Displaying other character's thoughts?
Added 2025-03-10 18:41:52 +0000 UTCHello!
It’s me again, just wanted to do a quick vote about displaying other characters' thoughts!
Of course, this wouldn’t happen all the time, just occasionally, in moments where it would fit. For example, in Chapter 2, when Anya, Lucy, and MC are on the subway heading home, and MC’s head drops onto Lucy’s shoulder. Without showing her thoughts, this scene might feel a bit flat. Instead of just a narrator saying, "She was blushing, probably because she likes him," we could actually hear Lucy’s own thoughts in that moment.
There are also a few moments in Chapter 3 where I’ve added thoughts, mostly when characters weren’t able to talk (yes, but no, not what you're thinking (at least not entirely) ;) ).
So, what do you think? Should character thoughts be included?
Here are some examples on where I do use and would use them:
For emotional depth (e.g. Chapter 2 scene)
For inner conflicts of the characters (e.g. Chapter 2 scene)
To heighten certain events where the characters are unable to speak (e.g. when being gagged or underwater https://www.patreon.com/posts/0-3-sneak-peek-2-117581765 )
Comments
Yeah, I like that too! Currently, since I like to tell the story from MC's perspective, I'd be a bit weird to have him experience the past of, let's say Jane expect for her telling him about it. That's something I'll have to figure out in the future :) Thanks for the feedback!
DebatingPanda
2025-03-11 16:24:56 +0000 UTCI like it when we get to see/experience things that give us insight into other characters, whether that's their thoughts, backstory, interactions with non-MC characters etc. Of course, it has to be done well but I think we trust you with that ;D
CraftyAD
2025-03-11 10:02:40 +0000 UTCYes, too much exposition is quite a common fault in the beginning. Had to learn about it as well and still have to. Learning more about story writing every day, it's probably a never ending process. Will keep that advice in mind, thanks! :)
DebatingPanda
2025-03-10 23:16:43 +0000 UTCIt would be okay to have some other characters thoughts in short and simple terms every now and then. But i definitely remember reading several other avn's and thinking, "This author really needs to show more and tell less". And the worst one in this regard was one of the big well known ones. Maybe follow the mantra: When in doubt, leave it out. Only use it when there truly is a point to be made.
The_Ismand
2025-03-10 22:34:50 +0000 UTCI wouldn't go this far with the thinking. How they think of you will mainly be shown by their actions, not entirely though. But glad you like the idea with the thoughts! :)
DebatingPanda
2025-03-10 21:03:47 +0000 UTCHappy to hear! =D
DebatingPanda
2025-03-10 21:02:09 +0000 UTCThis is a great idea! I would really appreciate getting to see what the characters think of us, and having a deeper look at each of their personalities.
Mesozoic
2025-03-10 20:57:45 +0000 UTCDepends. If it fits, it fits. If done right, it can be good. I like what you are doing. Very much. This includes your approach of adding characters' thoughts. :-)
Starfish
2025-03-10 20:47:44 +0000 UTCAwesome idea
Ronan Foster
2025-03-10 20:43:18 +0000 UTCBasically exactly what you wrote at the end: "I like thoughts that can inferred from the scene or from the fact that we know about the character before." No spoilers of course, that'd be a game breaker for me as well! Thanks! :D
DebatingPanda
2025-03-10 19:13:18 +0000 UTCSounds good to me, I actually like to hear the character’s thoughts.
Mel
2025-03-10 19:08:31 +0000 UTCIt's fine to me. As long as the character models emote properly and the thoughts are short and not "exposition". For example, id rather not have spoilers if the girl's thoughts are a spoiler about what she likes or doesn't like.. For example I don't want to know exposition that the girl next to me would be willing to go out with a date with me if I can randomly sing the hakuna matata while standing on my hands and then yelling "God bless the queen, Galileo!" . That's not something that sn emote or micro expressions can say, so their thoughts shouldn't say much more. But if a girl is blushing and then suddenly looks at another girl getting too comfy with the mc and gives her the stink eye? Yeah that's fine. I like thoughts that can inferred from the scene or from the fact that we know about the character before.
Cyber
2025-03-10 19:03:13 +0000 UTCSounds fine to me!
Mangetsu
2025-03-10 18:43:46 +0000 UTC
