A Christmas Gift - Jan 3rd, 4th

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Friday, January 3rd Hi Mrs. Diary. It's Friday, do you know what that means. We're living like Tammy for the last time this weekend. While a part of me is so happy that I don't have to be Tammy anymore, maybe there's a little bit of me that isn't so thrilled about this ending. I'm glad that Mom and I are having fun together.

I made ziti with my mom last night. I can cook really well. It tasted great, and mom said it was the best she had ever had. Maybe I'll become a chef when I grow up. Cooking is kind of fun.

I went right to sleep after mom tucked me in with baby Amy. After Sunday night, baby Amy will no longer have a mommy. Perhaps I will give her to Tonya so that they can be together.

I woke up with another bad dream about my dad finding me in a dress. He didn't recognize me this time. He kept saying have you seen my son, and I kept saying, it's me, dad. He kept saying, don't be silly; you're a girl. I have a son. It just kept going over and over again. While I am unsure of the meaning of the dream, I did recall it; this is the second time I remember a dream.

After getting up, I made Mom some breakfast in bed. She was overjoyed. I made French toast and tea, and they came out just fine. I served my mother a delicious breakfast and gave her orange juice, along with a flower in her glass. Her day couldn't have been more perfect.

We both laughed when she said, "All you need now is a maid outfit." I replied, "I don't have one." She said I was the best kid, and kissed my cheek. As she got ready for work, I sat on her bed for an hour. Now that Christmas has passed, she doesn't get much overtime, but she is covering for someone. However, she said we can have a mom-daughter weekend out if I want it. I told her I wouldn't like it but would love it and she gave me a big kiss on the cheek.

I got on the computer when mom went to work. I got an email from Vince. It was a picture of dancing bears on a pink background. I thought it was adorable and was flattered that he took the time to write it. A part of me thought it was so sickening that I liked it so much. He asked if I wanted to come over, and I said yes right away. Five minutes later, he arrived. I guess he drives too fast.

He gave me a t-shirt from his wrestling team. Unfortunately, it is too big for me. However, he thought I looked cute. Which I did, but he didn't need to say such a terrible thing. It's cute for girls, but not for me.

We sat on the couch and talked. He talked about wrestling and how he liked fixing cars. When I told him I like to cook, he said he better stay away from me because it's wrestling season. It's not because I'm a lousy cook, but because he will gain weight.

Then I told him how I got a job watching Tonya and how it was so much fun. Then I told him I was going back to being Tommy on Monday. He said, "does that mean you don't want to be my friend then?" I was like, "I do want to be your friend, but I thought you only liked me if I dressed up." He said. 'I like you, not the clothes.' I thought that was very sweet.

He wasn't like my friends from school; he was nice. He said it looked like I was really having fun as a girl. Another rotten thing to say, but he might be right just a little bit.

Vince said, "I think you would have made a great girlfriend." I was like, what the hell was that about? Rather, I told him he still had two days to decide. Why in the world I would say something so utterly stupid, I have no idea. I think the dress talks before I can even open up my mouth. Before I could take it back, Vince said okay.

Afterward, I said something more stupid. I asked if I could get a kiss to seal the deal. Vince said, oh, I thought that you don't like to kiss.

We ended up kissing instead of even thinking about it. It was just a kiss, and I didn't care that I liked it. I don't know if I should worry about it because I didn't care that I liked it. Boys' kisses are very different from girls' kisses. Vince was very good, and he did not try anything new like boys try to do. He did not touch my booty or rub my leg. I just kind of hugged and kissed back, and he just hugged and kissed me. That's how good of an actress I am. I melted in Vince's arms as if I was really a young girl in my fantasy; I was fooling myself.

After talking for another half hour with Vince, he took me to Sam's house because he has to practice wrestling match tomorrow.

I told Sam and her mother that I had kissed Vince again. I also told them how it made me mean to pretend to be a girl. Sam's mother said that maybe I didn't have to pretend to be a girl anymore. I thought that was mean.

She hugged me and said it was okay that I liked it, and she was happy that I had found a nice boy.

Regardless, after being teased nicely, I was asked if I wanted to soak in the hot tub or drink fruity drinks. Yes, of course.

I realized I didn't have a bathing suit, but Sam's mom said I could wear Sam's since she was my size. I changed with Sam in her room. Then I realized she was naked again, and I wasn't even looking. Surely I ought to try.

So I asked her, why don't you get mad that I see you without clothes? She replied it's okay for girls to undress together. Then I was like, but I'm not really a girl. She replied, you don't really believe that, do you? What in the world did she mean by that? That comment was so stupid I didn't even reply.

We put on our bathing suits. Unlike shorts that boys wear in the pool, these cover your top and bottom. Sam's was all white; she said she only wears that one at home.

My was black with a hole in the tummy section. My bottom didn't even bulge out a little when I looked in the mirror. Sam pointed out that I probably wouldn't notice, but I could go to the public pool, and no one would notice I was a boy.

The hot tub was nice, and I liked the bubbles. You can watch TV there. We watched the opera there. I didn't go over the edge, though. Sam didn't like them either, though, so I don't know if maybe it's just adults that like them. I dried off then went home.

I'm going to Sam's house again to watch college football with my mom. It was the national championship. I don't like college football much, but I get to be with my mom and Sam, and I get to be a cheerleader again. Sam's dad said he needed his good luck charm and that he had $100 staked on this game. I agreed to be a cheerleader for him as I didn't want him to lose. He said if he wins, he will give Sam and me 10 dollars.

It might have been better if I pretended not to want to. No idea what I mean, and I've got to go, so good night, diary, don't let anyone read it.

Saturday, January 4th - When Sam's dad won, he gave me ten dollars right away. Unfortunately, cheerleading suits do not have pockets. There were other problems with them, but at least I had my purse. It's always with me.

Mom said I made an excellent cheerleader. It's probably because Sam guided me well. I even did a full split for the first time; I didn't think I could do it. I was a bit scared, as I thought maybe something would tear.

Sam and I get along well, too. Hopefully, we will still be friends after this is all over. I asked her if she would be my girlfriend. She said that's what I am, a girl and a friend. I explained to her that I am not a girl, and she replied, "if you say so." Girls have a habit of saying stupid things just to get on your nerves. When I started dressing like a boy, I asked her if she would still be my friend. She replied, "Of course, you'll be my tomboy friend." I got the sense she had something else in mind, like a tomboy, like a girl doing the opposite of what I do now. Perhaps she was just making fun of my name, or perhaps she was so ditzy that she didn't realize she was making a joke.

Amy and I woke up at 10 am after mom tucked us in. While it is nice to sleep in all day, it will soon end. I hate getting up when it is cold to go to school. In the morning, Mom and I cooked eggs and bacon. After that, I got dressed. I wore a black denim skirt and Vince's wrestling tee-shirt. It is so long that it looks like a nightgown. In fact, I did wear it since the first thing I am going to do is watch Vince's wrestling match.

My mom knew I had a thing for Vince and said it was okay to hang on to him. I was glad to hear that because Vince is a wonderful guy. I don't know if he is still going to want to kiss me if I dress back as a boy. I don't even know if I'm going to want to kiss him once these stupid dresses and stuff stop making me think of stupid things.

Well, we went to high school. It wasn't a packed house, but there were many people. He looked great in these tights; he has more muscles than I expected. It's amazing how much muscle he has. I felt sorry for the puny boy whose match was against Vince. I didn't know the rules; I mean, there weren't any ropes. The referee kept yelling out points and blowing his whistle. It was pretty confusing about what was going on in the match.

He was totally kicking his opponent's butt out. I wanted to shout out that's my boyfriend, but that might of made things worse. Even if someone thinks I'm a girl, it still means that Vince is dating a 12-year-old. He got all sweaty and shiny, which made me feel funny inside for some reason. Not bad funny, just funny. In the end, Vince's team lost by only three points. However, it wasn't Vince's fault; he pinned his guy down.

Well, Vince came and introduced himself to my mom. He is so polite, and he said he is glad to know me. He gave him a kiss on the cheek and thanked him for bringing him good luck. I blushed so much I thought my face would explode with red. I'm surprised he did it because his friends saw it. He was going to shower while I had to accompany mom. We said bye, and I hope to see him again soon.

After the wrestling match, mom took me to see the ballet. I didn't see the real ballet; it was for kids. So it wasn't that long. It looked cool, too; I wonder how long they practiced to do all those jumps and stand on their toes; I tried doing it myself when we got home, and I fell. Despite my dislike of being a girl for Christmas, I am doing a lot of different things, and some of them aren't that bad. I enjoyed watching the ballet and being with mom. There were even boy ballerinas there. I never thought they were fruity, and I bet two weeks ago I would have. They were kids, maybe 7 or younger. But the girls in their pink suits and tutus were even cuter.

I wonder if my mom would have let me do dance instead of peewee football if I were a girl. I thanked mom for taking me and told her how much I enjoyed it. She said that she knew I would, and maybe we could come a few times during the year. I don't know; most boys don't want to get caught at the ballet.

After the show, we went to the zoo. The snow made the animals look cool. About half an hour was enough time for us to walk around the zoo. Mom and I mostly talked about various things while we were there.

She warned me not to put myself in a situation I wouldn't be able to handle with Vince. I told her, okay, but I doubt Vince would ever do that to me. She said it was okay that I liked him a. I asked her if that made me gay. She told me I was too young to know something so trivial, so I should decide it when I was much older. Right now, she said, I'm just exploring who I was. I wanted to tell her that I was a big fruitcake dressed as a girl right now, but I didn't.

Mom and I went out to a Chinese restaurant as it got late. Chinese food is my favorite. My mom has more in common with me than I knew, and I wouldn't have found out if I hadn't pretended to be a girl. After dinner, we went home and did each other's nails. Mom is real good at painting them. It's too bad this is going to end, I think sometimes; I mean, I really liked getting to know mom this way and doing this silly stuff with her. Would it have been better if I had been a real girl? So what am I saying? I am not a real girl, just a fruit. I can't believe how this dress makes you say things you can't really mean. Anyway, Vince is going to stop by and stay for a while. Night Mrs. Diary, I got one more day to write you.