Sinthia and The Demon Duke of DeSidea: 30

Kairn had been in the western area of his lands to investigate the magic stone mines and ensure that all was well, and he had been up from before the sun rose to get there on time. Now, he journeyed back to his castle alone, nothing but the sound of wind and his horse’s hooves accompanying him. When he returned, he let his horse roam free as he went back to his office. At this time, he would have asked his aide to write up a report of what was seen and discussed in the mines.

But his aide was not here.

He was probably at the Ophelian kingdom, getting his head filled with more troublesome ideas that would bring Kairn many more problems later. At this, he sighed. He had refrained from talking with Elias and working with him really out of habit. They had grown up together and as such, it was extremely difficult for both him and Elias to adhere so strictly to a professional relationship. Elias knew him as well as he knew himself and vice versa. Whenever Elias in all his bountiful energy and curiosity had slighted him, Kairn had always resorted to ignoring him for a set amount of time. He did this because the only other method of discipline that Elias would have to face would be physical. Kairn hated that. He hated seeing his brother and best friend dragged away and beaten for him being himself. It had only happened once, and it was before Kairn had properly understood the consequences that Elias faced for things such as offending his master would be far more different than anything Kairn would face.

After that incident, Kairn decided that he would never let it happen again. Ignoring Elias after he did something he wasn’t supposed to do became the only way he could think of in which he saved him a beating. Elias would calm down and re-evaluate his behavior on his own and then when he had felt enough guilt and reflected on what he did wrong, he would find Kairn and apologize and they would return to their normal life. This way, he always kept it between them so that no one else could hurt his friend and threaten what Kairn considered to be the only close and deep bond he had with another demon.

That had been the only way he could think up when he was younger, and how he had kept it all through the years. But he didn’t know why he resorted to it this time round. They were both adults. No one could hit or discipline Elias. No one was left to do that. And he knew that Elias was indeed just excited for the next phase of his life. He didn’t need to be so mean, he knew. But he was too stubborn. He always had been. Even when he knew he was wrong, he always planted his feet into the ground and stood firm. That was how he was supposed to be. But now he had been too steadfast.

Entering his office, he took off his coat and tossed it on a chair. He walked was about to sit at his desk and begin to write that report, but he saw a plain white envelope sitting on it. It looked very lonely and sad. For a long time, Kairn simply stared at it. Who was it from? Why was it just sitting there? Why did he feel such a somber air fill the office? With these thoughts on his mind, he took the envelope and opened it. Inside was a letter on plain white paper. No perfume or decorations. He took it out and unfolded it.

Dear Kairn,

It is Sinthia. I am writing to apologize for trying so hard to force you into the wedding idea. To make you go through with it, I thought that having Elias just as excited would help get you excited about the idea too, but I only see too late that it did so much more harm. I am sorry for doing and saying things that inconvenienced you and even hurt the relationship between you and Elias. It was never my intention to do so. Please do not feel burdened by the wedding idea. I will not bother you about it any more, and I will instead wait patiently for the appointed time of my departure to the DeSidea residence. I still do hope we will be able to exchange letters until then, even if it as at a lower frequency.

Please forgive Elias. It was not his error, for he acted under the influence I put on him. I will do better and avoid doing unnecessary things again.

Sinthia

For a very long time, Kairn just stared at the letter. The paper was smooth, and the handwriting that stared back at him was even and careful. Her other letters had legible handwriting, but it was very easy to tell that she had written them in excitement and rushed to get the words all on the paper. Sometimes some letters looked uneven and lopsided. Other times words were too close together like she had been thinking so fast that her hand couldn’t keep up. She would normally use colored and decorated paper. Or at least in all the letters she had sent to him through Elias. But most important was her language. That ladylike playfulness and excitement that she often wrote with was gone, replaced by a somber stillness.

Just like the somber air he had felt earlier and still felt now.

He shut his eyes, and his head dropped down ever so slightly. His limbs and head felt very heavy. So did something in his chest. Uncomfortable and pervasive. It was not meant to have developed this way. Something that had felt like nothing more than an annoyance turned into something so heavy. And he was not the only one that felt it’s weight, but it was because of him that two others did. He had not wanted this. He had not wanted this at all. 

Sinthia had not been able to sleep. She woke up before the sun rose, and prepared for her day before anyone else was awake. Her body felt slightly tired, but it was nothing. Nothing compared to how terrible her heart felt. She herself did not have very close relationships, both in this life and her past, but she understood and respected their value. Although it was no difficult task for her to break them, she was careful not to. She was careful to allow them to grow and flourish unhindered. Around her. Never with her. Elias was indeed very likable. She felt that it was very difficult not to after all. But she understood that the relationship he had with the Duke was everything to him. And she had carelessly endangered it.

She went down to attend to the day’s demands early. She moved through them on autopilot,  barely smiling or speaking. She was not in any mood to do so. When breakfast came around, she ate in silence and did not contribute to the conversation at the breakfast table. Her father noticed it, even though she kept herself dignified and proper, but he could not find the courage or right to ask what was wrong. After all, all the other times she had seemed low, where had he been? Sadly, he turned back to his meal with a falling heart.

“Sinthia, what is the matter?”

The voice that spoke to her as she walked in the hallway was soft and concerned. When she turned to looks the owner, she was met with clear turquoise eyes. Vicktor’s brow was furrowed, a worried expression on his face. She stared at him for a long time, then looked away. “Do not worry about it, Your Imperial Highness.”

”I thought we agreed to call each other by our given names.”

”Ah, yes. My apologies.”

”Vicktor.”

”...Vicktor.” She turned as if to walk away. “Wait. You haven’t told me what’s bothering you.”

”It was my own error so it’s alright.”

”Regardless, it wouldn’t hurt to talk about it would it?”

”It wouldn’t fix the mistake either.”

”But it would make you feel better.”

”It would. And that’s why I won’t speak about it. Please understand.”

Vicktor was confused and worried. Was she punishing herself for the error? What was it that made her so down? He hadn’t known her for a long time at all, but he did know that she seemed like a woman filled with all sorts of fun and interesting things. Joy, wonder, pettiness. She never seemed to be one to wallow in her sadness. He let her go this time, watching her until her figure disappeared round a corner.

In her room, Sinthia was writing at her desk. She had finished her work and was now occupied with something else. She was currently studying mathematics, doing sums and equations on a piece of scrap paper. She was just distracting herself, or trying to. As she wrote down yet another answer to a problem, she hoped that the one between the duke and his aide had been solved. If only problems between complex-thinking and feeling creatures could be solved like equations. Using established and logical steps, maths problems were easily resolved. But people were too messy. Yet again, she had ruined a precious relationship around her. What was it about her that made that happen? Once in her life before and again in what was meant to be a new life. Although the setting and body had changed, she had not. Not from her previous life. Not from the child all those years, who was so helpless as things shattered into pieces all around her as she stood still and quiet.

She had not been still and quiet this time with Elias and Kairn, so why was the result the same? What was wrong with her?

A soft knock interrupted her thoughts. Sitting up, Sinthia put down her quill and turned to look at the door. “Come in.”

The door swung open and in walked her father.

She admitted that she was shocked to see him. He had been the last person she had expected to visit her so late. She stood up, clasping her hand before her in the proper manner of a princess.

”Your Majesty. What brings you here?”

he didn’t speak for a while. He looked like he was trying to find the right words. Sinthia watched as he shifted uncomfortably while still holding his regal presence. “How are you doing as of late?”

”I am honored that Your Majesty would ask. I am doing well.”

He frowned at this, but only in his heart. “But you have been looking down since this morning.”

”Oh. It must be because sleep was difficult to come by last night. I apologize for that.”

It had been a while since he had heard Sinthia apologize for anything. Before the accident, she would have even apologized for breathing. It hurt him every time she did, and it hurt when she did now.

“Why was that?”

”... It was noting. Just a lot to think about.”

”Did someone do something to you?”

”Not at all, Your Majesty. Everyone has been good to me.”

”Did something happen?”

Sinthia picked her words carefully. “Nothing happened either.”

“...is it... about the Silk buns I refused to allow the Novan Emperor to eat?” Sinthia looked up at her father’s face, puzzled and speechless. Did he think that it was his fault?

”Is it about the Buns, then?” He asked, looking like he was coming to a conclusion.

”It was not, Your Majesty. Please do not think it was.” He didn’t look convinced at all.

”Come to think of it, on that day, there was something else you wanted to discuss. Is that it?”

“...no. Please don’t mind that any more.”

”Why not?”

”It was a foolish plan that I was ready to throw on you that would have only made you more burdened, so please don’t mind it anymore. I gave it proper consideration and decided against it.”

“What was it? It may have not been so foolish a plan.”

”It was, so please forget about it.” She immediately said, closing off. Consoling a child was so much more harder than he thought. He knew he was bad at simply communicating with her outside of work, but somehow he was shocked by just how terrible he was at offering support.

“Well... if it bothers you again... I won’t refuse to listen.” He carefully said, wondering why he didn’t just say that she could talk to him if she ever felt like it.

“...”

”Sinthia?”

”I... yes, Your Majesty. I will.” With nothing more he could think to do, Cedric left, leaving his youngest daughter alone in her darkening room.