In which Vash continues to be my Best Boy

Torquist was clearly struggling to take Vash seriously. The baru was, admittedly, picking his chipped teeth with the point of a small bone, one of the many beads plaited through his tightly-woven hair. He was scruffy and scrappy, with one mechanical arm and a face like a shattered mirror - scars that radiated from one cheekbone across three quarters of his face, where his sister had struck him with a hatchet.

"Well, the plan had been to disguise the primary operatives as my footmen," Torquist's eyes darted to me as he spoke. "But I'm not sure that will be possible with this, uhh... gentleman here."

"Ach, Lord Torquist. Just because I have a face like a puckered asshole doesn't mean I can't be disguised," Vash said cheerfully. "If you're going to the palace for some fancy party, you need a lady, after all."

Karalti clamped her hands over her mouth. Ebisa somehow managed to look constipated, despite the fact that Mercurions didn't shit.

Torquist's aristocratic face drew into an expression somewhere between confusion and disgust. "Surely you jest."

"Look into my eyes. Am I laughing? Is this the expression of a man who's pulling your leg?" Vash leveled a hard, straight-faced glare at Torquist. "No, Lord Torquist. You stick my bony ass in a pretty dress with long sleeves, disguise my stunning good looks with a fashionable veil, and off we go to Lovi."

"Only whores go veiled in Revala," Torquist replied, with growing horror.

Vash barked a harsh crow's laugh. “Mash’sain, very good. I'd rather be a whore than a fine lady any day."

Karalti was watching him and Torquist eagerly, like a fan watching a tennis match.

"... Fine." Torquist rubbed the bridge of his nose. "We will... fit you a dress. How fortunate for you I am currently unmarried."

"How fortunate for me?” Vash thumped his chest with a fist. “How fortunate for YOU to be escorted by the finest whore in all of Tungaant, Lady Ten’tzin Trousers."

Lord Torquist blinked a couple of times."Tent’zin... Trousers?"

"Yes. As in, an erection under your clothing," Vash explained, as if speaking to a small, confused child.