Advertising Woes

I drove into the parking lot of the shopping mall where I worked. It was still about another hour or so until dawn. My boss Gregory had called me in early for a meeting. I was a bit worried about what that could entail. It was a Friday morning, and he had a reputation for firing people at the end of the week before they could get their paycheck.

As I shut off the engine and turned off my neighbor’s vehicle's lights, I took a moment to try and calm myself. “It will be ok, Sarah.” I grabbed a flashlight out of the glove compartment, then stepped out of the vehicle. I used the key to lock the door. The car was so old that it didn’t have an electronic lock like my old SUV. After the bug was secure, I slid the keys into my uniform pocket and headed for the mall.

The security guard greeted me at the door. He was an elderly sweet old man who had taken the job to help support his grandson through college. He waved his gnarled hand at me as I walked by. “Trying to get some extra hours in?”

I shook my head. “No. Boss called me in.”

He lowered his head, taking off his grey security cap to reveal his white hair. “Sorry to hear that. Hope everything goes well. Hate to not see your bright face in the morning.”

I smiled. “That you.”

I rarely talked with him, but it was nice to hear him say that.

I walked through the dark halls towards the clothing store that I worked at. There were a few employees already here helping to set things up. They were the unlucky souls that had to work here in the dead of night and early morning. My shift didn’t typically start until nine a. m. I couldn’t imagine having to work from four in the morning to whenever they could head home.

I walked to the back of the store and Gregory’s air-conditioned office. It was the only part of the store he paid for the blessed fresh air.

Gregory was asleep at his desk, his feet hanging off the edge. As I closed the wooden door behind me, I said, “You wanted to see me?”

Gregory almost fell out of his chair.

“What? Oh, you are finally here. About time.”

“It’s six-thirty on the dot. The exact time you wanted to see me.”

He squinted at me. He looked a bit sleep-deprived. “Oh, right. Right. Sit down; we need to talk.”

There was a hard wooden chair in front of his desk.

I slowly moved to the chair, a bundle of nerves. Gregory was clearing the papers from his desk as I sat down.

“I called you in here today because I want to talk about a special job I have for you.”

I looked at him, confused. “What kind of job?”

He crossed his arms. “I need to get more people to come to my store. To notice us.”

“So start an online ad.”

“I am not wasting that kind of money. And don’t interrupt me.”

I sighed and waited for him to go on.

Gregory cleared his throat and continued. “We need a big and cheap attention grabber that will get people to come to my store.

I was thinking of a billboard on the highway.”

“What do you need me for? And those cost money.”

“Not if I can get my special employee here to hold the sign for me.”

There was a moment of silence. I had no idea what Gregory was talking about. After a few moments, he seemed to get frustrated and said, “I want you to do the opposite of what happened a month ago when you brought in business.

You know when you had shrunk.

This time find a way to make yourself grow and advertise, advertise, advertise.”

My eyes went wide. “But-“

“Your job is depending on it, Sarah. I want results by the end of next week, or you are fired. Now get out of my office.”

I was speechless. I stood up and walked out.

He can’t do this to me. Is he crazy? Forcing me to be a giant so he can make a profit. It’s like he even expects I can change into one on-demand. Not only that, what am I supposed to do after I am what, fifty-plus feet tall. Spin a sign on the highway for my job?

I was getting too worked up over this. Sadly my job was on the line, and I would have to figure a way to make it happen, or I would be on the street at the end of the month. I walked out of the store, heading for my car.  I will figure this out later. For now, I need some more rest before my actual shift starts.

***

The next day I devoted myself to hunting down a Fredrick’s Fancy product. The few that had found me in the past, the sparkling water, cereal line, and juice, had vanished from store shelves already. The weekend went by without as much as a sign. When I had to go back to work on Monday, Gregory grilled me on my progress. He was dismayed when I told him I was still working on the details and reminded me that if I didn’t figure it out, I would be out of here by week's end.

After work, I decided to stop at the gas station where I first met Fredrick hoping that the shady dealer might pop up again. When I arrived, I found some odd characters hiding back by the beverages in the back, but none of them were Fredrick. They seemed to be buying the small store out of its Popping Strew, a famous soda brand, and when they looked at me, they had a crazed look in their eyes beneath their black hoodies.  This place is getting crazier every time I come here.

I thought while I was here, I would buy myself a snack for the road. I had forgotten my lunch for today and needed something to hold me over. As I walked through the isles, a particular candy brand caught my eye.  Fredrick’s Fancy Dark Cholate. Taste the perfection of our growing brand.

I grabbed a package, happy to find one of his products.  Taste perfection? His last product I had at my family gathering tasted like oil, so I hope this lives up to the words on the package.

I also grabbed a few granola bars. I still needed to have something as my snack. The chocolate bar was a work thing, as much as I hated it. I felt like I was rolling the dice with something that I had no idea how would affect my body.  If it doesn’t make me grow large enough- I don’t even want to think of what will happen.

I went to check out. There was a young woman with short blonde hair who didn’t say anything to me. A thought occurred to me as my silent interaction took place.  How am I going to get the sign to advertise with?

Even if I grow that large, where is this sign coming from? Hmm, I should talk about this with Gregory tomorrow if he has something planned.

I hope I don’t have to pay for this out of my own pocket. That is something my boss would pull on me.

***

The next day I went into Gregory’s office when I came into work.

“Sarah, is it done yet?” He asked as I walked into his office.

I narrowed my eyes. “I believe I would be on the news by now if I was done with your little job.”

He crossed his arms. “Then why are you back here.”

“I have the means to do what you want me to.”  I think.

“But, I need a billboard to advertise with before I start.”

“Ah. Good.

Of course.” He reached into his drawer and pulled out a piece of paper with some scribbled directions on it. “I asked a friend to get one ready, and it will be waiting for you here on route 58. If you are ready, I want you to leave work and head there now.”

“But-“

“Just go. Unless you want me to just fire you now.”

I turned and left his office, steaming. I had hoped to wait until tomorrow to do annoyance and try and call Matt after work.  So much for my social life.

As I walked out of the store, my friend Carien came up to me. “Hey, Sarah.

Where are you off to? Skipping out on work?”

I shook my head. “No. Good old Greg has me doing a special job for him out on route 58.”

She looked a bit puzzled. “What do you mean?”

I really didn’t want to explain, even when she had seen me on the day I had been only a few feet tall trying to work my cash register. “I am sorry, Carien. It is just too weird.”

“Weirder than when-“

“Yes. Now I have to go. I will catch up with you later.” I walked away as she scratched at her head—the fewer people that knew about what I was going to do, the better.

I continued my way out of the store. I strolled through the store some in vain hope that I could avoid this punishment. Still, before I knew it, I was standing before my car. With a heavy sigh, I unlocked the door and slipped inside. “Well, let’s get this over with.”

The car roared to life as I turned the key.

I carefully pulled out of my parking space. Afterward, someone slipped into the spot I had just been in, almost clipping my car.  Of all the inconsiderate.

I then started the drive to route 58. It was a relatively short distance to get there. I just had to go through a few intersections to get on the highway. After that, I had to find this sign that Gregory had waiting for me and see what the Fredrick’s Fancy product would do to me. I was betting a lot on the fact that the chocolate bar would make me grow enough so I could advertise for my boss.

Maybe after this is over, I should pay Gregory a visit. While I am still big. Make him understand that this isn’t ok. And pay him back for handling me like a doll when I was only a few inches tall before.

It didn’t take me long to locate the sign once I was on the freeway. It was only a mile or so down the road. I pulled off the way, the person behind me honking their horn as I slowed down. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see them flip me off. I rolled my eyes.  Really buddy.

I parked my car in the grass a reasonable distance away from the road, hidden behind a few trees.

I was worried that if this product made me shrink or transform into something small, I wouldn’t be able to defend my vehicle, and someone would steal it. That was the last thing I needed.

Once that was done, I stepped out, locked the vehicle, and headed over to the sign. It was massive. I just realized how big I was going to have to get to perform Gregory’s task.  At least fifty feet tall or larger, or I won’t be able to hold on to this thing.  I couldn’t imagine what being that tall would be like. The last time I grew, it was only to about thirty feet at best.  This is going to go so well. And to make matters worse, I am exposed here on the side of the road. Nothing like random drivers watching me transform.

Knowing I had to get this over with, I took the Fredrick’s Fancy Chocolate bar out of my pocket.

Without hesitation, I ate the whole thing. I knew I needed a tremendous reaction, so I wasn’t going to nibble on just a small piece.

The chocolate tasted nice and sweet.

If it didn’t mess with my body, I would have wanted some more. I then crossed my arms, watching the traffic go by, and waited for the magic to happen.

Minutes passed, and nothing happened.  What is taking so long?  Someone slowed down and stopped in front of me. It was a middle-aged man with a baseball cap and dark glasses. He rolled down his window and asked. “Need a lift good-looking?”

“Ugh, get lost.”

He took off his sunglasses to reveal dirt brown eyes. Man, was he ugly. “You sure?

Kind of a long way for you to be walking anywhere.”

Before I could respond, I felt a familiar feeling wash over me. I looked at the creep and said. “Look, buddy, no means no.”

“But-“

I started to feel my limbs stretch out as I saw the man and his car appear smaller before me. He took one look at my sudden growth and said, “Oh my god. Never mind.” He raised his window and sped off.

“Well, at least I got rid of him.”

I hugged myself as I continued to grow. I was now at least twelve feet tall and could easily see over the top of the passing cars. The feeling of my limbs stretching was uncomfortable. At least this time, my body was growing at the same rate.

As I continued upward, I received awkward stares from the drivers that passed by. By the time that the vehicles' roofs came to my waist, people were slowing down. They would say stuff like, “Am I dreaming.” Or. “That is a really realistic sign they are putting up.”

I started to ignore people and their odd comments. I just looked at the road and the ever-shrinking cars. They were already coming up to my knees. My growth didn’t seem to be slowing down either; in fact, it was speeding up. I felt like a squeezed tube of toothpaste.

Looking down, the ground looked so far away now.

I took a few steps away from the road so my feet wouldn’t extend out into the street. The tiny cars that no longer went by but stopped dead cold from looking at me. My face blushed a bright red.  Gregory is going to pay for forcing me to do this.

Finally, my height stabilized. I towered over the highway. I guessed that I had to be at least fifty or sixty feet tall. Looking down was disorienting. “Oh my.

I need to take a moment to being this big.”

The wind was cold at this height. I had wished I had grabbed something warmed then my uniform to wear as I shivered by the road.  Too late now.

I looked down at the sign by my feet. It now looked like an ordinary plank of wood. I was able to bend down and grasp it. I then went to my task of advertising. I already had about twenty pairs of eyes staring at me as it was. I just held the sign out at chest level and waited. I assumed that was all I had to do.

The cars eventually went on their way. I stood where I was, unsure of how long I actually had to stand there. Boredom set in very quickly. After a while, I tried to spin the billboard I was holding. It was better than standing around like a giant statue.

This had an undesired effect, though, as some motorists veered off the road to check just how life like I was. It was alright and all until I had people trying to climb me trying to take pictures. I looked down at them in frustration, trying to decide if I should do something or not.

I didn’t want to scare the shit out of them by speaking, but I couldn’t have these ants crawling all over my shoes.

Finally, I couldn’t take it. “Get off of me.” The young couple that had been trying to take a selfie on my left shoe fell over backward. They all looked up at me, a bit perplexed. I could see their tiny heads moving but couldn’t hear what they were saying, nor was I about to bend down to figure it out. I continued to spin the sign in my hands.

I did this for another hour or so until the boredom became too much. I felt I did what I said I would do for my boss. I had no further desire to be a giant icon on the highway. I set the sign down on the side of the road and thought about what to do next. I was still stuck being a giant, so I couldn’t go back to work. There was no way I could fit inside the mall. I reached inside my pocket for my cellphone. I had learned before items in my pockets grew and shrank with me. I was going to call my boss to make sure I could put an end to this madness.

After a few rings, I heard Gregory’s shrill voice on the other line. “Hello?”

“It’s Sarah.”

“Hey, look, I don’t want anything to do with scam calls, lady.”

I stomped my foot into the ground. It caused multiple cars to jump into the air as my foot sunk into the earth. “Hey, look.

Don’t make me walk all the way over to that mall and prove it to you. I am a bit short on patience for what you are putting me through.”

His slimy demeanor changed. “Oh, it’s you. I didn’t know you would have any way of contacting me. You are doing a swell job. People have been flooding in.”

“I am ready to be done with this.”

“Not when business is just starting to come in.”

I yelled into the phone. “This isn’t what I signed up for when I took this job.”

“Ok, ok. Keep your voice down.”

I sighed. Even though I didn’t want to listen to Gregory, he was right. The multiple blaring car horns were an indication that my volume level had gotten too high.

Gregory went on. “Look. We all have to do our part for this company.”

“How long do I have to stand out here like a fool?”

“Until you shrink back down, of course.”

I clenched my free fist. “No way. That could take all day.”

“Fine, fine. For at least another hour then.” He hung up on me.

I gritted my teeth.  Another hour. And if I am still big by then, you will have a massive problem, Gregory.

I continued to advertise for the next hour. I used my phone to check the time, checking it almost every five minutes, wishing for this endeavor to be over with. As I went about my business, I had a small flock of birds fly down and rest on my right shoulder. I tried to shoo them away. I just frightened the poor things, and they came around and peaked for a few minutes before flying away.

Eventually, it came time for my shift to end. Gleefully I threw the sign away. Not knowing my own strength, I threw it clear across the road and into a lake about a mile away. “Oops. Gregory isn’t getting that back. Ah, well.”

Considering it didn’t look like I would shrink down any time soon, I needed to figure out what I was going to do with my car.

I wasn’t just going to leave it here.

I scratched at my chin, wondering what I could do. I realized I could just pick it up and carry it with me until I shrank back down. “Shouldn’t be that hard if I could throw a billboard like it was a Frisbee.”

I walked over to the group of trees where I had hidden my car and reached down. I had to use both hands to grasp it but was quickly able to pick it up. I held it in my hands like I would a safe.

I then looked around, wondering what I should do.

There has to be something I can do while I am this big. Hmm. Well, first things first. I am going to pay my boss a visit and get him straightened out. Then figure out what I can do for fun at fifty-five feet tall.

I started walking back to the mall. I was able to take a much faster and direct route back. It was mostly flat terrain, houses, and small business between the mall and me, all of which I could just step over. It only took me a few minutes to reach the malls' parking lot. There I set my car down in one of the available parking spaces. Then I needed to figure out how I was going to get at Gregory. I wasn’t going to rip off the roof or anything like that. I could get into a lot of legal trouble later when I was of average size. “Hmm, what to do?”

I noticed there were a lot of people pointing up at me. Wanting to know what they were saying, I bent down.

“Hey, that is the lady I saw on the highway. I wonder what she is doing here.”

“I think she came for me. I told you she didn’t like me taking a picture on her shoe.”

I rolled my eyes.  Oh wow.

After a few moments, Gregory came out. “People.

As you can see, our new store mascot is here.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Mascot? Is that what you are calling me now?”

He ignored me. “We are still working out some of the bugs, as you can see. It is perfectly safe. My own creation. Come and enjoy our big sale prices.”

That is it.

I reached out and grabbed him.

“We need to have a talk, Gregory.”

Everyone below me seemed to back away once they realized that Gregory’s words were false. My boss grasped at the side of my palms as I raised him up to my face. “Sarah. Calm down, would you? There is no reason to overreact.”

“Overreact? Look at what you have made me do today. I am not an on-demand size-changing girl that you can use for profit.”

“Hey.”

I shook him. “We are going to get this straight. I don’t know why this is happening to me, but I will be dammed if you use these accidents for profit.”

He waved his hands defensively. “Ok, ok. But you still have to work if-“

“I want a deal that if something happens, like if I grow or shrink too much, I get a sick day.”

I could tell that Gregory didn’t want to agree to that. “I can try to accommodate you, but you can’t get out of work.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “I think you need to remember who is in charge of this situation.” I tightened my grip a bit. “I am not asking because I am tired of having to work like this. It is embarrassing. I don’t want to end up on the news for being a giant.”

I could hear him groan, but he still looked alright. “Look.

You have brought me a lot of business during these mishaps, Sarah. I can’t afford to lose this business.” He paused.

“But maybe we can come to some sort of arrangement.”

“Like?” I didn’t hide the edge in my voice.

He thought about his next words carefully.

“I won’t let you get out of work for these issues, but we will find something that you can do that makes you comfortable. It is the best I can do.”

I sighed.  I know my boss too well, and he isn’t going to give me any better offer. I can live with that until I find a better job. I can’t just give this up, or I might lose my home.  “Fine.”

“Good. Now can you put me down? I am a bit afraid of heights.”

I was about to respond when I felt a warmth start to spread through my body. “Oh, crap.”

Gregory looked up at me. “Oh, crap, what.”

I knew he wasn’t going to like being stuck in my hand as I shrunk, but it was a fitting punishment for what I had been through today. His face turned a bright red as I started my way downward. “What in the world is happening to you? Let me down.”

I ignored him for the moment, sitting down on the roof of the mall as I became smaller. I had thought about leaving him up on the roof. But as my legs started to lift off the ground, I realized how much hot water I would be in the next day.

I made sure to jump to my feet before I was unable to. I was now about waist height with the roof of the mall. I had to transition to use both hands to hold my boss. Not wanting to hurt him, I set him down on the ground beside me. Once safely on solid earth, he ran for the doors, watching me shrink down from the protection of the mall’s entrance. I watched as the stone archway flew over my head. I was finding that this process was no longer that disorienting for me.

I am getting used to growing and shrinking. I don’t know if that is a good or bad thing.

Finally, I came to a halt, back to my normal size. I had a crowd surrounding me. Before I could say a word, Gregory rushed forward and pulled me into the mall. “I hope you all enjoyed the show. We will be giving half prices to the first twenty costumers in honor of our shrinking gal.”

Even though I was happy to get away, I was still made that he was using me to make money. But once we were away, he said, “You can have three sick days for the more extreme events like this. Just don’t involve me in that again.” He then left me alone.

I was a bit stunned. I hadn’t expected that. I guess I had scared Gregory a bit more than I expected, shrinking down with him still in my grasp. Again, I couldn’t argue about the results. I now had some size-altering sick days. Not much, but better than none.

I was in the center lobby of the mall now, people going about their day. Multiple shops were around me, and some distance ahead was the store I worked at.

In the center of the massive hallway was a supporting beam with an enormous clock on it. It said it was already five p. m. My shift was over by now. With a smile on my face, I turned around and headed for home.  I earned my rest today. I feel incredibly sore after shrinking down.

After I take a good long nap, maybe I will call up Matt. I haven’t seen him in a while, and we should get together sometime.