29/03/2017

Viktor and I had a fight.

I… well, I’m at a loss for words. We’ve never fought before. 10 years of marriage, and we’ve never really fought. Silly disagreements here and there, yes, but not a fight.

I went on the hike. Came back a little late, just while the sun was setting. I set off much later than I’d intended, so that’s why. He came back way past dinner time. I asked him if he ate outside. He said he did. I asked what, he said something about cinnamon rolls from a store on campus. Come now, that’s not eating. He needs a properly balanced meal, and I said as much. It was a reasonable statement. But for some reason, it set him off. I was caught off guard, I will honestly say. I don’t remember exactly what was said, but I took the chance to air out my grievances… no that’s not the right word. It’s not a grievance, it’s a concern. I told him my concerns with him spending so many hours at work. Working well into the night, coming back in the wee hours, if at all. Yes, his health has been really good this past month. Yes, I understand that he’s eager to jump right back into work. I understand, I really do. But he has to take it easy. Far be it from me to say that he is weak, no. Viktor is not weak. He is the strongest person I know, strongest I’ve ever met. But it is a fact that he must be cautious about his health.

I don’t understand why he doesn’t see that.

He sounded like he was mad at me for worrying about him. Dare I say, I think he was implying that I was nagging him. Nagging! Worrying about him! That’s what I was doing. We never argue. We are not used to arguing, so he simmered down very quickly. I think he regrets it, getting short with me. I regret it too. I don’t know why I didn’t speak calmly towards the end there. I almost shouted. “Worrying! Worrying!” Why did I do that? I always take his hands in mine and take a moment for us to breathe. Then I will redirect us. Us versus the problem. Us versus the problem. What exactly was the problem? I don’t know, I jumped there. Jumped the gun, my colleagues would say. He’s in the office. We needed a little space, but I feel strange about that. I’ll ask if he wants to come to bed in a bit. I’d much prefer if he did.

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