Not to Take While sick

The phone rang. I knew it was my boss calling to see why I hadn’t come to work today.

I went to pick up the phone, coughing as I did so. “Hello?”

“Sarah. Where are you?”

I held my hand over the phone as I coughed. “I have that bug that is going around. I can’t come in today.”

“That isn’t an excuse.”

“I have sick days.”

There was a pause on the other line.

“Fine. But you are working overtime for this for this.” The line went dead.

Why was it that even when I am in dire straits, Gregory finds a way to make my day worse?

I reached over for the remote, turning the television back on to the Price Might. A game show about showing your dominance of grocery prices: it was a very competitive show, and people were taken out in rather comedic fashion. I was usually not home to see such odd television; this was better than the countless other soap operas that were on right now.

I turned up the volume as the comical came to an end. “Welcome back, valued viewers. We are almost to the end of another exciting night of Price Might. Our last two contests are about to show us what they have got and-“

The screen suddenly cut out as the power flashed. I sat up and cursed under my breath. “Dammit. It was going to get to the good part.”

I waited and waited for the power to come back, but as the minutes ticked by, the only thing I watched as a black television screen. Eventually, I stood up, muttering to myself. “Of all the things to happen.” I walked into the next room, dragging the blanket I had wrapped around myself with me. It was then I noticed that the lights in the kitchen were still on. I shielded my sensitive eyes. “Ugh, what is going on?” I walked back into the living room and gave my television a second look. There was a scorch mark on the wall where the t.v. plugged into the wall. I was amazed that there hadn’t been a fire. “Ugh, this is going to take a while to fix.” I covered my mouth as I coughed once more. I didn’t have the energy to deal with this right now.  What am I supposed to do now? I don’t want to just lie around and wait for this illness to pass.

Walking to the phone, I tried to see if I could get someone to come and fix my television for me. I called the only repair company I knew of, Jenny Fixer-Uppers, a small family-owned company that worked with anything from electronics to plumbing and even some small construction issues. The company was run by an aggravating woman named Jenny Pride. She lived up to her name a bit too well and could never stop talking about herself and her accomplishments. I didn’t like having to give her my business, but she was the only repair business in town. And right now, I was in no condition to head the half-hour drive or wait hours on end for one of the big chains to come to my door. Jenny was a pain, but she was decent at her job.

I dialed the number and waited as the phone rang. I thumbed my fingers on my legs each time I heard the phone ring. After a few moments, I heard, “This is Jenny Pride of Jenny Fixer-Uppers. I am out on a business call but will get back to you, my dear and valued customer. Please leave a message for the best repair company in town.”

I waited for the beep before saying, “This is Sarah Collingsworth. My television is a bit fried and would greatly appreciate it if you could send someone over to check it out.” I hung up.

“Great. Now, what am I supposed to do?” I scratched at my head. I was too sore to try and go back and sleep. I didn’t think I could stop coughing enough to read, and there was no way I was going outside for any type of exercise. Having a cold just makes life miserable.

Maybe I should just drink the Fredrick’s Fancy product I have in the fridge for some fun.

It was a fast and fleeting thought, and I almost thought I was crazy. Yet I couldn’t dismiss the idea. It would be an adventure, and as it was, I was just waiting around for things to happen.

I dragged myself into the kitchen, shambled over to the fridge. Opening the door, I found a Fredrick’s Fancy Sparkling Water sitting in the door. I had been saving it for this weekend as a way to blow off steam. I had grown to like my transformative adventures, even if I would never admit that to another living soul.

I picked up the bottle and examined it. I still had a hard time believing that the contents could do so much to me, make me grow, shrink, and transform.  I wonder if I will ever figure out a way to control these little devils. Well down the hatch.

I unscrewed the cap and took in a few deep gulps of the drink. I knew that I didn’t need that much for it affect me. I then screwed the cap back on and set the bottle back in the fridge.  Going to save this for later.

I started walking into the other room when I could feel the Fredrick’s Fancy drink begin to overtake me. I shuddered. Something seemed a bit off as the familiar warmth started to spread throughout my body. It felt more overwhelming than usual.

I coughed and suddenly grew five inches. The sudden movement so was so jarring I fell to the floor. “Ouff.” I raised my hand to my head and rubbed my scalp. “That growth spurt almost hurt.” I coughed again, each time I grew rapidly and forcefully. In seconds I pushed over a chair, now thirteen feet tall.

I blinked. I felt very weird. I held my hand over my stomach as it growled widely.  I don’t think this was such a good idea.

I tried to stand, but my body had other ideas. As my stomach lurched, I rapidly shrank downward. The change was so swift and sudden that one moment I was trying not to hit my head on the ceiling, and the next, I was sitting on what seemed to be a sea of floor tiles. I stood up slowly, wobbling back and forth on my heels.

I was happy that for the time being, my size changing seemed to have stopped. I started to walk over to the nearest chair that loomed over me like a skyscraper, unsure of what to do next.  That was such a rapid change in size I had barely any time to think. I wonder why I grew first, though? As I neared the chair leg, my stomach lurched again. Ugh. I can still feel this trying to work its way through me, and it hurts.

Suddenly my right hand began to tremble, and then it doubled in size. Moments later, the same thing happened to my left hand. I held them out in front of me, trying my best to hold them up. “Why is this happening? Can’t I just stop changing size already?”

The phone suddenly rang above me. “Oh shit, not now. I am way too tiny to even reach the phone. I hope it’s a scam call.”

As the phone rang, I started growing again. My hands quickly evened out with the rest of me as I rose up towards the ceiling once more. I tried to grab the phone, but it quickly became too small for me to grasp, and my head hit the ceiling. “Sheesh.” As the receiver picked up, I tucked into a ball, trying not to destroy my kitchen as I continued to grow.  Please stop now.

Thankfully I did just as I heard the message start. “This is Jenny Pride. I have received your message, and I can be at your place in fifteen minutes. If this time doesn’t work for you, please call me back.” The line went dead.

I started to sweat. Of course, that didn’t work for me in my current condition. I couldn’t let some stranger see me constantly changing size.  Ugh dammit, all.

I made the ceiling crack as I lashed out in frustration. Taking a few deep breaths, I tried to calm myself. “No need to make any rash moves at this size. Just wait until you shrink down again, Sarah, then freak out.”

And shrink I did. As I started to cough, I began to shrink by a good ten feet, giving me some room once more. I was starting to get sick and tired of these ups and downs.  Maybe if I take something to try and settle my stomach, I will stop changing size all the time. It is worth a shot.

I got on my hands and knees as I still couldn’t stand up straight and tried to crawl out of the kitchen. I kept the antacids up in my bedroom. I could only hope I would stay stable until I got up there. For the moment I felt ok so there was some hope. There was just the fifteen-minute timer before Jenny Pride came, and I wasn’t going to deal with her in such an unstable condition. It would be bad enough, letting her see me as a giant.

As I crawled into the living room, my luck gave out. An immense amount of pressure rushed into my head. The next thing I knew, it swelled like a balloon. It pressed against the ceiling, and the next thing I knew, I was staring at the hallway on the second floor. I looked around, dazed.

“Just great.” I tried to move, but I found myself stuck. As I coughed, it sent shockwaves through the building.  That isn’t good.

I tried to figure out what I could do. I was worried because being stuck like this was a waste of time. I needed to get to my bedroom and get at those antacids fast before Jenny Pride arrived, or I ended up growing any larger and destroying more of my house. This size-changing had to be stopped before it became too late.  I can’t imagine what she is going to say when she sees this hole in my ceiling. I hope I can talk her into fixing it as well.

I started to cough again, and my head shrank down as well. Sadly the rest of my body shank as well, and when I was done coughing, I was two feet tall. I stared up at the hole above me. It didn’t look bad if a bit massive. I couldn’t really tell how large it was at my current size, everything looked huge.

I shook my head and got to my feet. I had to make it up the stairs before I had another size-changing spell.  Hurry Sarah. You can do it. You have to. Before you blink and you are as big as the house.

I was able to make it to the stairwell without any more hijinks. Then came the task of climbing. At two feet tall, each step was a challenge. I hoped that I might be a surprise growth spurt once more, but I was just out of luck, or until I was halfway up the stairs.

On the tenth step, I started to go through another change. My ears grew out long again like a rabbit, and I felt a small bushy tail pop out at my rear. Thankfully though, that was all that happened. I took a collective sigh as I continued to pull myself up the stairs. Heading up the stairs, I pulled at my pants. My new tail was cramped, and it felt uncomfortable. What else can go wrong today?

My ears pricked up. I heard the sound of a vehicle pulling into the driveway. I blinked. “Jenny is here already? She is early. She can’t see me like this.” I pulled at my long rabbit ears. “The antacids are not going to help this.”

I continued my way up the stairs and made it to the top step when I heard the knock on the door. “Hello? This is Jenny Pride of Jenny Fixer-Uppers. I am here to fix your television.”

I braced myself as I grew back to a reasonable size. After taking a moment to steady myself, I raised my voice and called out, “The door is unlocked. Come on in.”

Ugh, why did I say that? She can’t see me like this. It’s fine. If I stay up here, I should be fine while she does her work.

For the first time in about fifteen minutes, I was able to walk into my bedroom like usual, even if I had to have my ears bend down at the doorway. Once inside, I could hear Jenny call out, “What the hell happed to your celling? Did you drop a fridge though it?”

I called down to Jenny as I looked for the pills. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.

I can pay you extra if you try and fix it.”

“I don’t really handle home repair like that. My son is the one who deals with jobs like this. I will have to call him to get his lazy ass over here. But yes. And it will cost you extra for not telling me about this.”

I groaned.  Great.  “That is fine. As long as the job is done.”

As I searched through the drawers, I felt my stomach start to do jumping jacks in my chest. I sat down on the side of the bed, trying to wait for them to pass, hoping I would stay stable in my size.  Don’t change, please don’t change.

My wish wasn’t granted. As I sat there with my hand on my stomach, I started to slowly grow again. The bedsprings began to groan in agony from my new weight. I quickly hopped off, not wanting to break the bed, but I made a loud enough thud on the floor for Jenny to notice.

“What are you doing up there? Playing drop the safe?”

I was scared to answer, unsure of how loud my voice was now. I had to put an end to this madness now. As my ears started to rub up against the ceiling, I pulled out the drawers of my nightstand. I had to find that antacids fast. I was able to spot it, picking up the bottle in my growing hands. But I couldn’t get the cap off.

In frustration, I threw the whole thing in my mouth. It wasn’t a second too soon. I was starting to bend over, my back hitting the ceiling.

It didn’t take long for the antacids to take effect. I felt my stomach settle, and I lowered myself onto the floor, a sigh of relief. The worst was finally over. But as I looked around my cramped bedroom, I realized that I was still a twenty-foot giant with rabbit ears and tail stuck hiding from the repair woman downstairs.  This is just great.

I tapped my fingers on the side of my bed, almost flipping it over. I wondered what I was going to do. I couldn’t stay up here and just wait for Jenny Pride to leave. I was going to have to pay her and her son.

Speaking of which, I heard the other vehicle pull in. Looking out the window, I watched as a blue pickup truck came to a screeching halt on my lawn. The driver didn’t make any attempt to aim for my driveway. Out of the vehicle stepped a dark-skinned man eating at an apple. He had auburn hair poking out of a blue baseball cap that matched his eyes. The young lad was finishing up a phone call with his other hand as he went into the house.

After I heard the front door close, I could hear Jenny yell, “Darton, what took you so long?”

“I got here as soon as I could.”

“Get off the phone. Your date can wait. We have work to do and a client waiting.”

“Ugh, whatever.” There was a pause. “Geeze. What in the world made this hole?

It will take me an hour to patch it up.”

“Well, get on it. I am almost done here, just waiting on Sarah to come down from upstairs for the bill.”

I gulped. I didn’t want to head down there until I shrank back down the fewer people that knew about me like this, the better. But there might be no way around it.

The antacids were doing their job, and my size was finally stabilized. They even managed to help keep me from coughing with was a bonus.  I just hope I don’t scare off the one repair crew in town.

I picked myself up off the floor and started crawling towards the doorway.

I squeezed my head though the tight frame and then tried to pull my torso, though. As I tried to push my shoulders though I became trapped with one arm in my bedroom and the other in the hallway. I slammed my arm I had squeezed through in the hall. “Dammit.”

Jenny’s son came running. “What the…. Hell?” He took a few steps back after seeing my giant frame stuck in the doorway. “Hey, there is a giant stuck up here.”

Jenny’s voice sounded from below. “Get back to work. I am docking your pay for showing up drunk again.”

Darton rushed off. “I am serious. You have to see this. She has giant rabbit ears as well. It is crazy.”

I sighed as I tried to pull my other shoulder though the doorway. I stopped as soon as I heard the foundation start to crack.  That isn’t a good sound. If I push anymore, I am going to cause more damage to my poor house. Why did I think having a Fredrick’s Fancy product today was such a good idea?

After a minute, Darton was back with Jenny at his side. Jenny was a tall, commanding looking woman with dark skin and darker hair. She wore blue jeans and a black and bright green vest that read, Jenny Fixer-Uppers. We get the Job Done Right the Frist Time, Every Time. When her green eyes fell upon me, they widened.

“Oh my god. You aren’t kidding for once.”

“Ya. I am guessing I know what made that massive hole in the floor now.”

I waved my free hand. “Hello, Jenny. It’s me, Sarah.”

“Right. Any way to prove that. I meat Sarah Collingsworth before and she wasn’t anywhere this, ugh, large before. Nor did she have ears like this.”

“It’s me. You have to take my word for it.”

Jenny crossed her arms. “Ok. Well, even so. We are not helping you out of that doorway.”

“Ugh, fine.”

“And you still have to pay me.”

“I am stuck. How do you expect me to pay you?”

Jenny turned to her son. “You can get to work on that hole that our big friend made.”

She turned back to me. “I will just wait here until you figure that out.” She pulled out her phone, put in some earbuds, and slid down against the wall.

I snorted.  Typical.  Knowing that I couldn’t just wait around for myself to shrink down to pay Jenny for her services, I tried once again to pull myself free. My arm that I had already pulled into the hallway kept pulling on my black hair. I winced as it sent shockwaves of pain throughout my body.

Eventually, I managed to slowly move my chest through the door’s frame. The house shuddered and groaned but held still. Time seemed to crawl by at a snail’s pace as I kept tugging away, sweat dripping down my face. Progress was gained in inches, which would have been fine if I was still five feet five inches tall.

My right arm suddenly broke free, and I had to twist to catch myself to avoid making yet another hole in my floor. With a massive thud, I landed on the hallway floor, breathing heavily. I looked up to see Jenny standing slowly, taking out her earbuds. “So, I take it you are ready to pay me?”

I nodded. “My purse is in the bedroom behind me.”

“I am not climbing over you.”

I arched an eyebrow. “You want to be here all day? You bring my purse in front of me. No funny business or I will chase you down. Got it.”

Jenny sighed. “Fine. Anything to get this over with, I guess.” She stood up and walked up onto my forearm, driving her boot heel into my wrist.

“Ouch. At least try and be careful.”

As Jenny walked up over my shoulders and across my ears, she said, “I didn’t sign up for being careful when walking over a giant. You want me to not step on your sensitive areas; it will cost you extra.”

I could feel Jenny getting on her hands and knees to squeeze her way through the door frame. Once she was, though, she called back to me. “Of course you have a tail as well. Why wouldn’t you.”

“Just get my purse.”

“Are you sure I can carry it. It isn’t giant-sized as well, is it?”

I slammed my hands down, almost cracking the floor. “Dammit, all no. Now just do it.”

After a few moments, Jenny walked back over me with my purse. She set it down a few inches from my hands and said, “There you go. Sure, you can handle it from here.”

I tapped my fingers on the floor to try and settle my nerves before using my fingers to dig through my purse. It was challenging as I could only fit one fat finger inside at a time. Still, it was enough to dig out my wallet. As I pulled out the wallet, it opened, and the cash went flying.

Jenny stepped forward, but before she could grab any of the cash, I moved my arm up to block her. “I will try and count out your payment; thank you very much.”

She held up her arms. “I mean, if you can even see the numbers from up there.”

I squinted my eyes. Jenny was right, and it was rather hard for me to see the difference between the bills, let alone grasp them. After a few frustrating attempts, I gave up. “Ugh fine. But I want you to show me what you are taking so-“

“Don’t worry. I wouldn’t dare lose my reputation. Even in this situation. In fact, you will help my rep skyrocket I believe.”

Great another person who things my size changing is good for business. As if Fredrick wasn’t enough.

Jenny picked up the cash off the floor and then walked up to my face.

She took a moment to organize my money before counting it and take out seventy for the television and another hundred and thirty for her son’s job. She made sure to go slow and show me every bill she wanted to take in front of my eyes before putting it in her pocket. The rest she dropped inside my purse.

“There, I think everything is settled then.” Jenny stood up. “I will check on how Darton is doing, and we will be out of here once he is finishing that hole you made. Try to be more careful and get a house more accommodating to your size.”

“I am not always like this.”

“Ya, I am sure.” Jenny turned around and left. Once she was out of sight, I sighed and stretched out my arms, the nightmare was over. Now I could just relax and wait until I shrank back down. As I wondered where Darton was in his work on my floor, I realized I hadn’t coughed once in my talk with Jenny.  The antacids do good work.

As I thought about it, I started to hack away once more. It seemed I wasn’t so lucky. I held my hand over my mouth as the house shook slightly, and I heard Darton swear in the other room. A half-hour passed until he finally finished his job. They left without saying a word to me, my notification coming with the doors downstairs closing, and the cars starting up. I was happy I couldn’t see the damage Darton was doing to my lawn on his way out.

It was another two hours until I started to shrink back down. I began to doze off when the strange feeling spreading through my limbs woke me up, I almost hit my head on the ceiling as my ears shrank back down into a more human form. Soon I was able to breathe as my midsection wasn’t trapped by my doorway. As I continued downward, my tail shrank inside me.

After a few moments, I was able to stand once more. The shrinking came to an abrupt halt, and I was lying on the floor of my hallway. I looked around. Even though I was at my average size, I felt odd and out of place. I had been so many different sizes today I no longer felt like I knew who I was. I pushed my way off the floor and walked around.

I will never do that again.