July Monthly Q&A Livestream!
Added 2019-07-24 19:30:00 +0000 UTCCome hangout as we work our way through all questions I received from those of you at the $20 tier and above! We should be hanging out for at least 2 hours :) xoxo
Comments
22. 01:55:17 How would you talk to an almost 4 year old about separation, moving out and living somewhere different?
Marisa Swanson
2019-07-26 20:12:17 +0000 UTC21. 01:53:46 My question for this month is, how are you? What's some thing fun going on in your life?
Marisa Swanson
2019-07-26 20:09:49 +0000 UTC20. 01:50:50 My question this month is about dealing with change. I was wondering why change is so triggering and how to be process it. Personally, I get upset, for lack of a better term, "freaking out" whenever the smallest things change. The best way I can describe this is a feeling of overwhelming anxiety.
Marisa Swanson
2019-07-26 20:08:50 +0000 UTC19. 01:45:59 Remember a couple of months ago that I had crippling dating anxiety. Well, I've been trying to get passed that and meet new people whether it's friends, friends with benefits, dating it doesn't really matter. It hasn't really gone well, the few guys either ghosted me or either became assholes in fact it has never gone well. All the guys I've communicated with have turned out to be assholes starting with my high school crush who bullied me. Anyways, my question is how do I get passed my anxiety in this context when it always seems to be validated by bad experiences? How does it get easier anxiety wise when it keeps going bad?
Marisa Swanson
2019-07-26 20:00:34 +0000 UTC18. 01:41:28 Something happened in my group therapy last week and I'm not sure if this is customary or not. My group therapist, different from my individual therapist, likes to wait to being group until everyone has arrived. It's very common that we're always waiting 10 or 15 minutes for someone to arrive. I've never had an issue with this until this past week. I mentioned in last months question that I've shared with the group that I've been part of since January, but this past session I wanted to try and open up and share with the group because a lot has happened since our last session which was really hard for me to deal with. There was only three of us this last session as well, the other group members spoke for about 30-40 minutes each and with 4 minutes left of group she asked me if I wanted to add anything. I told her we had run out of time so we could just wrap up and leave. I was so hurt because I had planned on opening up this session and she just assumed that I wasn't going to talk. Did I have the right to be upset? Or is this just trauma resurfacing where I feel invisible and push to the side? It's a reoccurring thing for me since I was growing up. I was upset that she just assumed that I had nothing to say and those 10 to 15 minutes that we waited in silence for the late group member to arrive could have been valuable minutes for me to get time to open up.
Marisa Swanson
2019-07-26 19:49:24 +0000 UTC17. 01:35:55 ***TRIGGER WARNING (self injury and eating disorder) Kati gives a wave at end of question*** For context, I'll give some background info on myself. I'm 40 years old, I've self harmed since I was 3 by biting myself relieve overwhelming anxiety. I started bingeing and hoarding food when I was 6 and at 8 I started self injury. I've attempted suicide many times and was hospitalized 8 times. I've been in and out of therapy since I was 11, back then I was diagnosed with "clinical depression." I hated therapy, it felt like so invasive and I didn't trust anyone, it was never honest, ever. I gave enough info to satisfy the therapist and how to acted cured to get out of therapy. The funny thing is I even did this as an adult when I chose to go to therapy. While in May I got to a point where I was so desperate I vowed this time would be different. I would be completely open and honest, I actually trusted my therapist kind of, after a few sessions she referred me to a PHP. After two weeks I had to add a number of new diagnoses' MDD - severe recurring, generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, BPD, and binge eating disorder. Those last two really through me for a loop. I'm now going to be headed into an inpatient ED unit after being referred by my doc in PHP. I am terrified. I am so overwhelmed. I'm worried my therapist won't want to treat me anymore, and I'm anxious about losing all my control and I feel like I'm never going to get better. This has been the hardest thing I've ever done and I haven't even begun to scratch the surface. I continue to self harm daily and have daily suicidal ideation. I have a lot of trauma from childhood abuse and rape as an adult and I've never dealt with any of these. I guess my question is given all the diagnosis, do you think my eating disorder should be first on the list. I didn't even think it was possible to be fat and have an eating disorder. Maybe I'm focusing too much on the diagnosis, I don't even know if this is a question that you can even answer.
Marisa Swanson
2019-07-26 19:32:37 +0000 UTC16. 0:131:20 I've learned a lot about health and every sides and extreme hunger. These terms did not exist when I had my first eating disorder and I'm very glad they do now. Regarding extreme hunger I've think I've caught it. About 3 weeks ago I got a cold and then another one soon after I became ravenous and I've stayed pretty ravenous since. Recovery began for me about a year ago I'm a normal size now for a regular human who isn't flaunting guy programs on instagram but extreme hunger has not been a thing before. Is it normal for it to kick in at this stage in the process? I'm very much trying to see my body as just my body, a work in progress and true health at every size style and eat intuitively and I'm hoping I won't explode. It may have something to do with the cold doing less activity because of winter maybe? I'm unsure. So the age old question, how many people go through this and come out on the other side being happy and unexploded. I'm craving reassurance from one who knows.
Marisa Swanson
2019-07-26 19:06:10 +0000 UTC15. 01:26:03 ***TRIGGER WARNING (child sexual abuse, Kati gives a wave at end)*** The latest flurry of activity regarding Epstein, though not news to me has brought another wave of reactions about his decade long child sex trafficking rating for rich people. Intersperse have been making the usual comments about how a teen, even a young teen isn't really a child and it's still reprehensible but is somehow not as bad. We saw that with Ray Moore, and we saw similar attitudes when Dr. Christy Blastlyford testified. It feels like wave after wave after wave keeps hitting me and I'm sure many many others almost continuously these days. For me it's compounded by the images and stories of children being tortured. It's everything regarding children and it's been surprisingly hard for me to handle. I'm also a survivor of child sexual abuse from when I was 14 and 15 and I was alone in a hotel room. I was alone in a hotel room on a work trip when the first Roy Moore accuser stories surfaced and her story was a lot like mine other than the genders being swapped. Except, my abuser was a family friend who spent a long time ensuring she had my mothers trust - who spent months slowly grooming me and proceeding gradually into a full sexual relationship with my "willing" participation. It took me decades even to begin to see it for what it was and the extent and the depths of the pain and hurt. Honestly I was watching my own children at the age that drove home to me just how young and vulnerable a young teen is. And then I saw myself at that age through the lens of a parents eye instead and was horrified. I don't watch much news and I limit what I read and that has helped. And my question is, and I'm sorry I took so long build up to it, is do you have any other advice for how to manage that in todays world. It can make it hard to function. Is there any advice other than limit the exposure that you could offer.
Marisa Swanson
2019-07-26 18:44:35 +0000 UTC1. 4:40 I found out at age 37 my dad isn’t my biological dad. Did a DNA test along w/ both my parents, it came back that I’m not related to him or his relatives. Found out through detective work that biological father is the family doctor from back in the 1989’s. Gets stranger. I have a ton of 1/2 siblings, some are 30yrs older than me who didn’t know who their biological father was until I reached out to them. Turns out the doctor had several kids with patients outside of his marriage. My biological father died when I was 12 & my mom’s not being cooperative. The man who raised me doesn’t know & isn’t well. I can’t tell him because he’d fall apart. I feel like my whole life is falling apart. 2. 11:18 spoke about alternative realities in therapy & how I’ve created a negative one, think of all negative things that have happen, is that normal in someone w/ a trauma background? 3. 15:55. Is it possible for someone to have a sudden personality change? I hit a point where nothing around me looks or feel familiar. I feel completely different but it feels natural. Everyone else seems to be different as well. I recently lost a family member. Is this a part of grieving or a new reality? 4. 22:30. I was already having a bad day after finding out friend has stage 3 cancer. I was separating 2 boys in my class who were fighting when I was watching 2 classes 52 kids age 5yrs to 10yrs. Don’t remember what exactly happened cause my leadership took over. Took my class back to settle them down. Assistant principal came in then left & got the principal. I thought I was fine but I was sent out of the classroom by the Assistant Principal. Realized I didn’t feel ok, was in a daze, couldn’t talk, brain working too fast. Hyper vigilance to ever stimuli. Everything was overwhelming & I wanted everyone to get away from me. How can I prevent this from happening again? 5. 30:30. (TRIGGER WARNING-sexual assault). One night a few yrs ago I was out w/ my friends & got really drunk. One minute I was w/ my friends & the next mini was on a river bank or something with this guy on top of me having sex w/ me. I don’t remember meeting the guy. I wasn’t fight it I was just still. Next thing I remember I was in a taxi & he was touching me. I “woke up” to what was happening & got scared & upset and he kicked me out of the car. I was at a petrol station or something. I was hysterical and really drunk and started walking. I looked at my phone & it was going to be a 5hr walk. I was on a country rode w/ nothing on it, barely any cars. Next thing I remember police drove by and picked me up. Asked if I was assaulted because of how I look & I told them nothing had happened that I just needed to get home. Was so sick the next few days. I woke up the next mornings by covered in dirt w/ ripped clothes w/ blood on it. Didn’t talk about it, just shoved it down for yrs. Excused it as drunk behavior. Sex has always scared me & only able to have drunk sex and ashamed of it after. I detached myself from my situation. Talking about sex makes me upset. That was the first time I’d had sex, and I wouldn’t have done it if I wasn’t drunk. Was it sexual adult if I was drunk & didn’t fight it? Should I bring it up w/ my therapist? I don’t want her to think it was my fault in a drunk experience? 6 4:30 I recently changed therapists, trying to be as open as I can but I realize I’ve come out of ever session telling my therapist that I’m much more ok then I really am. Pretending I’m happy & fine is how I handle things. I font tell him everything because feel like the way I feel isn’t mature or intelligent and get embarrassed. I do they’ll him things but I tell him a “better version” of things. How can I be more honest? 7. 43:30. I’m comfortable talking about mental health & have no problem telling others I see a therapist. I don’t force it but I don’t shy away from it. I don’t want to compromise my belief that talking about mental health is only way to break the stigma. I also don’t want to make people feel uncomfortable or have them take everything I say as an indication that I’m a threat to myself or others. 8. 47:45. Do u have any thoughts about how conflict & abuse at home can affect someone who is not the victim? My dad was abusive to my brother & my mom but not me. I feel like they resent me because of it. I don’t remember much of it. 9. 9. 54:45 asked out on date by a really nice guy. I was excited until it was confirmed. Had experience anxiety reaction. Felt like an ongoing anxiety attack for a week. In the end I had to turn him down. Had a traumatic event in the past where nothing technically happened but it was a terrifying experience. I thought I had worked through it. What are things along side therapy to help? 10. 59:50. Have you had clients ask you if you liked them as a person? If so how do you respond? I’m struggling right now with transference. 11. 01:02:45 I’m back in a day patient program for my ED & I’m having constant fights w/ staff because they only allow me 3 “dislikes”. Why? It’s stupid because I’m naturally fussy & I don’t like many things so I feel like they’re setting me up to fail. My meal plan feels unrealistic. How do I calmly tell the staff I don’t like more then 3 foods & get them to listen? 12. 01:09:18. I was in therapy when the Masked shooting at Christ Church happened near me. It’s a small town. My therapist was working directly with the victims then would see her patients. My problems don’t seem that bad compared to them and they don’t feel as important. I don’t feel like I can tell her what I’m feeling. If you where my therapist how would u handle this? Would you focus on ur patients or on the big event where u were needed? My problems seemed minutiae and put a lot of things into perspective. 13. 01:14:00 What gets discussed between a therapist & a supervisor? I know my therapist is getting help from her supervisor w/ my treatment. How much are they allowed to talk about? 14. 01:19:55 Im on week 19 of 26 in an ED day program. I’ve gained more weight then anticipated, pushed my weight into an unhealthy measure, almost classifying me as I ease according to BMI ( I know BMI is a useless measure because I’m so short) but it hurts me to let myself get so big. I build muscle easily but I feel so uncomfortable in my body. Will this get better? Will my body finally find its set point? How long will it take?
TK
2019-07-25 03:28:08 +0000 UTCWorking on the timestamps now!
TK
2019-07-25 01:56:25 +0000 UTC
