Drew

Drew is a friend of mine from college, who came across my page and reached out. I was surprised to hear from him, but little did I know, we had quite similar interests! I'm so excited to share his story with you today...

Hi Drew! Introduce yourself and explain why you became a part of this project!

I am a musician living in northwestern CT. Because I live in such a beautiful area, I spend a lot of time outdoors, and always felt in touch with nature. I feel that being naked is freeing and allows me to shed a lot of societal expectations, so this project seemed a great way to combine my love of making music, the outdoors, and the “art of the nude,” with such a talented photographer! I also wanted to explore my self-image from outside myself. While that seems like a contradiction, having an outside observer photograph the reality of my body allowed me to reexamine both the good and the bad from a more objective place.

How do you feel about your appearance and being on camera? How has this evolved?

Initially, I was VERY apprehensive about being photographed in such a vulnerable way. I have always struggled with body image, and at times have suffered from body dysmorphia. I don’t fit the image of a “conventionally attractive” gay man, and while intellectually I know those conventions are at best meaningless and at worst, downright harmful, it is hard not to compare myself to them every day.

When Ryan first sent me the pictures, I was afraid to look at them because I thought I wouldn’t like what I would see. After spending time with them, I was amazed at how my opinion had changed. I learned to see past the flaws (both real and perceived), and saw myself in a new light. Being vulnerable on camera helped me accept my body as it is, and in the long run, put me in a better place.

What does masculinity mean to you? Do you feel the need to be masculine in every day life?

Masculinity is a complicated topic for me. After being rejected by a close friend for being gay in high school, I tried to hide the fact that I was gay and aimed to be a stereotypically “masculine” guy. Even into college, I tried to hide the less masculine aspects of myself, to the point where friends would say “if you didn’t tell me, I wouldn’t even know you were gay.”

I felt the need to be masculine in every way I presented myself. How I walked, spoke, and dressed. The music I listened to, the posters in my dorm room, and the people I chose to be intimate with. Since college, I have learned to express the aspects of myself that are less masculine. I am comfortable in my gender identity, and accepted the fact that I do have stereotypically “gay or fem” traits.

I don’t let myself be bound by society’s expectations of what masculinity means, rather, I created my own definition that makes me comfortable, and therefore, that I am comfortable sharing with the world.

What was it like getting nude on camera for the first time?

Getting nude on camera for the first time was both terrifying, and surprisingly easy. The initial act of getting naked was easy, but then being able to keep that level of comfort while being photographed was more challenging. The camera doesn’t lie or hide flaws, real or imagined, so putting myself out there in this way was a bit nerve wracking. But, by the end of the shoot, the nerves were gone!

How do you feel about bodies and sexuality being censored from everyday media?

I think that American media is particularly puritan when it comes to censoring bodies and sexuality, particularly those with an LGBT theme. Growing up as a gay kid, I had no point of reference in tv shows, movies, etc for what my life looked like. This served to make me feel like even more of an outsider than I already felt.

Media tends to portray the act of affection between LGBT people as overtly sexual, even when the same act between straight people would not be considered sexual, which, I think, leads to a lot of the censorship. Two people showing affection, or a naked person in a non-sexual setting is not something to be ashamed of or something that should be hidden away.