What’s for you will be for you no matter what.
Added 2020-07-29 13:49:30 +0000 UTC
Everyone knows that I went to therapy for over a year. I was there every single week. I lived at home with my mom so I could afford therapy. I didn’t have insurance, I paid out of pocket and therapy is expensive.
(It has a TON of worth, I don’t want therapists to make less but I also want it to be more available to people and for the stigma surrounding it to be abolished completely because I don’t believe we do a good job teaching humans how to be well mentally and emotionally and we need to do a WAY better job at it.)
WOW 2 seconds in and I’m already semi off topic.
*get it together Faye*
One of the “breakthroughs” I had in therapy was when I gave in and fully believed the following statement.
“What’s for you will be for you no matter what.”
Before therapy a fought, I fought HARD because life taught me I had to. No matter what it was I was fighting for it. Liking myself, getting other people to like me, fighting to do well at a job I hated, fighting for success, fighting for happiness - fight fight fight fight fight.
But when the above statement hit me and when I really allowed it to sink into a level where I believed it - I changed.
There was no more need to fight so hard for everything. And it sounds stupid….the whole “what will be, will be”. I mean, how many times have we hard that? But when you believe it, when you take it in and live your life with or behind that belief everything just hits different.
You don’t get a job - wasn’t for you.
You miss a red light - wasn’t for you, you’ll get the next one.
Someone stands you up for a date - damn the universe is saving you from another fuckboi (THANK YOU UNIVERSE!).
You make a mistake - hrmmm what am I suppose to learn? You'll get it next time round!
The weight, the pressure of everything just falls away. You don’t dwell. If you’re smart and you’ve made a mistake you look for the lesson, do what you can to learn it, and have faith that you’ll get another chance at some point and you’ll rise to the occasion.
Having this belief doesn’t mean that you don’t get hurt, disappointed, or feel failure. All it means is that you accept that feeling, feel through it and you let it go easier. Your bounce-back is quicker and it comes with avengeance.
Are you ready for the real-life scenario?
This morning someone I was dating called me and in very roundabout way told me that we weren’t good together, that we were GOING TO have issues. That he didn’t know if he could give me what I need. That things were GOING TO get hard. That we might not what to do this, cut things off now before the hard stuff.
I think I surprised him by saying “ok”.
I told him my opinion sure, but I didn't fight him on it.
(That relationships and love aren’t perfect nor are they easy. That we are going to fight and disappoint each other. That at a month in we are still learning how one another operates, what we need and the ways in which we receive love. That all this was normal and that I didn’t think we were a bad match. We went through something and we bumped heads, you didn’t give me what I needed in that situation but I’m not lingering in it. It’s over, I told you what I needed and have forgiven you for not knowing or not being able to give it to me in that moment. I don’t hold any bad feelings - to me it’s done.)
But ultimately I guess I called his bluff by saying that if he didn’t see us matching well, if he wanted something else, that if he thought I was too much or he didn’t see something good in this that it was ok and that he could simply say that and go. No hard feelings but at this point in time, it needed to be him saying that because that's not how I see things.
Not what he expected or wanted but right now I’m sitting at my desk, writing this for you guys and sipping my tea. I’m not bothered. Later today I’m going to hop into one of my bikinis and go to the beach. I’m going to feel the sun on my skin, I’m going to go swimming in the lake, I’m going to get TONS of fresh air because I got too carried away working yesterday and I didn’t get out….and I’m going to go on living my best life.
Why?
Because what’s meant for me will be for me - no matter what. No question.
My bounce back is so quick and SO REAL right now and in moments like this, I realize how much I’ve leveled up.
Sharing because this has helped me SO much and if you’re constantly battling life, yourself etc this might make it a little bit easier.
Be well.
xo
Faye
Comments
I couldn't disagree more. I lived 36 years on earth, surrounded by friends and by family and while at points I FELT supported by them. I've had people show up for me, or listen when I needed to talk.... Not ONE of those people sat me down to have a hard conversation about the fact that I didn't have nor thought that I needed hope. Not one of those people could teach me the steps to overcoming my anger. Not one of those people could explain the three states of mind to me and why knowing them is important. Not one of those people could actively have a conversation with me where I didn't get defensive because of past situations/trauma in order to offer a different perspective. ....not to mention that so often when humans surround themselves with people they chose people who mirror themselves so that there is less conflict. So we unwillingly put ourselves in situations where we aren't questioned, pushed, talked to about alternative opinions.
Faye Daniels
2020-12-12 21:05:53 +0000 UTCI never knew you were in Therapy, but I'm glad you got the Help that you seeked. I know, myself, that I probably need some Therapy, esp after finding out this Summer that there's a strong chance that I might have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), among other things like a severe case of Depression that I've battled since I was Young. I've never tried or even considered seeking Therapy, I feel if you have a strong Support System (Friends and Family), that this is all you need in Life. People you know would have a better chance of helping you out than some Stranger who doesn't know you but think he does because he has a bunch of Degrees on his Wall and will more than likely get you hooked on Mood-changing Drugs just to control you, but hey, that's my Opinion. Do what works for you. Que sera, sera, eh? I'm a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason", no matter how Good or Bad the outcome. Even when I get upset at the outcome not going in my favor, I have to remind myself of this, let alone wonder WHY it didn't work in my favor and what else might be in store for me, let alone what I need to work on in order for things to work out in my favor. There's so much more I'd like to discuss with you on this subject, but I don't want to hijack this Thread. Maybe later, we can discuss this more in a DM. Oh yeah, and the Guy who flaked on you with those lame-ass excuses was looking for an easy out in my Opinion. He probably found someone else he felt was more his type of hype and pulled that bullshit, but you and I will never know the real reason. Whatever the case, it just seemed a bit cowardly and flaky for him to drop things so soon, so you are better off without someone who won't make an effort to make things work and to know you better.
2020-12-12 20:53:30 +0000 UTC:) Thank you for reading!!!
Faye Daniels
2020-07-30 14:46:20 +0000 UTCThanks for sharing. This is a great perspective to have on things.
William Hernandez
2020-07-29 20:39:49 +0000 UTC
