RAW Script for [ASMR] My Cat is a Vampire?!? [M4F] • [Cute][Silly] • [Neko]

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Original Upload Date: Dec 1st, 2020 

*door opens and closes* Here we are. Your new home. I know it’s not as big as you probably deserve but this is….home. Hey at least it beats being in that cage right? I mean, I didn’t even put you in a crate on the drive home. You’re pretty well behaved for a girl kitty. I mean I didn’t think you were actually going to scratch up my new Maserati. I thought bitches had a hard time listening hahah. Oh wait….that’s a dog. I am an idiot. I’m sorry. Well, I mean you’re just a little cat, so it’s not like you can remember this or even understand me. Well, I mean, are you hungry or anything? I got a whole bunch of kitten food from Walmart, probably all that rattling and you heard rolling around. And I am talking to cat, way to go Thomas, you’ve officially become a crazy cat person. Anyways, come on, let’s sit on the couch. *sitting sounds* Up up. Come on up? Nope. Okay. Uhmm we need to give you a name. Hmm. I wish you could talk to me but I mean maybe when you hear a name you like, do something. Okay ummm. Hmm what about the cutesy names? Uhmm Mittens? Uhm you have a distinct coat on, uhmm….Sprinkles? Uhhh Daisy? Peaches? You just staring at me doesn’t really help me. Uhmmm okay….maybe you’re one of those high end maintenance cats that needs a people name. Uhmmm. Bailey? Ruka? Ashley? Elizabeth the Third? Anything? Okay you were winking and blinking so I don’t know if that means you love me already or a wink is yes or a blink is no….well, we will figure it out. Anyways, it’s getting late, why don’t *grunts as picks up* we get you some food? I didn’t realize I would have to drive out 4 hours to and from my house to pick you up. I mean, you’re cute and everything and I can already tell we are going to be great friends, but that was a strange farm I picked you up at. The man and woman in those grey school uniforms looked kind of evil. I mean, I hope the other cats and animals are fine. What the hell did they mean by, be careful, they bite when they “grow up”. Like, don’t you kitties already bite as it is….and Thomas you are still talking to the cat. *as he is unsure* Okay, well, here, I suppose I should give you this one first, the ONE can the couple gave me. They told me this is some special concoction that helps you grow faster? I mean...well, they look like knowledgeable people. Whatever *can opens* *insert meows* Okay okay, here here here. Just, okay, now we are jumping on the table. Okay, this is your first night here so, I’ll let that slide, especially because you’re so cute. Okay, well, I read that cats already know how to use the litter box and well, all the other doors we will open as you get more acclimated. I’m going to head to bed, your beds right here okay? *pats on bed* I put one of my pajama outfits, uh this tank top and these sweat shorts so you get used to my scent Well, uhmm...goodnight.

*crickets* *soft snoring* *bed creaks* *collar bell* *mumbles* Mmmmm do you mind schooching over a bit, mmm thanks. Mmm your hair smells gr-- *GASP* *body fall sound effect* *heavy breathing* WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!!!! *pause* Don’t give me that look, and what are you doing wearing my pajamas? That was for my cat to sleep on? Wait a minute…. Where the hell is my cat?! *pause* No you’re not my cat, you’re just some crazy-- wait...did you just talk? *pause* Okay, this is not happening. I am still dreaming, this is all a dream. I’m going to close my eyes and then I’m going to wake up and my cat is going to be outside sleeping on her bed and be an actual kitty cat. Okay and *pause* you’re still here. *pause* Well no no no wait wait you don’t have to go, just okay, just sit okay. *sarcastically* Oh cute, you’re pretending to be a cat loaf okay. Fine, I’ll bite. Explain to me what’s going on. *pauses throughout* Okay…..yeah I remember the couple and the farm…...uh huh….okay….yeah??? That food they told me to give...you?? And here you are? Okay. So basically, you’re a magical being with an extremely cute and adorable voice? I mean I think the ears are a great touch; I mean they look...and feel like actual cat ears. Ohh shit I’m sorry, do your ears hurt or something? *pause* Sensitive? Why are you hiding your face? Okay, what exactly are you? I mean, you don’t have whiskers or the nose or a cat mouth, you look pretty human to me. Uhm can I see your paws? I mean your hands? Oh wow you have sharp nails but damn you have some nice hands. Well, I mean it’s not like you have a tail or anything haha yeah like….that one. How does it even work and where does it even come from….actually nevermind don’t tell me. *pause* Well I’m sorry, growing up, my cats didn’t turn into human women in the span of...what time is it... 4 hours after eating cat food. This is just new to me. *pause* Yes of course your master still...wait...did you just call me Master? *pause* Well I thought I was your owner but...I kind of like the term...Master. Yes Master still wants you around. Okay look, what do we do from here? Do I take you tomorrow to Hollister, Gap, American Eagle. *pause* Oh right you wouldn’t know. Do I need to buy you more clothes so you’re not just wearing my pajamas all the time? *pause* Okay it’s worth a shot right? That sounds great. *grunts* Awww this feels kind of nice, I really did need a hug and hehe you’re nuzzling my chest. Mmmmm you’re a good girl. Yeah...Master thinks you’re a good girl. *pause* Are you blushing? Awww, that’s so cute. *pause* Uhhh sure. I mean, I guess if I got a hug you deserve some head pats.*petting noises* Mmmm good girl….good girl. You’re such a good girl. *stomach growl noises* Ohh are you still hungry? Well, I guess now that you’re human, you can have human food. I mean, do you want my leftover spaghetti? I can make you some ramen or I’m sure I have some canned tuna around here? *pause* Well what are you hungry for then? Wait, were your eyes always that red color? *tackles and grunts* Wait, what the hell, you’re a vampire too?? Ohhh fuck me, *grunts throughout* OW that kinda hurt. Well, I mean I guess it beats spending money on human food. I don’t know if it’s the blood loss, but you still cleaning yourself like a cat has to be the cutest fuckin thing in the world. Hahaha. Awww aren’t you precious? Wait, why do you look so sad? *pause* I know you probably didn’t mean to hurt Master, kitten, but I’m not mad at you. I still love you. *pause* Yes, you are still Master’s kitten. Awww shhh don’t cry. It’s okay. Come on, let’s just relax. Look, just, how about you tell me everything. How did this even start? I mean did you always look like this? Or is the food like some kind of random vampire cat girl maker? *pause* Yeah, I do remember the couple. *pause* You’ve got to be fucking with me, they do that. So technically, you’re cross bred like they took cat dna and then....they....*pause* Ohhh wow, I’m so sorry. So I guess I was kinda right? Your looks are more or less randomly generated by the food concoction. Hmmm well hey, I want you to know that Master will never let anything bad happen to you. *pause* Yes, I promise. *kisses* Awww you’re doing that cute paw hand pose. I guess kissing you on the forehead is your activation button or something huh? Hahah hmm I wonder. What would happen if I started tickling your tummy. *repeat tickle tickle tickle* Hahaha OWWW you scratched me.*pause* Well, yeah I knew cats’ stomachs were sensitive but, I guess you’re just ticklish. *inhales sharply* Oww you got me good. Right on the palm of my hand. Owww. Yeah I’ll be fine I’ll just use my first aid…*grunts and grunting throughout* Okay…..yeah I forgot that you’re also a vampire. Okay so note to self, be ready to be a blood bag and no tickles. Okay. Okay you can stop now I-i-i-i-I think it’s fine. Can I please have my hand back? OW Okay thank you. Wow, it’s like it actually healed. I guess it is true that animal saliva has healing properties...or well...I guess...vampire..cat... girl salvia does? Awww there’s that cute smile again. You know I could get used to making you smile every day. I guess it is true what they say, it’s one of those love at first sight things. *pause* Yeah...I do love you Kitten. Master does love you. Mmmmm. *head pats* good girl, you’re a good girl. Good kitten. Come here, put your head on my chest. *heartbeats* Sshhhh come on, let’s get some rest. Just close your eyes and I promise I’ll still be here in the morning. Goodnight, kitten. Master loves you.