A Bad Neck Day

I was driving home with a nasty crick in my neck.

The day’s workout hadn’t gone exactly to plan, and I had ended up twisting both my back and neck.

Thankfully my back was starting to feel better, but I still had an aggravating knot gnawing at my neck.

I rested my hand on my blue jeans and started tapping as I continued down the road, my long black hair blowing with the wind. I was twenty-two years old and trying to still figure out what to do with my life. I was in between classes from college and on a holiday from my part-time job at the mall.

I pulled the car to a stop at the intersection, parting my hair. I had to get some gas before I went home; the dam blinking light was going crazy.

Thankfully there was a station across the street.  Sweet. Maybe I can pick up some pain relief medicine there and a soda.

When the light turned green, I drove across the street and into the gas station. First, I pulled up to an open pump and got out of the car. I then started to fill up my car’s gas tank, tapping my foot impatiently as the car filled up. My nose twitched uneasily from the smell of gas vapors in the area.  God, I hate that smell.

Once it was filled up, I locked the vehicle and went into the small shop.  I will only be a moment. I won’t be in anyone’s way.

Once inside, I looked down the few isles they had, basking in the air conditioning. It felt like ninety degrees outside. I could see the pop in the back. As for the pain medication, I couldn’t see anything from the entryway.

I took a few steps when an arm grabbed me. “Hello, miss.”

Turning around, sweat on my back, I stared at a man in a crappy-looking suit.

“May I ask you your name?”

“Umm, Sarah. Sarah Carinwin.”

“Would you like to try my new product?”

“No, thanks.”

He moved in front of me. “Helps with all your problematic stiff worn and burning joints.

I am sure a woman like you would want to try Frederick’s Fancy Joint Relief!?”

I started to breathe in and out nervously.

I didn’t do well in these situations.

“I umm.”

“I can tell by the way you rub that neckline of yours you suffer from some sort of joint distress.”

I took my hand away from my suffering neck.

He pushed his bottle, which contained a blue liquid in a glass container, into my hands. “I promise if you drink this and you will feel good as new.”

After a moment, I took it just to get the creepy beady brown-eyed man to back off. “Fine, fine.

What do I owe you?”

“It is only three dollars miss for better health.”

I reached into my purse at my side, saying, “Ugh, fine,” as I handed him the cash.

He took it like a greedy goblin. “Thank you. Thank you. You won’t’ be…” He eyed the next person to walk in. “You, sir, would you want to try this wondrous product?”

I shook my head and went to the back of the store for my pop. It thankfully felt cold to the touch as I pulled it free from the freezer. I quickly found some aspirin in the center aisle.

Then I went to the cash register, paying for my drink and medicine before leaving.

Outside there was a man behind my pump, giving me the stink eye. I stared right back at him before getting in my vehicle and driving off.

Five minutes later, and I was home. I lived just off the road surrounded by hundreds of pine trees, and they stunk this time of year. I had to hold my nose as I got out of the car. I shook my head in annoyance, forgetting for a moment I had injured myself working out, furthering my pain.  Ow.

I took my gas station goods inside and immediately downed the aspirin.

It relieved the knots in my neck a bit.

I then went into the living room, slumped down on the couch, and watched some television. As the pain went away, I wiped out my I-phone and looked at what I had planned for the evening.

“Really nothing? I forgot that my Dungeon Delver group rescheduled until tomorrow.” Our resident dungeon master said he was out with a cold, but we all knew he was really driving up north to drive his mom back home. He just couldn’t ever say no and let his siblings do the work. I checked the time I had to be there. 2pm-7pm.  Well. I can still make my date tomorrow.

I turned on the television and flipped through the channels. There wasn’t really a set plan for tonight now that my gaming group was pushed off. Eventually, I found a sitcom I hadn’t seen before and settled in.

Before I knew it, I had dozed off. Abruptly waking up, I looked at the clock above the flat screen T.V. 9:35 p. m. Ugh, I slept for four hours.  I stood up, knowing I had to eat dinner. My neck was still in pain.  So much for the aspirin.

I went into the kitchen and flipped the switch. I could still taste the onions from last night’s meal.

Licking my lips, I went to the fridge.

“I only really have time for a freezer meal before bed.” I pulled out a rather ominous-looking pot roast meal, the package in all black except where it showed the paste-like interior.  Yumm?

I took the meal out of the container, the plastic feeling cold and slimy to the touch. I slid it in the microwave. After four minutes, my meal was ready. I then reluctantly pulled the meal out and peeled the plastic back. A blast of heat caused drops of sweat to form on my face and my nose to sniffle. I then tried my best to enjoy my feast.

The food was a bit better than I expected, but still nothing like when I got a chance to cook. When I finished, I threw the tray away and headed for bed.

I quickly went through my nightly ritual, brushing my teeth and flossing. Slipping into my pink and blue nightgown, I moved out of the bathroom and into my bedroom.

Before I got into bed, though, I rolled my head. My neck was still killing me.  I am never going to get to sleep like this.  Eventually, after much back and forth in my mind went out in the other room. I searched for the aspirin again.  Dammit, where did I put it?

Then I spotted Fredrick’s Fancy Joint Relief on the counter. I sauntered over to it, picking it up.

Hmm, what is the harm in just trying it?  I flipped it over to look at the directions.

Dosage: To help relieve joint pain, just drink from our special tonic; it will heal all your aliments and loosen your joints. Because the medical board requires it do not exceed 50 milliliters.

Side effects include: nausea, bloating, vision loss, shaking, and sleep deprivation.

I looked at the blue liquid carefully.  I was too tired to measure out something in milliliters. Eh, I doubt I will need that much.

I took the cap off, wondrous sent of flowers greeted me. I then tentatively brought it to my lips, taking a sip. When it hit my throat, my eyes opened in excitement.  This is delicious.  I started to drink it without any further hesitation. In fact, it was too good. When I pulled myself away, I noticed I had drunk the bottle clean.

“Oops. I hope it's ok if I overdid it.” I waited a moment, but I felt fine. In fact, as I stretched out, I felt better than fine. I felt great. “It really worked.”

I turned around happy and went off to bed.  I will have to thank that man next time I see him.

***

I had a peaceful night’s sleep. I awoke to the first rays of sunlight and my old faithful alarm buzzing off. For some reason, it sounded a bit distant. My still droopy eyes were fighting to open as my arm did what it always did and shut the dam thing off.

I yawned and turned over on my stomach. It felt a little weird, though, like it took some considerable effort, and something was scratching at me as I turned. I started to try and force my eyes to open one at a time.

Ahh, the good old familiar… rug?   I blinked hard.  Am I dreaming? How is the carpet on the ceiling?  When my eyes opened fully, I found myself staring at the floor from above. In fact, I could see the foot of my bed and my feet poking out from under the covers.

“What is going on?” I tried slapping myself to see if this was real. My hand hit something, but it wasn’t my head. I turned my head and screamed. I was starting at myself upside down. My body was lying in its usual position in the bed, but my neck… It had grown an immense amount up the wall and around the fan. I looked like a tan-skinned snake with a human body and head.

I suddenly felt my head fall towards the ground.

I had no idea how to hold myself upright. “Dammit, all. What is happening to me?” I tried to get my body to stand up. I found it quite simple. “Maybe if I start walking away, the rest of me will follow?”

My legs didn’t get five feet before being pulled back as if I was on a chain, my but hitting the side of the bed hard.

“Ow.” I looked up where my neck was coiled around the fan. “How do I get that fixed? Will, it even shrink back, or will it get longer?”  Please don’t get any longer.

I tried to move my neck. After a minute or so, I managed to lift my head back up to the ceiling. Taking in a deep breath in, I said, “Progress.” It was hard work. I had so many new muscles to learn how to use.

I next focused on uncoiling my neck from around the fan.

At first, nothing moved. Then slowly, my skin started to slither over itself.

It was a bizarre sensation.  This must be how snakes feel when they move around.  I gritted my teeth and kept pulling away, only to realize I was pulling in the wrong direction, making my grip on the ceiling fan tighter. After a blushed look of embarrassment, I started to move in the other direction, feeling my neck loosen. Soon I lost my grip entirely, and I fell to the floor below, almost crushing my torso. Luckily instinct took over, and I looped my neck out of the way.

But my head wasn’t so lucky. It hit the dresser and landed on the floor. “Oww.”

I then slowly rose my head up. “One crisis adverted. Now I need to figure out just how long I have become.”

I walked my body over to the dresser and found a measuring tape. “This should do.”

I started at the base of my head, quickly finding that I needed something to pin the tape down as my arms were too short. I sat down on top of my neck; it is oddly cushiony.  Hmm, what can I use? I don’t want to use anything that I can hurt myself with.

I wonder if I have any band-aids or something like that.

I moved my head into the bathroom. “Now, what drawer did I leave them in? Ah, this one.” I reached out to grab the drawer forgetting my body was in the other room.

I ended up having my torso falling flat against the other side of my neck. I looked back in annoyance. “This is going to be harder than I thought.”

After I moved my neck up, I was able to walk under it and into the restroom. I pulled out the band-aids and used them to keep the measuring tape in place. Eventually, after some fumbling, I could see just how long my neck had become.

Seventeen feet.  Dam.

I then did what I could to get ready for the day. I quickly used the toilet before awkwardly brushing my teeth and doing my hair. It was difficult keeping my head hovering close enough so my hands could do their thing.  Things were simpler when it was just attached right.

Then came the struggle to get my shirt on. I first put all of my other clothing on with relative ease, but my t-shirt I had to wriggle down my neck. Things were hampered even more now that I couldn’t just extend to full height and let my shirt fall into place; I was too dam tall. I kept bumping into and knocking over things like the black and blue outfit slid farther and farther down until finally, it was in place.

I took in a deep breath. “I will fix this all later.”

I tied my shoes and then went down the stairs and into the kitchen. It was 10 am already. I had no idea how much time I spent trying to manage myself upstairs.  I have four hours until… I blinked.  What am I thinking? I can’t go out like this. I have to call in sick. I have to…

The phone rang. I picked it up and instinctively held it to where my head used to be.  Damit it.

Lowering my head, I answered, “Hello?”

“Sarah? It’s Tim. I just wanted to double-check on what you were bringing to the Dungeon Delvers game today.”

“I, umm, am sick.”

There was a laugh on the other line. “Ya, right. You said that last week. Don’t lie because you want to cheap out on us two weeks in a row. We all have to bring snacks, and you are not an expectation.

Oh, and we are already down someone, so you are most definitely coming.” He hung up.

I sighed. “Great. That went well.” I fumbled around with the toaster, popping in some waffles.

While they cooked, I coiled my neck on the table and sat down thinking. “I could just not go. Ugh, then Tim would just come over and drag me to the game. He is such an overbearing dungeon master. I need to find a new group.” I shook my head. “What a predicament to be in. I can’t imagine the look on their faces when they see me.”

The toaster popped. I didn’t want to stand, so I just moved my head over and, after the heatwave passed and grabbed the waffles, moving them over to my plate. I then got out the syrup and dug in. After a few bites, I started to notice a new issue. My food didn’t travel that quickly through my snake-like neck. I looked in the mirror, and in fact, I could see small lumps going downward. “That isn’t weird at all.”

I made a mental note not to eat too quickly with this new delay to my stomach. Finishing my breakfast, I went into the living room. I coiled up around the couch and watched some television to burn some of the time. After flipping through the channels, I found an old western movie. I stretched, lifted my legs up, so I was lying with my feet resting on the side of my neck, and relaxed.

Once the film was over, I checked the time. 12:50 pm. “I should start getting ready to go.”

I went back into the kitchen and started to unload the pop that I had to bring to the game. There were at least five cases. One of the group members was addicted to the stuff. I rolled my eyes. I didn’t look forward to making a few trips back and forth to my car.

Then I got an idea. I looped my neck around and tried balancing a case on myself. After some effort, I was able to keep it in place.

Smiling, I set two more packs on my neck and carried the other two in my hands. “Hey, this isn’t so bad after all.” I kicked the back door open and used the foot sensor at the back of my car to open the rear door. Then I quickly loaded all of the soda into the back of my vehicle.

I then closed the back and went to the front of the car. Now I had a new issue. “Where am I going to fit my neck so I can drive?” I tried getting in, but my first attempt had my neck pushing my chest into the seat so much I couldn’t breathe. The second time I tried to move my neck into the passenger seat and loop around. But I was so uncomfortable that I couldn’t sit still and was jumping in place every five seconds as my neck rubbed against the window. Lastly, I tried coiling the majority of my neck in the back, loosely around the driver’s seat. That seemed the best option. It also allowed me to quickly turn my head in a full view of what was around me if need be.

No one is going to sneak up on me today.

I then started up the car and drove the decent forty-five-minute drive to DD.

Now that I was in a commutable position, driving was relatively easy. The only annoying thing was I managed to draw a lot of strange looks at intersections. I couldn’t stop the redness from coming to my cheeks.

Eventually, I came to Alwins Gaming Lounge. It was a small place where people came to play tabletop and video games. The owners were debating about splitting up the store after a fight broke out a month ago over who had the right to hold their tournament that day. I had never thought I would have seen the day when tabletop fans and video game fans would go head-to-head in such a cut-throat manner over something so trivial.

I pulled into the far corner of the parking lot, still a bit nervous about people seeing me. I took a few deep breaths. “Everything will be ok. Just walk in, and Tim will see why you can’t be here today. And maybe this will help me find the new group I need.”

I got out of the car and went to the back, picking up all the soda like I did before. Then I headed for the lounge, pushing the door in with my head.

Once inside, the place wasn’t too packed, but I instantly spotted my regular group. About five people already huddled around a table, talking and chatting.

They all turned when I entered the doorway.

Tim, his reddish hair and brown eyes, looked me up and down. “Sarah… you have umm grown, I mean come.”

The man next to him, Patrick, ran up to me. “Wow, how did this happen.” He took some of the soda packs from my neck. “This is really cool. Is it a costume?”

“No, it is real.”

“Real... Wicked.”

I coiled my neck up around my torso. “Really?”

He brushed his tan hair. “Well, ugh, why it wouldn’t be.”

I blinked. I hadn’t really thought of my neck being this long as a good thing.

The others were coming over. The other girl in the group, Tess, said, “Well, I guess it could be worse.”

Tim said, “How so? Her neck is longer they any of us.”

She shrugged, her black hair bobbing with her shoulders. “She could have scales.”

Everyone laughed. I even did, relieved that my friends were all alright with how I was. I set the soda packs in my hands down, “Well, shall we get to the game?”

We went into one of the side rooms where Tim had everything set up. I was feeling cramped up, so I stretched myself out around the table. I got a look or two at first, but everyone just pulled up their chairs, and we started playing. Well, that was except for Patrick. He decided to sit down right on my neck near my torso.

“Patrick.” I looked him square in the eye. “My neck is not a cushion.”

He put his hands down on my skin. “I prefer it to that hard chair. Sorry but I am not moving.”

I tried to throw him off, but he was too heavy, with that beer belly he had. I sighed and turned my attention to the game.

We continued our campaign, delving down deep into a dungeon.

At one point, Tess’s rouge became trapped in a room with a spike trap falling slowly from the ceiling. Up until this point, the rolls had been on their side. But now, time and time again, people just fell flat on their faces, ran their sword into a wall, or had their spells fizzle out. Nothing worked. Sadly it was the end for Tess’s rouge, who cursed and stood up. “Well, great.”

Tim didn’t even look up. “Don’t know what to tell you.”

She gave him an angry look. “Well, can I at least try and reroll a character?”

He shook his head. “We are almost done with the campaign. Wait until next week.”

Tess fumed. “What, that is just great.” She then stormed out. I sighed, then followed after her with my head.

“Are you ok?”

She looked at me oddly for a moment. “Ya, I am fine. Just angry, I had to die like that.”

I wrapped myself around her and hugged her. “It will be fine. I am trying to find a new Dungeon master as it is. Tim rubs me the wrong way.”

She laughed.

I uncoiled myself. “What is so funny?”

“I don’t know. But ya, call me if you find another group.” She walked the other way and left the store. I found myself smiling as she went. Then the moment was gone as I felt further pressure on my neck.  Dammit, Patrick, sit still before I can’t breathe.

The rest of the game went relatively smoothly. Though my own character, a bard named Canrina, almost died when we came face-to-face with the ugliest troll I had ever seen in my DD career.

No matter what we did, he just wanted to wail on me instead of our tank. Still, though, we managed to finish without any more deaths.

Afterward, we helped to clean up. I could finally breathe after Patrick had decided to get off of me. I started to say my goodbyes to everyone and head for the door. I was smiling, swaying back and forth as I went to the car.

I felt terrific like I had the best day despite having the world’s longest neck.

I was ready to go home before I remembered. Oh crap, I have a date tonight.  I thought about backing out for a second, but after the reactions I got from my friends, I just felt like I would tough it out.  I mean, if he can’t accept me like this, how can I count on him when times get tough?

I got in my car and drove to his place. We were just going to watch a movie there and have some pizza. It was the third time I was going to see him.   Well, I guess tonight is going to be a more significant night than we planned.

When I arrived outside his apartment, I just sat in my car for a bit, trying to think of the best thing to say to Matt to break the ice. Then I just decided I would knock on the door and see what happens. I got out, took a moment to compose myself, coiled my neck up, and walked in.

When I got to his door, room 8B, he opened it to greet me, a shocked look on his face. “Sarah? I saw you from the window. Is that really you?” His green eyes couldn’t take themselves off my new feature.

“Yes.”

He scratched his semi-bald and black-haired head.

“What happed?”

I shrugged. “Long story.”

He moved to let me in. “Would love to hear about it over dinner.”

I smiled. “Ok.” I walked inside as he closed the door behind me.

“I hope that you don’t mind. I picked out an old horror film for us to watch tonight.”

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t really like horror.”

He moved into the other room. “What are you scared?”

I sighed. “No, I’m just… fine. What year was it made?”

“1970.”

That isn’t too bad.  “Sure, I will stick around.”

“Cool. I just like old horror flicks.”

I moved into his living room, which needed a good dusting, and settled in. I sat on one end of his couch and extend my head to the other, stretching out. I then heard Matt’s voice from the separate room.

“Sorry, I am just getting dinner going before I join you.”

I could smell the cheese and pepperoni from there.

“It smells good.”

He came into the room. “Thanks… um just because your neck is that long doesn’t mean you can take up my seat.”

I moved back a bit. “Sorry.”

He sat down on the other side of the couch, starting up the movie as he did so. He then looked at me. “So, how did this happen?”

“I just woke up this way.”

“No, seriously.”

“I just did. It was after I tried some Frederick’s Fancy Joint Relief last night.”

He looked me over. “Seems to have helped your joints alight.”

I let loose a chuckle. “I don’t find it all that bad.”

“Really?”

I smiled. “I have found I can do things I couldn’t before. Sure it was hard to move around at first, but I just feel alright. And I can do this.” I snuggled up against him, wrapping around him gently before kissing him.

Matt smiled. “That is nice.”

I smiled back just as there was a ding in the other room. I uncoiled myself as Matt got up. “Well, time to eat.” As he walked away, I watched the film. It was in black and white, and so far, the monster in the movie had yet to appear. I could stomach these slower films vs. the higher pace jump scare modern films of today. That and the music, the dreadful music some of those modern films had.

Matt soon returned with our steaming hot pizza.

I wrapped myself up and started to eat.

I caught him staring at me and how the food traveled slowly through my body. I just ignored it, though. When we finished eating, we continued with the movie. I snuggled back around him. I didn’t want the moment to end.

But it did. When the film ended, I had to leave. Matt had to get up for work in the morning. I gave him a warm embrace before leaving.

When I got home, I went straight to bed. I was tired. I didn’t bother to get undressed as I didn’t want to deal with that hassle until the morning. I did brush my teeth and complete other nightly duties, but enough of that, I could fight off my drossiness until I hit the pillows. I coiled up on the bed and fell asleep.

***

In the morning, I awoke and stretched out. The first thing I noticed I was back to normal. A tear came to my eye.  I was just getting used to having a serpent neck. I will miss it.