Space Explorers : The Ugly Truth

'But we must be able to do something!!'

And I'm telling you we've done everything we can, the treatments we managed to administer should stabilise her condition long enough to reach a base with ...

'Look she's spasming again! You've got to ...'

Shut up kid! Thank you for pointing out the blindingly obvious. I can fucking well see that she is spasming. She's encased inside an alien creature we've never seen the likes of before. Of course she's spasming!

'Then we've got t ...'

Not one more word! We've already done everything we can, we simply are not equipped to deal with something like this, hell this antique piece of crap can barely scan through the outer skin or whatever you want to call it!

'But, but .. we're an exploration vessel, we're on one of the finest ships in the Fleet with one of the finest cre..'

Oh shut the fuck up. They really did cram your head full with that Academy brainwashing bullshit didn't they? Look, with all the losses the Fleet has suffered recently they've been returning mothballed older designs back to active service. This fucking heap of junk was obsolete fifty years ago, get that? the entire class was decommissioned half a century ago, her surviving sister ships, the ones that didn't get towed to the breakers yard, are being used as garbage scows! All they did was slap in an engine core from a trashed Gal class, stuck in whatever newer systems her power systems could handle, glued some shiny new screens on the bulkheads and give her a new coat of paint.

As for the crew? Nearly half are combat vets from the recent wars. I just know you're itching to say "Oh but that makes them heroes of th..." Wrong!!!! Most of them are suffering from PTSD or worse. I do know this because I'm the one who has to make sure that they all take their meds!

Then we've got the wet behind the ears idiots like you fresh from the Academy full of ideals and ideology and painfully short of experience.

Fucks sake you'd know this shit if you had the sense to actually ask someone.

Now get out, stop hanging around here like a wet blanket and getting in the bloody way.

'y..yes ma'am'

And stop snivelling .....

*So tell me what you wouldn't tell Captain Blindingly Obvious.*

Captain??!! Uhhh I'm not sure we should be discussing this over the ...

*It's okay we're on the encrypted security channel. I promised Commander Turdok a bloody good fisting if he used the Security emergency override and erased the logs.*

Alright .. first I'd like to apologise for the way I ..

*Don't, the stupid little self righteous snot had it coming. To be honest if I'd been there I would have punched his face into the middle of next week.*

hhaaaahhhhh Okay bit of a big weight off my mind ..... as to our 'patient' .... not much more I really can do, tried to stabilise her long enough to reach somewhere with proper medical facilities. What I wasn't telling Mr young-and-far-too-earnest is that the spasming ..... well she's orgasming her brains out, the poor girl.

*Um excuse me ... did you just use orgasming her brains out and poor girl in the same sentence referring to Kristen??!!*

Yeah I know it sounds weird, ships nymphomaniac award three years in a row .. hell I've had my arm up her arse past the elbow. But what this thing is doing to her? I've seen shire horses with smaller tackle.

*Oh ... my ....*

I know. This thing has taken her to her limits and then just kept going. Frankly Captain even if we get her to a base in time and they can get her out .... she'll never be the same again.

Speaking of which ....

*Not hanging around here, the only anomalous life reading in this entire star system is currently fucking Kristen's brains out, there's nothing else down there now we know what to look for. We're heading for the nearest starbase as fast as this heap of junk can go.*

Uhhh yeah Cap, sorry I called your ship ..

*Stop right there. Who do you think started the campaign to have it renamed USS Garbage Scow?*