RAW SCRIPT : [ASMR] The Worst Blind Date With a Werewolf [M4A] [Sarcastic] [Werewolf Feeding]

ORIGINAL UPLOAD DATE: May 29th, 2023

[the sounds of a restaurant fade in with talking and drinks]

Oh, hello there! Sorry, I don’t work here. I can see how my expensive outfit might give off the idea that I work here, but actually there’s a guy over— you’re my blind date tonight? Oh yeah, shoot I nearly forgot. Hmph, must have slipped my mind. Sorry, between OkCupid, Tinder, Christian Mingle, J Date and the rest, it’s hard to keep track of everyone. Anyways, sit down otherwise the wait staff are just going to ignore us. I’d pull out your chair for you but, I don’t want to. [sit down for a brief pause] Well, you’re very lovely. I’m surprised you actually made it. I figured you were going to be too busy for me. Normally you humans make some made-up reason not to show up…well at least them coming to me. Usually I have to do all the chasing, which haha being alive for 200 years is something I’ve grown accustomed to. How was your day? Was it busy? I know how hard it must be being a Gender Studies or Feminist Dance Theory major in our town’s community college while still leeching off your parents. [brief pause] Oh haha close enough, tomato toMAHto. Anyway, here’s a menu. Unfortunately, there’s no vegan options, so unless you wanna fill up on water and fancy ice, I suggest you toughen up and break your morals you learned on TikTok for the night. I ordered an appetizer and it has yet to show up. But you have haha and you’re looking like a snack. [brief pause] What? Am I not allowed to compliment you? I’m sorry, maybe I should’ve asked for your consent to compliment you because I think you’re genuinely attractive even with that big goofy ahh forehead of yours. Anyways, for real this time, how was your day? Come on, I am being completely serious right meow…right now. Hehe. [brief pause] Oh really? Your boss did that? Damn…well it sounds like…you’re just being a little bitch. I mean how dare he expect you to work your 9-5 jobs, you know, eight hours a day for four days. It must be so hard to do jobs in retail and fast food when you typically have a team of eight people helping you in a temperature controlled environment when the real men and women are out in the heat and the cold actually earning their high wages. I mean, you seriously think you deserve to make bank folding clothes and pushing buttons on a machine that makes the food for you? HAHA okay. [brief pause] It’s a bit harder than that? Really? Do tell! Let me guess, sometimes, you have to push a second or third button on the machine? *GASP* The horror! Well, I do have to commend you on actually having a job and not being a full-time social justice warrior on Twitter.  [brief pause]

Hey hey hey woah! Where did that come from? I was paying you a compliment. How does your brain go immediately to THAT? All I said was that you’re not like these other humans who think that being offended over everything is their full-time job. Geez, are you sure you’re not secretly a neko? Because honestly you’re acting like a pu–OH YES, hello!...Haha that’s alright, it is around dinner time and we completely understand. Okay, to drink, I think we’ll just have a couple of waters for now. Actually, if we can get two Shirley temples that would be great! Their drink will be a virgin, you know, no alcohol. I am actually ready to order. I’ll have your prime rib with the au jus sauce with the potatoes and the spinach, and I want the steak, rare. So rare that you would think I turned into a werewolf and took a chunk of meat right out from the cow, and I don’t mean my ex mother-in-law haha! And for you my dear? Sorry, I don’t think they have any dino nuggets here. [brief pause] Haha alright, they’ll have that and this will be two separate checks. Alright thanks…what? Of course I do two separate checks. Aren’t you an independent bish? What, do you need a MAN to take care of you? A MAN to pay for you. And here I thought that you modern humans, the strongest generation, didn’t believe in traditional values like how when I grew up. And I know what you’re gonna say, “huhuhuh okay boomer”. Well, I guess this boomer is gonna have a bomb ass meal and be able to pay for it. Now, speaking of that, let’s go back to what we were saying before. All I did was pay you a compliment about you actually having a job and you pretty much insinuated that I have deep biased prejudices..or what the heck do you say now…I’m based? You see, that’s what’s really wrong with you “strong humans”. You can never have disagreements without throwing in a random curveball. This is pretty much your logic, “If I don’t like a film that had an African American lead and was directed by an African American, I must hate African Americans or if I don’t think ONE female comedian is funny, I’m suddenly a misogynist”. You’re way too quick to be offended over dumb things. So much so, you would rather have an old gremlin with dementia be president because he’s not the old meany orange man haha. And the older generation is the one that gave you all the current problems hahaha!

Ooooh yeah…I’m sure he’ll remember all those promises he made haha. Well, moving forward before you start reciting your TikTok knowledge, I mean, on your profile, it says that you’re obsessed with Werewolves, should I start thinking you’re vampire-phobic? No, because that would be the dumbest thing in the world. AH our drinks are here! Thank you and thank you, uh theirs is the non-alcoholic one, thank you and alright we can wait 10 minutes. Ah where were we? Oh yeah, well take a sip and enjoy your drink, or at least try to, I know it’s hard to enjoy things when the patriarchy is oppressing you. Haha *takes a drink*. [brief pause] Haha why am I what way? What, am I not “woke” enough for you? Trust me sweetheart, I am plenty “woke”. In fact, I was “woke” way before people started using it for the dumbest things. *GASP* So you’re saying it’s wrong to be a racist? It’s wrong to be sexist? It’s wrong to hate people for their religion and burn down their places of worship? It’s wrong to hate people based on their sexual orientation?  *GASP* Thank you so much for informing me. It’s not like that’s just basic common knowledge! I understand that there will always be bigots out there, but common knowledge is not “wokeness”. So everything you have to educate me on, I already know. So sorry if I didn’t come with a “Trigger Warning” label on my forehead. [brief pause] I see, you know, it’s getting slightly too stuffy, how about we *hypnosis effect* Head to the dance floor. Come on…use those legs for something other than running away from your problems…*end hypnosis effect*

Oh…hey you finally snapped out of it. Yeah, you suddenly had the urge to go dancing so I figured why not help you out and slow dance with you to some jazz music. Come on, we don’t have to get crunk but we can still move our bodies. [brief pause] Shh you worry too much…here let me help you stop worrying so much *werewolf feeding for a while* That was heavenly. Oh don’t worry, turning into a werewolf doesn’t hurt that bad haha. Sorry, now you’ll get to start advocating for us now on Twitter haha. And you’ll have eternal life to do so haha. [brief pause] Oh yeah, I am a horrible monster but because I turned you, I’m now your Master, so shhhhhh *werewolf feeding for a while* Mmmmm tasty, [body drops on the floor] Awww what’s the matter, not so much the strongest generation are you? Haha, check please!