Ticklish Wallflower: Chapter 3

The day’s events cycled through Laurie’s head on a maddening repeat. Some versions were recalled with more favor than others. Some appeared to Laurie with crushing regret. The girl had retreated back to her dorm, determined to remain there the rest of the day, considering staying hidden for the rest of the week to follow. She hurried back after collecting Xuân’s number, keeping her head low and her person as out of sight as she could manage. She threw herself through a long shower, made a snack, and tried to put as much of her mind as she could into a comfort show that she had seen many times before, but the recollection of events proved fairly omnipresent within her mind. 

“Ughhhh,” Laurie groaned, pressing her palms into her eyes as she slumped back in the small, cheap couch that the Institute had provided in each of the dorm rooms. Her head pounded as she struggled to think of anything else. She wondered just how many students begged their telepathetic friends, colleagues, and even professors to remove certain memories. She considered who she knew and weighed it against who she knew well enough to brave asking for such a favor, with little afterward over which to be confident. She sighed and groaned again, excited for the day when such a memory would be just a funny thing that happened in the past or, better yet, nothing at all. As much as she had enjoyed the spontaneous yet largely humiliating tickle session in front of the whole class, the lingering excitement over the ordeal had faded, leaving only dread and discomfort behind. She knew well that it was that initial excitement that had gotten her into that situation to begin with. Never before had she known the importance of ‘controlling her powers’ as she did after making a complete spectacle of herself. 

Laurie slumped back against the couch, curled up slightly in a fuzzy pajama set of Easter colors and floral patterns, wanting so badly to simply disappear and not thinking much about having gotten Xuân’s phone number and all the implications that brought. Atop the coffee table separating the couch from the television, an empty soda can sat next to Laurie's old and weathered copy of The Perks of Being A Wallflower by author Stephen Chbosky. On the other side, a most receded candle sat open, a burnt wick standing amidst a pond of red ‘ceder’ scent. As Laurie sank into the couch, glancing periodically down at her phone, the door to the dorm clicked open. Laurie looked behind her, happy to see a face that was impartial to the events of the day. 

“Woof,” said Sophia Mantega, Laurie’s roommate. She was red-faced, as much as Laurie imagined herself being after that last class. A mane of dark orange was pulled back in a ponytail. Sophia wore an ensemble that told Laurie she was coming back from the inner city studio at which she took classes in ballet and several other types of dance. Leggings hugged over a leotard that was darkened by sweat. Coupled with a pair of Chucks, Laurie knew that Sophia was neither out partying with friends or on a date. She carried in a pink and black duffel bag, letting it fall by the floor almost immediately upon entering the room.

“Tough night?” Laurie said considerately, though eager to finally get her thoughts out in the open with someone she considered a best friend.

“Miss Janice is riding our asses, but we’re getting better,” said Sophia. She made her way toward the small kitchen that overlooked the living room via a bar that functioned more as a separator between the rooms than it did as a comfortable place to sit and eat. The dorm itself was small, but just big enough for two to live comfortably with their own personal touches. Sophia had taken to decorating the surfaces and walls with her various trophies and plaques that she had accumulated over the years in studying dance. Laurie supplied more technological comforts and even some of her own knitted quilts and throws to help give color to the stock couch and chairs. Sophia reached for a bottle of water from the refrigerator and joined Laurie in the living room, nearly chugging the whole bottle on the way. Laurie could smell the work that Sophia had put in by proximity alone, but acted as if she failed to notice, having much experience in the shame of putting her own pheromones out into shared spaces.

“That’s good at least,” Laurie said. “Where were… er, did you have classes today?”

“Mostly in the morning,” Sophia said. “Then I came back in the afternoon, took a quick nap, then headed out to the studio.” 

“They do… know, right?” Laurie asked. Sophia looked over to the television blankly, retreating to a thought that gave no consideration to the ad for dish soap that was playing. 

“Yeah, I told Miss Janice early on,” Sophia said. “Inquired about her… ‘mutant’ policies. She said as long as I can control it and don’t use it to get ahead, which I’ve been good… well, I say good, more like lucky… then it shouldn’t be a problem. As far as I can tell, she hasn’t told anyone else.” 

“You’d think they’d be cool?” Laurie asked. She propped her arm up by her elbow over the back of the couch, supporting her tired head with one hand. 

“I think so,” Sophia said. “It’d really only be a problem for competitions or maybe auditions, but if I can prove that I don’t use ‘gifts’ or whatever to get by, then maybe it won’t be so bad.” Sophia groaned and leaned back. “I don’t know. I’d hate to have to find a new place farther away.”

“Yeah,” Laurie said solemnly, not wanting to take focus away from Sophia’s stories but still itching to tell her own. 

“But it’s whatev,” Sophia said. “What've you been up to? Classes today?” Laurie opened her mouth to speak, yet stopped herself. She knew she wanted to talk about what happened in class with Xuân, but was quickly met with a vacancy of words that would not also out her secrets to Sophia. She questioned how she was supposed to talk about what happened without telling her about the things that she had always liked on a more intimate level. Caught within a snare of silence, Laurie sat up, considering what the words would have to sound like coming out of her mouth and how Sophia would react to hearing them. She approached the issue from a more technical perspective, one that focused less on the finer details of her own tastes and more on the dilemma that the day’s events created. 

“Something… happened today,” said Laurie, sitting up with a forlorn expression across a ghastly complexion. She adjusted herself into a position that was less uncomfortable, shifting in a way that communicated a serious matter on her mind. Sophia stared back, dark brown eyes narrowing as they weighed the gnawing factors of Laurie’s look and posture and concluded that something was, indeed, odd in her demeanor. Her bare feet poked out from the bottom of her pajama legs, crossed up on the couch seat.

“Okay?” Sophia said, also sitting up. “Like… something bad?”

“I… don’t know, honestly,” Laurie said. “I know I lost control of my gifts… man, I hate that word. I know that’s how they want us to think about it, but…  doesn’t feel right. Like, you can ‘return’ gifts.”

“I feel you,” said Sophia conservatively, knowing that her own mutations were far less problematic than that of her best friend Laurie. 

“But I lost control today in class,” Laurie said, almost blankly. A pause fell over the room. Laurie looked down as Sophia swallowed. Her friend sighed and nodded, knowing the shame well that came with losing control.

“Are you okay?” Sophia asked. “Did anything happen? Was it, like, an outburst or something?”

“No, no, thankfully it wasn’t anything… well, ‘bad’, I guess,” said Laurie. “Just kinda… bad for me, I think.” She held her phone idle in her hand, feeling the slick edge of the case with her thumb as she waited passively for soft, inviting vibrations. 

“‘Bad for you’ how?” Sophia asked, leaning in. She took another sip of her water, listening  closely. Laurie felt her heart beginning to race. She closed her eyes and gave herself a moment, hoping to stifle the anxiety from blooming outward. It was a moment of contemplation that Laurie knew all too well, enough for Sophie to have picked up on early in their friendship.

“Embarrassing,” Laurie said calmly. “More so than anything else.” 

“Okay,” said Sophia, deep in thought. “Want to talk about it?” Laurie sighed again.

“I’d love to… but…” she said, hesitantly.

“Don’t want to lose control again?” Sophia asked. “That bad, huh?” Laurie groaned and let her head fall against the back of the couch.

“I mean… no one got hurt,” Laurie said, almost reluctantly. Her tone was sour, her delivery blank and spiteful. “That’s good, I guess.”

“If it’s causing you this much pain, you can’t say ‘no one got hurt’,” Sophia said. Laurie looked over.

“That’s what my mom would always say about it,” Laurie said. “People would tell me all the time how grateful I should be that, when I lose control, no one gets hurt.”

“Still sucks though,” Sophia said. “And it’s allowed to suck; don’t let anyone tell you not to complain, especially about things that they don’t understand.” Laurie smiled.

“I guess,” Laurie said. She sighed and shrugged, smiling a bit as talking about it seemed to make things easier. “Wasn’t all bad, though. Kind of fun, in a way.”

“Oh?” Sophia asked. “You gonna tell me what you did or do I have to find out from someone else?” Laurie groaned louder, leaning back and placing her hands up over her face.

“Ugh, god, people are going to talk about it…” Laurie moaned. Sophia smiled and placed her hand on Laurie’s leg. Laurie huffed and ran her fingers through her lacy blonde crown. “Might as well, can’t imagine you won’t find out…”

“Only if you want to,” Sophia said.

“No, I do…” Laurie admitted. “I… should get it out.” Sophia finished off the last of the water and pushed herself up from the couch.

“Cool, but first, anything from the fridge?” Sophia asked, already walking in that direction. Laurie turned to face her friend, her damp hair already starting to fray.

“Do we have anymore Yoohoo?” Laurie asked. Sophie opened the fridge, pulling out another bottle of water and looking inside.

“One more bottle,” she said. “You want?”

“Yes, please,” Laurie said, slightly sadly. Sophie twisted the top off of the water as a concentrated gust of wind rushed through the room. Laurie’s hair flung with the current that sent the bottle of chocolate milk flying across the room. Laurie managed to grab the projectile drink before it could smash into the television, broadcasting some carpet cleaner commercial. Several other knick-knacks shifted and fell from their positions, including several decorative pillows and the throw that Laurie had brought from home and laid over the back of the couch. Sophia closed the door to the fridge and came back over to the couch where Laurie sat, panting worriedly. “You could have just carried it.”

“True,” Sophia said, drinking from her bottle. Laurie smirked and snorted slightly. 

“Show off,” she muttered. Laurie twisted off the top to the milk and took a long sip. Sophia plopped back down onto the couch, curling up cross-legged like Laurie against the opposite armrest. 

“Alright, so, spill it,” Sophia said. “What did you do?” Another hush came over the room. Laurie paused and thought how she could proceed with the story as it happened without igniting more pheromones from allowing it to play in her mind. She figured that she had thought about it so much that doing so again may not be as destructive as she anticipated. She steadied her breath, letting such an assumption guide her into a flow of speech. “And remember: no judgments here. Just… forgive me if I say anything that might sound judgy. No matter what, I’m here for you.”

“You say that…” Laurie muttered.

“For real,” Sophia said. “Look at me.” Laurie paused again before meeting Sophia’s eyes. They were wide with shades of deep amber, bearing a look as serious as she had ever seen on her roommate’s face. Sophia’s hand found Laurie’s leg again. Laurie looked down and laid her hand overtop, taking Sophia’s fingers in her own. “You know I get how serious it is when we lose control. I mean it, I am here for you. No judgement, no criticism. You can tell me anything, Laurie. I promise you.” She spoke slowly, more so than Laurie would usually hear Sophia speak. Laurie breathed in the solemn air of the moment the two shared. She smiled, knowing that if she could trust anyone at the Institute, it was Sophia.

“Okay,” Laurie sighed, thoughtfully. She collected herself, knowing that she would need to confide in Sophia over several secrets to get her feelings off her chest. She reached up and nervously stroked her hair. “Okay, so… please don't laugh, okay?”

“Girl, what did I just say?”

“No, I know, but… there's more here than just what happened…” Laurie said. She swallowed and grimaced a bit, working up her courage.

“I'm here for you,” Sophia said, tightening her hold on Laurie’s hand. Laurie looked down and smiled, squeezing back.

“Okay,” Laurie repeated. “Alright, so… I have this thing that I've had for a while.”

“Another thing?” Sophia asked.

“Yeah, not the ‘mutant’ thing,” Laurie said, frankly. “I… uhh… well, I've never really told anyone this, but… okay, I'll just say it.” Laurie paused again with clearer difficulty. She sighed once more, then again, each breath feeling heavy as if she were trying to breathe through water. Laurie winced, thinking about the words she would have to say, before blurting them out like ripping off a bandage long fused to her skin. “I like to be tickled.” Another quiet came across the room. Sophia tilted her head, studying Laurie’s words coupled with the troubled expression.

“Okay,” Sophia said. “Not what I thought you were going to say, admittedly, but okay.” Laurie sighed a heavy breath. Color spread across her cheeks as she held tightly onto Sophia's hand. 

“I know it's weird, I've always known and I've never told anyone because I never needed another reason for more people to not want to be around me, but–”

“Wha- hang on,” Sophia interrupted. “Okay, you need to know that this is nothing to be ashamed about. You like to be tickled. I don't know where you're getting this shame from, but this seems like something you shouldn’t worry about keeping hidden.”

“Just because it's not normal, I guess…”

“Girl, nothing about who we are is ‘normal’,” Sophia said. “You really should know this by now. And if you don't, well, now you do.” Laurie huffed heavily through her nose, knowing her friend was right. “Honestly, Laurie, with as much as we all keep hidden, you don’t need to be hurting yourself anymore than you already have. A big part of the Institute is being around others who aren’t ‘normal’, having that support system, so we don’t go through life hating ourselves for who we are. You deserve as much peace of mind as everyone else here. So tell me about it, because I think it’s really cute. You like to be tickled?”

“Yeah,” Laurie sighed and shrugged her shoulders. She smiled sadly and pushed back a strand of hair. “Been that way for as long as I can remember.”

“And I take it that you are ticklish?” Sophia asked, almost playfully.

“Oh, like you wouldn’t believe,” Laurie said. “I don’t know what it is. Other girls say that they can’t stand it and I just… I don’t know. The rush. The vulnerability. The connection with someone else. It’s just so… I don’t know.” 

“I get that,” Sophia said. “Like I said, very cute. So what does that have to do with today?”

“Well, tickling kind of came up in my health class today,” Laurie said.

“Friedlander’s?” Sophia asked. Laurie nodded.

“Yeah, the… uh… one I have with Xuân,” Laurie said, her face darkening still.

“Ahh, uh oh,” Sophia said, stoically starting to understand. She grinned for a moment and shot Laurie a gaming glance. “And who’s that again? I don’t know if you’ve mentioned her before.”

“Shut up,” Laurie giggled.

“Is that the one who’s ‘really pretty’ or the one who’s ‘really smart’ or is this the one who’s ‘sooooo talented’?”

“Shut up, oh my god,” Laurie said louder, grabbing a small pillow from the couch and smacking Sophia’s arm with it. Sophia laughed. 

“Because I know it can’t all possibly be the same girl that you talk about all of the time,” Sophia continued to tease. Laurie buried her burning face into her palms. 

“Gah, you’re so mean!” Laurie said. Sophia laughed more.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I just had to get it out,” Sophia said. “Xuân’s cute. I can totally see why you’d… you know.” Laurie grumbled a bit, dropping her hands and looking away.

“Anyway,” Laurie said. “So, Professor started talking about it which got me thinking about it. Normally, I'm really good when trying to control when and where I let my mind wander, but… I started thinking about Xuân tickling me and it… it was nice…”

“And?” Sophia asked after a short pause. Laurie sighed.

“Well, those feelings… wanting her to tickle me… came out, I guess,” Laurie said. She shook her head, staring down at the carpet that had been long overdue for a vacuuming. “I don't always know when the pheromones happen, but I could feel it. I mean, I can feel the strange shifts in the air and in people around me; that's usually how I've come to know when I've let them out. When people start acting weird. And I guess, when I was thinking about being with Xuân like that, everyone else kind of felt that too…”

“So… they all wanted Xuân to tickle them too?” Sophia asked. Laurie clenched and rolled her eyes a bit.

“Ugh, I hate this ‘gift’,” Laurie said, clinging onto the pillow in her arms. “It's always so hard and awkward to describe. You tell people you're a mutant and they want you to have cool gifts like laser eyes or super speed, not making everyone around you hungry when your tummy starts to rumble.” Sophia chuckled and let Laurie vent for the moment, the girl's burning face half buried against the pillow. 

“Heh, I'm sorry,” Sophia said. “So was that it?”

“No, more like everyone around me also wanted Xuân to tickle me,” Laurie said, in somber defeat.

“Oh, well that sounds better at least,” Sophia said.

“I mean, I guess,” Laurie said, sourly recounting the events. “Best circumstances, I suppose it’s nice to have some kind of validation, even if it isn't real.”

“So what happened next?” Sophie asked. Laurie whined a bit, her toes curling atop the plush couch cushion.

“So embarrassing…” Laurie said, her alabaster complexion showing the gentle hue of her shame so clearly. “The whole thing just… devolved into this… I don’t even know how you'd describe it. She… tickled me in front of everyone. God, it was horrible… I hated it… but at the same time…”

“You didn't,” Sophie finished. Laurie swallowed.

“I… can't really explain it,” Laurie said, sadly. “Like, super embarrassing… But I can't say that I really hated it. It was super uncomfortable, but even so…” Laurie sat, crossing her legs atop the couch. She clutched a fluffy couch pillow to her chest, burying the bottom half of her burning face. Her eyes looked down, her mind turning over and over again. Sophie sat by her side, watching closely.

“Hey, I get it,” Sophia said. “Would have been ideal in private, I get it.”

“Or freaking anywhere that wasn’t in front of an entire lecture hall…” Laurie said, shaking her head.

“I can see how that’d be difficult,” Sophie said. “You had fun, but don’t know how to feel, I’m guessing. Makes sense. I mean, would be nicer if people had self control and all, but–”

“But that's the problem,” Laurie snapped. “I did that to them. I must have. I think… I think I did want it. Even when it was hard and embarrassing, and even while it was happening and I was hating it, I… I think I still wanted it, but I think wanting it made everyone else want it also… God, this is the worst!” Laurie fully plunged her head into the pillow, succumbing to a series of whines. Sophia sat by her side. 

“It'll be okay,” she said, placing a hand on Laurie’s leg. “Nothing anyone can really fault you for.” 

“Everyone else is so good about control though,” Laurie said. “I think part of me is more embarrassed about losing control than what actually happened. Like, I’ve been here for two years, I really should have a better handle on this by now.”

“Hey, no beating up my friend, okay?” Sophie said. Laurie’s head collapsed toward Sophie, leaning against the back of the couch. Sophie smiled and rubbed Laurie’s thigh. “You made a mistake. It happens. I’m sure it’s even happened to Xuân.” Laurie thought for a moment. Hearing her name placed a soft, sad smile on Laurie’s delicate lips.

“I think… she may have liked it too,” Laurie muttered. “Like… really.”

“Oh?” Sophie asked, adjusting herself for comfort. “How so?” Laurie sighed and shrugged a bit.

“She was, like, teasing me… in my mind,” Laurie said. “I’ve never heard path speak like that, it was something else. And I felt so bad. Like, not only was it shameful doing it all, but I felt like I had invaded everyone by letting myself lose control like that. God, I should have just gotten out of there when I felt things getting out of hand.”

“Easy on my friend, Laurie,” Sophie said. “So what happened?”

“I mean, after everything, we talked,” Laurie said. “She could probably tell how bad I felt about the whole thing. But she was cool about it, like even out of the pheromones. Kind of why I think she may have liked it too, but that may just be wishful thinking.”

“I mean, you’re super perceptive, Laurie,” Sophie said. “I’d trust your first instinct. Was this your first time talking to her?” 

“At length,” Laurie said. “Like… two-ish minutes, maybe.” Sophie chuckled and threw her head back.

“Oh my god, you’re such a dork!”

“Shut up!” Laurie said, slapping Sophie with the pillow again. “I got her number.”

“Oh?” Sophie asked again. “Wait, for real?”

“Yep,” Laurie said proudly. She held up her phone to show her roommate the text message. Sophie read it with a sting of disappointment across her face. 

“Karma?” Sophie asked.

“Yeah, something about getting me back,” Laurie said, her lips pulling up into a giddy smirk. 

“Aww, that’s cute,” Sophie said. “She totally likes you back, by the way.”

“Shut up, no she doesn’t,” Laurie said. She reached for her chocolate milk and took another sip.

“You don’t think?” Sophie asked. “Sounds like she just lit it slip.”

“Let what slip?” Laurie asked. Sophie grinned and looked away. Her eyes met the screen of the television, passively observing an advertisement for Damage Control Remodeling. 

“Maybe I shouldn’t say.”

“Oh, don’t do this ‘coy’ thing, just tell me,” Laurie argued. Sophie let a heavy exhale brush her plump, rosy lips. 

“Fine, but only because I doubt you’ll actually tell anyone,” Sophie started, still not looking over at Laurie. “You know how people have been talking about this team that Miss Angelica’s been putting together?” Laurie waded through a heavy pause, blinking and letting her shoulders fall.

“Not where I thought you'd go, but… yeah?” she said.

“And that it’s supposed to be secret and no one is supposed to know who’s actually on it,” Sophie continued to lead.

“Do you know?”

“You could say that,” Sophie said, grinning while biting the tip of her tongue. She looked back to Laurie, her eyes sparkling mischievously. Laurie’s expression illuminated with rising shock.

“Shut up, no you didn’t!” Laurie said. 

“‘Didn’t’ what?” Sophie said, giggling coyly.

“You got in?” Laurie asked, her energy peaking. “How?”

“Well, first of all, ouch,” Sophie said. “And secondly, how else? By being awesome.” 

“Oh my god, that’s so cool,” Laurie said, adjusting herself so quickly she found herself bouncing in her seat. “I didn’t even know you had… tried out? Auditioned? How do they even decide?”

“Audition/assessment thing,” Sophie said. “Got my ass absolutely handed to me by– doesn’t matter. Really didn’t think I’d get that far actually.”

“And when was this? How long have you known?”

“Oh, just about a week,” Sophie said. “The higher ups are coming down on Miss Angie hard for reasons I… can’t really discuss, but I only bring this up because you know who else made the team?” Laurie recoiled a bit, sitting back in her seat.

“Xuân?” Laurie said in dreadful assurance. Sophie smiled.

“She’s really good,” Sophie said. “I don’t know if you’ve ever seen her spar, she’s amazing.”

“But isn’t this, like… I don’t know what you’d call it. Dangerous? Like real ‘X’ stuff? Sentinels and whatnot?”

“More preliminary ‘X’ stuff, but I think so,” Sophie said. “Probably won’t go much farther, but we’ll see.” Laurie hugged the large, plush pillow tightly to her chest, her expression melted from excitement into pale, ghostly nervousness. Sophie rubbed her leg some more. “Hey, it’s gonna be okay. I’ll make sure she’s safe. Plus I’ll put in a good word for you.”

“Well, now I’m gonna worry,” Laurie said. “Not just about her, about you too, moron.”

“We’ll be fine,” Sophie said. “Like I said, probably won’t go much farther. They’re still making adjustments and we don’t even know yet if Miss Angie will still be able to keep us as a confirmed unit. It’s just… field training.”

“Didn’t even know you wanted to be one of the big guys,” Laurie said. 

“Well, I figure when you can help, you should,” Sophie said, pushing herself up off of the couch. “I know I can, so I thought ‘might as well give it a shot’ right?” 

“The hero for all of us that can’t do much of anything,” Laurie said. 

“You shut your pretty mouth,” Sophie said. “But while I can’t talk much about it, you should know that ‘Karma’ is Xuân’s registered tag.”

“No way, she got registered already?” Laurie said. Sophie walked around the edge of the couch with Laurie’s eyes following her. Once Sophie entered the kitchen for more water, Laurie threw her arms lazily over the couch’s back, looking at her like a beleaguered puppy. 

“We all had to,” Sophie said.

“Whoa, for real?” Laurie asked. “What name did you choose?” Sophie paused while taking out a clear, cold bottle of water from the fridge. She looked down as she began to twist the cap.

“I dunno…”

“Oh come on, you have to tell me now!” 

“How about… guess.”

“Guess?”

“Yeah, guess.”

“Uhhhh… Leaf Blower,” Laurie said, sourly. 

“Really? That’s your guess?”

“I’m not done,” Laurie said. “How about… Hair Dryer? Tornado Watch? The Girl Who Blows Everyone?” Sophie sunk her teeth into her lip and looked away, equally as amused by her friend’s answers as she was gradually more irritated.

“I’m about to walk out of here and take Xuân for my own, how’s that sound?” Sophie said sharply. Laurie pressed her lips tightly together, having come up with several more insulting names that she kindly kept to herself.

“Okay, I’m sorry,” Laurie said. “I’m sure whatever name you came up with is both cool and fitting.”

“I think so,” Sophie said. “Kind of bland, maybe, but I like it. Captures who I am, I think.”

“Well, I’d love to hear it if you wanted to share, but I won’t make you,” Laurie said. A hush came over the dorm. Sophie drank as Laurie turned around to watch the latter act of the show that she had largely missed. She paid it little attention, her mind still blurring over the events and the information of the day. 

“So why haven’t you texted her back yet?” Sophie asked. Laurie hesitated to answer.

“I… I don’t know,” she said. “After today, like… what do I even say?”

“Easy, say you’d like to meet up,” Sophie said, re-entering the living room.

“Meet up?”

“Yeah,” Sophie said. “Meet up. Either talk about what happened or if she’s cool about it, have more fun. I mean, you kind of did already break the ice.” Laurie looked down at her phone, her eyes closely examining the word ‘Karma’. 

“I don’t know,” Laurie said. “I think I just need some time. Gonna try and let the dust settle, you know? I still don’t even know how I’m gonna be able to go to classes tomorrow.” 

“Like this:” Sophie began, “Listen up! Anyone talking badly about me or making fun of me in any way is gonna get their ass handed to them by my best friend, the one and only, Wind Dancer!” Laurie looked over. She smiled in lieu of the natural instinct to roll her eyes and giggle. 

“Wind Dancer?”

“You like it?” Sophie asked. She summoned a small gust to twirl her in place, her hair kicking up like auburn streamers while her clothes fluttered in the acute breeze. “Felt it very… me, right?”

“Wind and dancing, that’s you alright,” Laurie said. “And I love it. Very cool.” 

“Aww, thanks!” Sophie said. Laurie looked back, a strange sadness festering just beneath her placid smile. 

“You get it registered yet?”

“Not yet,” Sophie said. “Was still deciding, but now I’m pretty sure I’m going with Wind Dancer.”

“It’s very pretty,” Laurie said.

“I think so too,” Sophie said. She bent down to swipe up her duffle bag with one arm, throwing it up around her shoulder. Rising again, Sophie flung her hair back like a whip. Laurie sat and watched. She observed from the dismal slump her own inadequacies. She sat with her back slightly bent atop the couch, a posture she had gained from many years of reading in solitude around libraries and beds and even during family gatherings. She looked up and saw Sophie, beautiful Sophie, the elegant and powerful Wind Dancer. Truth flooded her mind and breached far enough atop her mouth and nose to destroy any rational attempt to save her hubris from what stood right in front of her. Knowing that she would never be even a fraction of what Sophie was was comforting in a way. Laurie had always kept to the corners and shadows, why should her life at the Institute be any different? 

“Well, I really need a shower,” Sophie said, “but… hey, thanks again for opening up. I’m sorry today was so rough, but it’ll get better.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Laurie said. “Talking about it helped.”

“I’m glad,” Sophie replied. “And if you need anything at all, just let me know. You have my number, I’m not that hard to reach. But please reach out to Xuân. She’s really cool and I’m sure she’ll understand.”

“Yeah, I know,” Laurie said, dismissively. She looked away, feeling Sophie’s presence linger a bit before retreating to her room. Laurie swallowed upon hearing the door close behind her. The room fell quiet, a quiet so strong that it seemed to drown out even the droning of the television. Laurie sat in the subjective silence left over from Sophie’s exit. She felt it. It laid upon her skin like a thin sheet. Laurie sat cross-legged on the couch, wondering if she was even there. Sophie could bring life to a room in the same way that Laurie created stillness, her presence being the spirit of absence.

Laurie imagined such a thing was her true gift. Abject invisibility, the means of blending in with nearly anything. So quiet, she couldn’t even be seen. Laurie had come to know solitude like an old friend, one whose flaws became harder to overlook with time. She sniffled a bit and began to smile, imagining that no one would even be talking about what happened that day because no one really knew who she was. There was no story to tell, no secrets to be leaked, because she was no more a person than a table lamp or the smallest bud in the bush, buried by the color of her peers. Her gift as a person was blending in, for better or for worse. While the ‘worse’ remained omnipresent in her mind, particularly in thoughts concerning Xuân, the ‘better’ served to lift her spirits. Laurie could feel the weight of the worries being lifted from her shoulders. The benefits of being her.

'Perks'.