THE DOMINATRIX MINDSET

Being a Dominatrix is more than just adorning your body in leather and latex and bossing submissive men around. In fact, cosplaying as a Domme is easier than being an actual Dominatrix. Your success as a Dominatrix is determined by your dedication to the art and education of BDSM, Fetish, and Kink along with possessing traits and skills of the title. Remember, the Dominatrix is the leader of the scene - your subs, clients, and even the community will look towards you for leadership and direction.

Traits of a Dominatrix

Traits will vary depending on your Domme persona (sensual, sadistic, corporal, nurturing, bratty, etc), but the following traits should be persistent in your journey, whether you are going the in person route or the online only route. I have described how each trait pertains to this world, but always shape the trait to fit yourself and what you want out of your journey.

Powerful - This is almost self explanatory. The ability to have submissive men kneeling at your feet and meeting your needs is a power that most women don't tap into in their lives. You should harness this power into building yourself up to be the best you can be at your craft and to further help you step into the other traits. I've left plenty of sessions feeling so powerful that I knew I could conquer anything I put my mind to and the sky was the limit. CONVERT THAT POWER INTO CREATIVITY.

Confident - Without any confidence, being a Pro Dominatrix will be very difficult. Confidence is key as it determines your path as a Domme, how you interact with subs, how you interact with other Dommes, and overall how you view yourself. Confidence is something that can't always be taught - sometimes you just have to feel it and make it your own. You should believe in your ability to properly dominate and participate in fetishes and kinks that feel right to you and the sub.

Discerning - THIS IS A BIG ONE. I can't stress enough how having discernment has saved me from a lot of potentially sticky situations and has kept me away from those with bad intent and bad energy, both with clients and the BDSM community. If a collaboration, potential session booking, or interaction just doesn't feel right to your soul, LEAVE IT ALONE IMMEDIATELY. With so many different personality types, level of experience, and overall egos in this business, it can get messy. Listen to your intuition. Do not just let anyone get next you because you are in the same industry as them. Protect your peace.

Professional - As a Pro Domme, you are RUNNING a business - and just like with any vanilla business, you have to keep things professional. This can be shown through your website, your business protocol, how you speak in your marketing, how you communicate with other Dommes + the community as a whole, and how you handle possible conflict should you come across it. in my business practice, I am very strict about not putting my personal business to - unless it has to do with my Domme/Kink Education services, it isn't necessary. Stay on track. The more messy your brand is, the more you will repel clients and others from wanting to work with you.

Quick Thinking - You have to be quick on your feet in this industry, especially when it comes to safety in sessions. We all want our sessions to be 100 percent perfect, but this won't always be the case. You may have a situation where a sub might have a medical emergency or maybe their pain tolerance wasn't as high as they described to you - be ready to take on any and every situation. Even when coming across time wasters in the online space, you'll have to be quick on your feet when determining if a sub is trying to scam you or not or waste your time. Stay ready so you don't have to get ready.

Responsible - A great Dominatrix is a responsible Dominatrix. Yes, part of this job is all about you and the worship you will receive, but it is also remembering that your subs are indeed human and are more than just toys to play around with. You should have a set of responsibility ethics for your journey - how you will keep situations safe, sane, and consensual.

Attending Community Events as a Dominatrix

BDSM Community events are exciting, fun, and a great way to connect with those with similar interests as you. It's also a great way to meet those you've maybe created online connections with. Since the beginning of my career, when I was a Baby Domme, I've always attended community events such as munches, parties, conventions, balls and workshops. I've attended as a guest and I've also attended as a vendor, educator, and performer. I can honestly say that attending events took me from the bottom to the top - I was able to showcase my true essence as a Dominatrix and have people gravitate to me because of my personality, skill and knowledge.

If you're starting to attend events as a Pro Domme, here are some things to know to get you in the 'mindset'.

1. Be knowledgable about the event you're attending - There's no reason why you should be attending an event and have no idea what's going on (trust me, some people will show up and not even know what the event is for). Do you research on the event beforehand. If the event page doesn't have enough info, don't hesitate to reach out to the event organizer.

2. Be ready to market yourself - STAY READY SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET READY - REMEMBER? This is where your BUSINESS CARDS will play a major part. Your card shouldn't be too busy and should get right to the point. Make sure it includes your Domme name, specialities, social media sites, and email for bookings.

3. Give back as much as you're asking for - If your plan is to go to an event just to promote yourself and ride on the coattails of others, you're approaching it wrong. You should be asking about ways to collaborate or connect with other brands instead of making it all about you. I personally can sniff out an opportunist right away. Don't be that person.

4. Don't be afraid to ask questions

5. Be confident in your work