Side-Write: Free of Memories

These are still a little tough to do at the moment. The side-write idea was really more focused on projects more similar to MVOL, where the story is the focus from the start and I've got a lot more to work with. For Project Wild One, there's still going to be a lot of things that are up in the air story-wise even after v0.01, so it's a lot more blank slate for writing any kind of "background info" or similar.

That said, that also means this is a good way to explore the ideas and themes around the main concept! This one did help me focus in on what kinds of emotional themes are likely to come up down the line from "living out" the kinds of things the player character will be going through. That said, as usual, none of this is really considered "canon" so much as "speculative" for what's coming up. Hope you enjoy!

~~~

...I don't remember much about... before. It wasn't that long ago-- uh... Well, I don't actually know how long it's been. The world is... different than I remember, so... I think maybe I was sleeping for a long, long time. Maybe that's why.

However long it's actually been... everything from before is... blurred. Muffled. But I remember I was... small. And I was sad a lot. I didn't go out much. I think I was... sick? I was frustrated with myself. With my body. And I was... scared of other people. I felt like they'd hurt me. With their hands, or their words. I don't remember why...

So when I woke up in a strange place, at some shrine in a field in the middle of nowhere, I was scared. And when I looked down and my hands were gone, replaced with these... monster claws... I didn't know what to think. I didn't even know how to... begin to figure out what was happening. I was covered in fur and feathers and... I couldn't remember anything... I was panicking.

That's when the Goddess spoke to me. Her presence in my mind was so soothing... I knew suddenly that I was loved, that... I was wanted. I... Before, I'd ached for that feeling, that sense that I belonged, and even when I couldn't remember that, I felt the... the pain. I felt how much I needed her to whisper in my ear that I was good, that I could do good things. I needed her, and she needed me.

She told me that... that she had chosen me to be her hand, to reach where she could not. That she'd blessed me with this form, and could offer me great powers when I was ready for them. I was still scared, but... when I actually stopped to look at this "blessing," I realized that I felt good.

I could move easily. Swiftly. Powerfully. I could run! I could leap, and I seemed to sail through the air! And she whispered to me as I flew, that I had nothing to fear in this world. Nothing could stop me, or hold me back. As long as I helped her, I was... free. Free from fear, and judgment, and sin. I was her blessed child, and anything I did, I did by the will of the Gods.

So I ran. My lungs filled, and my legs pumped, and the world spun past me. In the forest, I leapt over tangles of roots and brush until I came to feel so light, and so powerful, I didn't even have to touch the ground. I lunged from tree to tree, burning with the joy of moving, of pushing myself as hard as I could. I felt invincible.

Then I found a bear. I stopped, uncertain. But she was with me. She's always with me. She told me I did not need to fear anything, or anyone. Even if my body was destroyed, she would build it again, as she'd built this one. I was safe even from death.

I was so excited, I didn't even question it. The bear stood, threatening me, and I attacked. I... didn't know what I was doing, but I was able to hurt it. It swatted me down, and I hit it twice as hard. It fled. I made a bear run away! It had... hurt me, too, but I still felt... amazing.

I didn't care about my past. Not what came before, or how I'd come to be here. I felt so alive, all I wanted to do was... this. Run, and fight, and win, and... and...

No matter how far I ran, I didn't seem to tire. I finally stopped at a stream to drink, and that's when I saw him. A blast of wind, and he landed on the other side of the stream, blue scales glittering in the sun, watching me with sharp eyes. He moved so gracefully, even just descending to sip at the water. I was staring at him, and I felt... strange. And when I started to doubt myself, the Goddess whispered in my ear. She gave me the courage to do, and take, and be what I wanted. I waded into the water. He tensed, but when he saw what I wanted, those eyes focused on me in a way that still makes me shiver, thinking back.

He was... definitely too big for me. I learned that quickly, but after everything else, the sting just made me feel more alive. It was a great challenge, and... I overcame it. I took all of him. I wouldn't accept anything less. I clawed the ground into mud and I screamed to the Goddess from under him, but I wouldn't accept anything less. And when he flew away, I lay aching and satisfied beside the stream, happy to bask in the sun peeking through the leaves at me. I slept... and when I woke, my Goddess whispered that I should return to the shrine. She had a gift ready for me.

Since I found happiness in such a large mate, she wanted to give me the power to accept them more easily. I still felt so good when I found the shrine again, and the glow inside me seemed to flow through all of me as I knelt for her. I changed, and I became better. Next time, I could ride them as hard as they rode me. Anything I wanted, I could take in my claws, with the help of the Goddess.

And I could help her too. I was afraid I would take too much from her, but she asked me to go for her, to fetch things hidden from her grasp. I don't understand how the gods work, but as long as it existed in this world, it wasn't out of my reach, and so it was not out of hers, either.

Sometimes she wanted something as simple as a plant, or the essence of a creature, or even a bone or a stone. I didn't understand what made them so special to a god, but I was happy I could help her. Those that stood in my way were moved, by force or by satisfaction. I've enjoyed myself, helping her. Meeting challenges and winning. Carrying out her will in this world.  Growing stronger, and swifter, and better. Gaining abilities I can't understand or explain, but that let me become more than I'd ever imagined possible. Every day, every hardship, every victory, is a... a joy. The more I remember of what came before, the more thankful I am that I can be this, instead.

Today, I came across a boy. We were both surprised. He was so scared, and so small, he... reminded me of what I used to be. I... I wanted to tell him that it was okay. That the world is a good place, ruled by kind gods, and that maybe, someday, he would know joys like I have. But my claws were still bloody from earlier, and I guess he was too scared, so he ran. Part of me wanted to chase him. The instant he moved away, I almost pounced. I could make him feel good, I knew I could. I could show him the joy of this world. But... I saw my red claws reaching out toward that tiny, fleeing body, and for a moment, I was scared too.

The Goddess told me, once, that she'd chosen me because there was a goodness in my soul. That I was smart enough and kind enough to know when to hold back. But sometimes I'm not sure I am. Or... that I might not be, for much longer. I'm changing every day, becoming something new and incredible, and that old me grows further and further away. Would I let the boy go tomorrow? Or the day after? I don't know.

She says I can do no wrong. I'd never doubt her, but... what if, even if my body goes on, that goodness, that me that hid in the darkness and wished for something better, is... gone, someday? I don't know if that can happen, but... I also don't know how to feel about if it did. Is it possible I could... drift until there's no goodness in me, and I can't be a good hand to her anymore? What would happen to me? Would she end me, or would I just be another rampaging monster in this world, hurting others for no good reason? I don't know. In the dark, when I rest, I think about these things. About what I was, and am, and will be. About the many people and creatures I've met, and fought, and mated with. This life. And her. It's so hard to think, when I'm out there, with a cold breeze filling my nose with enticing scents, with something scurrying through the brush just out of sight, and my Goddess whispering in my ear to follow the setting sun. It's so hard to think, and so easy to act.

Is this what the Goddess actually wanted? Does she want me to become this, or does she want me like I was? I'm changing by her will, aren't I? Was that confused creature what she really wanted... or am I only becoming the hand she truly needs now? And if it is so... do I have any right to resent her, or to feel... used? I don't know...

I'm so tired... It's hard to think like this. But tomorrow, I'll be happy again. The sun will rise again, and I will bask in her love. That's... what's important.