emysan

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Added 2020-06-05 16:32:55 +0000 UTC

I posted my first 3D artwork for the Pride today. I had it for a week or more. I was really happy for it. Even for the reaction of the people who saw it.

Reality is that my head can't stop thinking about all the shit that's going on in this 2020 since 1st January when I'm alone. I am scared. And I feel stupid. So stupid that while doing things I cry. I cry alone. Yes alone. Randomly. I don't want my family or any of my beloved to know this. I write here on Patreon only because I don't know where else to let go of this feelings w/o let them know about it. I can't talk about it. I feel like my head it's going to explode. I'm scared to go on Twitter and read the hashtags with the news. To know what's going on and what will come. I overthink. I don't want words of pity or comfort. For real. Don't even bother about this vent. I know that I just have to wait for all of this to be good again. We'll be good again. I'll be good one day.

But time scares me. A lot.

I was finally kind of ready to live my life like anyone else and now... I feel like the world will end soon or later.

I'm alone in my room, trying to focus on my arts, high volume music in my headphones, trying hard to distract myself from thinking. And my head goes around with weird and not really happy thoughs and I don't know how to stop it.

I gotta keep moving on with a smile.

It's gonna be fine.

I hope. I have hopes.

But for now it's not.

I'll find a way to drown back those demons again.

I'm sorry for this. Love you all.