One boy's Journey - Chapter 5

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We ate our salads and watched Suits on Netflix. Ree I have to admit, I love having you live with me. Your cooking and helping around the house have been great. I love you, sweetie. You're a great-niece. Thank you, Auntie; I love it here!

I wish Mom was with us. I know you really miss your mom, honey. But she's taking care of things back east. Come on, honey, we need our beauty sleep. I have work, and you have to practice.

6am I'm up without the alarm clock. I put on my swimsuit and cap and started my laps. I do 20 laps and change for cheerleader drills with Lexi. I tie my hair in a high ponytail. I fluffed it out a bit.

I pose at the closet mirror door. I sometimes think I should still be a boy, but I haven't seen Ryan in a long time. I know I'll never be him again, but I can't help missing being a boy once in a while. I grab my therapy notebook and write it down.

After I finished my notes, I started writing Mom a letter. I tell her about meeting Lexi and us practicing for cheerleading. I tell her about our trip to Napa Valley and tell her how she's been invited to the vineyard too. 8:30 a.m., and the doorbell rings.

I rushed to the door. Lexi is there with a big smile and an even bigger bag. You girls have fun today, Lexi. I'll pick you up after work tomorrow night. Okay, Mom, she hugs and kisses Taylor's cheek.

I introduced Lexi to Martina. Lexi curtseys and offers a limp handshake. Martina started speaking Spanish, and I smiled a bit. Lexi smiled at Martina and responded in Spanish. The whole morning, we were out by the pool, running routine after routine. It was exhausting, but I was still keeping up even as tired as I was.

LUNCH! said Martina. Girls go to the shower and get dressed. Yes, ma'am, we said we were smiling. We ran to my room, and I started the shower. Lexi pulled me into the shower with her. I need you to wash my back, and I will wash yours. Deal, I said.

We showered together. She washed my back vigorously. She then shampooed my hair. I did the same for her. It was very arousing to wash each other's bodies. As a boy, I would never have imagined being naked in a shower with a girl, much less this blue-eyed blonde beauty that was next to me.

We heard Martina call us down for lunch, and the spell was broken for the moment, but my mind and body remember the sensations of this moment.

When lunchtime came, Martina made us fish tacos. Martina sat with us as we all ate lunch. The fish tacos were great. Martina makes a pico de gallo that's out of this world.

We rushed to get dressed and went downstairs. Martina's fish tacos smelled great. They tasted even better. You girls, you were up there a little longer than I expected. We had to get the sweat off, I said. Martina smiled and said, If you say so, Ree.

Did you two wash each other's backs? Yes, Martina, if you said good, then I don't have to worry about stains on your clothes. Martina's smile was as wide as I have ever seen. She winked at us. Martina saw the way we were acting. You girls seem very close very quickly. Want to share?

We have a lot in common, I said. How so? asked Martina. We both have similar professional career goals; we wear the same size clothing and shoes. We are both in transition from boy to girl, for different but similar reasons.

We both have strong women as role models. I can see the extreme closeness between you two. Lexi and I blush. Look girls, I understand you both have been lonely for a while, and you share an attraction to each other. But keep it to yourselves, and keep your hands above your waist. Yes Ma'am! We said it in unison.

Good, now you two clean up lunch and start the dishwasher. I have to start laundry. Lexi and I cleaned everything up.

We ran through the routines after lunch for another two hours. Lexi recorded our routines. We reviewed them over and over.

Lexi asked if we could take a dip in the pool. I said sure. I was changing into my Speedo when Lexi walked out in a cute pink and white French-cut bikini. I felt my nipples stiffen up.

Do you have a bikini ree? Yes, but I usually swim in this. Well, we can swim too. I really meant to relax in and around the pool. I thought we could get a little sun.

I thought quietly, I could use a little sun, only because I am as pale white as any person could be. I pulled out my purple poke-a-dot bikini. I grabbed my purple mules. Lexi had wedge sandals.

I commented on her sandals. She said she loved her heels. I love high heels too. Lexi said, I can tell, you have quite the collection of heels and shoes. Thanks, I said.

We can always share shoes. I might take you up on that. We are both a size 8, said Lexi. We are also between sizes 0 and 2, I said.

Lexi smiled and said, This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship! I giggled and said I loved Casablanca! Me too, said Lexi. We giggled as we walked downstairs.

Martina Wolf whistled at us. You girls better be careful around boys at school. We will, Martina, I said. 4 p.m. started approaching, and Martina headed home.

We oiled each other up. I love the way Lexi applies the oil to my back and shoulders. My nipples were so hard they almost hurt; it didn't help that they were always a bit itchy. Lexi has a gentle touch.

I paid attention to her demonstrations of the tanning oil.

When she finished with me, she smiled and said, My turn! I applied the oil in the same exact manner. I saw her nipples get hard. Lexi let out a very soft moan. I smiled. Do you like that? I asked. Very much. You're much better than any boy.

We laid out for about 20 minutes, 10 minutes front and back each. Okay, let's take a dip. Lexi launched off the diving board. Her body was straight as an arrow as she entered the water. I did the same with more splash and a bit less grace.

I swam about ten laps. Lexi was doing a relaxing backstroke. You can really swim, said Lexi. I love to swim. Swimming was the one thing I could do after I got out of the hospital. That makes sense, said Lexi.

Lexi is the kind of girl every boy my age would dream to be with. Now I'm a girl, and she's right next to me, naked, washing my hair and me washing hers. My mind was racing, and my body was going crazy with desire.

As I finished conditioning her blond hair, she turned to me face-to-face. She kissed me. I froze up for a moment, then I returned her kiss. My body was electrified by her kiss.

My head was still swooning with remnants of the actions from minutes earlier. I found myself extremely fond of Lexi. I found myself asking if I am attracted to boys or girls, or is it just Lexi? I have always been confused about things since my transition.

After our shower adventure, I was even more confused. I knew it was wrong, but my head and heart were swimming with how good it made me feel. I never really noticed how closed-off I was until I met Lexi.

It wasn't Mom or aunt V's fault that I was so closed out; it was all me. Now an angel named Lexi has entered my life. Lexi is a ray of sunshine in my life. I was slowly getting used to my new life.

I am beginning to enjoy being a girl. With Lexi, it's made everything more enjoyable. Lexi and I have so much in common. I need to write all this down. I will see my therapist on Saturday morning.

After a second shower to remove the sun-tan oil, Lexi and I changed into casual clothes. I wore my denim skirt and sleeveless pink blouse, and Lexi wore a half T-shirt and a pink denim mini-skirt that showed off her belly button piercing.

I think she did it on purpose to see if Aunt V would consider changing her mind about me getting my navel done. I wore my blue mules, and Lexi wore my pink ones.

We made our makeup a bit heavy. Lexi is an artist with eyeliner. I did a light blue smokey eye with silver. Lexi did hers in pink and silver. I did our lips in ombre style. I did Lexi's light-to-dark pink and mine a pink-to-light blue on the outside.

I texted Mrs. Park and told her I had company tonight and would see her Wednesday. We played with our hair right up until Aunt V came home. Lexi and I planned a little greeting routine for Aunt V.

I really wanted a naval piercing now. I hope Aunt V and Mom will change their minds. I knew better than to beg or pester them. I heard the garage door open, and we rushed down the stairs.

Aunt V opened the door. Lexi and I were posed as she entered. Welcome home, Lady V! we said, smiling. We were both smiling very sweetly. Aunt V smiled. I was happy to see she didn't have dinner with her.

Aren't you two adorable? Thank you, Lady V, we said! Have you girls any thoughts about dinner? Just then, the oven beeps that it has been preheated. No need to ask Auntie V; Martina made us chicken burritos and Spanish rice. I put the burritos in the oven and set out the rice in the microwave.

Okay, girls, step out here. We did. Okay, turn around. We spun around like a dance move. We smiled, curtseyed, and bowed. Very elegant girls.

What is this all about? Nothing... We said it together. I just thought it would be fun. It's entertaining, but I suspect more. Care to explain? Aunt V was smiling, but we could both tell she was serious.

I wanted to show you how much we enjoyed spending time together today and to give you a little show. I can see that, and you, Lexi, what's your motivation here? Uh, uh! Come on, Lexi, just say it.

Vanessa It's just, uh, okay. Here it is. I want Ree and I to get pierced together! There I said it. I'm sorry. I just don't want to lie to you. Ree, is there anything you want to add? No ma'am! Lexi did not say anything to me about this.

It is the truth! I knew she may have thought about it. We talked about it, but I never put her up to this, I swear! Lexi? It's true, Vanessa; we talked about it. But she didn't put me up to say anything. I did this myself.

Please don't be mad at me, Aunt V, I said. I'm a bit surprised, Yes. A bit shocked, yes. Wait a second. Lexi, come here, honey. Lexi walked over to her. When did you have your naval pierced? The day after school was let out for the summer. I didn't know that.

Your mom gave you permission? Yes ma'am! Actually, she's the one who gave it to me. Okay, girls, I'll make you two a deal. I will talk to both of your mothers. If you both bring home A's in every class for each test, quiz, and homework in the first 3 weeks of school and provide your mother's approval, you girls can get two piercings each!

I approve of the piercings. No genitals, tongues, septums, eyebrows, or lips. Deal? Deal! We squealed. We set up the kitchen counter to eat. I opened a bottle of wine for Aunt V and poured iced tea for Lexi and me. Lexi warmed up the rice with Martina's instructions.

Aunt V was smiling. I'm going to change; I'll be down soon. 15 minutes later, the doorbell rang. I'll get it, Lexi! Mommy! Lexi is screaming happily. Hey baby girl, V asked me over for dinner.

I hope you don't mind me crashing your sleepover. Lexi gave her a huge hug. I'll take that as a no. Aunt V descended the stairs elegantly. She was wearing a sports bra and yoga pants with black mules, and her makeup was a bit heavier than before she went upstairs.

You look lovely, and so do you, my love. The oven beeps. Please sit, ladies, said Lexi. Let's eat at the table, shall we? said Aunt V. Lexi sat them down.

Lexi and I moved everything to the table, and I pulled out the burritos and let them cool a bit.

Lexi and I set the table for them. Lexi poured the wine and iced water for her mom. I brought over the food.

Lexi and I played waitresses for them. It was fun. After they were served, we sat down. We fixed our plates. We started eating and chatting. So, girls, Vanessa tells me you two want to get pierced together. Yes Ma'am. Yes, mom. Who's idea was it? asked Taylor. It was a joint idea, I said, but it was Lexi who had the guts to ask Aunt V.

You are a brave girl, Lexi. Why didn't you mention it to me? Because the subject just came up this afternoon. Ree loves my naval piercing, and I love her nasal piercing. You two seem to really be hitting it off well. Yes, Aunt Taylor, I said. Taylor smiled. We sure are, mom.

You girls seem to have a lot in common. It's a bond you share; never forget it. Work together, trust each other, and share your thoughts, hopes, dreams, and decisions with each other. The more united you are, the stronger you will be. Taylor is right, the girls, said Aunt V.

Ree, your mom said reluctantly that you could get your naval pierced. Do you girls know what you want pierced? Ultimately, I want my body pierced like you and Cathy, I said. So what do I say, Lexi?

When you graduate high school, you girls can have it all done together if you want to. So what do you girls really want? Double navel piercing like you and Cathy, I said. And you, Lexi? Lower naval piercing and a nose stud like Ree.

Your mom wants pictures, Ree. Yes Ma'am. We finished dinner, and Lexi and I started cleaning up. Taylor and Aunt V went downstairs. I was taking my time cleaning up. Lexi and I had a good idea of what they were doing.

We said nothing; I thought it was unusual to go downstairs. Aunt V never took me downstairs. The basement was always locked. Martina never went down there, and Aunt Vanessa never pointed it out.

I wasn't sure if Lexi saw it. I didn't ask. If it's one thing I respect more than anything else, it's privacy. My Aunt V has earned her right to it. We started the dishwasher, and Lexi squeezed my hand and pulled me upstairs. We giggled as we ran upstairs.

She started filling my Jacuzzi tub. She went into my bathroom closet and pulled out my hot rollers and portable hair dryer. What are you doing? I asked. It's hair and makeup time, girlfriend. First things first, jacuzzi time, then facial, we roll each other's hair. After that, we moisturize.

It sounds like fun, I said. It will be, said Lexi. Just wait until you see what I brought to sleep in. What's that supposed to mean? You'll see! You trust me, don't you? I guess... You're going to love it. We are going to have a lot of fun tonight. Lexi started pulling things out and asked me to pull out my sexiest nightie.

I picked out my purple babydoll nightie; it was ultra-short, and I grabbed my matching pants. This nightie had a matching choker with a gold pendant and a tiny hoop ring. When I saw it in the store, I blushed. I wanted it so badly but was afraid to ask. Aunt V could read me and insisted we get.

Lexi really knew what she was doing. She got out my setting solutions, cotton strips, and plastic caps. Lexi cranked the jets in the tub up high and turned on the bathroom fan.

I had a feeling that things might get very intimate. I was very excited and terrified. I didn't want to get in trouble. At the same time, I figured Aunt V and Taylor were downstairs doing something similar, but they are adults too.

Lexi and I stripped. She took my hand, and we got in the tub. We sat across from one another. She was massaging my legs, so I returned the favor.

Six months ago, there was no way I would ever be in a tub naked with any girl, much less a beautiful girl like Lexi. My head was spinning and my mind was in a fog. Lexi was the dream of every teenage boy.

By the way, Ree I saw your enema kit. I have one just like it. Lexi, I'm not sure I'm ready for all this. I promise I won't do anything you don't want to do. I apologize for being so forward, honey. You're my first real friend. I want to be very honest with you, Ree.

Girls like us don't have many people we can open up to. When most people figure out who we are, they tend to distance themselves from us. I know that.

I was almost beaten up in Kohl's department store by the girlfriends of two of the boys who beat me. Ree, if you don't feel comfortable with this, I will understand. I just can't help the way I feel about you.

I saw the genuine look of love and tenderness in her eyes. I leaned forward, she followed my lead, and we kissed in the tub. She started massaging my nipples. It felt incredible. I did the same thing to her. We played in the tub, washing and massaging each other.

My body was electrified by her touch. She stood me up, and we stepped out. I drained the tub and started the shower. We washed each other's hair and bodies. I was captivated by her attention. I did my best to return it to her. We finished and padded each other dry.

Lexi sat me down and started soaking my hair in a setting solution. She had me facing the mirror. Okay, Ree, pay attention, because you're going to be doing mine next. She was very instructive; I asked questions about her technique, and she was very patient, showing me how over and over.

It took her forever to ask me questions. We didn't giggle the entire time. She was all business about showing me how to roll my hair. Finally, my hair was loaded with hair rollers. She soaked my hair with more setting solution. She capped my hair, sat down, and said, You're up, girl. I started with her right side.

Lexi walked me through the first five rollers. The hardest part was doing the back of her head. I struggled a bit, but even without seeing my technique, she still walked me through it. I was finally done.

I sprayed her hair down with more setting solution, and she sprayed mine again. I capped her hair, and she started the hair dryer. I sat down first. After 30 minutes, my hair was dry and the rollers were so tight on my head that it hurt. Lexi was next.

While Lexi's hair was drying, I went and put on my purple baby doll nightie. I went super heavy on my cat-style eyeliner, heavy purple smokey eyes, and dark purple ombre lips. I put on my false eyelashes. I used two different shades of foundation and a purple blush.

Time! I said. I checked Lexi's hair, and it still needed a few more minutes. I went downstairs to get some iced tea for us. As I was filling our glasses, I heard a couple of muffled screams and some moaning. I figured if Aunt V wanted me to know, she'd tell me.

I went upstairs, and Lexi was still under the dryer. I checked her hair; it was dry. I uncapped her hair. She loved my makeup. So I showed her how to do a two-tone foundation.

I helped her with the smokey eye. We coated her lashes in heavy mascara. I showed her how to do three-tone ombre lips. She put on a pink satin babydoll nightie. I sprayed our faces lightly with sealer.

Lexi started taking the rollers out of my hair. Having the rollers out felt great. I started taking her rollers out. Lexi's thick blonde hair came out super curly. We both used one-inch rollers in our hair.

Lexi brushed out her hair first. She showed me how to brush out my hair. We both had curls for days! I was tossing my hair back and forth. We both looked so cute.

Ree, girl, you're a doll! Said Lexi. So are you, girlfriend? We both squealed loudly! The squeal was new to me. Where did that come from? I thought to myself. The truth is, I liked the squeal I made.

Do a hair flip for me. Ree. A what? I asked. Hair flip! Come on, you know! Boys love it when girls do a hair flip. Lexi showed me a couple hair flips. I did several. When I did my last one, Lexi kissed me. We went downstairs to get a refill of iced tea. We started watching First Kill on Netflix.

We heard some noise from the basement, but it wasn't like what I heard before. It was getting late, and as we were getting up to go to bed, the basement door opened. Both Aunt V and Taylor looked disheveled.

They both started blushing. Aunt V said, Wait a second, let me look at you! We walked up to them, and Aunt V gave us the spin signal with her fingers. Lexi and I spun slowly but gracefully. I love the hair, girls. Cute outfits, said Taylor.

Honey, I will pick you up after work tomorrow. Yes, mommy, said Lexi. Bree, I will pick you up at 8 a.m. for cheer camp on Wednesday. Yes Ma'am. Good night, girls. Taylor kissed our cheeks, and Aunt V walked her to the door. They kissed goodbye.

Okay, girls, let me have a better look at you both. Aunt V took our hands and led us upstairs. We walked into my room. We went into my bathroom and turned on all the lights.

WOW! You girls really went to town on the makeup and hair! I love it. See Ree I told you you would need all this! You sure did, Aunt V! I hugged her. I see Lexi showed you how to use the hot rollers. Yes, Aunt V, but I think we'll need more setting solutions. That won't be a problem, girls.

Lexi, are you sleeping in the guest room? I thought we would sleep in here if it's okay. Sure, Ree, you girls, get some rest. You have to practice tomorrow, and then you have ballet classes afterward. Yes Ma'am. Alright, girls, good night. Aunt V kissed both of our cheeks.

We took selfies of ourselves, and I sent them to my mom. My mom sent back smiley emojis and a picture of her and Mr. Milford. I told her I was very happy for her and to not worry about me. We exchanged I love you and goodnight.

Lexi was posing on top of my bed. She waved her finger at me to come to her. Bree, I am sorry, but I can't help myself. She kissed me, and I just submitted to her passionate embrace. Our hands were everywhere on each other's bodies. I copied her every action.

I never dreamed I'd ever have a girl touch me this way or touch a girl like this. My body was electrified with passion. I poured my passion into kissing her. My body quivered inside in a different manner than I was used to.

Lexi let out some soft moans. It was just then that I noticed we were both very wet. Our pants were soaking wet. She kissed me and said we're girlfriends now.

We will always be each other's first kiss. We are bound to one another for life. Lexi kissed me as deeply as ever. Come on, honey. She took my hand, and we walked into my bathroom and cleaned ourselves up. I grabbed some woolite and soaked our pants in the sink.

We went back to bed, cuddling together, and we went to sleep. I slept until 3 a.m. I woke up to pee. My pants were wet again. I took my dilator and started my therapy. I was so turned on by everything. I started to meditate to calm myself down.

I was getting very worked up, and I felt that deep internal sensation again. I decided to see if I could do it again. It happened again. I let out a soft moan.

I lay on the bathroom floor, feeling guilty and satisfied. I wiped myself up and put my pants in the sink to soak. I grabbed fresh pants,  went back to bed, and crawled in. Lexi rolled over and kissed me. She got up and went to pee too.

When she got back, I kissed her. Lexi ran her hands under my nightie. My nipples stiffened up, my mind shut off, and I was in response mode. She cupped my breast and played with my nipple. I was frozen in a state of ecstasy. I did the same to her.

Thinking to myself, I know sex for us so young is wrong. We are resisting the temptation. But this situation is a bit different. I mean, Lexi can't get me pregnant, and I don't have a penis anymore.

Right now, I wish I did. At that moment, I wanted to be Ryan again. Lexi could see the frustration on my face. Ree, are you okay, baby? Yes, Lexi, I am fine. She saw my tears.

What's wrong Ree, you want me to stop. Ye, no, ohhh Lexi I love it, I really do. What's wrong, girlfriend? Talk to me. It's just that you're the girl of my dreams.

When I was a boy, I dreamed about a girl like you. Now you're here, and I am not a boy. I wish I was a boy right now just to be able to love you like a boy can. I started crying softly.

Lexi stopped. Lexi being the caring, sensitive person, she kissed my lips softly. Rianna, my love, I love you exactly the way you are. Yeah, boys can do certain things, but girls can't. But being a boy is limited. I have a feeling that you were never a macho boy.

How do you know that? Because, baby girl, I was just like you. I don't want you to be a boy, macho, or controlling. I want you to be who you are now. What am I, Lexi? You're my girlfriend and sister, silly girl. Whether or not we date other people, we are always going to be girlfriends and sisters.

I looked into those blue eyes and just knew she meant every word. I kissed her. Come on, let's get some rest. We have to practice in the morning. I want you on my cheer squad. We cuddled and went back to sleep.

I woke up just before 6 a.m., rinsed out the pants in the sink, and hung them on the towel rack. I gave myself an enema and did my dilation therapy again. I put on my Speedo, put my swim cap over my hair, and very carefully got in the pool and started my laps.

I normally count each lap, but today I was as distracted as I could be. I felt more confused about everything. I was always an open-minded person. I got out of the pool after a lot more than twenty laps.

I went to the diving board, sat down, and started to meditate on everything. I felt my heart slow down and my body relax. My mind began to slow down, and I started to absorb everything that was happening. I asked myself if I was happy and if I was happy with the changes I had to make.

Can I do all these things I want to do? I realized I could do all this. I have family and a friend to lean on. My therapist always said that no one does anything alone. I got up and went upstairs to get changed. Lexi just got out of the shower; she was naked and beautiful.

I stepped in the shower rinsed off and dried myself off, and we put on leotards and leggings and got ready for breakfast. Martina was already in the kitchen. It smelled great. I filled the tea kettle with water and started heating it up. I grabbed a couple tea bags and cups for us.

Sit, you two, and I'll get it. What smells so good? asked Lexi. Breakfast fajitas! Aunt V walks into the kitchen and pours a cup of coffee. Oh, Martina, my favorite. Sit down here. Martina serves Aunt V first.

Ree, make sure you are ready for dance class tonight when I get home. Yes Ma'am. Lexi, it's been a pleasure having you here. I hope we will see you more often. Thank you, Vanessa; I love being here. We ate breakfast, and Aunt V kissed our cheeks and headed out.

Okay, girls, you better get to work. Yes, ma'am, we said to Martina. Lexi and I studied the video she recorded from yesterday and pointed out things that needed improvement.

She walked me through it over and over. We went through all five routines before lunch. I was feeling better about each one. We reviewed the new recordings. They looked a lot better.

After lunch, we went through it again and again. Our last one looked really good. I was proud of myself. Lexi said you're a natural. I have a great teacher, I said. Tomorrow is the big first day of cheer camp. I'm very nervous. Don't be Ree; the girls will love you. Just give it your best; you'll be fine.

We packed her up and waited for Taylor to pick her up. We watched First Kill on Netflix. Taylor rang the bell, and I answered it. Oh my gosh, your hair! I love those curls.

Thank you; I apologize to her. Taylor and I walked into the living room, and Lexi curled up and bowed. She spun around and said hi, Mom. Wow, you girls really went all out on the hair. Lexi found my rollers, and she showed me how to roll my hair.

Great job, Lexi, said Taylor. So I imagine you two had fun. Yes Ma'am. Good, Ree I will see you at 7:45 a.m. I'll be ready, I said. See you tomorrow! Lexi. We hugged and kissed each other's cheeks.

I went back inside and started writing in my therapy notebook. I told my therapist almost everything. I wrote even more in my diary. I changed into my dance outfit and loaded my bag. I was ready when Aunt V got home.

Dance class almost seems easy after all those cheer routines. My toe dancing was getting better, but it still needed work. I was getting better; my mistress even said so. We have a Christmas recital on the 22nd of December. We are doing the Nutcracker. On May 1st, we are doing Swan Lake.

The mistress measured each of us for our dance costumes. Shelly was the lead for both. She was the best choice. Shelly is a great dancer. She's been in ballet since she was 6. At 18, she was a pro. Shelly never talked to me much.

Today she was giving me pointers on my toe dancing. She was nice and professional about it. I just listened to her and tried as hard as I could. If I could get one person to like me in class, I'd like it to be Shelly.

Aunt V picked me up and talked to the mistress. Aunt V came out smiling. She said it looks like we have some calls to make tonight. Why is that? I asked.

Your recitals, honey. There's no way your mother is going to miss it. We are going to have a full house on the 22nd of December. I was so excited that I called my mom while we were in the car.

Mom! Ree! Everything okay? Yes, mommy. I have a dance recital on December 22nd. I hope you can make it. Of course, I will, sweetie. How are you doing? Great mom, I start cheer camp tomorrow and school a week from next Monday.

Are you ready for school? Yes ma'am. I've been studying all summer. I already have most of the work done for all my classes except chemistry. I hear you have a new friend. Yes, Lexi. You'll like her mom; she is helping with my cheer routines.

Do you mind if I ask Dan to come? Dan? Mr. Milford is silly. Oh, please ask him. Honey, it's late. I need to get to work early. Okay, Mom, I love and miss you. I love you too, sweetheart. It's good for Vanessa. I will say bye, Mom. bye, sweetheart.

Mom and Mr. Milford are coming, Aunt V!! That's great; you better call Cathy and Bree too. I bet they will want to come too. Aunt V? We are inviting Taylor and Lexi too. Of course. Can I ask to invite one more, please? Who's that? Martina and her husband. That's a great idea. Yes absolutely.

We got home, and I made us a couple chicken salads for dinner. It was just after 8 p.m., and I was exhausted. Aunt V said, Go to sleep, honey. You have a big day tomorrow. Yes Ma'am. I went upstairs, showered, did my therapy, and went to sleep. I set the alarm just in case I was so tired.

Good thing I set my alarm; it was beeping at me at 6:05 a.m. I did my therapy and gave myself an enema with coffee. I went downstairs, stretched out, and did 10 laps in the pool.

I brush my hair into a high ponytail and use very little foundation. Just a touch of mascara and some pink lipgloss. I wore my skinny jeans and white and pink sketchers with no socks. I wore my pink T-shirt with my pink T-shirt bra and matching thong.

In my duffle bag, I loaded my new all-white tennis shoes and socks. I packed two leotards, exercise shorts, and leggings. I packed a light blue tank top and two sports bras, pink and blue. I was as ready as I could be.

I walked into the kitchen, and Martina said you look very cute for your first day. I thought for sure you would wear too much makeup, but it's perfect. Gracias Senora. Denada senorita. We smiled. Here eat. Scrambled eggs and an English muffin.

She handed me a big pink Stanley metal water bottle. She was there for you on your first day. But I was going to buy just a couple of water bottles. Nonsense; besides, I bought it for you. Martina, you shouldn't have! I kissed her cheek. Thank you, Martina; I really appreciate it.

Aunt V came in as I kissed her. Look at my new water bottle, which Martina got me. It's lovely, honey! We are all packed and ready. Yes ma'am. Good, if you have any problems, call my office and have fun today. Yes Ma'am. A beep from a car horn. Gotta run bye. I ran out the door and into Taylor's Jeep Grand Cherokee.

Lexi helped me throw my bag in the back. We were off. I immediately invited them to my recitals on December 22nd and May 1st. They said yes.

It was 8:05 a.m. when we arrived. We pulled up to the gym. There was a sign for the cheerleader camp sign-in. We were sent to the locker room to change. 9 a.m. was the start of practice, and we were all required to be in the gym dressed and ready to start. I was assigned the vacant locker across from Lexi. I considered that a good omen.

We got dressed and headed to the gym. It was huge compared to back home. It must have seated at least 2500 to 3000 people. It's big, right? said Lexi. It's huge. It seats 3,500 people. The football stadium seats over 10,000, and it sells out every game.

I was looking at all the banners hanging in the gym. Football, basketball, volleyball, track, and swimming. You have a great swim team. Judging by the banners. Yes, swimming starts after Christmas vacation. The boy's swim team is really good. The girls team, not so much. The girl's diving team is pretty good. I am a diver. I could tell what I said. I wanted to stay as active as I could.

It's been 4 months since I've touched a video game, and to be honest, I didn't miss it. We changed into leotards and shorts. Lexi and I weren't the first out of the locker room, but we weren't the last either. The assistant coaches lined us all up and faced us. There must have been at least 40 girls. We had to hand up our cheer resumes.

We were called up one at a time. We had to do all the basic moves Lexi put me through. We had to shout the basic cheers that belonged to each set of moves. I watched four girls before me. When it was my turn, Lexi said, Don't forget to smile.

The coaches each barked out different commands. I performed each one as I practiced. I moved my hips more than the other girls. I put everything I had in each one. I felt very fluid with each one. A coach barked thank you and moved on to the next girl.

When it was Lexi's turn, she was on cue for every move. I thought I did pretty well, but Lexi was a pro! Once the first half of us were done, we were sent to another coach. We were running through basic gymnastics and some dance moves.

For me, they were easy. Some girls had a bit of trouble with them. Some girls laughed at others who struggled. I didn't laugh or say a word. One girl complimented me on my dance. She asked me for pointers. I told her to balance on the balls of her feet and widen her stance a bit.

I didn't want to help too much; there were only so many spots, but I didn't want to be rude either. She did much better the second time. My group was sent to cool down as the other half came in. Thank goodness Lexi was in my group. How do you think I'm doing? I asked her. You look great so far.

They will probably cut at least ten girls today. By Saturday, it will be a full squad with three alternates. There will be an A-and-B squad for basketball, volleyball, and hockey. If you want to swim, just let them know, but it can hurt your chances of making the squad if you only cheer for football.

I decided to risk it; I wanted to try swimming too. We broke for lunch and ate before the football team. It was 3 p.m., and we were all lined up. The coaches called out the names and asked them to step forward. Lexi and I were not called. I was nervous at first. Then I realized these were the girls that were getting cut.

They thanked them for their efforts and asked them to sign up for winter cheer tryouts. We were left with 32 girls. The girl I helped made it through the first cut. We were sent to the locker rooms to change. I showered quickly and changed into my blue sports bra and thong. I had to be ready for Hap-ki-do tonight.

Taylor picked us up and dropped me off at home. I thanked them for the ride and said I'd see them tomorrow. I changed into my GUI and waited for Aunt V.

She drove into the driveway. I got in and headed to Hap-ki-do class. Mrs. Park made me do 20 pushups for missing class. I stretched out with class, but I was still warmed up from cheer camp.

I went through my forms flawlessly today, and we were spared again. This time, I didn't freak out when I was hit. I actually took the girl down and made her tap. It was a good day all around. I was tired when I got in the car.

Aunt V stopped and picked up a couple chef salads, and we went home. We ate dinner, and I kissed her good night. I set the alarm for 6:30 a.m. I skipped swimming and wanted extra sleep and energy for camp and dance practice. With the cheerleader field cut to 32 girls, I wanted to be rested and focused.

6:30 a.m. came faster than I wanted it to. I did my therapy routine and a coffee enema. I showered, loaded my bag, and got dressed and ready. My curls were holding up pretty well, but I'd have to wash my hair tonight.

Taylor was right on time. Lexi was excited and asked me how I felt. I told her I felt good but was a bit worried about making the cut. She said to just keep focused and do what I was doing; I'd be fine. I asked her about talking with other girls.

Lexi said not to worry. It's all competition right now. We are here to make the squad. Making friends comes later. We held hands all the way to school.

Lexi and I were close to being the first to be ready in the gym. We started stretching out and getting ready to go. The coaches noticed. When the whistle blew, we lined up, ready to go. I was pushed to the front of the line.

We started our first routine. I was going along with the beat of the music. I used my peripheral vision to help keep in step with the others. It wasn't easy, but I glanced at the coaches to see who they were looking at the hardest—it wasn't me or Lexi. Lexi was directly behind me.

We started our second routine. I just tried to smile and concentrate on music to guide me. We sat and took a water break. The girl I helped said you're really good; my name is Emma. I am Rianna, and this is Lexi. I really hope to make it this year.

Lexi said you're very mechanical, Emma. Just relax, smile more, and try to have some fun. You were on the freshman cheer squad last year, weren't you, Emma? Yes, I was, but that doesn't mean I will make it automatically, said Lexi. Thanks for the advice. Good luck, Emma.

Routine 3 started, and again, I was in the front row. Lexi was beside me, and Emma was right behind Lexi. I seemed to be in sync with the music. Every time I saw Lexi, we were in sync. Emma was right there with us. The coaches made us run through it four times.

We had another break and started routine 4. We repeated it four more times. Then it was lunch. Emma ate with us. We ate light. Emma had a great work ethic about her.

Lexi gave her a couple of tips. After lunch, we went through the fifth and final routine four more times. I was stuck in the front the whole time. We had another water break, and we were all soaked in sweat.

We were lined up again. The coaches would call out random routines. This is where my karate training kicked in. When we do forms, It's never from the same position on the floor. Lexi and Emma followed suit.

After the random drill, we had another break and started our dance routine. This part was my favorite. I loved the dance routine. I put my skills to work—my head, arms, legs, and hips.

We did high-front kicks, spins, and squats to a jump. My form felt great. My timing with Lexi was near perfect. Emma was on pace with us.

We started our cooldown, and we were lined up. Names were called. And five more girls were cut. Lexi, Emma, and I will be back tomorrow. Emma asked if she had made it through Saturday. Could she practice with us over the weekend?

We said we'd have to ask our mom and my aunt first. She smiled and said thanks. I rinsed off in the shower quickly and got ready for ballet.

Taylor is right on time, as always. Lexi asked Taylor about Emma's practice with us. She said it's okay with me if it's okay with V. I like Emma, as I said. Me too, said Lexi.

You didn't know her, I asked. I've seen her around, but I've never talked to her. I think we made a friend, I said. We'll see. Let's make the squad first. Good idea. I just hope the three of us make it. I do to Ree.

I said thank you and goodbye. I went in and changed for dance. As soon as Aunt V pulled in, I jumped in the car, and we headed to dance class.

We were split up into pairs. I was paired with Shelly. Shelly was kind of cold to me at first. I didn't talk much; I just listened. Shelly was all business. After the first hour, she warmed up to me a little.

We went through our routines in the mirror together. She kept saying every movement was an adjustment. Soon, we were dancing in sync. Shelly was smiling now. It made me feel good.

Keep this up, and you'll be a lead dancer before you know it, she said. You're very kind, Shelly; I just hope I'm half as good as you are. Where are you going to school, Ree? Meadows, I said.

That's my school; I'm a senior this year. What grade are you in? 10th, I said. Did you sign up for any extracurricular activities? Cheer, drama, debate, and I hope to join the swim team.

I do dance mostly, but I am also captain of the swim team, she said. How often do you swim? Each morning, there are approximately twenty laps. Really? That explains why you are in good shape. I do gymnastics and hap-ki-do too. I used to hap-ki-do. I dropped out after I earned my blue belt. I wanted to concentrate on my dancing.

Where do you want to go to college? I have a full scholarship to UNLV. What are you going to study? I asked. In medicine, I want to be an orthopedic surgeon.

What about you? I want to be a lawyer like my aunt Cathy. Well, that explains the debate team. We giggled. What school are you hoping to get into?

I want to go to Stanford; I haven't really thought about a backup school yet. You know you'll need at least 175 on the LSATs just to be considered. I know, and I plan to take as many law-type classes in school as possible.

They offer Latin in your junior year at school. I saw that, I said. It's on my list. She asked me in Spanish if I spoke any Spanish. I answered her in Spanish. We giggled. Nice accent, she said. Our housekeeper is helping me practice. I want to learn Italian next.

We continued for the next hour, going over everything. The mistress came over. How is she doing, Shelly? Very well, Mistress. Let's show her, Ree. First position! The mistress commands us. We started our routine. When we finished, Mistress was all smiles. Very nice girls. Keep it up.

Aunt V picked me up, and we stopped for dinner again. Turkey wraps from this locally-owned deli. They were huge. I can't believe I ate it all. I was so hungry. I did my therapy, enema, and showered, and I was out. Again, I slept a little late and skipped swimming.

I needed energy for camp, and I had gymnastics tonight. I was going to have to skip Saturday gymnastics for the next two Saturdays if I made the squad.

If I made the squad, I'd be missing game days too. Most junior varsity games are at 5 p.m. on either Thursday or Friday nights, and varsity plays on Friday at 8 p.m. or on Saturdays.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm too busy. Truth be told, I've never felt better physically, and my night terrors are fewer. I'd be willing to bet I'm actually stronger now than I was before becoming a girl. I went to sleep at 8:45 p.m. Tomorrow was a big day. I needed to be my best yet!