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JuliDG
JuliDG

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Midnight...

Hi everyone!

So... The last two days have been the worst I had ever experienced in my life.

Once again, my mom and my brother had a similar fight as last week and my mom ended up having a major breakdown. I am always taking care of her, making sure she takes her medicine but apparently she’s been hiding the medicine without me noticing.

So yesterday, my brother without respecting my mom's space and diagnosis he started screaming at her for the most stupid thing ever. I had to intervene and try to calm him and my mom down but he just simply didn't want to understand and said a lot of very hurtful things to my mom. Which let my mom to have a severe set back with her depression.

My mom at the moment is a little bit more calm, but that just happened like and hour ago. Since yesterday she's having suicidal thoughts. She has tried 2 times to either take pills or hurt herself with some scissors. She also tried to scape the house to jump off the cliff. I've had to take care of her all day yesterday and today to try and keep her calm.

I was able to find her medicines and I have also scheduled an appointment with a doctor for tomorrow so he can help me understand her better and help her more. Because I feel like I'm not doing enough.

My brother has been of no help. The day of the problem, he just laughed at my mom because he said she was just been dramatic, even tho I explained multiple times that she needed help and that at that moment she didn't need to be call out for anything because she needed to be calm to understand him. He just laughed and said that from now on he will only listen to what his wife told him to do and that my mom shouldn't get in the middle of anything. When she NEVER actually is!!!

I was so frustrated yesterday bc I wanted to scream at him but my mom didn't need for me to fight him and neither did Josh. So stayed as calm as I could. And I have been taking care of my mom for the past 2 days without even sleeping out of fear she might hurt herself.

Right now I wish I could sleep but I simply can't! I go to her room every 15 minutes to check on her. Josh is also very anxious because he feels that maybe my brother is fighting with my mom bc of him and he blames himself for what's happening. I have talked to him and hopefully he understand soon enough that he is actually the only reason why my mom will try to be better. But it's so difficult.

In times like this I have no one to talk to. No one who will listen to my worries and I feel so alone. I feel like if I am not there for her it will be my fault if something happens and I have no idea what I will do or say to Josh if I fail my mom.

This might sound like excuses not to post but trust me, I wish nothing more than just to lock myself on my room and watch my favorite shows and movies with all of you but I can’t rn bc my mom might hurt herself.

I have taken all the medicine away from her, all scissors and knives are hidden in my room.

I'm so scared to sleep and wake up and not have my mom with me.

I've reached out to her friends and they had sent her very sweet messages and I think that helped her too. I downloaded her favorite music so she can listen and remember good times, it worked for a little while until a song reminded her of my grandpa and the crying came back.

I honestly don't know what else to do to take care of her. My brother thinks I'm just taking her side and it's unbelievable to me that he has zero empathy or love for my mom that he can't see what his words and attitude does to a person with a mental illness.

Sorry for ranting, You guys might not like this type of posts, but I just wanted to explain why I disappeared the last two days.

I'm sorry for failing you guys. I will catch up I promise. My videos help me so much but I can't do it rn. My mom needs me and I wouldn't forgive myself if something happened to her and I wasn't there to help her.

Sorry again for this post. I hope I'm not adding more stress to your life and everyone is more than welcome to ignore this message. You guys are here to be entertained and not annoyed by my problems.

Anyways, gotta go. I hope I see you guys soon so we can continue watching our favorite shows.

Love you all

Juli.

Comments

Thank you Maria! really glad everything is fine

Dai

Ohhh thank god, I was really worried. I thought something must had happenned with her mom. Thank you so much for telling us and please just tell her we'll wait for her. She needs to take care of herself first. Kisses from France

Jessiesweetheart

Ahh thank you you for the update ! I was really worried for her

Ash

Thank you SO much for the update! I was so worried last night thinking about things that I couldn't even sleep that well. Juli means so much to us and we just want her to be okay! Like seriously even if reactions were on hold for a long time as long as we get updates saying she is okay than whatever else happens is fine. I am super excited for reactions to come back, but really I just want to see Juli smile and know she's okay <3

Jenn Rose

i’m sorry for not saying anything sooner, but we were so caught up with everything that was going on in her home and I was busy rearranging the entire schedule TWICE bc then the internet stopped working too at her house and today was a power outage as well .. but don’t worry she’s okay and she’ll tell you guys more soon 😊

thisismaria27

OMG thank you so much for letting us know! I think we were all getting super worried. Reactions can wait really, we understand she has a lot going on and she should take all the time she needs, we just wanted to be sure she was ok. 💜

Myriam Daoust

Thank you so much for telling us ! I'm really glad to know she's okay ! The most important thing for her right now is to take care of herself and her family, the reactions can wait

Anne M.

of course! it was just A LOT going on in her household and Juli didn’t have a minute for anything else .. and now when she was finally ready to record again the internet stopped working .. but it’s getting fixed today, so tomorrow (or maaaaaybe even today) there will be new reactions .. and also a little something explaining what happened ;)

thisismaria27

thank you maria❤️ im so glad she’s okay

fry

hey you guys, so just so you know: Juli is okay. We just talked this morning and there was a lot of stuff going on and then on top of it all her internet stopped working so she couldn’t contact y’all. I know she appreciates all your love and support and she’s gonna explain it all today and you can expect new reactions starting tomorrow. I hope that helps ❤️

thisismaria27

Hey Juli, hope you’re doing okay. We’re all here for you, and worried about you. I hope we hear from you soon just to know if you and your family are doing okay!? Sending all the love❤️

Ellie-Jane

Hey Juli. It's been a week since you posted this and we would all love an update. You brother seems like a dick, no offense, who has no right living with you if he isn't going to be grateful to you and the rest of your family. Anyways I think we would all like to here from you, if anything to know you are alright.

Caitlyn Skiff

Can you give us some news, Juli ? Even just a few sentences, we're all really worried about you :(

Anne M.

I hope things are going okay, we're all worried ❤

Idun V

Been thinking of you. Hope you can give us an update on how your family is doing. Sending love ❤️

heather

Juli I really hope you and your family are okay.

Lucas M

has anybody heard anything from juli? It’s been almost a week and I’m really worried, I hope she and her family are okay :(

Emily

i miss juli and im worried about her has anyone been able to contact her?? i’ve been checking here and on twitter i just really want to know she’s okay and that her family is okay

fry

I have been thinking about you and I got worried, please tell us how everything is once you can x

Dai

Hope you're ok girl! Please let us know how you're mom is doing. We're kinda worried about you all.

Sara W

Juli you okay? I’m worried!!! Please let us know if you fine..

Enzo

Please give us an update if you can Juli. I am getting very worried!

Jenn Rose

Hi, Please Juli just tell us how you're doing, we are worried for you and your family. Take care of yourself. We love you so much.

Jessiesweetheart

Why does your brother live with you ? If your mom bothers him so much he should get his own place I believe, he already does not help you so With her. He seems to be stressing your mom out and making her situation worse for sure. I hope everything turns out fine. Best of luck to you

Yenelly Tejada

Can you tell us how you're doing, Juli ? I think we're all worried about you :( I hope everything is a bit better ! Take care of yourself ♥

Anne M.

I am so sorry things are hard for you right now. Take all the time you need, family comes first! We'll be here when you get back and we'll always be here for you ❤

Jenn Rose

We are all here for you ❤️❤️❤️

Tiffany

I’m so sorry your having to deal with so much right now Juli! But you never ever have to apologize for putting family first!! You and your family’s health physical, mental or emotional should ALWAYS come first! Don’t apologize for that! You are such a strong and caring human being! You’ve got this love! I hope you can get some sleep and rest and takes as much time away as you need love ❤️

Tiffany

Don’t worry about anything else right now, ur mom is very important. I am not here just to see you fan girl over gay stuff but also because i feel lonely and depressed ever since I realised that i am bisexual and am unable to tell my conservative Indian family about it. I’m only 20, so I’d like to think i still have time for that and you make me realise that my feelings for women are not abnormal. I am here if you ever feel lonely or if you need someone to talk to coz i have dealt with a elder brother who is hyper active and was diagnosed of ADHD so sometimes he freaks out and when I was younger I couldn’t understand what he was going through and said some hurtful things like, “stop acting” or “stop trying to grab attention” and stuff like that. That i completely regretted as I grew older when i faced my own depression after moving away from home to study in the UK. I assure you, some day your brother might understand and even if he doesn’t we are by ur side if you need someone to talk to. You can always post or talk about personal issues since you have created a community here in Patreon of people who love and care about you even though we have never met you. ❤️U and stay 💪🏼!

Piriyadharsini

I am so sorry for what's going on at home, Juli. You have nothing to be sorry for. Take all the time you need and be there for your family.

OMG this is all so horrible Juli, I’m so sorry. Take all the time you need 🙏❤️ sending you thoughts and prayers!!

Claudio Cristovao

Take all the time you need Juli, and please don't be sorry for this. Family comes first so please do what you gotta do. I hope there are brighter days ahead and that they come soon <3

Nay

Dang Juli, you got nothing to be sorry for. Take care of your family and yourself, a lot of this sounds insanely stressful and it doesn't help that you don't have your brother helping you out especially when your mother seems to need it most. We're still gonna be here, those shows are still gonna be here, right now you just gotta make sure your mother will be too. There is nothing more important than you and your family's happiness. Take care and stay strong hun. ♥️

Aparna

Hello Juli, don't feel sorry for anything, you are so strong and you always have to put on a good face when everything and everyone is so harsh on you. You need to take care of your mom but more importantly yourself. I hope the doctor will help her and find her a good medecine who will take her fears away. I can't believe your brother, I am really shocked at what he did to your his own mom, maybe he has reason but it's not an excuse. Sadly a lot of people don't understand mental illness, or don't want to because it scares them so it easier to pretend that the personn suffering from it can control it if they want. Take care of you and take all the time you need. Much love from France.

Jessiesweetheart

Im so sorry for everything you’re going through. I can understand some of it because my home life is not very easy either and I struggle with mental health and suicidal thoughts like your mom. I’m so proud of you for taking care of your family I know it isn’t always easy and you can always come in here and talk or vent to us and we will listen. Sending much love your way💘.

Bridget b

Wow I am so sorry for all that you’re going through. Obviously your family and your meant alone health matters more than anything. Take your time and I hope things get better soon

Ash

Your mom is lucky to have you, and your brother sounds like an asshole. My mom and my youngest brother are both bipolar and they fight a lot (the kind of fighting where police might be called) so I get what you’re going through. My mom has had to be hospitalized a few times for her mental illness, and sometimes she becomes a different person for days or weeks at a time, and you can’t talk to her or reason with her at all because she is not there, and that is really scary. And I used to get along my brother so well when we were kids, but he has turned into such an asshole, we don’t even talk anymore 😔. My family is all spread out now and pretty much broken. I’m only really close with my mom, so I totally understand you taking care of your mom.

Teresina

You do not need to apologize, I wish your mom all the best. You are a great person for thinking and doing this x wishing you all the best

Dai

Do not apologize, you are not responsible for the misfortunes of life. I went through a lot of the same kind of problems as you, until I was 18. My mother also suffers from a mental illness. And I know how hard it is to be alone and helpless. Having a psychologist greatly helped me and my mother to survive during this period. Anyway I want you to know that you are not alone, that you are courageous and that you are absolutely not responsible for the situation! Even in the darkest moments, do not forget that if the darkness is present it is that the light must exist somewhere! If you can focus on it you will survive the most difficult times (Sorry for my english, it’s not my first language)

No need to apologize - you are incredibly brave to speak openly about your experience and I respect all that you do for your family. You are an incredible daughter to your mom and a role model to Josh - as much as we love your videos, we can wait until your health and your family's heath is taken careof.

ill keep u and ur family in my prayers please be safe

James Germain

Please don’t feel like you have to apologize or think it’s an excuse Juli- we completely understand! Family comes first. It’s good to hear that she has a doctor appointment. Hopefully things get better soon. Sending love your way❤️

heather

i'm so sorry about this juli. you are wrong, we are not just here to be entertained, we care about you and you never have to feel like your feelings are invalid or unappreciated. when you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to hear you because you're not being heard you can ALWAYS talk to us. we love you and i'm so sorry that you feel any different. i truly hope that your mom gets better because depression is a terrible disease, i was also suicidal last year and it's a terrible mindset to be in but taking my antidepressants and seeing therapist have truly help me but so does surrounding myself with positive people who genuinely care about me and you seem to be that for your mother and whole family. it is important to take care of others but please don't neglect taking care of yourself because so many people need you in their life.

fry

We understand as always, there's no worries to have. Hope everything get's better, my prayers are with you :)

Lucas

We understand juli and we are sending good thoughts to you and your family.

CMFThRillEr

I am so sorry for what you your mom and Josh are going through and I really hope that your mom feels better soon and you do not have to worry about your reaction video's at the moment you are more then welcome to take a break from posting them in order to talk care of you mom because she is way more important then your reaction videos

Egil Hellá

Don’t worry, You’re not a super woman Juli, you can’t be expected to do everything, of course you will tale care of your love ones above all, it’s natural. All my love to you and your family ❤️

Elodie jacobé

Juli, it sounds to me like you are not failing anybody. Don't worry about entertaining us. You, your mom, and your son are so very much more important than YouTube.

Jeff Martens

i feel like everyone understands & you should take some time to take care of your family and yourself to make sure everyone is safe 💜 hope everything gets better for you all

채영

PLEASE do NOT think of this as failing us. I hope that there is nobody here selfish enough to only be thinking of themselves and what they want. You absolutely should take all of the time that you need without having to feel guilty about any of it. We are here for you as a community and wish you the best during what you said were some very rough and draining days.

Ritchie

We understand Juli

Angel Flores

I'm truly sorry about everything. Please don't worry about us. Take care of yourself and your family. I hope your mother will be okay. Sincerely, Heidi

Heidi Elizabeth Marcum

We understand. Take all the time you need. Your mom’s health comes first.

Victor Lopez


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