HOW TO TACKLE YOUR FIRST SESSION

1. Communication

Communication is the first step in having any successful first session. This step is not to be skipped or rushed through and should be super thorough. We're not talking basic communication here - such as name, age, fluffy stuff - this is the in depth conversation that is had after the initial vetting conversation. This goes deeper into the sub's boundaries, limits, triggers, fears, turn-on's, etc. This is where you go deep into the psyche to figure out what makes them tick. This is where you also communicate your own boundaries and limits. Every D/s dynamic should come with a level of trust and care.

The reason why this step is so important is because it helps you to get into the right mind frame for when the session arrives. You never want to go into any session blindly or with assumptions - it can be unsafe and make for an awkward time. Here are some questions to ask:

1. What is your experience level?

2. What style of domination have you experienced in the past?

3. What are your pain levels or limits? Are you open to exceeding those levels safely?

4. What are your triggers and traumas in this realm?

5. How far are you willing to go to make your Domme happy?

6. What was the last movie or book you indulged in and enjoyed? (I like to ask this question because it gives me and idea of where their mind has been lately and what they have taken interest in. For example, if the last movie they watched was 'American Psycho', I know that their mindset is more on the 'sadistic' side)

You should never be hesitant or nervous when talking to a new submissive client. Remember, you are the leader of the scene and they are looking towards you for direction. All communication should preferably be held through email (Proton Mail) for an encrypted conversation and or your records. If you're going to take the conversation online, use either Telegram, Discord, or a text messaging app that doesn't display your real phone number.

2. Knowing Your Skill Level + Boundaries

Above, we talked about going over the sub's skill level and boundaries, but knowing YOUR skill level and boundaries is just as important, as you are the one directing the scene in the dungeon. You should never participate in any physical kinks + fetishes that you haven't practiced or have knowledge of. For example: you shouldn't be offering impact play if you've never attended a class on the art and safety of the skill. I recommend attending classes in your area (try giving a quick search on Fetlife or asking around on Twitter regarding upcoming classes).

Your boundaries should never play back seat to a sub's wants. Let's say a sub loves face sitting and you're fine with that, but then they suggest that you do it fully nude and you're NOT comfortable with that aspect. THIS IS WHERE YOU EXERCISE YOUR RIGHT TO SAY 'NO'. You should never be afraid that you'll lose a client because you exercised your right to consent - honestly, you don't want a sub that doesn't understand boundaries.

3. The Perfect Setting

We've talked about dungeons vs hotels vs Air BNB's in past lessons and of course, dungeons are always the best first pick. If you live in a small town and can't locate any dungeons, do your research on hotels in safe areas (and refer back to the hotel lesson in the table of contents for tips and tricks). Regardless of where you land, you need to make sure everything is set and perfect for your first session before the client arrives.

This means having all of your tools and equipment set out before the sub gets there. You do not want to waste session time trying to set things up. This is also includes making sure you have the right cleaning equipment for after session. Most dungeons already have this, but if you're using a hotel, this is different.

This also means setting your lighting. This may seem like a minor detail, but the correct lighting can set the mood for the type of session you are trying to have. If I am humiliating a sub, I will set my lights to bright so that I can get a clear view of him and put him more on display to be embarrassed. If I am using sadistic tones, my lighting will be dark and red. Check to see if the dungeon you're using provides mood lighting.

And most importantly, your scene should be safe to navigate and maneuver. The sub shouldn't have to worry about tripping over furniture and you shouldn't have to worry about it either.

4. Creating The Scene

This is where you get creative. You may know the basics of the scene (foot worship, humiliation, bondage, impact, etc) but how do you plan on using the time allotted to the fullest to be both productive and enjoyable for the both of you? And let's be clear - subs aren't always vocal or clear about what they want to experience in session - sometimes they can be really vague in their descriptions and it can be like pulling teeth.

Some questions to ask that can help you create a scene can be the following:

1. How do you want to feel?

2. Which activités are you into?

3. What kinky instruments do you want to be used? (if the sub wants tools that you don't own, factor this into your session fee so you are able to get the tools with their money).

Now what happens when you have an hour or two hour long session for a kink as simple as foot worship? It can turn boring just having the sub massage your feet for a whole hour, so maybe you want to get more creative. Incorporate oils, lotions, pedicures, etc. See how the sub feels about trampling or licking you feet. Play a game - give the sub a physical task and grade them on it - the better they do, the more they are rewarded with more time with your feet. MAKE THESE SUBS WORK FOR IT!

Speaking to the sub during a session is also something that takes a newer Domme to adjust to. Try to be natural in your speaking. It doesn't have to be forced or feel scripted. Get into their brain to see what makes them tick.

5. Aftercare

Refer to this lesson on aftercare: https://www.patreon.com/posts/36003308