Side-Write: I Am Alive

Got a shorter side-write for this month. Project Wild One is hopefully nearing completion for v0.01, finally, but it's really dragged out and worn me down. At this point I wasn't sure what to write about, it's a bit of a tough subject to draw from just because the story is still so up in the air, as I've mentioned before.

In the end, I decided to use this as a space for something of a thought exercise, focused on things that will be coming up in the future for this project. I have a lot of big, dreamy plans for the AI for this game down the road, that worries less about perfect tactics and more about acting like actual people, or monsters, or whatever. And a core part of that is figuring out what any living thing usually "cares about," where their priorities lie, and in what cases one will override another. I've had that kinda stewing in the back of my head for a while, so I took this as a chance to try and lay it out more clearly.

I don't think this is anything super original or mind-blowing, though one detail does kinda twist things in a new direction I found interesting to play with. I hope it'll serve to give you a little more insight into what you might expect from NPCs in some far-flung version of the game.

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I am alive.

I want to stay alive. I don't want to die, and I don't want to suffer. So that's the first thing. If my life is in danger, I want to protect it before anything else. Except... if it means suffering a lot, it may be better to just die. I'll come back a little drained, but it'd be better than suffering too much. I don't want to die, but I guess that suffering too much would be worse, so that's... the biggest thing, before everything else.

If someone's attacking me, I want to stop it right away. If I think I can beat them, or scare them off, then I'll fight back, but I just want it to stop. I'll run away if I have to. If I can't stop them and I can't run, then... I'll give them whatever they want to make them stop. I'll make myself small and meek, or maybe I'll try to give them something I think they want, to convince them to stop. But if they want too much... dying and coming back may be my only escape. I might have to provoke them to finish me off, rather than just... keep taking.

If nobody's attacking me right now, I wanna make sure nobody's about to start attacking me. I'll intimidate others if I have to, or if they seem dangerous, I might strike first if I think I can hurt them enough to keep them from hurting me. It might be simpler just to run away from anyone that seems too dangerous, though.

If it doesn't look like I'm in imminent danger, I want to make sure the people I care about aren't in danger either. If I can do something to save them from harm, that's important to me. I don't want to see them suffer. I'll kill to protect them, and I might put myself in harm's way to keep them from suffering too much. In a desperate situation, I guess I might have to kill them just to stop them suffering anymore. We can find each other again when things are less awful.

But if nobody I care about is in danger, then it's time to start thinking about keeping myself healthy in the longer term. I need food and water. I need connections with others. I need a place I can sleep safely. If I don't have those for some reason, that should be my first priority. I'll eat other people if I need to, to keep from starving. I'll do what I have to, to get water and a safe place to sleep, even if it means hurting or killing those that would stop me. But if I could find someone I can trust, someone that will make me feel less alone... I need that, too. So if I'm feeling lonely, if I don't have many connections, then maybe I should be more careful about who I attack. Maybe I'll meet someone that could become a friend. I need other people, so... I'll try to give the people I meet a chance. I'll see if they're friendly, and if they seem like they could make me feel happy and safe.

If I have all of these things I need... or if I can't really do anything much to help with those things right now... then I want to make sure I'm feeling okay. Life is hard, and sometimes I feel miserable, because I've suffered or failed, or I've just gone too long without anything to feel good about. I need some kind of... satisfaction with my life, and I'll go out of my way to get it. Even if I meet someone and it's not really a factor whether they might make a deeper connection with me, there might be ways they can make me feel better. Even just a little friendly contact with another can help. But if they're attractive, it wouldn't hurt to try and share some physical pleasure with them. That can be nice. If I'm desperate for it, or if I think they deserve to suffer, then I might try and take it even if they don't want to give it. That's less satisfying than if I can make them enjoy it, though... Taking it all for myself leaves me feeling even more empty afterward, somehow. Maybe it's not worth it, but when the emptiness hurts too much, I don't know what else I can do. If I hurt so much, it's not so bad to make someone else hurt just a little so I can feel better, is it? Especially if they're bad. It's not bad to do bad things to bad people.

And... if I feel pretty okay, and all my basic needs are taken care of, then... I guess it depends on what else I think is important in this world. Maybe I'll try to find other people, even people I don't know, and save them from danger, or just help them with their lives, because I want things to be better. Maybe I'll try to learn things, so I can understand the world better. Maybe I'll just keep trying to feel better and better, to get as far away from suffering as possible. Maybe I'll focus on making things better for the people I care about, on building a better life for all of us. I might set up a territory and patrol it, to keep the things I need safe. If I'm not satisfied with how things are where I am, maybe I'll leave and try to find a better place, even if that means wandering into strange lands. If enough of us are gathered together to cooperate, maybe I'll get some sort of specialized job and spend a lot of my time on that. I'll probably try to do lots of these things, as long as I don't have to worry about suffering, or feeling empty. Or sometimes, maybe I'll just relax and do nothing for a while. That can be nice too.

I don't know what will happen from here, but I know that I'm alive, and I'm ready to do whatever I have to, to protect everything I care about. I don't like suffering, but I'll make others suffer to lessen the burden on myself and those I care about. This world is too chaotic to think twice about striking out to defend what you need to keep going.