hair is now super puffy.

It's still hard for me to walk, but I'm getting better. Mom is allowing me to wear some blush. Now it looks like I'm not embarrassed to be a girl; oh well, I wore the dress anyway. Mom is wearing a black dress, and she looks good. Well, I have to go to the party now. When I wake up the next day, I'll start telling you about it. Kisses, Mrs diary.