RAW SCRIPT : [ASMR] A Guide for the Future Vampire [M4A] [Dark Comedy] [Male Vampire]

▶ Original Upload Date: July 5th, 2023

ღ Thanks to Magdalena O. for writing this script! It was fun to voice! ღ

You have recently viewed real estate advertisements on the Internet. You wanted to move out and live in your dream place in the world. Unfortunately, you cannot afford to buy any house. You don't have money. But this one loan offer seems quite interesting. They offer you an infinite amount of money for a single signature. Unfortunately, the only condition is to be immortal, so you've decided to become a vampire. Yes, you have always dreamed of long snow-white teeth and a perfect appearance. So you started looking for information on how to become a vampire. You found a weird article titled "A Guide to the Future Vampire" written in broken English by someone who is from Central or Eastern Europe. The article was divided into several chapters that you started reading.

Chapter I: Birth and Childhood

According to Slavic beliefs, you can be born a vampire. Such a child may have human, non-vampire parents. A baby can come into the world with a large head, or in a "cap", that is, in an intact amniotic sac on the head. It is not harmful to the baby's health. The amniotic sac, fully or slightly torn, adheres to the infant's scalp. This is a very rare phenomenon, occurring once in 80,000 cases, and most often occurs as a result of a cesarean section. In many cultures, it is a sign of happiness and prosperity, and such children are destined to greatness. However, these membranes were valuable. For lawyers, they were supposed to help win hearings, a potion made from a dried and powdered amniotic sac was supposed to help cure diseases like malaria. For this reason, in the old days, midwives would often steal films to sell later. However, in order for the child to become a vampire, the amniotic bag should be kept and put into a linen pouch. The future vampire should carry a pouch with him as an amulet. Another sign of vampirism at birth is being born with a tooth or teeth, which is statistically the case in 1 in 2,500 babies. It is a birth defect that has happened quite often in history. Teeth are usually removed after birth because they can be uncomfortable when feeding, and the baby may choke on them because their roots are short and the teeth can easily fall out. In different cultures, such teeth often symbolize something else, so for example in England children born with a tooth were to become famous soldiers, in France it was a symbol of happiness, and in China it was a bad omen. Chinese babies born with teeth were considered monsters to bring bad luck. In Slavic culture, a child born with teeth was supposed to signify the birth of a vampire. According to the Slavs, a child who sucked on the mother's breast for too long - took food from another child. Yes, Slavic vampires also like milk. It was also possible to be born a vampire into a vampire family. Unfortunately, such a child was weak and was often ill. Bezkost / Boneless, as that kind of vampire was called, often died before his seventh birthday. You also became undead if you were not baptized.

You were thinking. You are not sure if you were born with an amniotic sac on your head, much less do you have one. In the photos where you were a baby, you don't have visible teeth, so this option doesn't fit either. And although you were often sick in childhood, you have bones. You perfectly remember visiting the hospital with a broken arm while you were learning to ride a bicycle.

Chapter II: The Adult Period

In Slavic culture, it is possible to recognize a vampire not only at birth, but also during his life. People with tooth anomalies were accused of vampirism. The suspects were people with excessively forward canines, with two rows of teeth in the upper or lower jaw, or with additional teeth. Red hair and fused eyebrows were often supposed to be evidence of vampirism. Interestingly, the Slavic vampire did not have armpit hair and had red nails. People who were sick were often accused of vampirism - they moved with difficulty due to the fusion of the spine, or were lame. The most popular vampire disease in pop culture is porphyria - a rare genetic disease associated with disturbances in the processing of hemoglobin, the red pigment in the blood. People suffering from this disease are sensitive to light, weakened, and their external appearance changes. However, this disease is very rare. The disease that most people scared most was tuberculosis caused by the bacterium. The sick turned pale and coughed up blood, which was very suspicious in the minds of unaware people. Other factors were also hematodipsy, i.e. sexual attraction to blood, photophobia, i.e. fear of light, gigantism, disabilities, and mental illness. The vampire could be recognized by talking to himself or being left-handed. Vampires could be people who were bad in life, criminals, promiscuous people, dealing with magic, non-believers, and also cursed by a witch, for example. Strangers in some community, such as immigrants, were suspect. As a last resort, you can sign a pact with the devil.

The cyrograph sounds great. One signature and you are a vampire. Nothing could be easier. You don't have to change anything in your life. But what was the phone number to hell? The last time you called 666, Nero1 answered and you'd rather talk to the devil.

Chapter III: Death

In Western European culture, in order to become a vampire, you have to exchange blood with him. He will drink your blood, then he will give you some of his. Then you will die and be transformed. But that's not the only way. According to the Slavs, people with two hearts and two souls could become a vampire. After death, one of them went to the afterlife, the other took control of the body. The body rose from the grave, resurrected like Christ and did not wait for the Last Judgment like all souls, so in the beliefs of people - vampire was often considered a saint. Catholic clergy, especially Jesuits who were vampire specialists, argued that it is not the other soul that makes the body walk after death, but the devil himself possesses it. Since Satan was taking control of the corpse - he could also be responsible for the death itself - by suicide or without the last rites. But not everything has to be up to you - if your family mourns your loss for too long - you will become a vampire because their tears will be like a river that will prevent you from going to the afterlife. Your appearance will also change. Your eyes will turn red. In Western European culture, the vampire's skin could be unnaturally pale, but in the Slavs the vampire had red skin, swollen from the drunk blood. Bruises of unknown origin appeared on his face. If you become a Slavic vampire, you will sometimes have an unpleasant smell from your mouth that you can kill.

Unpleasant smell from the mouth? Maybe I better brush my teeth.

Chapter IV: Mara (its pronounced Mah-rah, underlining is accent)

Although in the Slavic tradition usually men became vampires, women became maras - a kind of vampire with probably very old Proto-Indo-European origins. Mara is a sleep paralysis vampire, she sat on her victim's breasts and sucked blood in a kiss. She is associated with nightmares. She appears in the English word nightmare - French "cauchemar" (I don't know how to pronounce it correctly, I don't know French), Russian word "кошмар" (if I wrote it down correctly, it is pronounced kash-mah-r, the accent is on mah), and Polish "koszmar" (if I wrote it down correctly, it is pronounced kosh-mah-r, the accent is on kosh). Mara was the seventh daughter of the same parents, a girl who was baptized by the priest who mistook the words of the prayer, as well as murderers and women who died in sin without confession. Wronged or painfully cheated people could turn into this type of vampire to get revenge. If your appearance is also a bit different, for example you have fused eyebrows or multicolored eyes, you can also become a mara. You could become this vampire while you were alive or after you died. Mara might not even have known that at night her soul rises out of bed to feed on those closest to her. The victims were usually family, neighbors and friends, but mara did not kill them, and people only woke up sore and tired. In Slavic culture, men rarely became this type of vampire.

You thought this was the end of the article, you found some solutions for yourself. But it wasn't over. At the end you noticed another short paragraph. You became interested in this. It was written backwards and it took some time to read it. It wasn't included as a chapter, but it was called:

The last hope

Once you've read the entire article and you think you already know everything about how to become a vampire, you're wrong. It is not enough that you check each point of this text on yourself. You need a vampire as a guide. Don't look back. He's already there. And he's hungry.

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Inspirations from the writer:

1 - the number 666 is the numerical notation "Neron Caesar". This emperor was killing Christians and they wrote him into the Bible, writing that the number of the beast was 666. He was an opponent (ante) of the teachings of Christ (christos), which means antichrist.