Monthly Livestream Happening Now!!

Q1: 12.30 - My question is how can you deal with things I don’t even know are triggers trigger me so I’m constantly being re-traumitized if that makes sense? Q2: 18.25 - Is it possible to be diagnosed BPD without actually having it? Or am I denying the diagnosis? I had intense suicidal thoughts like I haven't had in a long time and I had a plan and means however, I didn't do it and instead asked for an earlier appointment with my psychiatrist. When I told her about the suicidal thoughts, she didn't really respond with any questions about my suicidal ideation only what other symptoms I had and whether I knew what triggered them. She then proceeded to ask about my sh and said "that's borderline pd, I can't treat you, you should see a therapist" then gave me a number for a partial hospital program. Session over after 15minutes. I know that I could be in total denial here, however I don't think I have borderline pd. What I wished we focused on was the suicidal thoughts and my anxiety. Or is that part of bpd too? The nurse from the hospital program was also a bit confused when I told her, that no tests whatsoever had been done. What are your thoughts on this? Q3: 27.50 - In therapy, I have been working on stopping my SH urges. I know why I do it and I know when I want to do it too. I just don't care to stop it. I think about why I do not care and I feel like I don’t make myself important enough to care that I am doing something bad. How do you make yourself important/care about yourself when you don't? Q4: 31.50 - I wanted to ask if there is any way I can get a realistic idea of what my body is like? I know this is an odd question but I've dealt with ED-like behaviours for almost as long as I can remember and I've just always hated the way my body looks and feels. I'm trying really hard to learn to love my body and change my eating behaviours but I just don't know how to tell what I should aim for. Also I am really scared that whatever the answer is it would be hurtful to me. How will I know when I have reached a good weight and when I look ok? Also just out of interest how do people tell whether they are body-dysmorphic or a part of their body just does look weird? Q5: 36.55 - Do you have any tips for people-pleasing/masking/socially anxious autistic/ADHD people? You said in a video that we are not responsible for the emotions of others, and that we don't need to "constantly analyze people to ensure we know how they are feeling so we can respond appropriately" but I feel like this is expected from autistic people. People tend to tell me to pay attention and think before I speak when I ask what to do to manage conversations better, and to 'just be myself' and not overthink it when I mention that I'm anxious. It just doesn't make sense to me. Q6: 43.55 - I have a hard time ending a therapy session if I am in an emotional place. Coming back to "normal" is difficult, sometimes can take hours if not a day. Without getting closure at the end of session, my mind can start to spin in an obsessive way. Do you have any thoughts on how a client can handle ending a session in the middle of something really intense? Q7: 49.38 - How do I go about Ed recovery while actively pursuing a career in a field that focuses so much on physical appearance (acting and modeling)? I’m convinced my weight has had to have played a role in any success I’ve so far earned and will continue to play a role in any possible chance at future success. We all know the acting world is superficial, and looks do matter, and weight matters (they literally make you put your weight at the top of your resume) so how do I deal with that while trying to recover? does it have to be either recovery or acting, or is there a way I can recover while also still being thin and therefore not literally outgrowing my typecast and having to give up on my dreams of acting? Q8: 55.57 - My therapist has told me multiple times that she can't read me at all. When I was young I conditioned myself to never show facial expressions especially when upset. When something in session upsets me, my therapist can't tell at all. I keep these emotions bottled up inside until they explode months and sometimes years later in session. We're working on building a safe environment so I can better communicate, but Kati do you have any advice? What do you do when you can't read a client? Q9: 1.02.06 - I live with my mom who is 68 years old for many reasons, mostly financial. My mom lost her wife in February due to Cancer and Dementia. She had to live in a long-term care home and the Dementia got so bad she forgot how to swallow. The reason I tell you this is because Mom is starting to show signs that she could be in the very early stages of dementia and that scares me so much. Most of the time she is ok then she says something that makes me really anxious. She will say something like "It's been weeks since I talked to Lynn" when in actuality she had a 30 min phone call with her the day before I am an only child and with no family, we have great friends but they can only do so much. I am on ODSP (disability pension) and don't drive..... I know I am spinning out but I don't know what to do. I am barely handling my own mental health issues (CPTSD, Anxiety, Depression, to name a few). I don’t know how to handle this on top of everything else. Oh yeah to add to all this she was just diagnosed with uterine cancer. Thank goodness we caught it early and a full hysterectomy should cure it. But Still Cancer of any kind is scary. My question is how should I react to these situations so as to not cause a fight or make her feel bad? Any thoughts or suggestions are appreciated. Q10: 1.08.33 - After a lot of difficult Major changes I have good news to share! I will be starting a lively new job soon that is what I have been wanting for a while. I want to keep working on myself to live in my potential and to enjoy each day and thrive. The question I have is two fold. I did seek some help, the first week was great but next two sessions were not so helpful even though I had made progress on the scoring tests and made multiple life changes. I was and am concerned that I just went from rock bottom to Autopilot as I was moving house. I asked about how to get formal testing for CPTSD or the process for formal testing. The counsellor said people only get tested if they are "bad enough" after having basic CBT and higher level CBT. I had a chat with the supervisor about testing but she wasn't a supporter of labels and formal testing. I would like to ask how essential is formal testing for possible conditions like CPTSD. Is it possible to do Self-Recovery from online resources? Secondly I have moved with my sister to support each other, however our recent personal traumas have caused a lot of tension, conflict that relate to family Enmeshment; I don't like who I am when there is conflict and tension and it's not enjoyable or supportive for either of us. Is there a workbook or resources that me and my sister could work on individually and together around family /sibling relationships and Enmeshment? Q11: 1.13.42 - How do I start dating when I’m 29 and have never dated before? I always saw myself getting married and having a family, and I still think it’s something I want, but I’ve never been in an intimate relationship and it seems really overwhelming. My parent’s relationship was so messy and stressful, I didn’t really have a healthy relationship modeled for me, and because of this I’m worried about how my family, mainly my dad, will respond. I’m also afraid of putting my future kids through what I went through when my parent’s marriage fell apart. Both of my therapists have brought this up, and it’s one of my goals in anxiety treatment. It’s actually probably the last major hurdle we have to work on, but every time it comes up in therapy I kind of shut down, get really anxious, and I have a really hard time talking about it at all. It’s like I can only answer yes/no questions. Is this common? How can I work on this if I can’t talk about it? Where do I start- with the anxiety part or the other worries? What is the best way to work through this? Q12: 1.21.41 - So, about 2,5 years ago I finally had some handle on my depression and that’s when my brain (probably triggered by reading a Blog post on the topic) decided to bring back up my second relationship. Which was not only a little “unhealthy” as I have always been telling myself but abusive in pretty much every aspect (emotional, sexual, financial). Ok long story short let’s get into the question: Sex itself is way to triggering right now and I often already get triggered during foreplay. Which is why my therapist wants me to really slow down and start re-exploring my sexuality and my boyfriend pretty much from zero. Well, it’s a little weird to start all over again after a 10-year relationship and yes, of course, my therapist pointed out to me that this is exciting and to embrace the idea that this could even bring my boyfriend and me closer and all, but it’s uncomfortable (why can I already hear you approving the discomfort..). We decided to take sex completely off the agenda for now to remove some pressure for me. Nevertheless, my anxiety is raging at the mere thought and I get the impression, no matter how slow or little I do and no matter how relaxed I approach it, it rather gets worse than better. This is super frustrating (mostly to me, my boyfriend is a saint and is super chill – or at least he shows/says nothing contrary), partially because my body wants more than my mind currently allows. Do you have any advice how to best approach this? I do trauma work with my therapist but she’s currently peeking through the “back window” since I’ve been dissociating too much when we tried working through trauma memory. So obviously no quick solution in sight..I hope my question makes sense and I haven’t been rambling too much?! I’m so caught in the middle between my mind, my anxiety, my libido and my past trauma and beliefs. Q13: 1.29.45 - I've noticed in your videos that you often talk about friends and when it is time to let a friendship go. I was wondering how you can judge this if (like me) you have a tendency of "splitting". (I know that splitting is associated with BPD. I don't have diagnosed BPD, but BPD seems to be diagnosed a lot less often in Britain than in the USA, and I am sure that I do have a problem with splitting specifically.) I often dwell on everything that I dislike about a certain friend or everything that they've done wrong to me, then I'll forget about that friend and move on to thinking about everything that I dislike about another friend, and then on to another. Although I often have arguments, I don't like to give up on anyone unless it is a very extreme case (e.g. I once gave up on a friend who was getting into serious criminality). How do I know if this is just splitting or not? Q14: 1.35.46 - I’m wondering if you have any advice for someone that’s going into trauma therapy after almost a year off? We’re starting back in person sessions this week and I know we will be starting on trauma stuff again. I’m really anxious about it and I can already tell my avoidant side is trying to get out of it somehow. I know I need to, especially with the amount of nightmares/flashbacks I’ve been having, but I know how hard trauma work is and just doubt how much energy I’m going to have for it. Any advice would be appreciated! Q15: 1.38.42 - What can someone do with suicidal thoughts after the initial urge has passed? I've had suicidal thoughts for years but the last few months they've gotten worse with periodic surges. I can handle the bad moments but once they pass the thoughts aren't gone, they're just less immediate. Everything I've read talks about how to handle them when the risk is immediate but is there anything I can do to help them go away completely or at least reduce the surges? Q16: 1.42.13 - Is it very common to just be down and out without a reason for it? What advice do you give to someone who doesn't actually have a solid reason to feel awful so can't really talk about what is making them feel like this? Q17: 1.45.17 - Over the break my mental health has really suffered even more, my eating disorder has come back in full force and i have read in the DSM that for bulimia to be classed as severe you have to be engaging in behaviours x times a week...Is this the same for just purging alone without the binging behaviours as well? Or are they two different things. Is it worse to just purge after eating any food or after binging? I’m waiting to be put into in stay treatment next month and I really don’t want to, but I know I have to. I don’t want them to make me eat and put the weight on I’ve lost. Q18: 1.50.08 - I just reached my 2 year with my T and my insecure attachment has really been coming out. She had a baby a few weeks ago and only went on a 3 week mat leave since we're still virtual. I noticed a change in her during pregnancy and a little bit now that she's back. She just seems more tired and I'm worried that I'm boring her/she doesn't care about me. Sometimes she yawns randomly and I know the pregnancy/newborn is probably exhausting her but what if it's me? I really love working with her but I just feel so scared, I'm so attached to her. Q19: 1.54.17 - I have a problem. I'm addicted to reading the news and the forums of right wing extremists, like really addicted. On a good day, I limit myself to 4 hours, but there are days that I read from the time I wake up till late in the night. I have tried limiting the time I spend, and I have tried going cold turkey, neither sticks though. I tend to open the news when I am anxious, embarrassed, angry or sad. It calms me for a bit to take my mind off things, but the news itself tends to make me more angry and more depressed, and the wasted time tends to make me more anxious and embarrassed. It's a vicious cycle, like a real addiction. When I go cold turkey, things are usually pretty good for a week or two, then I start to get this creeping anxiety, what if something bad is happening in the world and I don't know about it? I've tried to calm myself by pointing out to myself the peace on the streets and the general safety of my country in its modern form, but I can't entirely dismiss these fears. My country went through 6 regime changes last century, and I grew up hearing my grandmother recall german tanks driving past her school and my grandfather recall how his brother died in a soviet labor camp. At the same time, I realize that reading the news for 6 hours a day won't really stop bad things from happening.

Katie K