I was in love with him for the first time - Chapter 3

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I could hear mom and Corie begin to have an animated discussion about the entire thing. “I think we’d better run for it.”

We walked quickly to his car and, after opening the door for me to get in, and of course, closing it, he ran around and got in. I’m sure the sound of screeching rubber from his tires gave them a great sense of security.

I asked him if this was his car. It was then that I found out the particulars of his life. It was his aunt’s car. He lived with her because both his parents drank and he didn’t want to be around them. Once he turned sixteen, he left them and went to live with her until he finished high school.

His aunt was his mother’s sister and she decidedly loved other women. Her chosen significant other had been with her for years and the two of them welcomed him in. He was, of course, from the ‘other side of the tracks’; literally. His father was a janitor and his mother worked at an industrial laundry. He had no brothers or sisters.

He told me that he really didn’t know what to think of me. This ‘girl’ thing was kind of a surprise. But he also told me that nobody ever spent so much time trying to help him with his grades and tests.

“So you have to remember that I’m really fuckin’ nervous.”

“Listen” I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say, or how to say it, but this ‘fuckin’ business had to stop. He was better than that. “Jimmy? Could you please not say fuckin’ so much? You are such a smart guy and when you say that, it’s all people hear. You know?”

“Yeah, you’re right. Okay. If you catch me, then remind me. It’s just something we say in the neighborhood, you know?”

His hand was atop his thigh. The feeling was simply delicious! I place my hand over him as I looked at him and smiled.

“Yeah, I know.”

We talked all the way into the city. He took me to a diner that specialized in grilled hamburgers and hot dogs and various sodas. They had an old-fashioned soda fountain and a long counter with stools that had rotating seats as well as tables and chairs.

From the moment we sat down to the moment he brought me home, a one-half hour early I might add, the day was almost a complete whirling blur. It seemed to me that we were the only two people on the earth as we strolled through the weekend crowds of shoppers and day-trippers. The day wasn’t about anything other than us.

We talked. Through all, we did we talked. He talked. It was as though a great dam of thoughts and emotions had burst as the words poured out of him like a wall of water through a narrow valley. I smiled and listened as though the words meant nothing as I heard them. I was entranced by his smiles, his frowns, his arms flailing, and his raging depth of emotions. I felt what he said more than anything else.

I had never spoken to anyone, nor had anyone spoken to me, exposing such a vulnerable and naked side of themselves. I felt almost like a voyeur as he spoke. His was a slice of life I had never known. There were times when he would touch my hand, and I would hold his. He would bring me to shed tears though I really didn’t know why other than I couldn’t image him speaking like this to anyone before. I thought of how sad and lonely he must feel.

We never got to the movie. We walked through the crowded streets. He put his hand on my shoulder putting me in front of him. Then he drew me closer and put his arm around me. I felt somehow safe, sheltered from the jostling we occasionally encountered.

We walked into the park along the New River and he removed his car coat-length leather jacket. He spread it on the grass and we sat and talked. I sat facing him with my legs folded to one side. I suddenly felt the urge to simply lean into him and he welcomed me with his embrace. As I rested my head against his chest and closed my eyes, I inhaled his aroma. I found myself becoming excited being so close to him and inhaling his aroma.

In spite of the strangeness I felt in my mind, my heart kept telling me that this was okay, not just okay, but right. This was what I was meant to do. And this was the person I was meant to do ‘it’ with (whatever ‘it’ was). He held me snugly and kissed the top of my head. I died. My old soul left me and a new one replaced it. I actually felt wet in my panties though I hadn’t even become erect (which was something that hadn’t happened in months anyway).

I put my arms around him as it happened and held on for dear life! I trembled as the moment overtook me and I buried my face into him even more than it already was. I think he knew what had happened but he had a good grace not to say anything. He simply held me and let me have that moment.

I learned two things that day. I was totally entranced by him and I must always wear a panty shield because whether I was with him or not, I could have another ‘moment’ and I really did not enjoy soppy undies or wet spotted skirts.

The Kiss,

“I don’t think your sister likes me.”

I didn’t care. I had to pee pretty badly and I wasn’t ready to say good night to him under THAT kind of pressure. I opened the car door and literally sprang out and ran well I walked quickly, and nearly crossed-legged, to the house and went inside. I thought that he would figure it out. He did.

When I returned from doing my business and freshening up just a bit, he was sitting in the kitchen being given the third degree by my sister. My mom was at the table merely listening, and smiling. His back was to me but when he heard my steps behind him he stood up and turned to me. I could see the look of relief on his face.

He said he really should be going and I understood that. It had been a long day, and I’m sure, an emotionally draining one for him. I felt good about the day, especially when he took my hand in his, in front of my mom and sister no less, and started for the door.

We walked in silence to the driver’s side of the car and he turned toward me, my hand still in his. I’ll never forget what he said.

“Nobody had ever helped me the way you have, or talked with me like you did, and I don’t know how I’m going to look at you in school after today. I only know that I can’t see you any other way than the way you are right now.”

He was looking directly into my eyes as if he could see deep within my soul. I felt myself blush and I had to look down at my feet as I smiled.

“And how do you see me right now?”  I had to hear it. I wasn’t very sure what was coming but I did have to hear it. He looked off into the distance. Whatever was coming, he seemed to be searching for the right words or collecting his thoughts. Then he looked directly into my eyes again.

“You’re the most beautiful” He looked away for a moment. “ the most perfect girl I’ve ever met.”

I was stunned, to say the least! Beautiful? Perfect? Girl? And all of this in one sentence? Then he took me around the waist and pulled me a bit closer. Oh my God! It was coming! I knew it and he knew it. I placed my hands gently upon his chest and looked down as I smiled. Lord I was so I don’t know innocent?

He bent his head down coming to within a merely few inches of my face. He was leaving it up to me. If I wanted him I had to go the rest of the way. And I wanted him. So I went the rest of the way. I closed my eyes as our lips touched. I wanted to simply feel the sensation. We both kinds of pursed our lips two or three times. It was nice. I liked it.

Oh my God! The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I kissed a guy! I pulled my face back from his for a moment. I looked into his eyes and broadly smiled. I think I even giggle for a moment. Hmm  ‘Let’s do that again’, I thought. ‘That was really nice.’ This time I put my hands around his neck and pulled him back down to me. Again I closed my eyes as our lips met. This time I was really in the spirit of the matter at hand and I kissed him. Our mouths seemed to open simultaneously and our lips wrestled a bit. Well, it was more like massaged than wrestled.

I could feel the passion rise up within me. I think he was already there but he contained himself. I appreciated that. I wanted more and my arms seemed to have a mind all their own as I felt his shoulders and then his back beneath his leather jacket.

I broke the kiss and pushed back just a bit. I looked into his eyes. This time I didn’t smile or giggle. I felt the fire burn within me and it was radiating light through my eyes. He was already there and I now knew ‘that’ look. Indeed, I burned everything about his face into my mind. I never wanted to forget how he looked at that moment. I wished his face to haunt me in my dreams. Be very careful about what you wish.

I pulled him back down to me and kissed him again. This time I held him tightly and gave myself over to the sensation, and to him. He put his hands on my hips and pulled me even closer than I could. It was as if he wanted to pull me inside of himself and I wasn’t about to stop him. I felt his hands on my ass and I loved it!

That kiss rocked my world; shook and rattled my cage; exploded my little universe; smashed my atoms; and made me leak into my panties again. I had been changed in a matter of a few minutes. I would never be the same again. I felt something so powerful, so intense, so wonderful, that I would forever want that feeling to continue and never cease.

Though all we did was kiss, I had been completed as a girl in the sense that I now knew what it was to be so completely overwhelmed by the sexuality and sensuality of a guy. A part of my innocence had been taken and I simply gave it up to him. And it was him. I didn’t feel that way about other guys although I began to see them in a different way. It was him and only him I wanted.

I don’t remember exactly how it happened but I did manage to find my way back into the house. I must have had the biggest shit-eating grin because I do remember my mom giggling when she saw me. And my sister? She simply shook her head in dismay.

Oh my God! This gown!!! I do not know what possessed me. I look fat! And the way my ass shows! Now, what am I going to do? I don’t know. Chrissie said I looked hot in it. I mean slinky and form-fitting were never to my taste and he’s gay. What good is my looking hot to him going to do? Looking hot to every gay male at this reunion won’t get me a man and it sure as hell won’t get me laid?

Now, where was I? Oh yeah.

The next week in school was impossible. Every time I saw him, every time I thought of him, I wanted to do is run up to him, throw my arms around him, and kiss him. He wasn’t having any easier time than me. Our tutoring sessions were absolute torture. We found ourselves staring at one another in longing and desire; silent longing and desire.

He told me, in a very hushed voice, that he wanted to simply touch my hand but he couldn’t. I couldn’t. Not in public. Not at school. Not dressed as I was. Thinking back to that time I can’t believe how deliciously dangerous our situation during the week was.

As my family became accustomed to his particular ways, he began to become sort of a fixture in our house. During the school week, I would come home and immediately bathe and change. He would come over around, or just after, dinner time and we could be together downstairs and in ‘public’ view.

We could sit side by side, our bodies touching in an almost innocent way. We could even hold hands as we watched the tube or went over some aspect of school work. He would be more attentive than during the afternoons at school when I was in my ‘guy mode’. Of course, my sister would watch us like a hawk. And if she thought we were getting too comfy, I’d get ‘that’ look. You know that look; Squinty eyed and frowning; arms crossed under her boobs and foot tapping away like crazy. She was pretty good at ‘that’ look even when sitting.

But even she warmed up toward him after a while. I guess she recognized that his gentleness to me and his consideration toward our family were genuine. Being a self-made cast away from his own natural family called for a rapid adjustment in how a reasonably ‘normal’ family functioned.

He was not stupid. Indeed quite the opposite was true and he had a unique kind of street sense that served him quite well. He wanted to be with me under whatever conditions were predetermined. He not only met those terms, but he also exceeded them. If I was doing the dishes after dinner, I’d wash them off and he would load them into the dishwasher that kind of thing.

Anyway, one Saturday evening we found ourselves alone and at home. We were doing what all good teens should be doing when alone at home with their respective steadies; making out like crazy on the family room couch during whatever was providing the background sound on the tube.

OMG! Can you imagine? The ‘tube’ that is so last century! I can’t even believe it. So, before we get to the good part, I must confess that up to this point in our relationship, I haven’t once mentioned his dick or should I say DICK! Yeah, he did have one. And yeah I did feel it every time we managed to get close enough for our bodies to touch. And yeah his dick was a monster.

I use the past tense because who knows? It might have shrunk. Or it might have even grown (if that’s possible)!!! I mean, they do amazing things with Botox and collagen. I felt it against my body the first time we kissed. I couldn’t imagine what it could possibly be because let’s face it, if you didn’t look carefully, you might have missed seeing mine entirely. I mean, it’s ‘look quick a small town’ versus a megalopolis or something.

Now let’s face it girls if a man does as he should, that is, to bless us with the mighty BIG ‘O’ (ours not his) with a reasonable frequency like whenever WE wish it (just kidding) (NOT!!!), then there is nothing we wouldn’t do for him or any place we would refuse him entry.

Okay but what about us? Well, until we get that BIG ‘O’, we def are in control. There is no doubt that the man’s power is in his dick and scrotum; or, as in Jimmy’s case, his BAT and his BALLS. As long as he has control over that lovely, hopefully, matched set, he has the power.

However, merely rub your hip against it, even when clothed, and his power begins to slip away. Wrap your hand, or mouth, around it, and its Kryptonite to Stupidman. Grab it and start walking? He’ll follow you anywhere! He’ll follow you everywhere! He will promise you, and get you, anything and everything if you only “oh please baby just a little rub?”  Or” come on sweetie just lick it once?”

I was so fucking (he did have that influence on me) naíve and innocent that I surprise myself. It was my sister who had to educate me. I mean, I was in transition (I really hate that fucking word I prefer rebirth) and I really didn’t know anything about guys in general so who could I ask? Mommy? No way! Could you imagine” Oh Mom, how far should I go with him tonight? Should I blow him or what?”  It simply doesn’t work that way in our home.

Corie was super resistant at first and I understand that. I mean she has to ‘come clean’ (pardon the expression) with the details of her own experiences and that’s not really easy with a younger sib doing the asking. It also means that her head and her heart have to be in the same place and space about my being reborn ). Rebirth is so much more descriptive, don’t you think? I don’t think that ( this was totally true with her at the time. It took a couple of days for her to come around and that seemed like a lifetime to me.

“He’s not forcing you, is he?!” She suddenly turned red and became a bit angry. I was somewhat stunned by her question. We were in her bedroom on the bed in our ‘bedtime’ apparel; large tee shirts and our panties.

“No!!! This is something that I want! I mean I want to do more. I want to give myself to him.” I did. I felt this need to do something different; something special and new to us.

“If anything, he’s very I don’t know shy?” I could feel her tension release. Corie looked down and pulled her tee hem over her knees.

“Cause you really don’t have to do anything you don’t want to or anything that doesn’t feel right. It never works and all that happens is that you feel like shit afterward. You know, used?”

I thought I could see a tear well up in her eyes. I was again somewhat shocked.

“Oh my God!”

She looked at me. “Listen, some guys do that. They give you the line about their needs not being met and how they go home in pain from the teasing and it’s OUR fault that they feel this way and everyone else is ‘doing it’ and all of that shit.”

“Nooo!” I was insistent and scowled at the thought. “It’s not like that at all!”

“Okay. Just remember what I told you about it feeling right, okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. This is between us, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. I guess you need to know this stuff and it’s better that it comes from me than one of your weird friends.” I was a bit pissed off at her remark but, for the sake of important info, I kept my mouth shut.

“There are three things you can do. You can jerk him off with or without his clothes on. If you’re pissed off at him, do it with his clothes on. Then he has to go home with that mess in his pants.”

She giggled at that. I sort of knew what she meant having done that to myself in bed a few times before the ‘mone's’.

“You can suck him off but that’s def not one of my favs I hate the taste and the mess but they really get off on that. You don’t have to swallow that crap remember that.”

I sat in awe of what she was relating. I really couldn’t imagine my sister, Coreen Kelly Maguire, doing these things at all. It was like as if’!

“You know Lizzie Cline?” I shook my head ‘no’ in wide-eyed wonder. She continued in a very muted and conspiratorial fashion, bringing her face right up to mine. “Well, she keeps this glass in her night table simply for spitting that mess into whenever her boyfriend is over and nobody else is home.”

I need to explain that we went to different high schools. Neither one of us wanted to wind up in the same classes or with shared friends. She was certainly more of a ‘normal’ student with good grades; and three years my senior. Being in the same school and grade would have been a problem for both of us.

“So what’s the third thing?”

“You don’t need to know that now? But if you think about it, you can guess it for sure.”

I thought of only a moment.

“Oh, my God! You’ve done it?!” Oh my God! My sister’s done it? I think she was becoming more relaxed about talking to me because she giggled before she answered.

“Yeah. You don’t know him? But I can tell you that I shouldn’t have given it up to him. It was kind of a mercy fuck, you know? He kept asking and asking so I did it. The next day? Like it was all over the school. He was telling anyone who would listen. It was such a major drag. Everyone thought I was such a slut and like every guy wanted to date me.”

“Oh, my God!” I was beside myself with anger at some guy I didn’t even know. He sounded like such a douchebag! “So what happened?”

She giggled again. “This is like too good! I ‘fessed up and said that he was short and spewed as soon as he got there” I giggled. I couldn’t believe I was hearing this stuff from her. “and that he wouldn’t lick me and get me off!”

“Eeeewwwwww! Then what happened?” Eeeewwwwww! I don’t eat raw fish either.

“He couldn’t get a date to save his life for the next year and a half!” We both laughed. I wanted to hear more semi-sordid tales from her but it was really time to get down to the facts.

“Okay” She became very conspiratorial again with a wicked smile on her face. “So, you don’t want to get him off right away. The longer you draw it out, and make it last, the more he’s going to want you.”

“That’s good?”

“You think? Yeah, that’s really good! You grab them around the shaft with one hand and jerk it up a couple of times. They’ll usually cough up some clear stuff you know, pre-cum? Wait”

Corie stood up on the bed and then hopped off. She quickly went to her clothes closet and got down on her knees. She kind of crawled into the back and pulled out a boot. After pulling out a pair or two of pantyhose (I don’t know how she could wear those) from the boot, she reached into the toe and retrieved a tube of K.Y. jelly and a battery-powered Personal Relaxation Device (a six inch long vibrator).