Just Another Girl - Chapter 7

OTHER PARTS | ALL STORY LIST

We arrived at the airport with the excitement of any family that goes to Disney, I was wearing jeans, tennis shoes, a T-shirt, and a light zip-up jacket, and my hair was combed back with gel. We checked in our bags, received our boarding passes, and went to the last waiting room. There my dad checked for the tenth time that everything was in order.

Passports, visas, checking that they were in place, boarding passes, hotel reservations, everything is here.

Speaking to my brother:

What are you in charge of?

To take care of my sister and not separate from you while we receive the suitcases.

If someone gets lost, do you two have the hotel address written down?

We both took a card out of their pocket and showed it to him.

Do you bring everything you need? My dad asked me.

I think so.

Well, then, we go through customs, and in the first bathroom we find, you get in and change your clothes. We will wait for you outside. And if at customs they ask what you have in your backpack?

It's a present for my friend Sarah who moved here a year ago. I replied.

Very well, but I don't think they'll ask you anything.

It was time to board, the flight from Mexico City to Los Angeles lasted about four hours and with every minute, my nerves increased. When we finally landed, I was in a state of tension difficult to explain, it felt like the first day of the rest of my life.

As we approached the document review at customs, I imagined the worst: that they were going to realize that I had no clothes in my suitcase, that somehow they were going to guess that my plan was to spend those days as a girl and They were going to arrest us, that they were going to accuse my father of some form of abuse and they were going to return me to my mother and Adolf.

I thought about telling my father that we should go back and that I promised him never to think about dressing as a girl again, but my dad saw me nervous and just put his hand on my shoulder and told me that everything was going to be fine.

Indeed, we received our bags and went through the migration window without any difficulty, the officer only asked me if I was excited to meet Disney. I smiled and nodded my head. I guess a few 10-year-olds have bigger reasons to be excited than going to Disney.

Passing the next door, I started looking around for a bathroom, we found one, and my dad sat on a bench outside the bathroom and stood me up in front of him. While he was observing how many people were going in and out of the bathroom, he asked me for the brush that I brought in my backpack and with it, he brushed my hair so that the girl's cut was visible.

The bathroom is full, so you may have to wait before entering a cubicle to change, don't worry, nobody is going to pay attention to you, so you enter confidently and wait for a cubicle to be vacated and you change clothes, with this hairstyle, no one will doubt anything.

I was scared to death.

Do you want to change your shoes to look more like a girl?

I nodded. Although I kept thinking of telling him that this was too much for me, that I no longer wanted anything. My brother took the shoes out of my backpack, and my dad sat me next to him on the bench and helped me change my boy's tennis shoes for the pink converse he had bought me.

Ready?

I nodded even though I didn't really know if I could do it.

Go my girl, here we are waiting for you.

I started walking, and before crossing the door. My dad called me.

Valeria!

I turned to see him.

We are proud of you.

I smiled and entered the bathroom. Inside, it was indeed as crowded as a subway station during rush hour. All the cubicles were full and two ladies were waiting their turn. I felt super insecure, I felt like everyone saw me as the kid in the wrong bathroom. I just lined up with my hands together in front of me and my eyes down. Those minutes seemed like hours. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my reflection in the mirror and I couldn't help but raise my face, I saw my reflection and indeed, with my straight hair and the cut I was wearing, it was not easy for someone to suspect me, I tried to crane my neck to see my tennis shoes, I couldn't reach them, so I bent one knee, pulled my ankle with my hand and with the elasticity that I still had, I raised my foot from behind to the height of my shoulders. Then I could see my pink converse. I think I looked like any girl who just got off the plane.

At that moment, one of the cubicles was vacated and the lady in front of me said: “Do you want to go in, darling? Don't worry, I'll wait for the next one"

I smiled, lowered my leg, and entered. After putting the lock on the door, as quickly as I could, I took off my pants, checked my panties, which I was already wearing, and before pulling up my skirt, I paid attention to hiding everything well. I took off my jacket and put it aside, then the t-shirt to put on the sleeveless polo-necked blouse my dad had bought me. I put everything in my backpack and put my jacket back on top of my blouse. I went out hoping not to meet the lady who had offered me the place, straight into the mirror. There I just checked that everything was fine, I gave my hair one last brush and went out.

There were my dad and my brother waiting for me.

Like all women! Said, my brother. Half an hour to go to the bathroom!

Sorry, it was full and I had to wait. I responded embarrassed. We continue walking towards the car rental company.

I don't know how to explain it if I try to put logic into it, I can't, it was just walking in the airport, but the feeling was totally different, it wasn't even that they turned to look at me, or said nice things to me, people just It doesn't pay attention to 10-year-olds, regardless of gender, but for me, it was totally different.

It had been over a year since the time I hung out with Sandy and my friends in the buildings where I lived. In other words, not counting the visit to the stylist, in more than a year I hadn't been dressed like that in public. As I walked, I tried to remember all the lessons from Sarah and Anna.

“Keep your back straight”, “Walk with your legs closed, you look like a cowboy”, “move your hips, not your shoulders”, and “bend your knees”, I heard the voices of my friends as I walked through the airport. I remembered them a lot and missed them, especially Sandy. I hadn't seen her since I went on vacation. I never got to say goodbye to her. While we waited for the rental process, I thought that when we got back to Mexico, I could ask my dad to take me to visit them. Would I have to tell him that they only knew Valeria? Ugh! I better think about it another time.

Finally, they gave us a Datsun Maxima, we packed our bags and it was still early to check in at the hotel, so we went straight to a mall. There we first went to the food court to have some breakfast and then we entered Macy's and went directly to the girls' area. I don't know how big it was, but without a doubt, more than twice the size of any boy's area in any store!

Choose what you want. Said, my dad.

Really? Everything that I want?

Well nope! Don't go crazy! Choose what you like and in the end, we choose what we take with us because we only need clothes for the next 15 days.

I was still trying to hide my excitement, I didn't know where to start. Skirts? Dresses? With indescribable emotion, I began to look for blouse and skirt sets, which had always been what I liked the most, my hands trembled with emotion, just seeing so many options, and touching the different textures, it was difficult for me to control myself! I had a hard time getting the hooks out, I was dropping things, and I felt clumsy and watched, but at the same time I was enjoying every second; I finally found two or three that I liked and I showed them to my dad. Of course, they were super girlies. I wasn't sure what to do and I was afraid to go into the locker room.

My dad saw them and asked me.

Only this?

Well, I don't know, I answered uncertainly.

You need clothes for a fortnight... Isn’t there anything else you like?

Yes, of course, I told him looking at everything around me.

Aren't you going to try it on?

Do you think I should?

Of course my girl! If not, how will you know that it looks good on you?

He took me by the hand and led me to the girls' locker room. On the way, he grabbed a couple of summer dresses that looked my size and put them in my hands. I show it to the lady in the changing rooms, and I entered.

Try them on and come so we can see you and choose finalists.

I smiled and went inside excited. Very carefully I took off the skirt and blouse that I was wearing and put on the first outfit. Look in the mirror and try to take care of every detail. I heard my dad's voice from outside.

How are things with you?

Good, I answered.

Come out so we can see you!

I came out all nervous. As if it was the first time they saw me. It may sound ridiculous, but even with all the support my dad and brother had shown me, I felt ashamed of being seen like this and kept thinking that they would judge me or reject me at any moment.

My God, we have to teach her to walk like a girl! Said my brother jokingly.

That hit me in the pride, and immediately I straightened up.

Let's see, walk and turn around. Said my dad showing me where.

I walked a few steps like a catwalk and turned in a slightly more feminine way.

That suits you very well, said, my dad. Right? he asked my brother. He nodded his head. “Okay, that's a finalist,” my dad said.

It was a relaxed fit round neck, long-sleeved pullover set with a plaid pleated skirt with a side zip and button.

Go put on the next one and come back. Meanwhile, I'll see what else I find.

Next up was a short straight jean skirt that came with a black patterned T-shirt. I put it on and came out much more confident than the previous time. They were there waiting for me.

The skirt yes, said my brother. But I don't like the shirt.

My dad agreed, the shirt was discarded and he gave me more things to try on. The next outing was a yellow sundress with straps, an elasticized top, an open back, and a slightly flared knee-length skirt with a flounce at the hem. With each outing I felt more self-confident, I began to walk and turn as my friends Anna and Sarah had taught me. At each lap, my brother and dad would rate with thumbs up or thumbs down and we would choose whether to go to finalists or get eliminated.

When you pass by here, you take a break, pose, and then continue to where you turn so that we can see you well, my brother told me and he did it as an example of a crudely effeminate way. My dad stared at him.

You too? If you want, at once choose your size.

No, said my brother. I was just teaching her to model. We laughed and I started to do as he told me.

At each turn, I gave the lady in the dressing room the eliminated clothes, separated the finalists and my dad brought me more things to try on. After a few laps, the lady from the dressing room also began to give her opinion.

In one of the laps, my dad gave me a black tulle party dress gathered at the waist, sleeveless, with glitter spray on the skirt and a knitted bodysuit with a mesh yoke at the neck and black 2 inches-heeled pumps. I've been fascinated since I saw it, but it seemed strange to me, it was very formal.

In case we are going to have dinner at a good restaurant these days. Said, my dad.

I went in and put it on, it was beautiful! And with the high-heeled shoes, I felt the prettiest! I went out to do my catwalk and all three gave thumbs up. My brother even whistled and made me blush.

I hadn't been to Disney yet, but for me that day, trying on girls' clothes and modeling for my dad and brother, Macy's was hands down the happiest place on earth!

Finally, we got out of there with the black dress, four summer dresses, a v-neck jumper, six skirts of different styles and materials, about ten different blouses, black high-heeled ballerinas, other strap-on shoes, white tennis shoes, and a pair of packages of girl's underwear and socks.

We also bought some things for my brother and my dad, so we left the mall starving! We stopped at a Denny's to eat and from there we went to Long Beach. My dad still had a couple of surprises for us. During the meal, my dad asked me if I was happy and if I liked what we had bought.

Yes, dad! Thank you! I love everything!

Didn't you see her?  My brother asks him. I have never seen anyone so happy shopping for clothes!

I smiled and blushed a little. But it was true. I had never enjoyed shopping for clothes because I had always wanted what I couldn't even see without guilt.

It was still daylight when we pulled up to park in front of a huge, old-style ship, like the Titanic. It was the Queen Mary, effectively an English-built ocean liner from 1936, which after World War II was recovered, restored, and converted into a hotel.

We entered and the inside was more spectacular than the outside. The wood, the turn-of-the-century decoration, the endless corridors! It was like being in the Titanic movie! After check-in, we were taken to our suite (cabin) on the first deck, my dad lay on one of the beds and asked us if we wanted to go explore the ship.

My brother was as excited as me, he had always liked ships, when he was younger he said that when he grew up he wanted to be a captain, so this surprise was dedicated to him. We walked through the corridors, we went up to one of the decks where the life rafts were, we saw some of the event rooms conditioned at the time as a luxury restaurant: we toured the ship for almost an hour until we found an indoor pool, my brother checked the schedules and we got back to our room as fast as we could.

What did you think? What did you find? my dad asked us.

It is incredible! said, my brother. We have a long way to go, but we saw the life rafts, a super elegant event room, and guess what? We found a pool!

My dad saw the time.

Do you want to go swimming before dinner?

We can go? asked my excited brother. And he started looking for his bathing suit in his suitcase. I stood there not knowing what to do.

You do not want to go? My dad asked me.

I don't have a bathing suit. I replied.

Are you sure? Let's see, look in the bags of what we bought today...

I knew I hadn't tried any on, but I went to check the bags where my clothes were. I took things out carefully and put them on the bed, I didn't want to mistreat any of my new clothes, but there was nothing I hadn't seen. My dad waits until I finish taking everything out of those bags.

Any? Let's see, look in the bag over there, where my ties and shirt are.

It seemed strange to me, but I went to look. There was! It was a one-piece bathing suit, black with pink and blue lines and extra thin straps crossed in the back, and pink strappy sandals. I took it out and looked at my dad surprised.

And where did this come from?

I thought you'd like it. Or not?

I ran to hug him with the swimsuit in hand.

Thanks, Dad! Thank you!

We both shed tears, although my dad tried to hide them.

Come on, go put it on and go swimming.

I went into the bathroom to put it on, this time I paid special attention so that everything was perfectly hidden. I looked at myself in the mirror from every angle I could and once I was more or less sure nothing was showing wrong, I wrapped a towel around my chest and left the bathroom. There was my dad with a smile on his face.

Do you like it?

Much! I told.

Won't you let me see you?

I felt myself turn red. at that moment my brother entered from his side of the suite

She liked it? he asked my dad, referring to me. Let's see!

I took off my towel and let them see me in the swimsuit.

Wow! It's perfect for you! But, two little threads are hanging from it, My brother said.

For a moment I looked for the threads until I understood that he was joking about my legs.

Don't listen to him, you look very pretty and your legs are fine! said, my dad.

Well, she can't expect that just because she's a girl, her older brother will stop bothering her.

My dad just shook his head smiling. We went out to the pool. As we walked I became aware of what was happening. Feeling my bare legs, going through a mirror, and seeing a girl in whom you wouldn't tell any difference in a group of girls. Wearing this swimsuit was a dream come true! Since the afternoon I went out in the leotard, I had never worn anything like it again, the texture of the fabric clinging to my body, the shape it gave me, and the breeze on my legs, shoulders, and arms. It was hard to believe what was happening, I was afraid that everything was a dream and that at any moment I would wake up in Adolf's house wearing my boy's uniform.

When we got to the pool, there were a couple of families, with boys and girls playing. I stopped at the entrance and hesitated, I felt exposed and my fear returned. My brother realized that I was hesitating, but he didn't say anything, he just pulled me, picked me up, and threw me into the water; At that moment I felt so fragile and helpless that I screamed like a girl. Immediately after, he also jumped into the water.

The other families didn't even pay attention to us, each one was in their own world. My brother and I started playing, he was a little over four years older than me and had always been tall for his age; at that time he had already turned 15, almost 5'6" tall, and was developing a muscular and virile body; I, on the other hand, was still 10 and had always been thin and small for my average age 4'2" and weighed only 55 pounds

At first, I was a little intimidated by the presence of the other families, but we started playing and very soon I forgot all my worries, when I realized, I was standing on my brother's shoulders without worries.

Finally, someone came to let us know that they were going to close the pool area and we left, when I got out of the pool I couldn't help but look down to see if anything was out of place, once I saw my perfectly smooth body between my legs I took the next step with confidence.

My brother chased me into the room, and we entered amused and tired. I took a quick shower, applied conditioner, and changed my clothes to go to dinner, it was a normal dinner, so I put on a very simple sundress, sleeveless with shirred straps, back slit, elasticised seam at the waist and decorative bows on the sides and white ballet flats with a strap.

It was just the first night of the holidays and of my trial period, but with every minute I felt more secure, I really believe that having started by going to try on and buy clothes was great because there, in the store I had to face the fear that everyone saw me with different outfits, but especially the one of walking and behaving feminine in front of my dad and my brother. Maybe it sounds ridiculous after everything I've already been shown, but until now, it was still difficult for me.

I couldn't help but thank God for the father he gave me, for my brother, and for what was happening in my life. That's what I did when we finally got into bed, although I was also a little embarrassed to pray because at school and with Adolf's family, they had made me believe that I must be something disgusting to God. Even so, I thanked him and even asked him if one day my mom could understand me.

When I woke up, before opening my eyes I put my hand into my pajamas to check if I was really wearing panties, if it hadn't been just a dream, then I dared to open my eyes to make sure we were on the Queen Mary and that my suitcase was full of girl's clothes. Before getting up I thanked God for another day.

That day we were scheduled to go to the Los Angeles Museum of Natural History and to the California Science Center I wore a black mini balloon skirt with an elastic waist with my tennis shoes, ruffled short socks, and a pink Hello Kitty T-shirt

I liked this skirt a lot since I saw it, I had never seen one like this, because of its cut, I looked much more feminine and my legs looked longer. I was happy walking through the hotel and through the museums dressed like that. The museums were spectacular, I realized that I love dinosaurs, how impressive they must have been!

The science museum was also very interesting and I really enjoyed that my dad took the time to explain so many things to me: the history of the space race, the Mercury, Gemini, and Apollo projects, Laika, Sputnik; the way he had to explain things was great, he trapped you in a story that you wanted to keep hearing and learning, I don't know how I never had a teacher like that in all my school life. He also explained to me the operation of an internal combustion engine and a transmission. Going to a museum with him was one of the best things that could happen to you in life!

On the way back we went to a Wendy's to eat a delicious hamburger with our parents and when we got to the hotel, my dad lay down to rest and watch TV while we changed and went swimming. That was my second fulltime day as Valeria Mariane.

On the third day, we went to San Diego, it was a beautiful day, sunny with some cool breeze. I wore a pink blouse with a round neckline and a cut-out at the back, black ballet flats, and a black pleated tulle skirt with a print of little pink flowers. I loved that skirt! The truth is that I had always liked skirts, especially short ones, but this one in particular, since I saw it I fell in love, maybe it was too elegant for a common day, but I couldn't wait to wear it.

From a very young age I remember seeing them in stores and imagining how I would look wearing them, so what I was experiencing was indescribable, I couldn't even imagine that a girl, who had been born as a girl, would have been able to enjoy so many simple things like the simple pleasure of wearing a pretty skirt. Felt the breeze on my legs, feeling the texture of the fabric, feeling free, and above all, feeling that I was myself.

The skirt was not too short, in fact, I had first tried on a size 8, which was the one that fit me well in almost everything, but my dad had told me that it was too short and that he would not let me wear it, so this was the size 10 and it came to me about two inches above the knee. Even so, during the day, I became aware that wearing a skirt this short requires constant attention. Any gust of wind can make you show your panties, get in and out of the car, go up or down stairs, lean even a little... I started to understand when my mom told my sister that beauty has its price and I started to learn to be more careful with my movements so as not to have accidents.

In San Diego, we went first to the USS Midway Museum. Simply amazing! Imagine the life of those men inside an aircraft carrier, seeing those machines, from the simple Corsairs of the Second World War to the super modern F-14 Tomcat with its folding wings. The bridge, the engine room! We left the USS Midway and walked a few blocks for a quick lunch at a Panda Express and from there headed back across the bay to Harbor Dr. to the San Diego Maritime Museum.

There we saw steamships, a submarine and sailing ships like the caravels in which the first Spaniards arrived in America, it seems incredible that they crossed the ocean in those things! The ballerinas were another matter, I loved how they looked and how they felt, but walking all day in them was tiring. I also understood why chivalrous gestures like opening the door or the chair for you are so appreciated and that my dad and my brother had those details with me, it was something fantastic! We returned to the hotel exhausted, had dinner right there, and went to sleep. The next day we planned to go to Disneyland!