January Update

I'm not sure this will be much of an update. 

I am tired. Exhausted. All the time. I just got over a cold. I had a day where I felt better and I was so excited, I worked the next day and tried to live what was a normal day for me only to exhaust myself once again. I can't find any type of balance. 

I'm going to say the thing that no one says now. 

I miss lockdown. 

Seriously.

Yes. 

I found so much peace and balance during lockdown. The winter was hard but the summer was AMAZING, I went to the park and the beach every single day. I drove to sunset. I had the best time being creative and making a TON of content. I slept more, rested more, read more, and cooked more. 

When we got back to it, I was happy because I was very poor after losing a job, and my small business and not being as successful on OF as most people think. I wanted the ability to make money again, and to feel financially secure. 

But all of that ended up snowballing into whatever it is that I have now and I can't help but think that I've had some part in making myself ill. 

This past week I basically put myself back in lockdown and, it was very nice. I quite honestly slept for an entire week. I took too many edibles. I worked from home. I watched movies and shows under a pile of blankets. It was everything I needed. 

Sure, I missed my partner but it felt good to stop. To breath. 

Of course, I worked.....but I feel pretty caught up currently. And I'm going to try to keep that balance through the upcoming week. I'm ahead with work currently, I'm going to my partner's house but I'll be there all week and we don't have plans to go anywhere. If I'm overwhelmed or get too tired I'm going to come home. 

Maybe I just make my own lockdown? I say no to more things. I rest and sleep more and not feel guilty about watching tv and not getting dressed. LOL 

Does anyone else out there feel the same? Even remotely? I know it's not a popular opinion. 

xo

Faye