Peek: The Museum of Oddities

The Dungeoneer's Guild deals with dungeons. Not exactly a surprise, is it? What can be surprising is just how many different things that entails. Information is a prime factor, but as any business, they also have finances. Dungeons are usually dangerous, so they have dedicated enchanting, smithing, armoring, alchemy, and research divisions as well.

And then there's the Office of Oddities.

It used to simply be an offshoot of the Archives, until an enterprising archivist wondered if the more unique artifacts could generate some money. People always like looking at strange things, and many are willing to pay for the privilege, especially when it's safe! It started with just a small side office off the main entrance of the Main Guild, but it became so popular they soon had their own wing, then their own building!

And now they are almost their own full satellite branch of the Guild, with their own research and finance divisions. The massive Museum of Oddities has several wings, each with their own theme. And yet, each branch still needs someone to tend to the exhibits and keep things clean. The archivists think they're the only ones who know how to keep things properly preserved, but the janitors know better.

They also know not to point that fact out. If they did, they might actually get some responsibilities, instead of only being expected to clean up dust and empty trash bins. This night, Longley hums as he makes his rounds, the elf carefully dusting the displays for his first cleaning pass. Dust, wipe, sweep, mop, in that order. It takes some time, but it's not difficult work, and it lets him enjoy the exhibits.

He likes to start in the Core Hall. The displays are only representations, as Cores are never found outside of dungeons, but it's still a pretty high-security area. They could just use glass to mime the shape of cores for various dungeons, but most are carved from gemstones, and the shapes are all interesting to Longley. There are the more ordinary simple shapes; cubes, boxes, pyramids, cyllinders, and the like, but then there are the more strange shapes. Eggs, disks, tubes, even a donut shape! From there, things get less abstract and mimic other things. Gems of various cuts, or even uncut crystal shapes, one shaped like a banana, though it's purple, and even one that seems to be a sphere made of needles! Each of the core shapes has a little plaque beside it, identifying the dungeon the modeled core resides in, and some basic information about it.

The Hall is easy enough to clean, though the display cases always need a good cleaning for fingerprints. It's a pretty popular display, and a lot of the souvenirs are glass models of the cores, so people are encouraged to point and smudge the glass as they enjoy the exhibit.

Next comes the Denizen Wing. As of yet, they only have stuffed or carved models of denizens, with the occasional skeleton gathered by a skilled field dresser. He's been hearing the archivists are in talks with the Rangers for how to actually try to keep some denizens in a zoo. He thinks it's madness, but it'd be in a completely different place, so he won't need to worry either way. This wing takes the longest, easily. All the models need to be dusted, though few need to be wiped down. Guests are encouraged to look, but not touch these ones. He notes that a seam on the back of the stuffed manticore has split again and shakes his head. They need to get an actual taxidermist to fix it, instead of whoever is trying to save some coins by using a tailor skill on it instead. But that's not his job, so he just notes the needed repair and moves to his personal favorite wing of the museum: the artifact vault.

Dungeons are always giving loot, and sometimes seem to have a poor understanding of what actually constitutes it. He starts with the display that's definitely not his favorite, but it is a good draw for the crowds. He has to admit, it was impressive the first time he saw it, but cleaning up after it has dulled the luster more than a little: the beating heart.

Obtained from a life affinity dungeon, the heart beats and produces blood, though at a trickle compared to what a heart that size should produce. It's about fist sized, so Longley is pretty sure it should produce many gallons of the stuff a day, but it usually only manages one. It has a storage tank under the brass display pedestal, with a glass dome ensuring no errant pumps make a mess of any guest. Cleaning it is simple, if a but macabre. First, he opens the case and quickly puts the heart in a bucket, then he cleans the display while letting any errant fluid finish draining into the collection tank bellow. Once clean, he disconnects the tank, seals it, and installs a fresh one, before putting the heart back.

The blood apparently has a lot of good uses in enchanting, so it gets set aside for now, until he can go drop it off after his rounds are finished. From there, most of the other displays are similar to the core replicas and just need the cases dusted and wiped. Those kinds of cased usually hold strange weapons or carvings, usually showing off a bit of artistry from the dungeons. A dagger with a gold and silver damascus pattern blade is beautiful, but it would be terrible as an actual weapon.

Most of the pieces in the permanent collection are like that: beautiful and ultimately useless. He does appreciate the diamond buckler, even if he's not an adherent of the shield. He thinks the dungeon it came form must have seen a lot of the followers, and so thought any old gemstone would make a useful shield. It's still beautiful, even if it'd shatter at the first block.

The temporary exhibit is always fun, and now they've had time to process the donations and purchases for the year, the display is ready to be revealed tomorrow! Usually, the new year has oddities from new dungeons, and Longley looks at them like a child's first doodlings in dirt or with charcoal. Young dungeons just don't have the kind of mental structure to make a coherent piece, but they can still be interesting to look at.

The centerpiece for this year's new dungeons is definitely the odd mess of bare metal wire, wood, and colored glass from a dungeon well to the south. It's apparently situated on a forested volcano, giving it a unique variety of materials to try to make loot with. While it is definitely interesting, the more he looks at it, the more he frowns. It's going to be a nightmare to keep clean. He can see a lot of places that will be difficult to reach, but are easy to see.

Well, he'll figure something out eventually. For now, he takes a look at the other exhibits, and quickly notices one that sticks out: a single silk sock. Curious, he reads the placard and chuckles. Reward for finishing a quest for the dungeon known as Thedeim, located in Fourdock. Heh, just one sock for a quest? And made from silk? Not like iron thread or herb stems or anything like that?

He shakes his head as he continues his rounds. He supposes not all dungeons can be as creative or as weird as others. A dungeon that gives out single ordinary socks must be a boring one indeed.