Monthly Livestream Part 2!!
Added 2021-01-18 22:05:40 +0000 UTCCome hangout as I get through the last few questions!! xox
Comments
Q20: 1.28 - I live alone in a 3x2 house that I recently built and moved in. I have 2 dogs. The power went out one evening a few days ago and I panicked. I know logically it is no different from me turning out the lights and going to bed. But I panicked. Then cue the flashbacks, feeling super vulnerable and just full panic. I managed to get to sleep at midnight. Was awake from 1:30-2 and then 3:30-5 before getting up at 6. Since I have been a mess of anxiety, self harm urges and the very strong ed urges...As always happens. I was perfectly fine. Then one thing happens and I can barely function... is this an overreaction? What can I do? Is it normal to fluctuate so much from doing great to struggling so much and then back again?? Q21: 06.10 - I have a question about processing childhood history. I was working on present issues with food and relationships and I learned I had some things in my history that were never addressed. I am working through my history, but it is a slow process because sharing information about myself is difficult. In the recent months I had 2 therapy sessions where I was more open than my normal. I noticed a few days later I experienced flu-like symptoms and dizziness that had no explanation, but left me needing a day off work. My therapist focuses on the positive aspects of the importance of sharing, but I am always concerned about the impact it will have on my ability to work. I am hesitant to continue opening up, because I don't know if the symptoms will get worse. In your experience, can a person's response to processing history negatively impact someone's ability to work? What I do not want to say though, is I do, genuinely, have a stressful job. I am a professor. Work-life balance is a priority for me, but my current position, which I love, just doesn't allow for great balance, especially right now. Q22: 11.15 - One of my best friends is in a complicated relationship and I’m worried about her. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or right to be worried. She started having casual sex with a guy in July. At the beginning of October she told me he was married and his wife wanted to open the marriage in an attempt to save it. The ground rules being that they weren’t to get emotionally attached. But she did and said, she could see a life with him. She shared this info at a less than ideal moment. She’s one of very few who knows about my ED and occasionally eats with me if it's been a rough day. We were sitting down to eat and I was trying to be present for her while spiraling about the food. She took my anxiousness as me being upset with her. Since then it has been awkward around this subject and things have gotten serious between them. She realized she was in love and decided it would be best to call it off. He then told her he was in love with her too and that he would leave his wife to be with her. They came to my apartment for thanksgiving and he and I ended up alone in the kitchen. Out of nowhere, he hugged me and broke down crying in my arms. He is clearly in so much pain. He ended a 15 year marriage, the divorce papers haven’t even gone through yet, his dog died, his best friend died of COVID and his boss died leaving him to run a business on his own. He has so much healing to do. On one hand, I’m glad he has her support. On the other hand, I’m worried because she hasn’t been herself. I know she still feels weird about talking to me about it, so I don’t push her. Am I wrong to be concerned? How can I be supportive when I’m really worried about her getting hurt? I guess it's none of my business, but I just have a really bad feeling about it. Q23: 17.10 - I've recently been more interested in getting my driver's license. I'm 27 and have never attempted to take the written test or the driving test before. I have read the manual in the past and taken practice exams, but an overwhelming sense of anxiety gets in the way when I'm behind the wheel. In the few times I have tried to practice, I get overwhelmed because of the other cars around me. I've been thinking about why I have so much anxiety toward driving and it may be because if I start driving, I'll become more independent and it will be one step closer to moving out of my parents house, which I may not feel prepared to do. I also feel an added pressure to be good at driving because others tend to think I'm naturally good at anything I try. This is frustrating because I think I have less room for error and if I complain, people will think I'm overexaggerating. The risk of getting into a car crash also makes me apprehensive to get behind the wheel. I know driving is an extremely useful tool and I wanted to ask for any advice you have for managing anxiety when learning to drive and how to feel more comfortable with allowing more independence into your life. Q24: 21.48 - What do you find is the most rewarding part of your job as a therapist? Also which type of patients do you find the most challenging to work with? And lastly what makes you the most proud of your patients? Is there one of those “proud mama T” moments that sticks out? Q25: 26.20 - I wanted to ask about healthier ways of expressing frustrations/anger with others. Personally I have a bad habit that I picked up from being very quiet, and shy. I keep from saying much if anything about issues/things I don't like until they pile up to where I snap and get very mean. I can't normalize my disliking of something, but I instead just let it happen until I yet again just hit the limit and say "frick it, you're getting angry Paddy now" Anyhow, any advice, tips, tools, or drill ideas for expressing displeasure with others in a more normalized fashion would be highly appreciated! Q26: 30.48 - My relationship of now more than 22 years is not ideal and a few years ago I seriously wanted to break up. This led us to attend couples therapy where we made some progress but now this is stagnating. To be honest, I am not even really sure if I am really all in in the relationship. In the last session my girlfriend mentioned that she wanted to state some goals for the relationship. And here is my problem: I can hardly put them into words and even less say them out loud. I have always had a hard time totally opening up to my girlfriend, there is the fear of being exposed and to be talked down by her. I can open up to my therapist, I can open up in the Kati Facebook group or on Patreon hangouts or livestreams. But it is so hard to open up to my girlfriend. She is much better in talking than I am and often I feel my point of view gets dismissed by her. I am sure she does not want to talk me down, but the fear of it is deep. Any ideas how I might be able to overcome this? Should I write it down and read it in our couples therapy session? I really want to improve our relationship and I know that I really have to work on myself for this. But it is sometimes difficult for an introvert like me to stand my ground besides an extrovert who I feel sometimes cannot understand my struggles, when I tried to explain them. Q27: 38.44 - I started with my current therapist back in August to work on easing my BPD and I really do enjoy working with her but she doesn't like to set goals to work towards. The other day I was having a chat with my family who said that they are worried they haven’t seen any change in me since I started therapy and think I may be getting worse or that the therapy is not working. I enjoy going to therapy to work on myself and my therapist ticks all the boxes on your videos on what to look for in a good therapist. I’m not sure if it’s a BPD thing but I’m always in two minds about everything and I thought that it was a good sign that I was starting to trust my therapist but if what my mum is saying is true and I’m not advancing in myself what does that mean - I've always looked towards my mums opinion as I feel she knows me better than myself. I know my thoughts and moods haven't changed in how I feel about myself and the world...I feel so confused about all this. I guess the question really is when do clients as well as their family and friends start seeing change in them for the better. I’m worried that my BPD is never going to ease and my struggles will always be there. Q28: 46.01 - I have written a letter to my therapist’s supervisor, complaining about the therapy I have received. My therapist also read it and she told me on the phone that in her experience we have been working with emotion regulation, and with triggers. Because in the letter I complained that I had not noticed that we had. Is it in any way possible to have worked on these things if I have not noticed it? Is there any way at all? What can be wrong here? Whose experience counts? I mean.. if she doesn't react when I request something that she feels like we are already doing, I think there is something very wrong in the communication between us, and if she has been working on emotion regulation and triggers with me, without me knowing it.. there must be something very wrong with the communication? we are going to have a meeting, me, her and her supervisor, and i'm wondering.. what can I say to defend myself if she says that we have been working on things that I have not experienced that we have been working on? Q29: 53.49 - So, I relapsed in eating disorder behaviours over the holiday break... I was by myself when I’d usually be with my friend who now isn’t alive anymore. I'm so disappointed about it bc I was doing so well- 3 years!!! So now we’re back into ‘regular life’ (we don’t have covid in the community here so it is fairly normal) and I live with people who are currently doing the keto diet and working out every day and won’t shut up about what they can and can’t eat. I’m currently on the waitlist for a new therapist which could take a couple months. My question is, are there any things you would suggest doing in the meantime that could be helpful? I’m doing my best, but very close to a kick in someone’s jujenum. Ps- better help/online therapy doesn’t really work for me... I did try that. Q30: 57.50 - I'd like to ask you if you have any advice to cope with the winter season. I think the weather has a huge impact on my mood and my mental health in general. I try to fight it but no matter what I tried I still feel very sleepy, low on energy and more prone to my anxiety issues. It's difficult to accept it because I still have tasks to do and I have to keep going on. Q31: 1.00.33 - I’ve been doing really well both my physical and mental health for a while now and I’m finally returning to work full time after my assault there (I’m a nurse who was attacked by a patient who tried to kill me). I’m in a really good place and have gradually worked my way up to my full time hours again and am actually proud of myself for managing to get on top of all my anxiety. My only problem is: there is one nurse who has made my life hell since I was assaulted. She constantly tears me down in front of other staff. She berates me for taking ‘stress leave’ to recover from the assault and believes violence is just part of nursing and we should shut up and deal with it. She is the sole cause of any anxiety I now have about going to work. I have nightmares before shifts wondering if she’ll be on. How do I deal with this? I briefly mentioned it to my manager, but she wasn’t too interested. I know I should confront this nurse and tell her to back off, and I know from observing her behaviour with others that when she’s confronted she does back down - but I’m not a confrontational person. However, I can’t keep going on like this either. What should I think about saying? Q32: 1.05.15 - You always say to talk more nicely to yourself., re-mother and so forth. What if talking nicely to yourself actually makes you tearful and doesn't really bring comfort? I've been doing it for years and it's not really changed anything that much. It's hard to tell what is grief and what is covid anxiety these days even though the covid situation here is really good. I'm still anxious about it and seemingly everything! 2020 is the worst! I also wonder why when I first lost my soulmate, I got very anxious and lost a ton of weight and with covid. I got really anxious and put on some weight. Different stress producing different bodily responses? Q33: 1.09.20 - In last week's podcast you recommended the courage to heal workbook. I was wondering if it's normal to feel extremely triggered while reading it? I started reading last night and left me so out of my mind, I couldn't stop crying and shaking. Is this normal? Have any of your patients experienced this? Q34: 1.10.36 - How should I feel? My mum passed away 4 years ago. All she was asking for, before she died, was to not be forgotten. And now me, 4 years later , doing anything I can, to distract myself on her death anniversary. I feel like I’m betraying her. But on other hand, when I’m trying to work on my traumas in therapy, most of the time I’m ending on “me-my mum” relation issues. I miss her incredibly and I’m blaming myself when I think about her badly and at the same time I feel kind of lightness (relief sounds a bit too much), that I can live my own life and make my own decisions. I feel very bad and guilty about it. Q35: 1.14.50 - Inner Child- oh crap, here she comes with her bratty kid lol. So I’ve recently come to terms that yes, I do have an inner child AND she needs a LOT of direction! And because she is so stubborn and headstrong, she puts up a pretty good fight. One of her strongest fights she insists on me hearing, “I don’t want to be here, I want to be there. It’s a better place, a brighter place, where I’m accepted and loved and heard and where I belong. It’s the opposite of here, where I’m struggling everyday to feel like I am not just existing and faced with so much bad and so much darkness”. How am I to acknowledge her while also trying to stop these thoughts? How do I get her to understand that what she is saying is not helpful without ignoring her or making her feel invalidated...how do I not control her, but keep her under control lol? Then comes part 2 of the kid that doesn’t want to listen... eating when we don’t have an appetite and aren’t feeling hungry. Ugh, I’m trying to make her shut up and just get it down. But this depression is making it really hard. WE just don’t wanna. I try to fix it and sit down with it, but there ends up being a lot of thoughts around it where I’m siding with the kid, “it’s too much, I’m not hungry, I need an appetite in order to eat, maybe when my depression gets better I can tackle this, It’s never been an issue before, so why are we making it one now”... please Kati, explain to me where to draw the line and how to do it effectively for me AND the kid. I get and understand why it’s important, it is just so tempting to zone out and walk away and yet I know that abandoning her isn’t going to help the one over here “adulting” and working through.
Katie K
2021-01-19 10:40:40 +0000 UTCThank u, Kati! ♥️
Henata Souza
2021-01-19 00:30:17 +0000 UTC
