Perfectionism

I'm glad my recommendation is having such an impact on you! For me perfectionism is doing alot of work on somthing and never considering it done/correct/complete/good enough. I can spend days looking at the same thing, adding tweaking, playing with and generally fiddling with a project and never considering it done. Expecially my art work. That line can aways be more straight or have a better arc or that line can flow into this line a little better or fixing this now makes that too big. It just never ends.

Perfectionism, getting the report for the year and outdoing everyone in my group and now they are all pissed off at me because I work so hard at doing it right and they look..... Horrible. No one came even close to me, plus getting told that I had more hours recorded than anyone else in the group for 3 months. I hate doing the work, but I am so afraid of getting fired if I do not... but I get in trouble if I do it.

I'm a high-school English teacher with ADHD, and grading papers is an ongoing nightmare. Not only do I hate doing it because it's boring, but it takes me forever because I'm so afraid that the kid will complain, that somehow I'm doing it wrong or not being fair. So I comment every paper to DEATH, which slows me way down, and I never get through the pile. Sometimes literally, NEVER. How often do my students actually challenge me about their grades? Not too often. How often do they seriously study the comments it took me all night to write? Not too often. How often does my delay in returning papers get me in trouble with administration and parents and ruin my relationship with my students? Prrreeeetttyyyyy much every single time. I'm seriously considering leaving the profession because if I haven't figured this out in FIFTEEN YEARS of teaching, seems to me the chances are close to nil. Ironically, if I cared a lot less about those papers, I think I'd do a better job with them.

For me, perfectionism is like accidentally dropping anchor in the sand with a broken hoist. At work (I write for a living), it drags me along for a bit, but then, when I start to feel fluid and the words really begin to flow, I suddenly get snagged on something, over scrutinize it, and don't break free without some real effort. When I first started writing I worked as a journalist, It was exciting and I would hyperfocus. But those days are gone, I've been doing it for a long time. What was the question again?

Paul Browning

Which emotion is driving me tonight caused by work. How to not overreact, and work started it yesterday and I can not let it go... Oh, another rule I have "it is OK to be depressed about something, but I set a time limit that I need to pull myself out of it and get back to life"

I agree with the emotions part, that tends to drive me (to distraction), something I have a hard time mastering or coping especially at work on other places. I decided on a new rule today, like the "is it a want or need" is "what is driving the extreme emotion? Reality or over reacting?".

And YES!!! Knowing how much effort to put into something is HUGE. Unless someone tells me otherwise, I assume "all the effort" -- and I have no energy left for other stuff

How to ADHD

I like the idea of rules, I've started developing my own too. Not purchasing big items the same day I discovered I can't live without them is one of them. :) and relationships/friendships are HARD, for so many reasons. I think the trickiest part for me (besides remembering to keep in touch!) is not letting my issues spill onto them. Not letting my perfectionism require them to be perfect, managing my (intense) emotions rather than making them their responsibility, and making sure my needs are getting met so I don't end up feeling resentful

How to ADHD

Oh, if you watch NCIS, Gibb's had rules and that is kind of what I have learned to do. I have rules for myself to help me not make the same mistake again and again. However, there are things I just keep doing wrong. I stink at relationship/friendship and do not know how to overcome that one.

Again sorry so long, I am very detailed oriented. I wonder were I get that from?

My perfectionism goes back to high school. Last day before Christmas break (perfect memory too), having a contest boys against girls. I will be dating myself but I want to help people learn so they do not go through what I have gone through. We had learned how to use a slide rule (pre calculator days) the previous weeks. The score was basically tied (Algebra class), so the teacher put down an equation were the right answer winner take all. Everyone was shouting out answers that were wrong. I came up with an answer, but said nothing, I did not want to be embarrassed (have to be perfect or I would get picked on, no anti bulling in those days). I ran the equation three times and came up with the same answer, but still held back. Finally after the end the class bell rang I decided I had nothing to lose at that point and gave out my answer, the only one I gave. Turns out I had the right answer, I was right all along. Question, what would have it been like if I had not waited or someone else had the right answer before I said it? Again, we see the details that others do not see, which makes us better at certain tasks. In the work place, ADHDer's need to ask when given an assignment or task the level of detail. If I do not ask I put 100% into it, maybe to find out that the manager only wanted 5% and did not want the level of detail I had put into it. Find a way to teach/train your manager to include priority/level of detail or you will end up in my situation a lot, which is constantly frustrated. Constantly, rejected or hurt because you did not know the boundaries of a task. It goes back to defining what success is considered. How many people make YouTube video's? How many put there failures out there to show you are a real person? How many people have gotten the level of success to be able to go from 5 days to 4 days a week to do what the apparently love to do? How many people have the courage to do it? How many have some one that supports you and what you do? How many people make a video about making a calming bottle admitting, trust me I did it wrong so this works about a dozen times? I thought that was the best part of the video, when admit you made the mistake. I have watched home improvement shows and hate them because the show perfectly how it is supposed to works. I have yet to do one home improvement project that went perfect. I want to know what do I do when when you take out a wall and find something there that should not be in that wall. My first plumbing project, I went back to the hardware store 4 times, because I could not get something right. The last trip, I just grabbed 5 of everything I needed and did it till I got it right.

One thing that I have noticed is when your a perfectionist you pickup details that other people will miss. I go one way or the other. When I am in a hurry I will miss things, wording a sentence wrong, causing me embarrassment. Then get a new manager that wants things perfect when you are in a hurry. He actually pointed out two emails were I used plural instead of singular words. So I built a template to prevent it. I was ready to quit ( still looking) my job because the constant need for these emails to just the right way. The thing is that I do all the paperwork that is required. For example, I figured out to run reports, and I have created 150 change requests. The next closet person has only done 20. I am still having issues with asking too many questions this morning.