Phanphan Phantasies - Ch2 (P22)
Added 2020-12-10 13:10:20 +0000 UTCIt is time for Carlo and Lug to clarify some things -w-
Comments
It will be clearly stated as the story progresses.
Anhes
2021-01-28 13:14:11 +0000 UTCWhat is the dot of shame stand for?
ChawchawWolf
2021-01-28 12:23:52 +0000 UTCWow, Carlo is an ass!
Diego P
2020-12-10 22:52:37 +0000 UTCI think “Besides” might roll off the tongue a little easier.
Samyoyo32
2020-12-10 16:51:51 +0000 UTCSorry, I hope the suggestions don't come across as rude. I know you put so much effort into your comics and I just want to help them be clear and make sense.
Zack Richardson
2020-12-10 15:35:15 +0000 UTCHi Anhes, I have a couple dialog suggestions for you. In the third panel- "You know that I have to watch over him, but I'm got tired of it" You could delete *got* and it would flow better. Or perhaps Lug is a bit more formal and he'd rather say "but I've grown tired of it" "I'm not comfortable here" is good but then he follows up with "Even so, thank you for everything" Those thoughts could afford to either be in 2 separate bubbles or perhaps spaced out by a *sigh* "I'm not comfortable here anymore. *sigh* Even so... thank you for everything" Finally, in the last speech bubble, Carlo says "You makes me mad" which sounds a bit childish. Perhaps try "You disgust me"
Zack Richardson
2020-12-10 15:27:22 +0000 UTCBeen looking forward to this conversation. There is something unsaid between them and it needs to be resolved. Great job Anhes!
Drake Arlin
2020-12-10 15:10:40 +0000 UTCThey're things that will be explain later, if I continue with other characters, but at the end of this one I will add an extra page with information.
Anhes
2020-12-10 14:48:29 +0000 UTCDots of shame? 😂 Engagement rings? Engaged to who? Other women or men? What are dots of shame? Its all so confusing 😅
FuzzyLopunny
2020-12-10 14:40:50 +0000 UTCalso the word decision in the second speech bubble has an "s" in the middle not a "t".
trueeutopia
2020-12-10 13:30:20 +0000 UTCI didn't think carlo could be serious (or get angry). I guess this is really serious.
trueeutopia
2020-12-10 13:29:07 +0000 UTCAw, he's quitting, but there's still a chance for PhanPhan to get with Lug after fucking his client. I can even tell that Caro cares deeply for PhanPhan, he should've watched over him and make sure he has the best experience. He's just trying to get laid himself, Lug so why you mad. Hope he isn't afraid of rejection or he might hurt someone with his dick size. Maybe he's just staying true to his word about waiting.
Max Freeman
2020-12-10 13:29:06 +0000 UTC
