AuthorPalt

Tutorial Rewrite 13

Added 2023-01-07 15:24:23 +0000 UTC

Isn’t that, uh, really overpowered? Like, that’s the kind of skill that’d get nerfed in the next patch because of all the complaints! Fetal position blowover…

Um… Do I really have to go into the fetal position to use it? I mean, isn’t that a bit, I dunno… pathetic?

<The God of Cowardice snickers.>

Y-, you’re still here?! I thought you’d stay on the first floor or something! Well, then again, I’m not sure what he is at all, so… Yeah. God of Cowardice.

God of Cowardice…

Hang on. If the God of Cowardice has taken an interest in me, then that would mean…

…Are you trying to make fun of me?!

<The God of Cowardice

breaks into laughter.>

<The God of Cowardice

gestures for someone else to come look.>

<The Goddess of Ignorance

averts Her eyes.>

<The God of Cowardice

sulks.>

…What the hell kinda sitcom is this?...

Okay, to be frank, I never had an issue with streamers trying to stream me and showing everyone their pathetic attempts at beating me. Being watched is fine. It’s nothing new and all that, but this? This is worse. I don’t like this. I feel like I’m on the set of a sitcom and I’m the only one who can’t hear the canned laughter. I want to die.

Hmm… I wonder if the fetal position blowover skill works on everyone?

Smirking, I lie down and hug my knees to my chest.

<The God of Cowardice

looks around frantically.>

<The Goddess of Ignorance

recommends Him to look under the couch.>

<The God of Cowardice

grumbles and asserts that youths

ought to show respect for their elders.>

Mohahahaha, my plan is working perfectly…!

…

…On the other hand, lying down on the floor like this isn’t actually especially fun. After a few minutes of messing with what I have been told is a literal God, I eventually give in to his demands and undo the skill. Hm. Now that I think about it, that damn God might just be playing along for the sake of it, like a parent pretending not to notice their giggling child hiding behind the curtains in a game of hide and seek…

<The God of Cowardice

whistles and looks the other way.>

That damn coward geezer…!

Then again, I suppose, with a name like that, there’s not much you can do. Hm. All this talking has sort of reminded me that I’ve unlocked a new feature of the menus.

Leaning my back against one of the endless white pillars, I bring the window back up again.

<Top—Status—Community>

<19:05:03

Day 31>

<The third attempt will begin in

29:04:55:57

Floor 2 will open in

4:55:57>

Five hours huh? Anyways, with a quick poke, I make my way to the communities tab. The chats should be open now, which means I can—

<Status—Community—Top>

<Easy Lobby: 1200/1312

Normal Lobby: 275/350

Hard Lobby: 41/58

Hell Lobby: 7/7>

Th-, there’s more people?

My eyes fly up from the screen to look around the lobby.

But there’s no one here! It’s just me, so why…?

Maybe they’re further away? Maybe I can walk there? Maybe…?

“Hey!” I shout into the endless white. “Anyone there?! Hello!” But there’s no response. Gritting my teeth, I pull myself to my feet and start moving. At first I’m just walking, shouting Hey over and over again, but then I start running, and shouting, and screaming as loud as I can, hoping for someone—anyone—to hear me. But there’s no one.

And in the end, when I’ve gone as far as my feet can take me, I find myself back at the slippery, cake-soaked part of the floor where I ate that delicious princess cake.

Defeated, I drop back down to the floor with a thump.

Silently, I press the Hell Lobby button. And now, unlike before, it actually takes me somewhere.

<Status—Community—Top>

<Hell Lobby: 7/7

First Floor Lobby: 6/6

Second Floor Lobby: 1/1>

…We have different lobbies? I-, I guess that makes sense, sort of, somewhat. I mean, really, in the other difficulties, they’d have to get really crowded. The Easy Difficulty is way over one thousand people now. No way they’d have enough space in a single lobby.

…But we can’t even meet? I can’t even tell them what awaits them and how to deal with it? There—there has to be a way to send them a message, right?

In desperate denial, I press the Hell Lobby button.

<Status—Community—Top>

And then just a huge, blank screen.

Silently, without so much as breathing, I type in a message.

<PrissyKittyPrincess: hey>

And then, I wait. One minute. Two minutes.

But I know they can’t respond. They can’t even see my message. Until they beat that circle of hell, they won’t even know I exist.

But, then again, it is six people this time, right? Six whole people. That’s, uhh, 1/3rd more than we were? Is that how math works? Something like that.

…No, wait, 50% more. Yeah. I think.

Either way, they’re more. They might even get an archer! Imagine how useful an archer would be in a stage that’s nothing but arrows! Hm. Now that I think about it, maybe I should have picked up a few of those? It might have let me use them as, you know, actual weapons. Like how I beat the leopard.

Not that it matters anymore. There doesn’t seem to be any way to descend the floors at will, which is just as good for me. I don’t think I could redo the first floor even if I tried.

But enough about those heavy thoughts! Let’s check the other chats to see if there’s any information to be shared.

<Status—Community—Top>

<Easy Lobby: 1200/1311

Normal Lobby: 274/346

Hard Lobby: 41/57

Hell Lobby: 7/7>

Let’s try the Hard Lobby first. Good gamers think alike, as they say.

Right. Okay. That, um, makes sense, maybe? Okay then, let’s try the Normal Lobby.

No? Not so? Then, the Easy—

Okay, fine, I get it. I should be able to access the Asia Server as a whole though, right?

<Status—Community—Top>

Another choice, huh? Well, into the discussion boards I go!

<Status—Community—Top>

<Love4Life[F3]: Best strategies on beating

Floor 3 without killing all the goblings?[2]>

<SuperMoleman[F11]: Moleman’s guide to

the shop feature [DO’s/DON’T’s][19]>

<UrchinLurchin[F2] What is this place

am I in hell what[0]>

<FranticSwordSlapper[F2]: What happens

if You die? Is there respawn or

do You meet Shiva [121]>

<MilkInACupboard[F2]: How To Make

The Magic Happen???? [1]>

That’s… a lot, and it’s not even the entire first page. There are literally dozens of pages. The first thing I can make out is that the F1 and F2 is not talking about formulas, but rather the floor you’re on. I’m guessing mine would say either 2 or 1. The other thing is that the number at the end seems to be the number of responses. To check, I test by clicking the post about magic.

<MilkInACupboard[F2]: How To Make

The Magic Happen????>

<FriendlyFanatic[F2]: You Don’t Lmaooooo.>

Theory: proven.

Hypothesis of inherent human evil: likewise.