Just Another Girl - Chapter 10

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The next day I started my treatment, although they had explained to me that the first month was only anti-androgens and that the process was not magical, in my fantasies, I imagined that I would wake up the next day completely changed.

Every day I would get up and look at myself carefully in the mirror; To my great disappointment, as much as I paid attention to every detail, during the first two weeks I didn't notice anything.

One of the first days, my dad asked me to be ready after school so that he could pick me up at the house and take me to see a gymnastics academy.

Everything had been discussed and it had only been three and a half weeks since we returned from our trip, but just thinking about getting dressed again and going out as Valeria caused me great emotion. The night before I prepared all my wardrobe, so when I got home, I didn't even want to eat, I went straight to the bathroom to wash my hair to dry it without gel and to be able to style my hair like a girl, I was delighted to see that it was already a little longer It almost reached my shoulders!

I put on the balloon skirt that I had liked so much, a sleeveless top and my white sandals, to complete the look, I put on some lip gloss, and a headband and I served myself something to eat while my dad arrived.

My brother arrived a little earlier and although he already knew that we were going to see the academy that day, he greeted me as if it were a surprise.

My little sister! He came over and hugged me. I missed you! Are you ready?

Yes, I told him very excited. Are you going to accompany us?

I don't think so, I have a lot of homework. But here I wait for you.

A few minutes later my father arrived and we left.

The academy was not very big, we went directly to the reception and waited a moment for the coach to come out to serve us.

Hello welcome. What can I do for you?

Hi, we're here to see if my daughter can sign up to practice gymnastics, my dad said.

Yes of course! We have groups from level one, which is the beginning level, to level ten, and from level four they begin to compete already qualified against other schools. Have you already practiced gymnastics before?

Yes, when I was younger, I told her.

And why did you leave it?

They transferred me to another school and there were no classes in the new one.

And do you remember what level you were at or if you went to competitions?

I didn't go because my mom wouldn't let me, but I could have competed.

Ah, well, so I recommend that she come to the sample class, first to see if she likes it and for us to see what level she would enter, and then she can enroll.

When is that class and when would she formally start?

If you leave me all the information today, she can come tomorrow to a sample class and she can start on Friday.

Classes for the first 5 levels are three days a week, and from the sixth onwards they are every day.

And do you have a uniform? I asked.

Yes, of course, she said as she took a couple of bags with leotards from under the counter and showed them to me. We have the competition one, and for practices, you can use the one you want, here we have several, I always recommend parents buy two for practices and the competition one, which you can buy later. I think these should be your size.

Do you like it here? My dad asked me.

Yes! I said excitedly looking at the photos at the reception.

If you want, go see the class while I see the registration.

I entered the practice area and sat on the edge to see the other girls who were training. A few minutes later my dad called me to leave and he gave me a bag containing two leotards.

The next day I came back from school and changed my clothes, I put on one of the leotards, it was sleeveless, black and from the chest to the top of the navel it had "V" lines that faded from aqua blue to green, yellow, orange and pink with some jewels that adorned the chest. It was beautiful! I don't know how long I stayed looking at myself in the mirror like a fool, with a smile from ear to ear. On top, I put on a denim skirt, a blouse, and my tennis shoes.

My dad arrived and took me to the academy. I felt like a newbie to everything! That first day was a bit frustrating because I had lost practice in many things, of course, I could do a handstand with no problem, go down backward on the bridge and then stand up, but I could only hold myself for about three seconds, I could do cartwheels and springs back and forth, but I was having a hard time balancing on the beam. The bars and vault were a disaster.

But I think that was not the worst, but realizing that I arrived as a newbie in everything! I didn't have a suitcase to put my clothes in or a washcloth to dry my hands or water to drink! Also, I wore my hair loose, and was distracting me all the time! That didn't happen to me when I practiced with my sister because it was much shorter, but now with every move, it fell on my face, and although the first few times I liked the feeling of long hair, when I tried to concentrate to do a bridge kick over in the balance beam, was not so nice.

The good thing was that one of the girls, a very cute little blonde, approached me and asked me:

Didn't you bring a hair tie? Obviously, you're not new, how did you forget?

It's just that I haven't practiced for a long time and I had short hair.

Don't worry, I must have one.

She ran to the locker room and came back with a hair tie. I was hesitating because I didn't know if I was going to reach my length for a ponytail, but she, without a brush or anything, just took the top part of my hair, twisted it into a bun on the top of my head, and secured it. with the elastic band. Only a few loose hairs remained on the sides and near the neck, but those no longer bothered me.

Thanks a lot! I told.

Don't forget to bring one on Friday!

Finally, they put me in group 3, and the coach explained to my dad that in some areas I was more advanced, but that I needed to reinforce some basic points. That if I worked hard, I could go to the zone competition in the spring at level four or maybe even qualify for level five.

As useless as I had felt during the class, in the end, I left very satisfied. On the way back, my dad told me that my sister had called him and asked if I could go with them to celebrate our birthday. He told me that they were going to pick me up on Saturday morning.

And when am I going to return? Ask worried.

They agreed to bring you the same Saturday night, but don't worry, your brother will also go with you and we won't allow them to separate us again.

That calmed me down, but I knew that going with my mom meant having to tell her that I was going to start a transition. What I had no idea, was how I was going to say that to her.

On Friday I went to my class already much better prepared, I had tied for my hair, a briefcase, a thermos for my water, wipes, and almost everything I needed to get started; It's funny, but a gymnast's suitcase gradually becomes a kind of bag in which you can find everything you need, from lipstick to protective tape, talcum powder, Band-Aids and ointments for bumps.

I arrive on Saturday and visit my mother and my sister. I put on my boy clothes and combed my hair all back with lots of gel so it wouldn't fly around like I did every day for school. Around eleven o'clock they picked us up and we went, first to brunch with Adolf's family in a very exclusive restaurant. There was a buffet and of course, I wanted pancakes with bacon, but Adlof insisted that we couldn't waste that brunch on pancakes, so they served me a bagel with smoked salmon and cream cheese. The truth is that I can not complain, it was delicious. The adults were served mimosas and my mom let my sister and I try some as part of our celebration.

Adolf and his sons, unbearable as always, when we were leaving, the youngest of them, who was my sister's age, asked me:

What did you think of brunch Mario?

Well, everything was very tasty. Answer willingly.

We come almost every weekend, have you ever come before?

No never.

Of course, it's not a place for poor people like your dad.

This was said in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear. He was walking next to me, to my left and I didn't even answer him, I simply used my left foot as a pivot to turn and with the momentum that I brought from the whole turn, I kicked him right at the base of the jaw, which until then, was a little higher than my eyes. I say "until then" because a second later that same jaw was spitting blood on the ground.

Although I can't write it like that, they all reacted at the same time. Adolf, very surprised, asked.

But what happened? Why the aggressiveness?

Like why? Said my mom outraged and justifying me. Didn't you hear your son's comment?

But it was just a joke! Look at this!

Oh sure! Besides, he only told the truth! Said my sister supporting Franz and Adolf.

No! my mom said. What he said was totally disrespectful toward my children's father and Franz has no right to talk about him, he doesn't even know him!

My sister understood and she better stop commenting.

Oh! Are you going to defend him now?

My brother looked at my sister with deep contempt but decided to ignore her because the older brother, Alfred, who had only covered his mouth in surprise at first, was walking towards me with his fist clenched and Franz, after wiping his mouth, was trying to get up.

My brother saw that I was ready in a fighting position waiting for Franz to come back so he just stood in front of Alfred.

If you take one more step, your problem is not with her, it's with me.

Alfred stopped in his tracks. I think only my sister and I noticed that my brother said "she" referring to me.

But Mario hit him first, and he had no reason!

After what your little brother said, Mario hit him first just because I didn't arrive on time, and thank God, because if it had been me, he wouldn't get up. My brother continued threatening.

At the same time, my mom and Adolf were still arguing and Franz finished getting up, but he didn't dare to approach me. He just yelled threats at me as he wiped away the blood that kept flowing from his mouth.

You caught me off guard, but you'll see! I'm going to kill you! Stupid fagot!

I was ready to attack him again, but upon hearing that, my brother stopped me and told Franz.

Will you shut up? Or do I let her silence you?

Franz immediately shut up and took a few steps back to go with his dad and his brothers. Again no one noticed my brother's comment.

Finally, Adolf got into his car with his children and they left, we went in my mother's car. Since they had quarreled, we no longer spent the rest of the day with Adolf's family, which, to tell the truth, seemed fine to me.

Before we got into the car, I heard Anna Lilia ask my brother in a low voice: "Why did you say her?" My brother only made a sign that he should not say anything and another that he would explain later. Since my father had told my mother that I wanted to talk to them, my sister suspected something, but she had no further information.

All the plans had changed and I knew that for me, this was only the beginning of the reactions that awaited me during the day. My mom put on her best face and asked us where we wanted to celebrate our birthday. We decided to go to Six Flags. On the way, I apologized to my mom for causing the problem, although honestly, it made me a little proud that they had fought because of me.

Don't worry, you did well.

I look at her surprised.

I have always wanted you to learn to defend yourself and to defend the things you believe in. I couldn't be mad at what you did. The truth is that he asked for it.

Yes, my brother said, after what he said, if you hadn't done anything to him, I was about to fall on him.

And that would have been abuse because you're much bigger and stronger than him, but since your brother did, they can't even complain.

But aren't you going to separate again, mom? my sister asked honestly worried.

Oh no! It was just a discussion and well, since we're alone, we can better celebrate your birthdays without so much horseplay. Not that they really wanted it anyway.

By the way, what a good kick you gave him, eh! Said my brother laughing. I think you knocked out a tooth!

Seriously? I asked surprised.

No, it wasn't a tooth, I saw it, my sister said. it was a bit of tongue.

Did you really see it? my mom asked.

Yes, when I saw it fly I thought it was a tooth and I went to see it.

Haha! Excellent! Let's see if he takes away the chatty! Said, my mom.

We spent a very pleasant day at Six Flax Mexico, at times I did not think about what I was wearing as a child or that I would have to talk to my mother about my transition, but yes, as the hours passed, I thought about how I was going to tell her and I listened to each talk to see if at some point I could take the opportunity to include the topic. Also, every time we were silent, my brother gave me a look or a nudge to remind me, and of course, it's not that I didn't remember, but it was not the time while we were walking from one attraction to another or while we were waiting for the show. of Keiko, the whale.

When it got dark we left the park and my mom suggested that we stop at a restaurant to order cake to close the celebration. I still didn't say anything and I knew that time was running out.

They served us cake and sang happy birthday to us. Later, my brother asked Ana Lilia:

And are you still in artistic gymnastics? How are you doing on that?

Yes, said my sister. I just got upgraded to level eight!

Eight? Wow! I said. It is that you have always been very good!

Yes, my mom said, and she is preparing for the zone interscholastic competition, which is where they qualify for the nationals.

My brother just smiled knowing the seed he had left. I had no other option.

The competition that is scheduled in the Olympic gym?

Yes, that! As you know? my mom asked.

It's just that I'm going to compete too, but only at level four! I said like someone who drops a bomb.

My brother turned to the other side, my sister's eyes widened and mom froze, trying to understand.

How? It was the only thing that came out of my mom's mouth.

Yes, I just enrolled in an academy and entered level three, but the teacher said that with what I had already practiced, surely I'll be at level four or five for the interscholastic day.

My mom began to search for an explanation in her mind.

Well, but it can't be the same, the one Ana goes to is for girls, surely you go to the one for boys.

No mom, I said knowing that I had to continue and that I would not have another moment. I go to the same one, to the girls' one. Do you remember that from a very young age I wanted to be in the academy with my sister?

She just nodded her head. I kept talking super nervous.

Yes, I remember, but you couldn't, because, that's why, because it was for girls! She was finally able to articulate.

Well, we hadn't talked about this, but since I went to live with my dad I went to therapy with a psychologist and the truth is that I've always wanted to be,

I paused, thinking about how to say it. Look at Ana Lilia.

Like my sister, like you two, I corrected.

But, did they give you special permission to participate or how are you going to do it?

It's just that I also went to another doctor and from this week on, I started a treatment to live like a girl.

My mom, everything was silent, as if the rest of the restaurant had disappeared.

That's possible? my mom asked.

The doctor said that because of my age, it is. He said with the treatment that I am taking, in the next few years my body will develop almost completely as if I had been born a girl. I said without being able to hide the emotion that this caused me.

My brother put a finger on Ana Lilia's chin to make her shut her mouth.

And you are, sure? Are you happy with that?

Yes, mom, it's what I always wanted. I'm sure!

It's okay, if that's what you want, well, I can't do anything but support you. My mom said making a great effort to sound authentic.

You knew this? my mom asked my sister.

No, No one had told me anything. she said as if washing her hands of the matter.

Well, let's go. I'm going to drop you off at home.

The way to my dad's house was silent. My sister went in the front seat, I was still shaking with nerves but I was satisfied that I was able to say everything I had to say. My mom's reaction hadn't been as bad as I had imagined. My brother, who was next to me, hugged me in silence.

When we arrived, we said goodbye pretending that everything was fine and went inside the house. I just heard the car drive away.

When we entered my father was waiting for us and he asked us how it went. My brother told him everything, he had a style to tell things that always made them funny, we laughed a lot at the piece of flying tongue and then a little more at the reactions of my mother and my sister, now a little more serious, My dad told me that he was very proud of me, that he knew that it had not been easy to face that moment, but that once again, I had shown how brave I was. I told him that I didn't know what was going to happen after I told my mom.

He told me not to worry about her, he said that maybe my mom was going to need some time to process everything, but that she was my mom and that she couldn't stop loving me.

I wasn't so sure about that, especially after causing her fight with Adolf, but the talk with my dad left me much calmer.

For Sunday we only planned to stay at home to watch movies, my dad had gone to Block Buster to get some movies, we had breakfast and watched Trading Places we laughed but then we got fed up with being cooped up and my dad suggested going shopping for some things.

In those days it had become evident that the clothes from the trip were not enough to live on, so from that day on, we began to buy more clothes little by little. We didn't have a modeling session to buy everything, but every time we went to the mall we bought something, one-day pajamas, another, shorts or two, another blouses, more socks, and so on. That day there were only a pair of shorts-skirts that were very useful for me to go to training, a nightgown to sleep in and a pair of blouses. Then we ate at a pizzeria and ended up at the cinema watching Return of the Jedi. By the way, to date, I'm a fan of Star Wars and the character I identify with the most is Ahsoka Tano, I think she's the one who really brought balance to the force, but that's another topic.

Thus ended my first week of treatment. I still didn't notice any change. Since Monday, my attention was much more focused on the academy, and qualifying for level five became my next challenge, I arrived from school, I put on one of the short - skirts with one of the new blouses and I was ready.

On Tuesday, since I didn't have an academy, I came home from school, waited for my brother to eat and then I started doing homework. When my dad arrived, I was still dressed as a boy. My dad saw me weird.

Didn't you change today?

Oh no. It's that since I didn't have an academy, I just started doing homework.

I didn't know you only wanted to be Valeria to go to the academy.

No! is not that! But I didn't think it mattered.

It's not that I care, my dad told me. If you want to be Mario, I'll be happy, and if you want to be Valeria, I'll still be very happy, what you can't do is be in the middle. Either you are a boy or you are a girl.

I nodded my head feeling scolded but not really understanding why. He sat down and explained to me.

Everything we are doing is because you have told us that you want to be a girl, and Serge helped me understand it as a matter of identity, he explained to me that if you felt that way, you would never forget or pass off as a stage, you just couldn't be truly happy with yourself in your body.

Yes, I told him.

But this choosing your gender is something new, something that had never existed. When I was a child, if you were born a boy, you stayed a man forever no matter what you liked or how you felt, and if you were born a girl, you stayed a woman forever.

I nodded listening to him carefully.

As a man, you cannot one day say: "Today I am tired and I do not want the responsibility of being a man, of protecting or providing for my family." And as a woman, you don't have the freedom to say: “today I don't want to be a woman, or to fulfill my responsibilities, today I'm going to be a man” do you understand me?

I think so. I told him not very sure.

I mean: No matter what they do or don't do, they are still men or women, however, they were born. They can't get tired of it, or even if they do get tired of it, they are still men or women.

I nodded understanding a little more.

But your case is different. You are changing, from being a boy to being a girl. That's why in your case, you can't take a day off, because you do, for that day you stop being a girl and that would not allow you to see what your whole life as a girl would really be like.

But I still go to school as a child.

Only temporarily, due to the issue of papers, but from the beginning, we talked with Serge that boy's time is totally boy's time and girl's time is totally girl's. Because only in this way will you be able to know, at your age, if this is really what you want.

But I know what I want. I told him almost complaining.

Then you don't need to rest from being a girl. And if you need a day of being a boy, or you just want to be a girl to go to the academy, it's okay, we'll still support you in that, but we need to be hundred percent sure in the next six months, before the treatment cause irreversible effects.

But no, I don't want that, I want to be Valeria Marianne forever! I told.

It's okay, you have these months as a second trial period. You can still go back to being Mario without any problem, but if you permit yourself to have breaks, you won't be able to know if you really want to be Valeria forever or just for a while. The only thing I want is that you can decide with complete confidence and that what you decide is something that you never regret.

It took me a while to understand the concept, it took me a long time, but what I did understand from that day on was that I was beginning a transition that hardly anyone else could make and that I couldn't be a woman sometimes and a man sometimes, or when it would suit If I really wanted to be Valeria, I had to be Valeria for as long as possible and if that wasn't so nice, I could not transition, but whatever I decided would be final.

-During the following weeks I paid much more attention to that point, coming home from school, the first thing I did was change and comb my hair to spend the rest of the day as Valeria. With the clothes that I already had and the ones that we bought little by little, my closet filled up with more and more girl's clothes and the boy's clothes were disappearing in the corner. During that month, I was just the anti-androgen, but unlike my routine when I went out with Sandy and my friends, now it was the other way around, I was Valeria all day and I only wore the Mario costume to school.

Every day I felt better about myself and even though I stopped looking closely in the mirror, I could notice a couple of changes. The first thing I noticed, from the second week, was that the morning erections, which I had started having almost a year before, were completely gone; The truth is, I didn't miss them one bit.

The other one was less pleasant: I felt weaker and tired more easily. With the training it became more noticeable because the first few days I could bear my weight handstand without difficulty, my problem was maintaining my balance, but as the weeks went by, I improved my balance, but I felt increasingly weaker.

I had just turned eleven, and as I have mentioned several times, I was always skinny and small for my age, but I enjoyed being self-sufficient as much as possible, at least in things like opening a mayonnaise jar or a bottle of juice. without help, but during the last week of that first month, I realized that even that easy, everyday things, I couldn't do and I needed my brother's help.

At the end of the first month, we went to the endocrinologist, he measured my entire body and indeed he commented that he had begun to lose muscle mass. In summary, he said that everything was fine and after some hesitation, he gave us a new prescription, this time to continue with the anti-androgen and start with fifty percent of the dose of estrogens that he would give me starting the following month. . I kept feeling like his guinea pig and this idea that he wasn't entirely sure what he was doing either. I wanted him to give me the full dose from then on and it was clear he was hesitating, but he said that this way we could catch any adverse reactions before taking the full dose.

I left very happily with my recipe, knowing that with it, the transformation of my body would begin, albeit slowly.

We left there and since I didn't have an academy that day, my dad asked me what I wanted to do. I asked him if we could go see if we could find my friends and he drove there. When we got there, he parked outside Sandy's building and I went up to the fourth floor to knock on his door. I had imagined the moment to see her again and had thought about everything I had to tell her. where to start?

No one opened. I played again while I mentally reviewed everything I had to talk about with my best friend, I wondered if she had been able to tell her mom something, and if not, how could I help her? I heard footsteps approaching the door and I was so excited! I didn't even think that if her mother opened the door, she knew me as Mario or that she might recognize me.

An old lady opened the door and stared at me in silence.

Hello. Is Carlos there? Asked.

I don't know any Carlos.

But if he lives here! I said.

No, I have lived here for more than a year.

They moved? Don't you know where they went?

No. I never met them. But I don't think any Carlos lived here because I know that an actress lived here.

I understood that I would not see her again and I felt enormous sadness. Tears began to flow as I remembered that I didn't even say goodbye to her.

I left the building feeling defeated. My dad was waiting for me in the car, but when he saw me, he realized that I hadn't found her.

What happened?

She no longer lives here. I told.

Do you want us to go see if you can find the others?

I nodded. We left the car there and walked to the playground where we went every day. We passed by the mini-mall and got to the playground, somehow it looked much smaller than I remembered it, boys and girls were playing, but no one I knew. I stared at it for a moment with my dad by my side.

Do you want to go and see if you can find them in their departments? If you want I accompany you. My dad told me.

I don't know. I responded for fear of feeling the same way again if I didn't find them. I felt very sad.

Let's buy something, and we decide.

I followed him to Circle K, and from one of the refrigerators he took out a couple of popsicles that we started to eat while we were in line. At that moment I saw Anna walk into Circle K with her mom.

Anna? I told her excitedly.

She looked at me and ran to hug me leaving her mom behind!

Valerie! Where have you been?

We hugged for a moment like we were: two good girlfriends who hadn't seen each other in a couple of years. We separated and her mother and my father approached, they introduced themselves and I quickly told Anna a little about what had happened in those years and asked her if she was still seeing the others. She told me that she was still seeing Sarah and that Alexa and Erika had also moved, but that they kept in touch, about Sandy, she told me that she hadn't seen her since I left. We exchanged phones, we agreed to see each other soon and we left.

To this day, I have never heard from Carlos again. I only knew that his mother became very successful as a soap opera actress and that she married a famous actor who raised Carlos as his son. For me, it will always be my friend Sandy.