Day 186 — Edward Don’t Watch This One
Added 2018-09-07 08:27:03 +0000 UTCUpdate on something cool I’m trying with our work-from-home productivity :)
Comments
Maybe not even RAISE the expectations, more like REDEFINE the expectations. Go over them, make sure they're clear, and create a better system to meet them (which is exactly what you did here!!). Try different never ceases to be a beautiful process. I'm so incredibly proud of you both <3
Madalen Jade Wallaker
2018-09-09 17:09:50 +0000 UTCOne thing that you may want to try, that we use in the tech industry. Have a quick meeting 15 minutes where everyone on the team needs to answer the following questions: 1) What have you completed since the last meeting? 2)What do you plan to complete by the next meeting? 3)What is getting in your way? This meeting is focused on just answering the question above and there is no side discussions. Side discussion s are for follow on conversations. Also this meeting should be had standing up in a team huddle type situation.
Outdoorsy
2018-09-07 20:10:05 +0000 UTCSomething that you did in addition to creating a new structure for him: You gave him a new way to think about the work in front of him. It may be that looking at his work created stress in him because it represented evidence of his incompetence. If he was seeing mistakes, for instance, and blaming himself for them, or if he was looking at things and thinking that he REALLY should have done this three days ago, those things can get in the way of accomplishment. But by framing it in an entirely different way—"we're a bit behind, so we really would like you to get in there and see if there's anything you can do to clean that up"—with an implication that it's SOMEONE ELSE who made that mess—you gave him a new perspective. I learned about this new perspective after realizing what a mess I'd made by some less-than-ideal parenting. When dealing with my kid I would see traces of my errors, and then my emotional reactions would get in the way of properly handling the current situation. But I knew that if I had taken in foster kids with that exact same problem, I'd know exactly how to help them. So I learned to (try to) take the mindset that it was a DIFFERENT PERSON ENTIRELY who had created the problem, and that it was my job to find the best way to move forward. It worked pretty well. (And, of course, it's not really false, because we are different people from day to day.) Eventually I've been able to drop this trick (at least most of the time) because I've been able to accept that I'm much more messed up than I'd like to be, but this really helped me.
Elizabeth Tapley
2018-09-07 19:53:40 +0000 UTCSo happy that the two of you have found an approach that is doing a good job of engaging those ADHD brains! A word of caution, however, be careful not to let it morph into one partner “parenting” the other. That can very quickly lead to resentment.
Lisa Williams
2018-09-07 17:30:35 +0000 UTCThis is seriously so fascinating and I'm really happy for you guys that it's working so well. I also work from home but I'm not self-employed so a lot of stuff is completed to deadlines. Usually right before a deadline, honestly. 🙄 I can personally relate to escalation of difficulty either in the task or the circumstances as a strong motivation for starting and focus. Often I'll struggle to get going and then from nowhere an additional level of complexity will materialise in what I have to do and suddenly my subconscious reasons for not starting will just melt away and I'll throw myself at it until it's done as if it was due in an hour. When that happens I'm always thankful for the external push!
drof1337
2018-09-07 09:29:43 +0000 UTC
