[ASMR] Your Roommate is a Jealous Vampire [M4M] • [Sarcastic] • [Vampire Feeding]

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*door opens* *royalty free music on radio*

(Everything is going crazy right. However, I hope you guys are staying safe and wearing your masks.You’re listening to 66.6 Panda Radio, where we play the hits that are hot as heck but cool as ice, up next is a song that will take you as...High as the clouds, it’s JPB and their new single. Stay Pandastc and Happy Monday everybody) *pages turning* *footsteps on hardwood walking*

Hello there my friend. Ah ah ah, don’t worry about who that tied up man is. *pause* Because I said so. Oh you’re not going to get anywhere.*snap* *door slams shut* *radio shuts off*  In fact, I actually have a favor to ask you. *door jiggling*  Don’t bother trying, that door is locked until I say it isn’t. You know, you and I have been rather distant lately. Why is that? We used to be so close. Don’t you remember we used to do everything together? We used to play in the sandbox together? Hmmmm those were fun times. And, even recently we saw that movie together that I managed to find after it supposedly being lost to time? I found that all for you? Yet, as soon as you find a partner, you decide to toss me to the side like a pair of used jeans. *pause* Oh don’t take me for a fool. I see that almost glazed look over your eyes whenever your new bitch comes through our apartment; it’s almost like the whole world doesn’t exist right? *mocking* It’s like in fourth grade when you had, what did you call it, a tingle in your ticker? Jeez fucking christ you grew up with old parents. Your parents are the clear definition of, “okay boomer”. *pause* I am well aware that we are no longer children anymore; both of us are or well, you are, in your 20s whereas I am in my 200s, but, you promised me that we would be best friends through thick and thin. But, there you go, off every night. I remember when we would have video game nights and movie nights all the time - HEY SHUT THE HELL UP, CAN’T YOU SEE I'M TALKING WITH MY BEST FRIEND HERE? *punch* Hey, get back here my “so called best friend”. You just stand there and shut your mouth and let me talk. Do you interrupt your partner when they’re talking? No? Okay. Anyways, *sigh* made me lose my place in my book.

*pause* You know, you changed significantly. What happened to you? I remember that there were times when I dropped whatever I was doing to go and comfort you or to hang out with you. I was so close to finding out who was making all that noise in that basement of that one house I always pass by, but nope, you called me crying like a little bitch saying, (in a mocking tone) “Bro, where are you? I got my heart ripped out”. Sound fuckin familiar? *pause* Noooo you don’t say, you ended up moving on and finding someone else?? Oh my god, sorry for not breaking out the champagne. Should we also get some K-pop men in here and sing a song? Do you hear that? I think I hear wedding bells. *pause* Hey, I’m not the one who chose to abandon their best friend. *pause* Hmmm if you really think you can kick my ass and free this gentleman with the bag over his head. Go ahead, BUT before you do, do you mind opening that drawer for me? It’s kind of stuck and I need my big strong best friend to yank it open. *drawer opens* *pause* *chuckles* What’s that look for? I mean, I can’t really see it as I am really into this new book that I stole off your nightstand that your new partner gave you. I have to say, they really have a great taste in crappy literature. *pause* Oh, don’t worry how I got those pictures. Just know that I have them. *pause* *tearing* Go ahead and tear them up, you think those are the only copies I had. *pause* Well, here’s the thing; you and your partner are becoming quite insta-famous at your new job, and now that some colleges are opening back up, there as well. So do the math. You still have a C in the class right? How much will be charged to YOUR joint credit card, that I stole out of your wallet, to buy 50 packs of 500 sheets of copy paper for $20 bucks a pop and $60 for every 100 copies at the library... of you cheating on your partner? *pause* Hahaha I really thought I had you figured out. You always used to bitch and moan about how, (in mocking tone) “I’m never gonna get a partner, nobody will love me, I wish I had someone to be with so that people can stan us. We can be relationship goals.” and yet there you are breaking your promises. So, this is how you’re going to keep my mouth shut. If you want your partners lips to be touching yours till the end of time, you’re going to help me store this body here. *pause* Duh I am well aware that he’s still alive. I’m not stupid. 

Dead people don’t cry and...ehhh pee themselves right? Or, were you too busy fawning over your partner while in anatomy class? This is what’s going to happen, you’re going to help me by making sure that they stay alive until I feel they are no longer of use to me. Is that understood, cheater? *pause* Good, now *closes book* let’s get to it. *long pause* *different door closes* See that wasn’t so hard. *discord call* Ohh look at that. It’s your partner. They look pretty pissed. Did someone forget they had a date tonight? Hmmm well, tell them, you’ll be late. *vampire feeding and fade to black*

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