The Girl In The Band - The Lead Singer - Chapter 18

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I stayed home all the next day. The phone rang often. I let Mom answer the phone because Tommy tried calling using other people’s phones. During the time Mom had to leave our suite, I just let the phone ring. Flowers were delivered during the day as well. All from Tommy. At first, I was going to just dump them in the trash, but they were pretty and smelled nice, so I didn’t. Later that evening, after Mom answered the phone, she came into my room. “That was Mr. Winters,” Mom said. “He wants us down at the studio tomorrow morning.” “How come?

Does he want all of us or just you and me?” Mom sat down on the end of my bed and said, “Just us two for now. He does want to meet with all of us again this week. Tomorrow he wants you to run through that Japanese song a few times so they can see how it sounds.” Pausing for a deep breath, Mom then continued, “The big news though is that things are going to start getting busy for us.

Mr. Winters has arranged for appearances on the Tonight Show, The Late Show, and various other talk shows. He’s arranged for you to be a presenter at various kid-type awards. “He wants to plan a solo CD for you and get you back in the studio. He’s going to want John to come up with at least five new songs and wants us all back in the studio to get a new CD out this fall.

He’s also set up a 10-city tour this summer to promote the current CD.” I sat down next to Mom and said, “Wow. Things are really starting to cook. John will be happy. I think he was feeling ignored by Mr. Winters.” Mom shook her head knowingly, “John’s very impatient. He still doesn’t realize just how much work there is in launching a new act. Hal said that CMT has been pestering the studio for a video of your solo.

So add your video, the band’s video, and the video you’re shooting with that Japanese girl,” Mom paused a moment and said, “but John is still going to get upset. You’re going to have more appearances than the band.” It didn’t sink in until later what Mom had said about me getting more gigs than John. Nope, John wasn’t going to be happy.

I sat there next to Mom in silence for a few moments. Just as I felt she was about to get off the bed, I asked, “Mom, do you like me better as a boy, or as a girl?” Mom sat there in silence for a few moments as well, “If that isn’t a loaded question! Honey, the only important thing is who do you prefer being. Mike or Michelle?”

“That’s a cop-out Mom. I want to know what you think.” It was obvious that she was trying hard not to use a name or terms of endearment that suggested a particular gender. She said, “No, dear. It’s really not important what I think. It’s your life. I can tell you who I think seems happiest to me, but only you can decide.” Before I could answer, Mom said, “You know, you’re in a fairly unique situation. You’re at a crossroads where you have a choice most people do not get.

Most people don’t get a choice on whether they’re a boy or a girl. You do.” “Mom, I watch that talk shows sometimes too. I know about transsexuals. They choose.” I said. Mom smiled and said, “Some would argue about whether it’s really a choice or not. But their choice is different and most don’t have the opportunity at your age, even though they probably already know who they want to be. Your difference is that you don’t want the change, but have to choose a path that will be best for you. Why are you asking this?”

I frowned and said, “Kayla. We were talking last night” Mom interrupted saying, “That was kind of late, wasn’t it?” “Yeah, I woke her up. Anyway, we were talking and she said she thought I should become a girl. She thought I was better than Michelle. She said that she and her friends felt that when I was being Mike, it was more like I was pretending to be a boy.” Mom shook her head and said, “Honey, it’s not up to others to decide for you who you should be. My suspicion is that Kayla has selfish reasons for you to be a girl.” Furrowing my brow I said, “How can you say that?

Kayla is my best friend. She cares what happens.” Mom said, “You said it yourself. She’s your best friend. I’m guessing Kayla likes you, but can’t handle a best friend who is a boy. If you’re a girl, you can be her friend, and she doesn’t have to worry about you ruining the friendship by asking her out or whatever.” Mom looked thoughtful for a moment, and then she asked, “Do you like being Michelle?” I thought a moment before answering. Reluctantly I admitted, “Yes. I have to say I do, but it’s all surface stuff. You know, things like make-up and clothes.

Boy clothes really seem boring now. But you don’t get a sex change just because you like the clothes better. “For the most part, I like the way I’m treated,” I admitted. “Everyone is usually so nice to me. But, there are things I don’t like. Like the way guys seem to think I’m stupid or helpless.” I paused for a moment, and then asked, “But come on, Mom.

Tell me what you like about Michelle.” Mom thought a moment and then said, “I like the confident young woman. Michelle seems happier than Mike. Michelle is more emotional, but that’s normal for a girl. Michelle is a beautiful girl on the verge of becoming a star. Everyone loves her.” Mom laughed and said, “Here we are talking about Michelle and Mike as if they’re two people. Honey, all these things are very abstract and have nothing to do with what’s important. “It doesn’t matter if Michelle is a star if you’re going to be miserable as a girl. If you stay Mike, will you regret not following your dream?”

“I want the dream and stay Mike!” I almost shouted. “That might not be possible, Honey. Mr. Winters feels that you will soar straight to the top as Michelle. As Mike, while you might find happiness and success, you probably won’t be a singing star or an in-demand model. Honey, I keep telling you, it all comes down to what you’re the most comfortable with.

What will ultimately make you happy? It doesn’t matter what others think in the long run. You’re the only one who has to live with her decision.”  We arrived at the studio in a cab. Mom really needs to buy us a car. I think we can afford one. Later today she was finally going close a deal on a house she’d found. As we got out of the cab, I realized I probably should have given more thought to my appearance. Being a record label’s studio entrance, there were people hanging around outside waiting to catch a glimpse of a celebrity.

I was wearing camouflage pants and a black tank top with my hair in a ponytail, and I was wearing these incredibly huge hoop earrings. There were shouts of “Look! It’s Michelle Grayson!” and “Over here Michelle!” and people asking for my autograph. It was a tremendous ego boost. Could I just walk away from this? We tried to make our way through the crowd as quickly as possible and still sign some autographs. As I was signing their CD cover, one girl asked me, “What did Tommy do? You looked so upset!” I was surprised. Was she at the hotel?

I just said, “Sorry, that’s kind of personal.” Finally, we made it inside the studio. Once inside, the receptionist informed us where we could find Mr. Winters. He was waiting for us in one of the sound studios. We were passing one of the studios when I spotted a restroom. “Mom, I need to go.” “Okay, Honey. I’ll meet you down there.” Mom said as she continued walking. Over her shoulder, she said, “Don’t take all day, okay?” I took care of my business as quickly as I could. Sitting down to pee was now so automatic I didn’t even give it a second thought.

I studied myself in the mirror and decided my lipstick needed some refreshing and that my eyes could use a bit more mascara. I let my hair down and shook it out, then gathered it back up into a ponytail. I studied myself up and down in the mirror and decided that I was starting to look too fat. As I left the restroom, the door to the studio across the hall opened and some long-haired guy in a black t-shirt and baggy pants stepped out.

At first, I didn’t think anything of it, and then the guy turned and looked over at me. At that point, it became evident that I’d spent too much time with Kayla looking at teen magazines. Instantly regretting it, I blurted out, “Oh my God! It’s Chad Dumont!” Chad was the top pop singer in the country and was famous the world over. At seventeen, he was the music bad boy that every teen girl wanted to date.

I was giggling like a stupid girl when he looked over at me, at first looking annoyed that someone had let a fan in. Then, his expression changed and in a mocking tone, he raised his hands into the air and exclaimed in a high-pitched voice, “Oh my God! It’s Michelle Grayson!” Then he laughed. I suddenly became nervous when he started to walk toward me. I told myself to calm down. He’s just another boy, like me. Except he’s a little older and totally gorgeous. Scratch that. That’s something Kayla would say. In fact, Kayla has said it.

Chad is another boy celeb who she has a major crush on. Extending his hand toward me, Chad said pleasantly, “Hello! I was hoping we’d get to meet sometime. I’m a big fan.” “Really?”I asked stupidly as I limply shook his hand. Blushing, I said honestly, “Sorry. I usually don’t act this way. I’m such a huge fan! I can’t believe I’m actually meeting you!” I tried to stop gushing, but when it comes to pop music, nobody is bigger than Chad Dumont.

This would be like Mom meeting Elvis. Well, okay. Maybe not quite that big, but big enough. Chad laughed casually and said, “Don’t worry about it. I’ve used it.” I took a deep breath and calmed down a little, “I really am a fan. Your songs are so totally awesome! We even went down to San Antonio just to watch your concert at the Alamo Dome. It was great!” Looking a little too self-satisfied, Chad said, “Thanks. I’m glad you liked it.

You know I have a concert right here in L.A. in about three weeks.” “I know. I tried to get a ticket for it, but they’re all sold out.” Chad shrugged and said, “Don’t worry about it. If you want to go, you’ve got tickets. Right down the front. Backstage pass, too. Bring the rest of the band with you.” At first, I thought of offering to have his children, but settled for saying, “Thank you so much! That’ll be so awesome!” “Great!” Chad said. “I certainly hope to see you there.”He looked thoughtful for a moment, and then he asked, “Are you guys going to have a concert anytime soon?

Like I said, I’m a fan.” Excited that someone as famous as Chad would be a fan of our little band, I said, “In fact, we’re going on tour this summer.” Chad smiled and said, “That’s great! You’ll see me at least at one of them,” he said sincerely. He glanced at his watch and asked, “Would you like to join me for lunch in a bit?” “I’d love to, but I don’t know when we’ll be finished,” I said, knowing that Mr. Winters was probably growing impatient at my absence.

Chad smiled again and said, “Oh, they’ll break when we break. I can pretty much guarantee that.” Chad must have a lot of power here if he could do that. I said, “Well, then, sure! I’d love to!” I couldn’t suppress the giggle. “If you’re sure…” “Don’t worry about it,” Chad said as he started to turn the other way. “Catch ya later.” When I walked into the studio, there was Mom standing next to a less than happy Hal Winters.

Before either Mom or Mr. Winters could say anything, I blurted, “Mom! I just met Chad Dumont! Can you believe it? And guess what? He wants me to go to lunch with him! Isn’t that awesome?” “Yes, that’s awesome dear. I thought you were through with boys, anyway,” said Mom in a tone that brought my mood down a few notches. Frowning, I said, “Mom, it’s just lunch” Interrupting me, Mr. Winters said, “Miss Grayson, I believe we have some work to do this morning. But first…” he held up a tabloid-like paper. “we can really do without this kind of publicity.”

He handed me the tabloid and there were grainy pictures of me with Tommy, arriving at the restaurant and then kissing on the beach. There were actual pictures of Tommy kissing me on the beach! Then, there was a picture of me crying as I ran through the lobby of the hotel. I couldn’t believe how terrible I looked. I asked, “How do they get these things published so fast?” Snatching the tabloid paper from my hands, Mr. Winters said, “That’s not important. While it wasn’t planned, your little relationship with Tommy was fueling both music sales and video sales, and rentals.

I doubt it will hurt your sales, but a backlash has already started against Tommy because a lot of his fans believe he hurt you.” I stood there a moment, looking indignant. Frowning I said, “He did hurt me. He tried to take advantage of me!” Shaking his head and gathering up some papers from a nearby table, Mr. Winters said, “Look, miss. Tommy has already told me how you led him on and made him think he was going to get something that… well, something you couldn’t give him anyway.”Mr. Winters looked down his nose at me and frowned. “Hal,” Mom said.

She paused a second then continued, “Mr. Winters! That’s uncalled for! Michelle didn’t lead anybody on. She thought she was just going on a nice date with what she thought was a nice boy. He practically raped her!” “Mom! Let’s don’t get carried away!”I said. He may have tried to go too far, but I didn’t want to try to torpedo his career. Blustering, Mr. Winters almost shouted, “Ms. Gray! How dare you! If you want to work in this town, I suggest you keep such outlandish thoughts to yourself!” Mom backpedaled a little and said, “Okay, maybe not exactly rape, but he did try to take advantage of her!” Mr. Winters opened his briefcase and started quickly stuffing papers into it. As he closed it, he said, “Well, it’s obvious that we’re not going to get any work done today.

I have some other pressing things to attend to.”Turning to Mom, he continued, “Be here tomorrow by eight AM and let’s try to get some work done, shall we?” Mr. Winters handed Mom some sheet music. He barked, “Make sure she’s familiar with these songs by tomorrow. We’ll be working on the arrangements. I’m changing the schedule somewhat so we can get started on John’s new CD and her new solo CD. I wanted to work on those arrangements today, but I have to do damage control on Tommy’s career.”

Turning towards me, Mr. Winters said gruffly, “And you, young lady, be careful what you say. I’m sure the press will sometime in the next few days hit you up with some questions about Tommy. Just admit that you overreacted and try to diffuse the issue.” “Overreacted!” I almost shouted. “I don’t think so!” “You’re overreacting now,” Mr. Winters said, irritated. “It will behoove you to remember what’s in your best interest.” In a huff, Mr. Winters hurried out of the studio. Mom sighed and stared at the studio musicians who were starting to break down their equipment. She said, “Well, that went well” “Not!” I said. “This whole thing has been a total disaster! And all because of a stupid boy! I tell you, Mom. I’m through with boys.

I don’t even know why I tried to date one.”And honestly, I really don’t know. Mom handed me the sheet music. She said, “Here, take these and start looking over them.”She then pulled some money out of her purse and handed it to me. “Here’s something for cab fare if you need it. I’m going to chase down Mr. Winters and see if I can calm him down a little bit. I’m also going to finalize the deal on our new house. So you’re on your own for the rest of the day, okay?” I transferred the money to my purse and said, “Sure Mom. That’s fine.” Mom gave me a quick hug and left the studio.

I stood around for a few minutes, watching the musicians and technicians put up their stuff. Then I walked out into the hallway. On my way out of the building, I passed the doors that led to the studio that Chad had come out of. I tried the door and it wasn’t locked. I guess he wasn’t recording at the moment. I opened the door and went inside. There were several people sitting and standing around. I could see Chad sitting in a booth wearing headphones, studying some sheet music. As I found a place to sit down, the warning light that they were about to start recording came on.

A guy I assumed was the producer cued the folks in the control booth, then turned and cued Chad. Apparently, the band had already recorded their tracks and they were laying down Chad’s voice track. I sat there next to a couple of other girls and listened to Chad sing. He does have a great voice. When I found myself swaying back and forth with the other girls, I made a conscious effort to stop. When he finished singing, he glanced out of the small recording booth and saw me sitting there. He tossed me a quick smile.

He waited until the sound guy had signaled him before saying, “Hey guys, let’s break for lunch, okay?” The producer glanced at his watch and said, “It’s a little early, but sure, okay. Everyone be back here by one.” Chad exited the booth and started to walk toward me. The other two girls got up to approach him, but he walked past them without a glance and said, “Michelle! I’m glad to see you again. What did you think of the new song?”

I had to beat down the excitement from being a foot away from Chad Dumont. I had to remind myself that he’s just another guy just like me. Except he’s not wearing a bra. “It was wonderful! I really liked it,” I said honestly.

Chad smiled and said, “I’m glad you enjoyed it. Coming from such a good singer as you, that’s quite a compliment.” I couldn’t think of anything to say and just stared at the floor. Chad asked, “Want to get some lunch?” Casually tossing my hair back, I said, “Sure.” “Great. You like pizza?”I nodded and he continued, “There’s a great little Italian place around the corner. They make pizza just like they do back home in Jersey.”

He nodded an obvious ‘let’s go’ gesture and took my hand and led me from the studio. Chad Dumont was actually holding my hand! In my head, I screamed at myself to stop being such a girl. I walked quickly to stay up with him. I had a sudden thought and asked nervously, “Chad, uh, what will Deirdre Huff say about you taking me to lunch?”Deirdre Huff was presumably Chad’s current high-profile girlfriend and the female flip-side to Tommy for the movie-going teen boys’ collective heartthrob. She also had a well-known temper.

Chad shrugged and said, “Don’t worry about it. Despite what you have probably read, she’s not my girlfriend. Not much, anyway. What about you? Are you too involved with that actor whats-his-name, Tommy?” I shook my head vigorously and said, “No. We are not dating!” Chad laughed and said, “Now that we have that out of the way, let’s go eat.” I mentally kicked myself because I was crushing on yet another guy. ‘Are you totally insane?!’ I shouted to myself. I looked over at Chad and in a breathless voice I audibly answered myself with “Yes”