Beautiful Bodies

Hey folks.

I actually planned to have a new Serenity fic up this week, but, as per usual, I've bitten off more than I should be chewing, though chew I shall. Hopefully it'll be ready for next week!

In the meantime, enjoy this spas and superheroines tale! It's a bit of a blitz!

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Beautiful Bodies. That was the name of the all-female gym chain that popped up in Cruise City overnight maybe five weeks ago. The new owners had bought the previous property in full – paid in cash, as Penny understood, which was never a good sign. If you were handing over that much money in person, it was because you didn’t want anyone tracking your bank account.

There was a neon sign held up over the door, visible up and down the street, showing two female silhouettes showing off their gym bodies, one in blue, the other in pink. Distinctive look, she had to admit. And the building looked nice. Whoever had bought the place had done a full renovation. The walls sparkled with silver, the windows crystal clear – at least, as long as they weren’t polarized to protect the privacy of the gym goers within.

Aside from the odd purchase history, you could almost believe it was a completely legitimate establishment – save for two crucial facts that Penny happened to know.

First – well, it was funny. It was funny that this place called itself a chain, because the blonde investigator had looked into this business, and, you know? Strange thing. There don’t seem to be any other locations. Oh, the website listed plenty, but she’d gone looking in person, and visited listed address had turned up empty lots, office buildings, and, on one occasion, a pretty good burger joint. No, there was only one Beautiful Bodies.

Kinda sinister, but not a deal breaker. Maybe that was just an overambitious marketing strategy.

But fact two was a pretty bad one. The membership. Somehow, over the course of just over a month, Beautiful Bodies had managed to accrue a list of over 200 subscribed customers. Was that number normal? Sure. But the customers weren’t. Almost half of them were supervillains of various shades and sizes. Sarah Farring, otherwise known as the electric mastermind Voltana. Melissa Frost, the diabolical Lady Freeze. Bobbie Zoom, the malevolent Scarlet Wind. And the list went on. Any gathering of two of these names would be a cause for concern – 98 of them was a disaster.

So Penny wasn’t sure whether it made her feel better or worst that the other half of the list were practically all superheroines. Lauren Brave, Kelly Rockefeller, Brenda Greaves – Well that was just Hero Queen, Stone Smasher, and Night Knight. Impressive to get all of them in one place, the three of them would usually burst into an argument the moment they laid eyes on each other. And even more impressive, considering Lady Freeze was Hero Queen’s nemesis, and Night Knight was definitely getting close to the same with Scarlet Wind.

Yeah, super politics were a lot like soap operas, except with even stupider plot points, Penny found.

Marie Wing, Georgie Chorus, and Olivia Harp were also on the list – Bright Saviour, Cacophony, and String Sling, respectively – and those were an even greater concern to the blonde. They were her teammates, after all.

Yes, Penny Glass was a superhero too, though most people didn’t know her by her hero name, Invisible Benefactor. Which, as hero names went, wasn’t exactly going to win awards – but that was kind of the point. With her powers allowing her to literally become invisible to all forms of detection, it had just felt natural to lean in to the stealth aspects of her job. She preferred to stay out of the spotlight – it shone right through her either way.

And doing so let her be the one thing almost no heroine in this city seemed to be: Practical. She could do the jobs no one else wanted to do.

It was that mindset that made her the leader of her team, the Cruise Angels, and made said team one of the best in the city – or so she liked to think, anyway. They handled problems big or small, from lost cats in trees, to saving the city dam from a zombie attack. And they did it while looking good.

Some people wondered how the Cruise Angels managed to look so good, in fact. How they managed to save the day so often, and how they had so many daring escapes in their adventurers. Well, Penny claimed half credit for that – the half where she spent all her time running around invisibly to get them out of their cells, or deactivate the death traps, or sabotaging the doomsday devices. The half that got them into trouble in the first place? That was all the others.

Yeah, leading a team of super heroines was a lot like herding cats, except the cats couldn’t passive aggressively complain about your orders on social media afterwards. (Well, most cats couldn’t. Mr Moggins the Wonder Kitten didn’t count.) But Penny put up with it, because it did some good, and because, well, she was the practical one, wasn’t she?

So practical that she’d managed to miss getting wrapped up in whatever plot this Beautiful Bodies place was all about. Which, well, was some kind of mind control thing, it had to be. Honestly, she felt kind of offended. The girls hadn’t even mentioned they were going to a new gym to her, but they’d clearly shared with each other. Ugh, it was totally like them to leave her out, too. It was probably Marie’s idea, some little revenge for leaving her tied up under the descending laser wall for a touch too long or something.

Well, whatever. Now they were probably all getting brainwashed or something, so who was the real winner, huh? That’s right, it was her, as she once again had to clean up everyone else’s mess… Hm. Actually, when she thought about it like that, she didn’t feel like a winner at all.

Hmph.

Anyway. Yeah. It was clear that something was up in Beautiful Bodies, and it was up to her to find out what. Like always. And once she’d figured it out and put a stop to whatever evil plan it was, she was going to rub it in her Angels’ faces. Yeah, she could be petty too, Marie!

… So that was why she was here, on Main Street, staring up at the neon pink and blue woman logo. She’d done all the preliminary investigation work – now it was time to infiltrate. Gather clues, gather evidence, and if necessary, put a stop to whatever the hell these people were up to this time. Easy, right?

No, obviously she wasn’t going in ‘undercover’ as a new customer. That was the kind of suggestion Olivia would have made, and for all that Penny knew, it was why she was currently a lifetime member at the obviously-up-to-something gym. Walking in the front door was just going to get your ass stamped on a one-way trip to brainwashing town, didn’t everyone know that?

Her chosen route was slipping in through the staff door while invisible. That way she avoided any hypnotic snares aimed at the main entrance. And fortunately, thanks to her powers, and security sensors in place weren’t going to notice a thing. She wouldn’t show up on camera, on pressure plate logs, or witness statements. Some people said super speed was the most broken power, but that was just because they never saw to put total invisibility on the lists. Irony!

Well, this place didn’t exactly look like an evil lair, not that that meant anything. It very much had the ‘No point in paying to decorate the place only staff get to see’ chic. Bare brick walls painted white-ish, exposed pipes and wires, tacky plastic flooring… Fairly normal for a cheap gym. Invisi-B gave it all a quick glance, before moving on down the hall. Clearly, the answers to her questions lay deeper in.

But not that much deeper in. The first door she opened gave her some. It opened onto a large dark room that was clearly adjacent to one of the big exercise rooms, where all the gym classes like yoga and whatever were done. Clearly adjacent, because one entire wall of said dark room was a clear as crystal window into said exercise room, giving the blonde heroine a clear view of the aerobics class currently in session – with Hero Queen and Lady Freeze right next to each other, clearly enjoying a good work out. Neither was ‘in uniform’, they were there as civilians, but surely they recognised one another, right…?

None of the women in the class noticed Penny. At first, she figured that was because she was invisible, but after a moment she realised that the window was only clear from her side – the other must have been a mirror. This must have been a secret observation room, which maybe explained the half-dozen cameras arranged in here, recording everything that happened next door.

Hm. At first, the hero thought this might have been where the brainwashing was happening, but, no… These were just cameras. Sinister, sure, but not what she was looking for. With an annoyed shrug, she moved on.

The next room was like the first, but the chamber on the other side was the weight lifting room, where Penny spotted Marie trying to out-lift Georgie on the machines. Ha, good luck with that. Georgie was a goddamn tank. Still no sign of mind control machines, though, just more cameras. This was starting to feel entirely too banal.

Next up was some sort of wrestling class, with Night Knight and Scarlet Wind- wait, was that really wrestling? Penny remembered wrestling having less tongue…

Huh. Okay, that was absolutely points in the ‘probably mind control’ column, feeling less banal here… Although, with those two… You know, their rivalry had always had that kind of vibe, if you, y’know, if you knew. So, yeah, could still be a perfectly ordinary gym.

In other words, this was getting her nowhere. The blonde needed something definitive. Proof, one way or another, that whoever owned this place was doing bigger crimes than illegally recording people. As bad as that was, it just didn’t catch the headlines in the same was a mind control conspiracy, and heroism was a publicity game. She needed…

Aha.

Up ahead, two words were printed on an otherwise mundane looking door, two words that were the answer to all of her prayers: Control Room.

Jackpot. That was the place, it had to be. Where else would the heart of this conspiracy be but the control room?

To her disappointment, the door wasn’t locked. Ah, the odds of this actually being a trap were fairly high, then. But then again, given the look of the rest of this place… Maybe whoever was behind this just wasn’t terribly good at their job. Either way, she had to investigate – and if it was a trap, she’d just deal with it when it sprang.

Stepping inside, Penny was surprised once again. This was not a technological centre of operations, filled with monitoring tools and security apparatus. No, this… This was a cinema. With lanes of comfortable seating, a massive screen on the far wall, and a projector up near the back of the room.

Oh god. Penny groaned. Please let this be a trap, and not what it actually looked like. Please, please, please. If she turned on that projector and it didn’t fill the room with a big hypnotic spiral, she was going to be so upset.

With a heavy heart, she climbed up the steps, reaching the terminal next to the projector. It was a fairly simple screen interface, showing a well organized file system, containing dozens, or maybe hundreds of videos, listed by name and date. And of course, the names were all things like ‘Lauren Brave first visit’, ‘Sarah Farring third visit’, ‘Melissa Frost and Lauren Brave extended wrestling’…

Sighing, Penny hit play on the first one.

The projector lit up with a whir, and a video began to play on the big screen, picture blurring into focus. It was a view from one of the security cameras in the lobby. There, approaching the front desk, was Lauren – the beautiful Queen on crime fighting herself, in all her glory. Even in civilian mode you could see her toned muscles, her bronzed tan. There was no hiding what a powerful woman she was – nor her beauty. Long hair as black as midnight, green eyes that glittered like emeralds, it was kind of impossible to believe she got away with disguising her identity just by taking off the silver tiara she always wore as a hero.

But just like normal, the woman at the front desk made no sign of recognising her as she smiled in greeting. “Welcome miss! How many I help you?”

“Hello there.” Lauren gave the girl a winning smile – not that she had any other type. “I’ve been looking around for a new gym after the old one closed, and I saw your website. You make some impressive claims…”

The secretary nodded. “We’re very proud of Beautiful Bodies, miss, and we strive to meet or exceed your expectations!”

The dark-haired heroine chuckled. “I appreciate that. But I must warn you, I tend to find that most exercise facilities aren’t quite up to meeting my needs. That’s why your website made me so curious…”

The blonde behind the desk nodded. “Well, if you’d like to take a look around, we’re offering a tour and a free trial as starter packages. You can decide for yourself if we’re up to the challenge!”

“Ah, sounds perfect.” Another dazzling smile. “Where do I sign up?”

Ugh. Okay, fine. Penny couldn’t get on Lauren’s case too badly. If she’d just gone looking for a gym that could provide her the heroic exercise regime she needed, then maybe it wasn’t exactly her fault she’d ended up here. And you couldn’t run a background check on every building you walked into, that would just take forever…

The footage flickered as the show continued, and the view switched to another camera, this one showing the blonde secretary giving the civilian-mode hero her tour.

“… And just through here,” she was saying as she guided Lauren into one of the large rooms Penny had seen earlier, “we have one of our many top-of-the-line workout chambers. Note all the exercise machines with settings far in excess of the usual kind you see in typical gyms, though we do ask that you alert our specialists if you want to take them over the normal level, just in case. Safety is always our top concern.”

Lauren was nodding as she looked around, examining the place. There was no one else present, so none of the machines were in use, but she did notice something that seemed to strike her as odd. “There’s a lot of TV screens in here. Are those necessary?”

She was correct. Every exercise machine seemed to have its own screen, placed exactly where anyone using the machine would be forced to look at it. Not only that, but each of the walls had at least a few dozen wide-screen TVs hanging on them.

The secretary just nodded. “We find they can be very helpful to boost the quality of exercise routines. Some of our guests find working out to be difficult, or even boring, when they attend, doing so more out of an obligation to fitness than out of enjoyment. So we try to make it more bearable for them.”

“Aah, I see. I think.” Lauren tilted her head. “I don’t know, I’ve never understood not enjoying a good workout, know what I mean? I guess I won’t need to run up your electricity bill.”

“Oh, but we also use them to track your stats in real time, thanks to our hi-tech monitoring system!” The blonde chirped. “Take a look!”

She guided the hero over to one of the cycling machines, gesturing for her to sit down. Lauren did, a little uncertain, but as soon as she did, the screen in front of her lit up bright. Whatever she saw there wasn’t visible on the camera, but Penny could take a few guesses.

“Oh!” The hero smiled. “How pretty!”

“We do call ourselves Beautiful Bodies,” the secretary said with a wink. “Aesthetics are important to us. So, if you just start peddling, yes, like that, soon you’ll start to see your speed, your average calorie loss, how long you’ve been going, how much power you’re exerting, how much further you need to go before the endorphins start hitting, suggestions for seating adjustments, brightness controls, weather ambiance, fresh pine scent delivery, binaural focus enhancers…”

She’d been going on for a while, and Laura had quite clearly stopped listening. She was just staring at the screen, slowly starting to cycle faster and faster…

“Oh, don’t get too into it already~” Suddenly the blonde slid an arm around the hero’s shoulders, shaking her out of her daze. “You don’t want to make your regular day to day clothes all sweaty, do you?”

“Huh? Oh, ah, no, I… I wasn’t even thinking…”

“You don’t need to think here at Beautiful Bodies!” The secretary giggled as she helped Lauren stand. “We’ve got you covered. Come on, let me show you the changing rooms~”

“Oh… Right… Yes… Sure…” The dark-haired beauty nodded as she was led away, deeper into the gym.

Okay, so, subliminals in the exercise machine screens, obviously. That had been pretty predictable. Interesting that they hadn’t just left Lauren there when she got snagged, though…

The screen flickered again to another view – this camera clearly being in the white-tiled changing rooms, which Penny was pretty sure was against the law, not that that really mattered at this point…

The still kind of dazed Lauren was being led in by the wrist, over to a changing cubicle.

“Here we go,” said her blonde guide, patting her arm. “You can use this one. Beautiful Bodies provides everything our members need, so we’ve already scanned your sizes and prepared a swimsuit for you!”

Wow. That was incredibly, obviously weird. Would Hero Queen pick up on that?

“I…” Lauren blinked, licking her lips unsteadily as she tried to focus. “Is that music?”

“Oh yes!” Her guide nodded brightly. “Beautiful Bodies own motivational music tracks, specially formulated to stimulate you body and mind for a good workout!”

Penny tilted her head. Whatever music Lauren was hearing wasn’t being picked up by the camera filming this, and she didn’t doubt that was deliberate. The poor heroine looked like her brain was being soaked in subliminals, the growing glaze in her eyes showing how helplessly she was being swept under, carried into a state of extreme suggestibility without knowing it. You saw that look a lot when you dealt with mind control.

“Now, go get changed, and I can show you the rest!”

Lauren blinked again. “Get… changed?”

“Mhm!” Another bright nod. “You want to try out the pool, don’t you?”

“I do?”

“You do.” The secretary was firm.

“Oh. Okay.” She took the costume and stepped into the cubicle. Thankfully, the footage changed before she could.

Next up was a view over the swimming pool, which was both empty and suspiciously pink. There was no sound on this one – either the camera couldn’t detect any noise, or it wasn’t designed to record it.

Instead, it just presented a birds eye view of Lauren Brave, now dressed in a neon red and blue swimsuit that did far more to show off her body than a functional swimsuit should, did laps, easily sailing through the water from one end of the pool to the other like she’d been born part dolphin.

Penny rolled her eyes, then looked for the fast-forward button. Yes, she knew how fit the heroine was, she didn’t need to spend half an hour getting a wet demonstration. Soon, the footage was zooming by.

She still kept an eye on it as it sped up, though. After coming all this way, the investigative hero didn’t want to miss anything. And she couldn’t help but notice that every lap the heroine swam seemed to be a little more stiff, her movements a little more… robotic. Less dolphin, more submarine.

By the time her swim session ended, and she hauled herself out of the pool, absolutely dripping with pink water, she was moving so jerkily that it was hard to recognise her as a living person at all…

Hm. Penny let the footage return to normal speed as the view switched to the inside of a sauna. She wasn’t sure how they’d got a camera in there without fogging up the lens. Must have been expensive.

“And after that refreshing dip, of course the next thing you’ll want is to sweat out all of those leftover impure thoughts in our world class sauna”

“Of course… Sweat out… impure thoughts…”

The secretary was practically steering Laura by this point, shoving her into the sauna and sitting her down, then petting the blank heroine on the head.

“You just sit here and think nothing while all this specially treated steam cleans your sinuses and your brain, okay?”

“Think… nothing…”

“That’s a good girl.” The door shut. The steam billowed. The room took on a familiar pink tint.

Laura just sat there, arms limp by her sides, knees spread apart as she sank into the wooden bench she’d been left on, her chest slowly rising and falling as she breathed in the steam. Nothing much else changed – Penny hit the fast forward again.

By the time the scene came to an end, the only significant change she could spot was that Laura had started to drool.

The next shot was of the changing rooms again – but this was a different section of them: The showers.

“Now you can wash off all those chemicals – don’t want you to stew in those for too long,” the secretary’s voice was coming from off camera, her hand just about visible as it pulled away Lauren’s swimsuit top, the bottoms already gone. The heroine was standing under a showerhead, almost as limp as she had been in the sauna. Her back was to the camera, so the view only gave the faintest hint of the outline of the curve of her chest, but her very fine ass was on full display.

She simply stood, letting the water wash over her. Despite having the wrong angle to see her face, Penny could imagine her expression. She’d seen that blank, zonked out face plenty of times when dealing with mind controllers (either on the faces of their victims, or on the faces of her Angels when they didn’t listen to her advice and got themselves got).

The scene flickered again, this time to a new place – a dark room filled with comfortable looking chairs. Lauren was getting seated in one, her hands being gently slid into very restraining looking arm rests.

“And of course,” the Secretary was explaining – presumably for the benefit of the camera, because there was no way her customer could hear her with how much she was drooling… “After all that, the complimentary resting room for you to recover before heading back out into the world. So you just sit back and enjoy the show.”

Then she quickly stood up and practically ran from the room like she’d just armed a bomb, only pausing to hit the ‘on’ switch for a TV screen that was just out of the camera’s view as she left.

Lauren, however, was watching whatever ‘show’ she was seeing intently. The camera quality was good enough that Penny could just about make out the faint glow of a distant pink spiral in the reflection of her eyes. Classic.

It wasn’t long before the entranced heroine began to speak, her voice a long, blank, emotionless drone.

“Yes… Must have a beautiful body… Must obey beautiful bodies… Must be a beautiful body… Must have a beautiful body… Must obey beautiful bodies… Must be a beautiful body…”

She went on, voice growing in strength, but draining in any kind of awareness at all. She was thoroughly, completely, and utterly hypnotised. Brain was a goner. Just one trip in and she’d probably need weeks of deprogramming to undo the damage. It was kind of impressive how hard they’d gone on her, honestly.

But okay, yeah, no, that was all pretty blatant. Evidence acquired. Penny shook her head in pure disbelief as she downloaded the file to her phone. Just this much alone would be enough to prove what this gym was up to, and get everyone involved arrested. She could totally leave now.

Buuuut…

Look, she’d come this far, and she was curious! How had Melissa Frost, usually one of the city’s most notorious and dangerous criminals, ended up here? Surely the woman who wanted to lock the world in ice wouldn’t be quite as easy, would she? There was no way she’d just wandered in off the street like Hero Queen had.

So, she pulled up Melissa’s first file, and hit play. She figured she was owed at least a little entertainment.

The camera snapped on to show the frosted blonde touring the facility, looking annoyed. “Honestly, for how much Hero Queen was going on about this place during her duel with the unimaginably impressive inquisitrix of ice, I was expecting… more.”

“Oh, we have Hero Queen’s recommendation? Well isn’t that neat?” The secretary sounded happily surprised, but only in, like, a ‘oh, I found ten dollars down the back of the couch’ kind of way.”

“Hmph. I suppose, if you have no standards at all. But I- Wait, what’s that over there?” The frosty blonde’s attention was drawn by something down the hall – a room that hadn’t been open when Lauren was getting her tour.

“Oh, those are our steam pods,” her guide explained. “Full sauna and massage experience all in one – but they’re only for our most elite members…”

“Do I not look elite to you?” Most people who got that kind of arched eyebrow from Melissa didn’t live to see sunset, though she seemed to be a bit more restrained in civilian mode. “Bah. I demand you let me try one right now, or I’ll destroy you and your place of business right where you stand!”

A bit more restrained.

The secretary didn’t seem bothered though. “Right this way miss.”

The icy blonde smirked, brushing back her long hair over her shoulder. “Ohohohoho~”

Yep. That was unquestionably Lady Freeze. And as the screen flickered to the next scene, she was already getting a demonstration of these ‘steam pods’, having taken a seat in what seemed to be a bulky massage chair that closed around you. It must have been more comfortable than it looked, because Melissa didn’t seem to mind being constrained by it…

“I see,” she was saying. “Well, I suppose I can get changed, and then-”

“Oh, no need for that!” The secretary chirped, closing the helmet section with a Clong. “Just enjoy the relaxation. We can get you a uniform when you sign up for our elite package!”

The blonde didn’t have time to react as the pod closed around her head. The entire device shook for a moment, as though someone stuck inside was trying to shake their way free, but after a moment, pink steam began to escape through small vents on the sides, and everything went still.

Soon, the screen flickered again, and the next scene was back in the dark ‘resting’ room. Melessa was now sat in one of the comfortable chairs – right next to Lauren, in fact! Both of them were smiling blankly at the unseen screen, drooling on their tops, legs spread beneath them.

“… Must have a beautiful body… Must obey beautiful bodies… Must be a beautiful body…”

The pair were chanting completely in sync.

Well, she hadn’t lasted long. God, the supers in this city were such dumbasses. At least the Angels weren’t that easy, right?

… Right…?

Already wincing, Penny browsed through the files until she found Georgie’s first visit.

Yep, there she was, the tanned brunette eagerly leaning over the front desk. “So I heard from Lauren that you have these cool VR goggles that make you feel like you’re cycling through all these fun places…!”

And then Olivia’s file showed her arriving with her arm around a clearly entranced Georgie’s waist.

“Hey there, Georgie said I just had to try out your massage chairs!”

Annnd then finally Marie, who appeared in the footage alone, carrying a bag of barely hidden surveillance equipment. The redhead was giving the secretary a totally innocent smile. “Hi there! I am interested in gym-ing. Can I take a look around?”

… Okay, at least she had obviously been suspicious, but- damnit. The front door? Really? She’d tried to teach them better than that. How had that ended up?

She scrolled to the latest file. Georgie, Olivia, and Marie together, huh? Click.

“… Must have a beautiful body… Must obey beautiful bodies… Must be a beautiful body…”

What had she expected? All three of her Angels, sat next to each other in the resting room, pink spirals reflected in their eyes, all of them with their hands in each other’s pants as they chanted and drooled. Hypnotised into brand loyalty and in a total lesbian threesome. Yeah that seemed about right. Honestly, knowing those girls that barely had anything to do with the mind control, they were just like that.

Penny just sighed and downloaded it all. It wasn’t even evidence at this point – it was just blackmail material for if the girls ever got uppity with her. They deserved it at this point.

But just as she was about done…

“Hold it right there!” The doors to the cinema burst open, a male figure striding through. “Not so fast!”

Penny looked up, not managing to look more than vaguely irritated at the intrusion. The man she saw was… rather unremarkable, really. But he was wearing a blue and red jacket, and his nametag proclaimed him to be the ‘Chief Gym Executive’, so it looked like he was in charge. This was the villain of this operation, huh?

“Hey.” She waved as she plucked her thumb drive out of the projector. “Sorry, you’re kind of late. I think I’ve got all the evidence I need of what you’ve been up to by now.”

“Oho?” The man grinned. “Well if that’s so, then by now you’ve surely been taken in the special subliminals I make sure to weave into all of my films! I’m afraid you’ll be joining the member’s list permanently, my dear!” He laughed, snapping his fingers.

Penny remained unimpressed. “You think I walked into a suspected mind controller’s lair without anti-subliminal lenses?” She tapped the side of her head. “C’mon.” The others might fall for that shit, but not her.

“Aha, no, I anticipated that…” Well he said so, but he still looked a little crestfallen. “Which is why I also made sure all the music played throughout this facility is packed with-!”

“- with hypnotic subliminal music, yeah, I know about that.” The blonde shrugged, before gesturing to her ears. “Got protective earphones too.”

“Oh.” Well now he looked a little sheepish.

“And as for the hypnotic gas you cycle through the vents…” Penny decided to continue for him, waving him on – only to stop as he looked away, looking nervous.

“Uh.”

“… You do cycle hypnotic gas through the vents, right?” She looked at him like he’d just cracked himself in the knees with a baseball bat, confused and concerned. “This is, like, basic lair stuff, dude.”

“It’s expensive lair stuff is what it is!” He protested.

She wasn’t having any of it. “Yeah it’s expensive, but if you’re going to do the job then you’ve got to do it right!... I mean, it wouldn’t have worked anyway, but still…”

The man folded his arms. “Well if it wouldn’t have worked, then it sounds to me like I made some savvy savings!”

“Incompetence isn’t savvy!” Penny practically yelled, before pulling back and rubbing at her face. No, don’t get mad at the villain for not… for not being good at the villainy. Try again. “Okay, buddy, what’s the evil scheme?”

“Evil scheme? Well…” He was looking sheepish again. “I just like hot women in tight outfits making out.”

“… That was the worst thing you could possibly have said.”

“Hey, I am what I am, I ain’t ashamed of it.”

“You really should be.” Penny was rubbing at her face again. She couldn’t believe this. “You have, somehow, through word of mouth alone – I cannot possibly believe it was because of any competence on your part – hypnotised 99% of the metahumans in Cruise City.”

“Eh?” He stared at her like a deer in the headlights.

Oh no. “… Did you not know you’ve got like 200 heroes and villains in your membership club?”

He shook his head. “I just thought they were incredibly fit ladies!”

Oh god. Oh god.

Invisible Benefactor, one of the last heroes standing in Cruise City, had to sit down, putting her head in her hands. Her fellow heroes had all been taken out, along with all of their villains, by a guy who just liked watching sexy ladies. That was all.

That was… All?

Hm.

She thought about it. Really thought. Because obviously, she should shut this place down. One solid punch to the idiot’s face would knock him out, and by the time he woke up, he’d be in custody, his victims all sent home, purged of their trigger words and oblivious to the fate they had all just been saved from.

But…

Penny pulled out her phone, and called up some statistics. It was interesting. She hadn’t thought too much of it when she came in here, but now that she looked, crime levels in Cruise City had just reached record lows…

With all the heroes and villains occupied making out and competing on the rowing machines, super crime had all but vanished, there hadn’t been any claims for super violence inflicted destruction in weeks, and no one was interrupting the nightly news to laughingly declare how everyone was doomed.

Honestly, they were having a bit of an economic boom.

Penny thought about it. Peered at her phone. Thought about it some more.

Then she snapped her phone closed.

“How are you doing with the bills?”

The man blinked at her. “What?”

“Water, heating, electricity, equipment…” She waved a hand as she got to her feet, gesturing towards the screen. “I saw what you’ve got going up there, looks pretty state of the art, can’t be cheap.”

“I mean… No, it’s not, no.” He shook his head.

“Difficulties?” She raised an eyebrow.

Now he was looking uncomfortable. More so than when she’d been about to beat him up. “… Some, maybe.”

“Thought so.” The blonde nodded. Took a breath. Right then. “Okay, so, I’m going to call a guy who owes me a favour, and we can see what we can do about that water bill. Should be able to do the same for electricity. You bought the property outright, was that your cash, or did you borrow from a lender?”

“How did you know-?”

“Answer the question,” she interrupted firmly. “So I know how much trouble you’re in.”

“It- It’s fine! It’s only 60% interest per-!”

“Oh my god.” This guy was a dead man walking. “Okay, right, I can see I’m going to have a job sorting that out, right the fuck now, you idiot, so here’s how it’s going to be: You’re going to hire me on as a consultant – and you are going to pay me big time, so that you get to keep on with this horny hobby without trouble.”

He blinked. “Wait, wha-?”

“Don’t make me repeat myself.”

Wisely, he didn’t. “But what do you get out of it?”

“None of your concern.” She just smiled as she crossed the room and slid a hand around his shoulders. “Just think of me as an Invisible Benefactor…”

-

‘Crime Lull Reaches Tenth Week In A Row!!!’ The headline read. ‘Cruise City Envy Of Entire Coast!’

Penny had it framed. It sat on her desk, loud and proud, getting dusted by a brainwashed gym bunny (and former gym bunny) once a week. It was nice to have a remined of all the good she was doing, keeping all of her former friends (and enemies) out of trouble.

It was easy to forget, after all, when doing so made this much money. Profits had shot through the roof once she’d sorted out all the finance issues her new partner had caused getting this place set up. Now she was part owner of a thriving business, funded by the hard (legal) work of dozens of superhuman gym members.

And all she needed to do was let one pervert enjoy his tame private porno stash. It was a bargain, if you asked her.

And he was probably going to be pretty excited when she told him she was taking this little ‘chain’ of theirs national. If the rest of the Coast wanted in on this, she was only too happy to deliver. For a modest price, of course.

Hey – she’d always been the practical one, hadn’t she~?