Tutorial Rewrite 95

I’ve got a theory. See, I didn’t notice it before because I got distracted by the soot child, but now that I’m actually looking at it—unlike the rest of the city—the castle isn’t on fire. Sniff sniff sniff sniff. If my hunch is correct, then that is where that so-called herald is.

But for once, the system actually understands me, because in order to beat this floor, I need to literally kill—erm, free—every single enemy available. I can’t beat the boss without it. Or, I can, but I don’t think I’ll be sent back to the lobby by doing that. Hm. The next attempt should begin in less than twenty-four hours. I don’t think there’s any way for me to beat this entire floor and free all of the citizens within that amount of time. Ugh. Should I just bite the bullet and accept that I’ll have to waste an entire day here before the floor begins properly? What a bothe—

<[As an envoy of the Gods’ will,

you are exempt from the relaxation

time for the remainder of the floor.]>

Oho? An exemption, is it? For little old me? Why, thank you! It sure feels nice to be heard now and again. But to see that hellish period in that hellish lobby described as relaxation feels somehow icky.

Either way, thanks to the gods finally caring about me for once, I have all the time in the world to properly do this floor. Yippie! And the first step to that is to ask Moleman what his tenth floor looked like, because I have a sneaking suspicion that it did not involve becoming an envoy of the gods’ will, whatever that means.

I pull up my PM’s.

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F10]: hey mole

whts ur f10 liek>

Speedy as always, he sends me a quick response.

<SuperMoleman[F53]: It involved

assisting a village of shades in defeating

a flaming beast the size of an ox.

Why? Is yours different?>

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F10]: ya bt dont worry

ill b fine kk bye good lukk wit da floor>

<SuperMoleman[F53]: Thanks, you too!>

Alright, so this really is some weird custom thing. Hopefully, it wasn’t just put together to punish me or something. These gods seem to have a weird obsession with making my life harder, but so far, with this floor, they’ve been surprisingly non-dickish about it. Dare I say, they’ve been almost kind. It’s suspicious. People are only kind when they want something from you. Oh, excluding Moleman and Simel, though. They’re just good people, which is an exception to the rule and therefore should not be counted.

Whatever this situation is, I can be fairly sure that the gods have some sort of stake in it. They actually want me to succeed, for once. Because of that, I’ll need to move with caution.

I stick my nose in the air. Sniff sniff sniff sniff. Everything smells like soot and ash, but in many places, the scent intensifies. This has to be those cinder people I’m supposed to free. This first one I met wasn’t exactly aggressive, but that can always change. From now on, I’ll move forward with slow caution. All the while gorging myself on yummy grape eyeballs, of course.

I make my way towards the nearest ones. It’s a small cluster of I think three or so, which I’m able to confirm once I get close enough to see them.

All three are about the same size, and I can tell that they—much like the first one—used to be goblins, because they have those huge damn ears. Shouldn’t they have gotten burnt off with the fire? Weird. Anyway, they turn towards me as I approach and I briefly pause, just to check if they’ll do anything, but nope. They just stare at me, and that’s it. Since they aren’t exactly doing anything, I wander closer, until I’m standing right in front of them. They look up at me. I pluck the eyeballs out of the nearest one’s head and its body collapses into ash. The others just stare at me as if their buddy didn’t just die. Well, whatever. I pop both eyeballs into my mouth and chew them up as I simultaneously pluck the eyes from the next one. Once I’ve swallowed down the first eyeballs, I pop the next ones in my mouth and, using my newly freed hands, I un-eye the last one.

<Free the unhappy citizens:

4/8 792 Freed.>

Four down, eight thousand seven hundred eighty-eight to go. Simple enough.

<You have learned:

Alpha Particle Tolerance Lv.4>

<You have learned:

Beta Particle Tolerance Lv.3>

<You have learned:

Gamma Ray Tolerance Lv.2>

<You have learned:

Divinity Tolerance Lv.8>

Yeah, yeah, I know they’re radioactive, who cares? I swallow the last eyes and pop in the next two. Maybe I was too cautious about this whole deal? This is easy stuff!

Leaving the piles of ash to dissipate into the fiery winds, I continue walking.

<You have learned:

Heat Resistance Lv.4>

As I casually stroll down the half-familiar roads, I bump into cinder people here and there. None of them makes any attempts whatsoever at fighting their fate. They just look at me, and then I take their eyeballs, and then they can’t look at me anymore. It’s all so simple and brainless that after only a few hours, I start doing it purely by routine. Step up to a cinder, grab its eyeballs, eat the eyeballs, step up to the next cinder, repeat. It’s so easy it becomes dull.

<Free the unhappy citizens:

27/8 792 Freed.>

<Free the unhappy citizens:

166/8 792 Freed.>

<Free the unhappy citizens:

321/8 792 Freed.>

<Free the unhappy citizens:

690/8 792 Freed.>

<Free the unhappy citizens:

1 211/8 792 Freed.>

<You have learned:

Alpha Particle Tolerance Lv.5>

<...>

<You have learned:

Alpha Particle Tolerance Lv.10>

<You have learned:

Alpha Particle Resistance Lv.1>

<You have learned:

Beta Particle Tolerance Lv.4>

<...>

<You have learned:

Beta Particle Tolerance Lv.10>

<You have learned:

Beta Particle Resistance Lv.1>

<You have learned:

Gamma Ray Tolerance Lv.3>

<...>

<You have learned:

Gamma Ray Tolerance Lv.10>

<You have learned:

Gamma Ray Resistance Lv.1>

<You have learned:

Divinity Tolerance Lv.9>

<You have learned:

Divinity Tolerance Lv.10>

<You have learned:

Divinity Resistance Lv.1>

I spot a cinder.

I approach the cinder.

I grab the eyeballs.

I eat the eyeballs.

I spot a cinder.

I approach the cinder.

I grab the eyeballs.

I eat the eyeballs.

I spot a cinder.

I approach the cinder.

I grab the eyeballs.

I eat the eyeballs.

I spot a cinder.

I approa—

I stumble and fall. My head is filled with static. This is weird. When did I get these pop-ups?

<You have learned:

Cancer Tolerance Lv.6>

<You have learned:

Organ Failure Resistance Lv.5>

<You have learned:

Brain Damage Protection Lv.2>

<You have learned:

Unconsciousness Resistance Lv.6>

<You have learned:

Irritation Resistance Lv.2>

<You have learned:

Rash Tolerance Lv.4>

I feel weird. This is weird. Hm. I try to stand up, but when I push off the floor with my arms, I notice that they’re covered in weird rashes and stuff. That isn’t good. I’d better get rid of it. Raising my arm high, I slam it back into the ground a few times until I can feel my arm break, and then I gnaw it off. Weirdly enough, my blood looks a bit too dark. More than the usual. And where did my bone marrow go?

This is all so weird.