Why You Feel Like You’re Failing (And How to Stop)
Added 2024-12-17 20:28:44 +0000 UTCThanks to Sunsama for sponsoring this video! It’s an ADHD-friendly tool that works with your brain, not against it! Give Sunsama a try. Right now they’re offering a free trial with no credit card needed if you use my link: https://www.sunsama.com/a/jessicafromhowtoadhd
Feeling like you’re failing at life? Same. I’ve been dropping balls left and right—late to things, forgetting stuff, constantly apologizing. Turns out, I overbuilt my life! In this episode, I share why it happens, what I’m doing about it, and how you can stop adding more and start building a life you can actually enjoy.
Also, check out this webinar about balancing the invisible load of work and family (I'm pretty sure you can still sign up for it and get access to recording, if you can't let me know in the comments!): https://www.additudemag.com/webinar/invisible-load-motherhood-adhd-parenting-stress/
Comments
As someone who was diagnosed ADHD after having a child for something that sounded exactly like this experience. All my systems I had made for my self essentially had to be thrown out and started again rather than keep adding more to my life. I did a lot of meditation and for me during this time treating this as a grieving processes seemed to help me a lot of letting go and having the time to follow those threads to discover what was sitting behind them.
Ryan Messina
2024-12-29 05:20:20 +0000 UTCHahah one more - parenting. If I can offer unsolicited advice - remember the long game. Parenting is a long game. And because it's for another human being I think we pressure ourselves so much "to get it right". This is where your curating might help - list all the things you want to do for your daughter, but have a value / focus you can use as a touchstone when you want to "build more" in her city. Do you have the energy now? Can it wait until later? Do you actually want to do it? If you have to choose between 2 want to do's - what can wait? You can do swim lessons again with her when she's a toddler. Wear her baby dance class...maybe not. Is there something maybe your partner could take her to? Can you 'delegate' some of those experiences (eg does she already get lots of art at daycare?) If you don't already, I can't recommend Dr. Becky Kennedy enough. Good Inside is her movement. (I feel so embarrassed about how much I just shared! I never do this!! Thanks for reading!!)
Sherri Flegel
2024-12-20 14:49:26 +0000 UTCAnd last one I promise! Man this one got me thinking! 4. All the things I WANT to do, sometimes makes me resent what I have to do. And for creative pursuits / hobbies, knowing I have an adhd brain has helped me immensely. I love taking hobby / art work shops. I realized just taking it and trying it is ENOUGH. Feeling guilty because I am now not practicing or continuing the hobby, despite buying all the supplies, is OK. Letting go of this is hard. Realizing I'm not going to have it look like the instructors is obvious - but then why do I still feel frustrated when I can't?? The cognitive dissonance between knowing and feeling is so frustrating!
Sherri Flegel
2024-12-20 14:39:18 +0000 UTC3. All the things!!! Having to admit I have limits is soooooo hard. Because I don't want limits! I ALWAYS equated time with ability. But energy is what I needed to look at. But that is variable. I know I will have 2 hours tomorrow to do X. I don't know if I will have the energy for it. And that is hard to plan for - one day I might have the energy to do it all. Another I might not . I feel bad but I've become very non-committal to things set in the future - because even the fun thing, I don't know if I'll have the energy. I've scheduled in the time - so that's there. But energy is unpredictable.
Sherri Flegel
2024-12-20 14:33:31 +0000 UTC2. The "growth" mindset is something I constantly question as helpful. At least for myself - constantly "growing" = that means I'm not enough as I am. What am I trying to achieve with that particular goal? I guess that maybe is the curating part?
Sherri Flegel
2024-12-20 14:28:57 +0000 UTCThis video has really resonated with me- both in the story you shared that makes me reflect on my own story but also the strategies. So much is how we frame it. Words matter :) So many thoughts to share came up for me! In my adhd way I could write so much! 1. My kids are now 11 and 13. If I knew when they were born / little, what I know now (I didn't know I had adhd), I probably wouldn't have burnt out. And I burnt out hard. The fact you DO know now Jessica, is fantastic. That awareness doesn't mean it's not going to be hard. But now you can be more intentional (which results in more present). My therapist said once "Just because it's hard doesn't mean you are doing it wrong or you need to fix something about yourself". That was an eye opener.
Sherri Flegel
2024-12-20 14:26:50 +0000 UTCAwesome timing! Idk if it’s the wiggity wack nature of holidays but I find myself taking stock of my year and life and simultaneously feel in the pressure to mask and be the “good kid” for my family. I feel like I fail on both fronts bc I try to do both. But ofc, our only job is to be ourselves and part of life is learning what we want and don’t want to be. Really grateful for your videos, Jess. They’re important reminders that we are all trying, learning, and inventing new systems along the way.
Amy Lin
2024-12-19 05:02:59 +0000 UTCGlad it was well timed and definitely hope it helps!
How to ADHD
2024-12-18 21:19:09 +0000 UTCThis was an incredibly timely video for where I'm currently at with things, so thank you for this video.
Tim B
2024-12-18 02:44:08 +0000 UTCAnd by "adult" I mainly mean how do I build a brain-healthy weekday (FT work + 3 kids and 2 adults 5/5 ADHD), as well as a brain-healthy weekend (home). I built a city that kept me in burnout and now that I've entirely broken those bad habits, I don't have any habits at all for keeping my home clean. And being honest, needs a lot of declutter work first -- my Wall of Awful. I don't know how to get that done and my gosh I feel like the biggest failure.
Angie
2024-12-17 20:47:05 +0000 UTCI get a holiday break this year (!!!! I'm so excited ahhh!!!) and I've been trying to figure out how to adult after healing trauma. Thanks!
Angie
2024-12-17 20:34:50 +0000 UTC
