The Girl In The Band - The Lead Singer - Chapter 13

OTHER CHAPTERS | ALL STORY LIST

Kayla came running up to me from the entrance to the school as I was getting out of Mom’s car. She slammed up against the side of the car and tried to catch her breath. “I heard it!” she exclaimed. “I heard you guys’ song on the radio this morning!” “Oh my God! You’re kidding!”I grabbed her by the shoulders. “For reals?” She nodded vigorously. “About ten minutes ago.”She took a deep breath and continued, “It was so awesome! I am so not joking.

The song is great!” From inside the car, Mom called to Kayla, “Hey Kayla! I’m glad you liked the song. What station played it?” Kayla peered into the car window and said, “Hey Mrs. Gray. It was WLZE 103.” Mom reached over and fiddled with the knobs. “Maybe they’ll play it again soon.” With her head still inside the car window, Kayla said, “Doesn’t Michelle have like the best voice in the whole world?” Mom glanced at me outside the car and said, “Yes. She has a very beautiful voice.” Kayla poked me in the ribs and said, “And it’s so cool that one of my peeps is a rock star!”

I rubbed my side and said, “Hey cut it out. And knock it off with that Michelle stuff. Someone might hear.” Kayla dismissed my comment with a smirk and a wave of her hand. From inside the car, Mom’s cell phone began to ring. “Hello?” Mom said as she held the phone to the side of her head. “Oh, hi Tommy.” Kayla clutched my arm and her eyes went wide. She whispered, “Is that him? Is it? Is it?” I put my finger to my lips and tried to shush her.

Mom continued, “No, sorry. She’s still back in Oklahoma. I’ll be happy to give her a message through, Un-huh. Yeah. Yes, she did. Sure, no problem. Nice talking to you, Tommy. Bye-bye.” Mom clicked off the phone. Kayla stuck her head back through the window, “Oh my God! Was that Tommy? Was that really Tommy? Ohmigod!”

She tugged viciously at my jacket sleeve. “I heard his voice! I actually heard it!” I pushed Kayla gently away and said, “Chill! I think you had too much sugar this morning! So, it was his voice.

It’s no big deal!” Looking indignant, Kayla said, “Well, it may be no big deal for someone who’s kissed him! But for” I pushed past Kayla and poked my head through the window. “Mom, what did he want now?” Mom just smiled and said, “He just wanted to let you know he’s heard our song on the radio, and he thought it was great. He said it’s getting a lot of requests on the local stations.” Before I could catch myself, I said, “That was very sweet of him. Did he say anything else?”

Mom hesitated, looked over at Kayla, then back to me, “He said he wishes you’d return his calls. He said he’s sorry for the way he acted, and he’d like to make it up to you. He also wanted to make sure you’ve received his flowers.” Had I, Tommy had sent two bouquets of flowers every week for the past five weeks.

Mom made me keep them in my room. Kayla squeezed my hand and said, “That is so awesome, girl! Tommy Kincaid has the hots for you really bad!” I glanced quickly around and whispered, “Will you please stop calling me ‘girl’?”

At lunch, as I expected, the discussion centered around our song being played on the radio. For the past month, I’d become a regular fixture at Kayla’s table. Which wasn’t a bad deal considering that most of Kayla’s friends were among the cutest girls at school. Holly said after she’d settled into her seat, “Hey Mike. Tell your brother we all love his band’s songs.

It’s really awesome!” Gina chimed in with, “I downloaded it this morning!” “Gina!” exclaimed Kayla. “Go out and buy it!” Gina shrugged, “I don’t know if I like it that much yet.” Before I could say anything, Pete, Ralph, and the usual gang of idiots swung by the table. Pete looked at me with disgust as he said, “I just have two things to say to you, Mike. The first thing is, your brother’s band is kick ass. Serious.” I said, “I’m glad you like my brother’s band.

Do you know if any stores have the CD yet?” Ralph shrugged and said, “Who cares? I downloaded the whole CD last night.” “The second thing I wanted to tell you is that you’re a fag,” Pete said matter-of-factly. The girls at the table all looked at me, then Pete, then back to me. I started to say something when Pete continued, “Serious Mike. Look at you. You’re always hanging with the cutest girls, but you’re not going out with any of them. Your hair is longer than all of them except Kayla. You don’t hang with any of us anymore. I haven’t seen you at a LAN party in over a month. You walk and talk like a girl. It’s just creepy.” I shrugged my shoulders and said, “What? Come on, Pete. How can you say that? I’m hangin’ with the five most bodacious girls in school and look at you. You hang with losers like Ralph and other bottom feeders. I heard that you and Ralph were caught once, naked and playing with each other.” The girls at the table started giggling, and Pete’s face turned fire-engine red. “That was a long time ago! …I mean, who told you that? They’re making things up!” I was burning a bridge I really didn’t want to burn. Pete’s been a friend and a gaming buddy since the third grade, but he’s been a real jerk this past year, even before Michelle.

I felt a sudden pang of sadness. Yes, I didn’t look masculine. I never told anyone at school about my accident. I quickly debated if I should mention it now. I finally thought better of it. If Pete and the others knew, they’d just make comments about how ballets I was. I stood up and said, “Pete, I know my hair is too long, but I like it that way. I know I’m not a jock, and I don’t really give a shit. But, I can kick your ass in deathmatch any time while blindfolded and you know it.

I’ve met movie stars and thanks to my brother, we’re about to be rich. And did I mention that I get to have lunch with the cutest girls in school? Ask me why I should care if you call me names?” Ralph frowned at me and said, “Jeez, Mike. You sure have become a little bitch lately. Can’t even take a joke!” Pete said, “Come on, Ralph. Let’s go.

Mike’s no fun anymore. He only likes to do girl stuff.” Casting dirty looks my way, the group of boys moved away from the table. “Well, that went well,” I mumbled to myself. Kayla put her arm around me and leaned towards me and said, “Aw, don’t worry about them. They’re just dumb boys. Who cares what they think.” I didn’t look over at her as I said, “I’m a boy. Remember? I’m a boy.”

We were sitting on Kayla’s bed and she was sitting behind me, braiding my hair. I wasn’t being much fun as I was still brooding from the scene at lunch. “Why do you let what Pete and they say bother you?” Kayla asked, sensing my thoughts. “Because, bottom line, they’re right,” I said. Kayla stopped braiding my hair and said, “Oh?”

I shook my head and said, “No, I’m not gay. I mean, I’m not like them. I’m not masculine.” “So? What’s wrong with that? I don’t care that you’re not Mr. Macho.” I shook my head and said, “No, you don’t understand.” I fought the temptation for a moment, and then decided I had to get it out. “I’ll never be like them. I’ll never really be a man.” “What on Earth are you talking about?” I turned around to face Kayla, “There was an accident when I was eight.”

I then told Kayla all about John’s misadventures with a bow and arrow. When I was done, there were tears in her eyes as Kayla threw her arms around me for a big hug. “Oh, Mike! I’m so sorry! That’s terrible! You’ll never be able to have kids or anything. No wonder you never acted like the other boys.” She paused a moment, then added, “But maybe it was meant to be that way.” “How can you say that?” “Well, if you’d started becoming a man, then there couldn’t have been a Michelle. If there was no Michelle, then everybody in school wouldn’t be downloading your song right now.”

I shook my head and said, “I don’t believe in fate. You make your own fate. If I hadn’t been able to be a girl, then John would have just worked harder to find another girl.” Kayla’s eyes were bright, “It wouldn’t have worked with another girl; don’t you see? Being Michelle is your destiny!” “I don’t know, Kayla,” I said. “I still have my thing, you know.

I was hoping to start HRT after the band’s run. That stuff’s expensive, even with insurance. Then I can at least look like a man, even if I won’t be able to have kids.” Kayla shook her head and said, “I don’t know why you’d want to be a man. I look around and I don’t see any boys in this room. I can’t imagine not wanting to stay a girl.” “That’s just it, Kayla! I’m not a girl. I’m not supposed to be a girl. You were born a girl, so of course, you would want to stay a girl.

Nothing personal, but I don’t want to be a girl!” Kayla frowned and said, “Being a girl seems to fit you. Besides, what’s wrong with girls?” Because girls are icky? That only works when you’re under twelve years old. I said, “Nothing’s wrong with girls. I just don’t want to be one because I’m a guy. That’s who and what I am, not to mention all the stuff that comes with being a girl that’s expected of girls, like wearing make-up and doing stuff with your hair and all the different clothes! Look, I’m sorry, but nobody takes girls seriously. Nobody expects great things from girls.” Kayla’s eyes lit with fury as she shouted, “Oh! That tears it!”

She bounded off the bed and continued, “Why are boys so stupid?” “Please don’t start listing all the great women in history!” I interrupted. “We’re in the same history class, remember? Like it or not, Kayla, boys expect us... boys expect girls to just be pretty and laugh at their jokes and do ... well... other things.” “I know some boys are like that. But some aren’t. And I don’t believe you’re like that either,” Kayla folded her arms, “and you look so good as a girl!” I was getting frustrated, “I might be good at pretending to be a girl, Kayla.

But that doesn’t mean I want to be one, or should be one.” I stood up and looked Kayla in the eye and continued, “I’m surprised at you Kayla. You’re only looking at this from the outside.

A woman can put on a three-piece suit, but she’s still a woman. A man can put on a dress, but he’s still a man.” I choked on the next words, but I forced them out anyway, “Just because I don’t have any balls, it doesn’t make me a girl. And, the same for you. You’re not a girl just because you don’t have balls.” Kayla frowned and said, “It sure helps.

You’re right; there’s more that makes me female. But I do think there’s more to being a girl than just the physical part. Do you think Tommy would have fallen for you if you only looked like a girl? Maybe at first, but he wouldn’t have stayed on if it didn’t seem right.” I laughed and said, “You’re assuming he was thinking with the big head.” Kayla shook her head and said, “Look, all I’m saying is, don’t reject the idea of staying a girl just because of some old, stupid ideas you have of what girls are.

It’s your life to choose, but you seem so much more like a girl to me than a boy.”

“I admit that at first, I hated dressing as a girl, but now it’s kinda fun. But I don’t think I’d want to do this every day. I can’t imagine putting on make-up and fixing my hair every day.” Kayla laughed and said, “What have you been doing almost every day for the past month?

You come over here and wear make-up. And only for an hour or so! At least I wear mine all day! Besides, there’s a lot more about being a girl than just wearing make-up.” We sat back on the bed in silence for a moment, both of us lost in thought. Finally, Kayla poked me in the ribs and said, “Hey, I got an idea and I bet Holly and Gina would go for it.” “What?” “A week from Friday, school is over. You’ll be leaving for Hollywood, and you might decide to stay and not come back,” said Kayla. “I doubt it.”

“I bet you will. Anyways, you need one little experience most girls have. Being a boy, you’ve been denied.” I folded my arms and asked, “What are you talking about?” “I’m talking about a slumber party!” she exclaimed. “Mom already thinks you’re a girl from school. Holly and Gina have both told me they consider you a girlfriend too, so I bet they’ll be up for it.

Let’s do it this Friday night!” “A slumber party? That’s for girls!” I said. “Exactly!” grinned Kayla, “just the four of us. I think it’ll be fun.” “I don’t know about this,” I said. “I’ll have to ask my mom about it.”

“Absolutely not!” said Mom as she looked up from the dirty dishes in the sink. “You’re a boy. It’d be inappropriate for you to spend the night with three girls. Especially since Kayla’s mom won’t know the truth.” “Why, Mom? Why is it inappropriate?” I asked. To be honest, I really wasn’t interested in going to Kayla’s slumber party. From one perspective, what boy wouldn’t want to spend the night, even platonically, with three pretty girls? Unfortunately, it only served to drive home the fact that I’m little more than a gelding.

And lastly, the fact that I was expected to be one of them. Slumber parties really are just for girls. Mom looked at me with a puzzled expression, “I just said it. You’re a boy. A boy and girls your age shouldn’t be sleeping together in one room like that.” As she turned back to the dishes, she added, “Besides, they’re just going to be doing girl stuff.” “Mom, we’ll be in pajamas, in sleeping bags. Besides, I think the plan is to stay up all night watching movies,” I said. Looking at the floor, I continued, “and it’s not like I’m going to be doing anything.” Mom turned back to me and gave me a weak smile. She asked, “How many girls are going to be there again?” “Three. Kayla and her two best friends.”

“Hmmm. I’m kind of thinking... you’re going to have to be Michelle every day for the whole summer, at least. Maybe one night of total immersion into the world of girls would be good for you.” It was bad enough being a girl for a week. The thought of spending an entire summer as one made my stomach churn. I’ll admit that I had some fun that I might not have had. And yes,

I spend a lot of evenings playing girl stuff at Kayla’s. But that’s mostly because that’s what Kayla wants to do, and it seems like a good excuse to be near her. “You’re right Mom. It’d be inappropriate for me to spend the night with three girls,” I said, trying to keep Mom focused on her original objection.

I felt absolutely ridiculous as I walked from Mom’s car to Kayla’s house. I was wearing new two-piece pajamas that Mom had bought. It was bad enough that the camisole top and the baggy pants were a soft pink, but across the top, it said in the dark pink script, “Daddy’s Little Girl.” My hair was in pigtails tied up with bright pink ribbons. I was also carrying a Barbie sleeping bag, along with a pink overnight bag with a change of clothes and make-up in it.

I looked like a walking billboard for Pepto-Bismol. I argued with Mom about the camisole top since it revealed just how flat on top I was. Mom had argued back that being small was normal for some girls my age if Kayla’s mom took any notice and that the girls there for the sleepover knew I wasn’t a girl. She also made me wear a training bra instead of the normal one that I usually wear and stuffed it with something.

Mom drove away before I rang the doorbell so Kayla’s mom wouldn’t see her and raise questions. Kayla answered the door wearing a baby blue nightgown. “Michelle! You’re so cute! Come on in. The other girls are already here.” “Don’t call me Michelle! You’ll give me away. Call me something else.” I protested. Kayla laughed and said, “Holly and Gina are already calling you Michelle. We can’t call you Mike and since they think you look like your ‘cousin’s’ twin, they want to call you Michelle too.” As Kayla closed the door behind me, I said, “I’m surprised they haven’t caught on.

I mean who’s going to believe cousins... identical cousins all the way.” Kayla shrugged and said, “They might suspect, but they haven’t said anything to me.” Before she could finish what she was going to say, Gina bounded into the living room and shouted, “Yay! Michelle’s here! Holly, Michelle’s here!”

As Holly came hurrying in from some back room, presumably Kayla’s room, Kayla said, “All right, guys! Let’s get this party started!” Kayla pointed to the floor of the living room as the place to dump my sleeping bag and stuff. As they hurried off towards the kitchen, I took a quick status check. Kayla’s mom was sitting in the dining room, adjacent to the living room. She got up when the girls started for the kitchen. Kayla’s dad was nowhere in sight. He was probably hiding in his bedroom watching TV.

As I entered the kitchen, Holly was already sticking a bag of popcorn into the microwave. Kayla’s mom was pouring Kool-Aid. Kayla took me by the hand and said, “You’re going to bake cookies!” “I’ve never made cookies before!” Kayla grinned and said, “It’s time you learned how to cook, girl!”

The kitchen was a complete zoo with three girls and me running around and giggling, trying to get snacks ready. Making cookies was pretty easy and I wondered why I never had done it before. Kayla’s mom said, “You guys go watch a movie or something, I’ll keep an eye on the cookies.” With a squeal and armed with popcorn and other snacks we raced back into the living room.

Holly grabbed a DVD and said, “Let’s watch ‘Girl Trouble’.” It was a Tommy Kincaid movie. It was a teen-angst romantic comedy chick-flick. I, along with most guys in the world had never seen it. “Great choice, Holly!” squealed Kayla as she took the disc and loaded the player. As Kayla was skipping ahead through the previews, I looked at the stack of movies they’d set aside to watch. “A Princess Bride”, “The Little Princess”, “Steel Magnolias” and a few others I’d never bothered to watch.

I decided I wasn’t going to survive the evening. We all lay on the floor in our sleeping bags in front of the television. Kayla was lying next to me with Gina and Holly on the other side of her. As soon as Tommy appeared on the screen, Kayla nudged me and said, “I can’t believe your cousin actually got to kiss Tommy! She’s so lucky!” Gina added, “Yeah. In those pictures, that was some kiss Tommy gave her.

I still can’t believe it made her mad. Does she not like guys or something?” I had a reputation to uphold, for my contracts as well as the band’s, so I said, “No. She likes guys and I think she likes Tommy. It’s like Kayla said, Tommy was just moving to fast for her.” Kayla’s eyes twinkled as she asked, “So, Michelle does like Tommy?” I felt my face getting hot as I said, “That’s what I heard. I don’t have any personal knowledge that she likes him.” Grinning, Kayla said, “Yeah, right!”

As she checked herself out in the mirror, Holly said, “Wow, for a guy, you’re pretty good with make-up.” Gina who was brushing my hair said, “Yeah, he is.” To me, she said, “I’m glad you’re doing this with us. Most guys would think this is too sissy for them.” ‘Oh, great, I’m a sissy’ I thought to myself as I played with my earring. I said, “Do you guys ever dress up your boyfriends like this?” Holly looked horrified and said, “Heck no! Are you kidding?”

Gina agreed. A little taken aback, I asked, “Why not?”

Holly laughed, “Who wants to date a sissy?” Frowning, I said, “What about me?” Kayla said, “You’re not our boyfriend. Besides, it’s different with you. You’re one of us.” Offended, I said, “No, I’m not!” Lowering my voice, I continued, “You seem to forget a lot that I’m a guy.” Holly said, “Sorry. It’s just that you seem so normal.

Not like a boy at all.” Gina added, “Most guys won’t go near make-up, much less wear it as good as you do!” Kayla laughed, “Can you imagine Pete or Ralph wearing make-up and a dress?” All the girls, including me, laughed at the thought. That’s wrong it’s all the girls and me. Around midnight, Kayla’s mom came into the room to say good-night. Leaving a light on in the kitchen, she turned off all the other lights and then entered her room and closed the door. For a while we just sat there on our sleeping bags giggling for no apparent reason with the glow of the television set lighting the room. I yawned big and stretched. Seemingly out of the blue, Kayla turned to me and asked, “Are you wearing a bra?” My face turned red, even though I’m sure no one could see it in the darkness. I answered quietly, “Yes.” Mom had insisted.

That’s when I noticed that beside each girl, on the floor was their bra. They must be quick because I don’t remember anyone taking underwear off. “Why do you ask?” Grinning, Kayla said, “No reason. Go ahead and take yours off. Girls don’t usually wear their bras to bed.” I reached up inside my camisole in the back, unsnapped the bra, and managed to remove it without having to also remove the camisole. I placed it on the floor next to me.

Even though a movie was on, we sat in the flickering light of the television and told various gossip stories mixed with predictable ghosts or other supposedly scary stories. It must have been because it was so late but we’d alternate between being wide-eyed and scared and not being able to breathe due to uncontrollable fits of giggling. I’m sure Kayla’s parents were getting no sleep that night. It was almost three in the morning and I kept fighting to nod off when Kayla nudged me in the ribs. Gina started giggling softly as Kayla pointed to Holly who had collapsed in a heap on her sleeping bag.

To me, Kayla whispered between giggles, “Come with me!” She then crawled on her hands and knees over to Holly’s sleeping form. She grabbed Holly’s bra, then stood up, motioning for me to follow. We quietly entered the kitchen which was lit only by the light above the stove. Kayla walked over to the sink, turned on the water, and then stuck Holly’s bra in the stream. “What are you doing?” I asked. Kayla giggled, “Just watch.”She took the soaked bra and tossed it in the freezer. Puzzled, I again asked, “What are you doing? Why did you do that?” Kayla giggled and said, “It’s tradition. Holly was the first one to fall asleep!”

It was approaching four o’clock and I was fading fast. Gina had crashed an hour earlier, secure in the knowledge that her bra was safe. I looked at Kayla and it was apparent she wasn’t going to hold out much longer. I looked over at her and said, “I had a lot of fun tonight. I just don’t understand why you invited me.” Yawning, Kayla said, “You’ve never been to a slumber party before.

I thought it’d be a fun thing for us girls to do before you left for Hollywood again.” Frowning, I said, “I’ll admit that I had fun, even though it was all very girlie. But Kayla, I’m not a girl!” She shook her head and said, “You are to me.” Pointing at Gina and Holly she continued, “And to them. And to Tommy.” It was my turn to shake my head as I said, “Knock it off about Tommy, Kayla.

Look, even if I decided that yeah, okay, I’m going to stay a girl and, say I’m going to date guys… like Tommy. You know what Kayla? I don’t have anything Tommy wants. So, let’s say I decide to stay a girl but date girls instead. Now, I don’t have anything that a lesbian wants.” I paused for a moment while Kayla just stared at me with sleepy eyes.

Looking at the floor, I finally said with a sigh, “And if I choose to stay a boy and date girls… someone like you… I don’t have anything you’d want either.” Kayla gave me a wry smile and said, “I think that still leaves being gay open.” I just grunted and with a sullen tone said, “Nah, I don’t think so.” Taking me completely by surprise, with a gesture of surrender, Kayla simply said, “Well, I guess you’re screwed.” She then slid down on her sleeping bag and fell immediately to sleep.