The Girl In The Band - The Lead Singer - Chapter 12

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“It’s about time you two got back,” Mr. Stillwell said sternly. “It costs money to keep these guys standing around.” Tommy said simply, “Sorry.” I shot him a dirty look, and he just smiled at me. Mr. Stillwell said, “Okay. If we can get our tampon girl to change back into that first costume, we can get started.” As I started to collect the pink dress, Ms. Snodgrass shouted, “Ms. Grant! Ms. Grayson needs make-up!” Ms. Grant fussed over me for a few minutes.

Finally, I got back into the pink dress and hurried over to my mark. The camera had been moved closer and positioned so that only my head and shoulders would be in the frame. Mr. Stillwell looked down his nose at me and said, “Thank you so much for joining us, Ms. Grayson.” He looked over at the camera and said, “Check the speed.

This will be slow-motion.” Back to me, he said, “Ms. Grayson if you would please, on my signal, smile really big and move your head around some. Cue the fan.” I stood there with the fan blowing my hair around. On Mr. Stillwell’s signal, I smiled and moved my head around. We did this with about ten other costumes before we quit. Mr. Stillwell walked up to me, handed me a sheet of paper, and said, “Great job, miss!

You’re very natural in front of the camera. Now, if you would please, study these lines for a few minutes. It always sounds best if it doesn’t sound like you’re reading them. Shortly, we’ll go back into that little recording booth and you’ll record the voice-over.” I looked over the first few lines and winced. I have to say this?

I re-read the first couple of lines, ‘If you’re a girl on the go like me, you don’t want anything to slow you down when.’ I shook my head as I memorized the lines. I noticed Tommy was standing around, talking to the camera operator. After several minutes, I felt I was ready and headed for the recording booth.

We were finally done! When we stepped out of the studio, it was well on its way to becoming dark. Mom, Tommy, and I exited the building at the same time.

Tommy put out his hand and said, “Hey, it was great seeing you again, Michelle. Maybe we can do something next time you’re in town.” He shook my hand, turned, and hurried down the sidewalk ways, hailed a cab, and was gone. I just stood there, watching Tommy’s cab drive away and feeling empty inside. I was hoping that maybe Tommy would invite me to another cool place for dinner.

Mom looked at me, and then said, “What’s the matter, Honey? You should be happy. You did well today.” I shook my head and said, “No, Mom. I blew it. I think I’ve got Tommy mad at me.” Mom gave me an odd look and asked, “What makes you think that?” I told Mom about the whole mess in Burger King. She listened with a look of concern on her face.

When I had finished, Mom said, “Don’t worry about it too much, Honey. It’s not like you were going to be his girlfriend anyway. It’s probably for the best anyway, since it wouldn’t be fair to Tommy. You shouldn’t have led him on like that.” “Mom!” I squealed. “I didn’t lead him on! It was all his idea. He’s fun to hang out with, but I don’t want to date him! Geeze! Come on, Mom. He’s a guy!” “Are you sure you haven’t been encouraging him?” Folding my arms, I said, “I’m quite sure!”

We were sitting on Kayla’s bed, facing each other and painting each other’s toenails, and watching MTV. It had been a week since our weekend in Hollywood. I hadn’t wanted to talk about it, but Kayla finally badgered me into it. “You were French kissed by Tommy?” exclaimed Kayla. “It’s such a waste that you’re not a real girl and hate being kissed by a guy like Tommy.” I said, “You wouldn’t have liked being kissed like that.

We’re just pals, and then he goes and treats me like we’re going steady or something.” Kayla looked thoughtful for a moment and then said, “Maybe with any other boy. But not with Tommy.”

I frowned and asked, “Just because he’s famous?” Kayla paused a moment, then said, “Yeah... mostly! And because he’s adorable!” We painted a few more toenails before Kayla said quietly, “I’m glad you’re a girl now.” I sat up straight with a jolt and said, “What? What do you mean?

Why would think that?” “We’ve been friends a long time,” said Kayla unnecessarily. “By the time we got to the fifth grade, I was really worried that it was going to end. That you’d change to be just like all the other boys and that we couldn’t be just pals anymore. I always thought of us more as girlfriends, and I didn’t want that ruined by you asking me out or something. But you never did.

“And now we’re sisters, kinda. I don’t do that blood sister thing with just any friend, and absolutely never with a boy. And now we’re real girlfriends! We polish each other’s toenails; do each other’s hair and make-up. I think it’s great!” I was stunned. I was shocked. I was dumbfounded.

Before I could say anything, Kayla pointed at the television and shouted, “Look!” There I was on the screen in the pretty pink dress, with my voice saying, “If you’re a girl on the go like me, you don’t want to be slowed down when...” The scene changed to me in a cheerleader uniform waving pom-poms and my voice continued, “you’re cheering on the home team!

Or” The scene changed again to a shot of me rushing past the screen with school books, “you’re hurrying to school. Or” Me stepping next to Tommy in his tux and me in the satin gown, “going to the prom! Or.” Me with Tommy in jeans and sweater, “a walk in the park.” A box of Satin Teen tampons appeared on the screen being held by hands that weren’t mine while my voice said, “Satin Teen tampons by Tampax are perfect for girls on the go who need more protection than pads can provide.”

The scene changed again to show me standing there smiling as Tommy comes from out of the frame to kiss me on the cheek. I looked a little surprised, then looked towards the ground, then turned, laughing to face Tommy. “For girls on the go... like you!” “Michelle! You’re on TV!” squealed Kayla, “and Tommy kisses you!

That’s so cool!” It was really weird seeing myself on television. Especially as a girl! Kayla continued, “I loved the look on your face when Tommy kissed you. That look says a lot!” “What do you mean?” I asked. Kayla grinned at me, “Do I really have to say it? You should know. After all, he kissed you.” “I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Kayla rolled her eyes, “That wasn’t exactly an ‘ew yuck’ surprise look. That was an ‘oh yeah!’ surprise look. Don’t try to hide it anymore, Michelle. You enjoyed that kiss from Tommy!”

I was walking home from Kayla’s house on the cool spring evening. I thought about what Kayla had said about Tommy’s kiss in the commercial. Could she be right? Did I actually enjoy that kiss? I decided I didn’t really enjoy it, so much as I didn’t mind it as much.

It wasn’t as if it was the first time Tommy had kissed me. It surprised me, but at the time, it just seemed like a cute, sweet thing for him to do. Rewind, guys don’t talk like that, it was a nice, yeah, a nice thing to do. It wouldn’t have made any difference if say, Fritz had kissed me on the cheek, I paused in my walking to stifle a sudden urge to hurl.

Okay, maybe it would be a little different. I decided to just stop thinking about it as it seemed like I was only confirming what Kayla said. It happened, it doesn’t mean anything and it’s over. Period. Gah! Don’t say the P-word! As I entered the house, I headed straight for my room to change into something, well, more comfortable.

I grabbed a t-shirt from the drawer. I almost put it back because it was one of the t-shirts Brooklyn had bought me, and it was bright pink. I shrugged and decided it didn’t really matter. I kicked off my shoes and socks, put on a pair of sweat pants, and walked back to the living room to finish my homework. I put my books down on the coffee table in front of the television set. Mom had the TV on some show, but she wasn’t in the room at the moment, and I didn’t plan to pay any attention to it.

I sat on the floor with my feet under the coffee table. As I started to do my homework, several strands of stray hair fell in front of my face. Mom’s sewing kit was on the couch behind me, so I pulled out a few inches of red yarn. I then loosely tied my hair up in the back with the yarn. Mom entered the room from the kitchen and said, “Oh good, you’re back.” Then she added, “Shouldn’t you have done your homework before going over to Kayla’s?” “I’ll be done before ten.

I promise.” Mom just stood there, looking at me funny for the longest time. She finally said, “How did you know how to tie your hair up like that?” I shrugged and said, “It’s no big deal, Mom. Kayla’s been showing me some quick things I can do with my hair.” “Is that what you’ve been doing, stuff like nails and hair, over at Kayla’s the past few days?” “Sure Mom. Is there a problem?”

Mom shook her head and said, “Oh, no. That’s good, actually. Naturally, I couldn’t teach you those things when you were growing up. I’m just surprised you’re now spending so much time over there. You used to play with her a lot when you two were little, but for the last few years, you seemed to have grown apart.” I shrugged again and said, “I dunno. I guess we just decided we liked hanging out together again.” Mom smiled and said, “That’s great. That’s great...” She looked down at my feet and continued, “Love your toenails!”

I wiggled my toes and said, “Thanks!” Mom smiled and left the room, and I returned to my homework. I was just finishing my homework when John returned from his job at Taco Bell. He called out as he slammed the front door, “Mom! I’m home!” He glanced at me sitting on the floor and then did a double-take. “Geez! I thought there was a girl sitting there!” he said with a trace of disgust in his voice. “Gee thanks, John,” I said without looking up. “Dude! Seriously!” He lightly kicked one of my feet. “Look at your toes, man! What’s up with that?

nd your hair, and... “ He paused a moment, and then continued, “And what’s with that t-shirt!” “What about it?” I asked, finally looking at him. “Why would you wear a shirt that says that?” John said, pointing at me. “What does it say? I didn’t look at it.” I said as I tried to lift the front of the shirt up to where I could try to read it upside down. I gave John a sheepish look and read it aloud, “Boys are Stupid.” I started to put my school stuff away and said, “Sorry, man. I didn’t even notice that.

Still, you have to admit that sometimes it’s true.” John scowled and said, “No, I don’t think so!” Suddenly, the screen on the television flickered and I called out excitedly, “Mom! Mom! Come here quick! My commercial!” John turned around and Mom rushed in from the kitchen. There I was, standing with a solid white background, wearing the pink dress. We all watched in silence as the thirty-second spot played.

When it was over, Mom said, “That was really great, Honey!” John just stood there, looking horrified. “What do you think, John?” I asked. “Your little brother is on TV!” John’s face darkened as he said, “Two things, and they both piss me off! One, I didn’t see my brother anywhere on TV. Second, you were a last-minute addition to the band, and against my better judgment. And now, ‘Michelle’ has been to Hollywood parties, been talked about in magazines, and is now on TV.

The band has been little more than a footnote to your escapades with your boyfriend!” I stood up quickly, fists clenched, and yelled, “You’re not being fair, John! Wha... what do you think I’ve been doing all this girl shit for, huh!? What?!” I poked my finger into a startled John’s chest and continued, “You! You ungrateful son of a bitch!”

My voice was climbing an octave, which I think lessened the effect. I tried to fight them back, but tears welled up as I continued, “Do you think for one minute I want to be there on TV in front of millions of people to sell tampons? Tampons, for God’s sake! And, and, and... you got to spend all that time in the studio, your life’s dream, focusing on your music, making your dream happen. The only things I got to do were buy clothes and fuss with my hair and make-up!

Woo hoo!” Taken aback by my outburst, but undeterred, John said, “That’s not completely true! You got to go to a big Hollywood party and fun stuff like that. I didn’t get to do anything fun. I worked, dammit! We all worked, while you played.” Switching to a mocking voice and gesturing with his hands, John continued, “You got your hair done, and you went on a shopping spree, and you had a zillion pictures taken of you and you shot a TV commercial.

Oh, boo hoo, Mike! Me and the guys worked our asses off while you were on dates with your boyfriend.” “Boys! Stop this!” Mom started to say. “No Mom, wait!” I shouted. “John, I didn’t think you could be a bigger asshole, but I was wrong! Do you think what I did was easy? Just play? I was completely humiliated! I’ve never been so embarrassed! I put my masculinity on the back burner for you and your dream!

What a chump I am!” John sneered, “What are you talking about? You don’t have any masculinity!” My eyes flashed with anger but John never saw it coming as I lunged toward him and my fist landed firmly on his nose. I screamed, “And it’s your goddamn fault!” John’s nose started spewing blood. John stumbled over the coffee table as he backed away from me, and I jumped on him, bringing us both to the floor. I started punching him and crying, “It’s your fault! It’s your fault!”

John finally recovered from his initial surprise and raised a foot up and kicked me back, where I fell backward into the end table, knocking a lamp over onto the couch. As I was trying to stand back up, Dad had come rushing back into the house from the garage. “What the hell’s going on here?” he bellowed. John and I were both on our feet and Dad was between us, holding us back. John attempted a lunge at me, but Dad held him back. Then, he just collapsed onto the couch.

He was actually crying. Mom handed him a paper towel to wipe the blood from his nose. “Is someone going to tell me what’s going on here?” Dad asked in his ‘angry’ voice. “For Christ’s sake, Michael,” John groaned. “How many times do I have to say I’m sorry?” John suddenly yelled at me, “I’m sorry! I am so goddamn sorry! I didn’t mean to do it!

I wish to God I’d never played with that stupid bow and arrow! I’ve wanted so many times to take it back.” He sobbed for a moment. I sat down and was crying. John shouted, “Yes! It’s my fault! I ruined your life! And I... am... sorry! Okay? I’m sorry.” His voice trailed away. “What is going on?” asked Dad. I looked at Dad and told him what John had said. John sat there and said nothing. He just held his nose. Dad just stood there and frowned.

Finally, he said, “This is just wonderful, isn’t it? I was opposed to Michael pretending to be a girl from the get-go. I knew it would lead to problems, but I was over-ruled. And while I don’t approve of the way Mike looks right now or him selling tampons for God’s sake on TV, I have to say, John, get over it! It would have been easy for him to have walked away, and no one would have blamed him. But he was man enough to take the high ground to make a personal sacrifice for your benefit.” “But Dad!” John wailed, “Look at him! He paints his toenails. He manicures his fingernails. He plucks his eyebrows!

He has a boyfriend. He and I stood up and shouted, “I do not pluck my eyebrows! And for cryin’ out loud! Tommy is not my boyfriend! And, so freakin’ what?!” Dad looked quickly at Mom, then back to John and said, “Did you not hear what I just said?” He paused a second, then continued, “Your mother didn’t tell you this before because she knew you’d take it wrong, but Mr. Winters only signed you guys on because of Mike.

He thought Mike as Michelle was the band’s most marketable asset.” John looked crestfallen for a moment, and then said, “Dad, that’s bull! The studio wanted to hear a demo when we had a real Michelle -- Sammy’s ex-girlfriend!” Mom said, “John, the studio asks to hear a lot of demos. Mr. Winters said it was that special quality in Mike’s voice that lifted your band’s sound above all those other bands trying to make it.

And Mike’s image as a girl helped with getting the contract because the studio was looking for new looks. Sammy’s ex-girlfriend might not have had the image they were looking for.” John looked incredulous and said, “You’ve got to be kidding me! There’s no way they’d pick Mike over a real girl!” It was Mom’s turn to look incredulous. She said, “John, are you blind? Have you not noticed how stunning Michelle is?

The rest of the band notices because I’ve watched them drool whenever she’s around even though they know who Michelle is. Even now sorry Mike even now without trying, Mike looks like a very lovely young girl.” Dad frowned and said, “I know. It’s uncanny but he looks just like your Mom did when she was a teenager.

She was pretty stunning herself.” Mom put her arm around Dad. Mom said, “The band wouldn’t be where it is without Michelle. Michelle couldn’t have existed without the accident. Mike is trying to turn his personal tragedy into something positive. The least you can do, John is to be more appreciative of his efforts.” John just sat there a moment, wringing his hands and staring at nothing.

His eyes shimmered with tears he was fighting back. Finally, he said, “I’m sorry Mike. I’m sorry for everything.” He paused a moment, struggling to get the words out. “I know this hasn’t been easy for you and I want to, say ‘thank you for everything you’ve done to help me... and the band.”

“Hey Kayla, maybe you still have a chance with Tommy after all!” bubbled Holly as she sat down with us at lunch. She handed Kayla a celebrity gossip magazine that was open to a particular page, “Look at these pictures!” Kayla held the magazine so I could see, too. There were the pictures Nick had taken of Tommy trying to swallow my tonsils and of us yelling at each other. There were no pictures of me forgiving Tommy.

Kayla flashed me a look, and then said, “Man, I don’t know what’s wrong with that girl! I’d give anything to be kissed by Tommy like that, and it seems to have made her mad!” Holly said, “The article did mention that that girl has also been seen with Julia Briggs. Maybe she’s a lesbian?” I asked, “Does it actually say she’s a lesbian?” Holly looked at me funny, and said, “No, but they seem to suggest that.” Gina took the magazine and held it up and glanced back and forth between the magazine and me. “This girl sure looks a lot like you, Mike.

I mean, look at the hair and the nose“ I interrupted saying, “Well, we are related. Like I said, she’s my cousin... on my mother’s side from Oklahoma. It’s weird, but we both look like my Mom when she was a teenager. Once my hormones start kicking in, I won’t look like them anymore.” Gina shrugged and looked unsure, but she didn’t press the matter any further. As the girls chatted on about Tommy Kincaid’s possible availability, I was struck with a sudden thought. Everyone sitting at this table probably had their toenails polished and was wearing panties.

I wiggled my toes in my shoes, thankful that nobody had X-RAY vision. The panties? I admit I just like them better than my regular underwear. Kayla was saying, “I really don’t think Michelle is a lesbian. Have you seen her tampon commercial where at the end, Tommy kisses her?” A couple of girls nodded and a couple shook their heads. “Anyway, you can tell she liked it. I think Tommy’s just moving too fast for her.” Before any of the girls could say anything, I said, “Kayla, maybe she was just acting. You know, the director might have told her to act that way.” Then before she could answer, I asked, “And, I have to say I’m curious.

Why in the world do any of you care what people you don’t know and will never know -- do, anyway?” Holly said, “Because they’re famous! Nobody cares what normal people do. But famous people... you never know what they’re going to do, so it’s fun to watch them!” “They’re still just people!” I protested. “The only difference between them and you is that their pictures get plastered all over the world. You wouldn’t like it if pictures of everything you did were published everywhere.” Holly frowned and in a frustrated voice said, “Because I’m not famous! They are. It’s the price they pay for being famous.”

As I tossed my book bag onto the couch, I couldn’t help but see more flowers on the coffee table. Mom came back down the hall into the living room. “Oh, hi, Honey. I thought I heard you come in,” she said. “Hi, Mom. More flowers from Tommy?” I asked. Mom shook her head and said, “I don’t think so this time, Mike.” It bothered me that I felt a pang of disappointment. I plucked the card from the flowers. It read, “Hey, hoochie momma! Grats on your terrific commercial! You should have told me you were in town. I was throwing a party that night and would have loved to have had you. Hugs, and kisses, Julia”.

As Mom sat down to watch TV, she said, “I have to admit, I don’t like that girl.” I nodded and said, “She’s really out there; that’s for sure.” Mom looked up at me and said, “Oh, sit down. I’ve got some great news.” I sat down on the couch, next to Mom. She said, “I talked to Mr. Winters today. And while it isn’t official yet, he said that with all the buzz you’ve been creating, the studio has decided to move up the CD’s release date to May 15!” “Cool! It’s going to be awesome to actually hear us on the radio!”

I squealed. Mom said, “We’re going to have to be switching back and forth on radio stations though. The same day they’re releasing your single to Country stations.” I frowned when I should have been excited and said, “John’s not going to like that, me stealing some of the spotlights.” Mom shook her head, but kept looking at the television as she said, “John can just get over himself.” I walked into my bedroom and kicked off my shoes.

I took off my socks and sat on the bed and looked at my toes. I found it amusing that I’d spent the whole day at school with my toenails pink and nobody would have guessed it. I stepped across the hall into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I started idly brushing my hair. Kayla had other plans tonight, so I wasn’t going to get to visit her.

I looked at my make-up bag sitting on the counter. It wasn’t going anywhere tonight. I stopped brushing as I had a sudden realization. When school ended, we would be off for Hollywood and God knows where else. I was going to have to be Michelle twenty-four-seven for months. Where does Mike fit in? Should he fit in? I went back to my room, laid down on my bed, and cried.